Skip to main content

Struggling and Coping

This morning on Twitter, I caught up with someone I connected with long ago during my first days online. This is a smart, go-get-em kind of woman. It seems that she, like me, is going through some trials. I know that she, like me, is going to come through just fine. But, probably, for both of us - for anyone- it`s not knowing how strong you are before a struggle, or that you will be better afterwards, it's that whole period of 'getting through' it. The being in it. The whole truth of these periods of struggle - which always feel like a battle to hang on to the best of what you are - is that you have to go it alone. The only thing you have is your faith and your trust.

So, to my buddy from way back (you know who you are), I don't know what you're going through. I don`t know how you feel while  you`re getting through, but I know that you can make it through.

My current struggle? Fatigue from and exasperation with this damn sarc. Trying to focus through this haze that clouds my mind every time I attempt to write or pray or just think. I figure I'm getting a couple hours of energy each day (at the most) to spend time enjoying my family, keep up with the blog, and taking care of myself. The rest of the time, it`s a terrible effort to do anything. Sleeping doesn't help because I'm not tired. I'm not tired, I'm simply fatigued and fogged.

I need this on a t-shirt
When you get an odd disease, one that's not so recognized and understood in general, your doctors do all they can to fight the progression. You get medicine to keep you alive - and, in my case, to keep me from walking into walls. What you don`t get is lessons in how to cope with the damage that`s been done. Or how not to be so irritable that you begin to hate yourself.

They got a drug for brain fog?
No decent person would expect someone on crutches to run, a blind person to drive, or a mute person to "speak up". It's tough for people to know that I have a disease that comes with its own issues. I don't realize that I'm annoying because I might be asking you the same question now that I asked 10 minutes ago. If I get quiet and still in my body because that helps my mind get quiet and still then, yes, I might get edgy when you pierce that quiet and stillness with a lots of loud noise.

Stop. Please. Or at least PAUSE.
Because, while my disease is being treated, no one is teaching me how to cope. I am learning as I go and the going gets ugly. Having to concentrate so hard when I do anything - drive, clean, write, read, pay bills, make appointments- is tiring.

Before this disease, writing was my coping therapy. I wrote short stories and long stories and even novels and, whether they were never going to be read by another person, they were my therapy. Now I can`t even keep grasp of one thought long enough to weave it to another. Before, if I wasn't writing, I was reading. I still read, but listening to audio books is better because, somehow, hearing stays with me longer than reading. If I don`t get frustrated because the audio is more 'noise' than I can take sometimes.

I can deal with most of my symptoms, but this fatigue piled on top of it all is too much. Not being able to sleep well - or to feel rested when you do sleep - and not being able to find the energy to function when you are awake is just too much. I have been meaning to clean the bathroom for over a week now. I did spray cleaner on the shower walls yesterday. That's something. I rinse today. Maybe.

So. I am struggling, but that in itself is a positive. Struggle is action. Prayer is medicine. God is good. This struggle, this fatigue, this strain are just symptoms. They are not the whole of me. My main coping mechanism is one that can't be polluted: faith. I have faith that this, all of this, will pass.


P.S.: I promise that the whine session is now over. I'm going to try to get back to posting reviews asap. I have just finished a couple weeks of trying out and using 3 products. Just have to get my notes together. You now know how that will go!


Popular posts from this blog

**REVIEW** Africa's Best Hair Mayonnaise

My hair is pretty happy right now. Between the shampoo and conditioner that I am so in love with and this new leave-in, I feel as if I'm wearing someone else's hair. Someone else with soft, moisturized and nourished hair.

I'm a little bit ticked off. Here, I've been using all kinds of pricier potions, lotions, curl butters and creams and this four dollar and sixty-four cent product is sitting right there on the shelf. I had noticed it before but passed on trying it. I've tried other "hair mayos" and they just coated my hair with a greasy, messy slime that I couldn't wait to rinse out. Not this stuff.

I'm too freaking tired to try doing a selfie - plus the light is horrible right now - but, I'll try to describe what my hair feels like. It's soft and moist without being wet (get Prince off your brains!). I can touch my hair and not leave prints on paperwork. It's just a perfect leave-in follow-up for my new shampoo and conditioner duo. I…

The Devil Is A Liar!

That's a saying from the old folks in the church. You know, something gets on your nerves, or someone does something they ought to be ashamed of, and old Sister Hattie would proclaim, "The Devil is a liar!" ***

My mother, though, was one of those people who didn't believe in blaming everything on the Devil. She'd remind me when something didn't go the way I'd planned, the Devil had nothing to do with it. "That was you being hard-headed," she'd tell me. "Hard head makes a soft behind." Then I'd get a lecture about using more common sense when making important decisions. Once, when I got my first credit card, I bought some kind of expensive purse. Just had to have it. Couldn't live without it. It had cute initials on it and "everybody" who was "anybody" had one. Mama watched me loading all my stuff into the purse and said, "Got everything in there but money, don't ya?" About a month or two lat…

**REVIEW** Dr Miller Miracle Tea (part 2 of 3) *UPDATED

(Part One of this review is found here.)

Final Update (Hah!) *I have been granted a refund by Amazon. I think I have to print a shipping label for return, but I'm not sure because I got 2 separate emails from them. One said that my refund would be processed upon a scan of the return label, and the other indicated that they have already processed my refund. I will be checking with them for clarification. At any rate, it's cool to know that Amazon has a customer's back in cases like this. Thank you, Amazon!

Also, I have to mention that the Seller of the Miracle Tea also reached out to check on my satisfaction with the product. I'm waiting to hear further. I will upgrade my Amazon review by a star just because they at least are making an decent customer service effort.

So, I tried the tea yesterday for the first time and I'm not even going to continue with it. At least not on the 3-day schedule I initially intended.

Like I mention…