Getting My Goat

Since I mentioned my new-found love for goat cheese, I thought I'd post about it.

I love cheese, but I'm picky. I like cheddar, natural cheddar, Colby, cream, Havarti, and Brie. My previous favorite was Havarti. My new fave: goat.

I can't describe myself as being adventurous about food. I have to be able to stand looking at something if I'm going to eat it. I'll try things if they sound like they taste good. This is how I learned that "crudites" is just a fancy-sounding word for raw veggies. Chopped raw veggies are sometimes affordable, but if you slap that word "crudites" on the menu, forget it.

Goat cheese is not something I ever thought I'd like. Goat doesn't sound tasty to me because I grew up hearing that they eat any and every nasty thing they can get their teeth on. And it's cultural. I grew up with cow milk, so the idea of eating cheese made of goat milk (or even moose milk!) is one I had to creep up on.

A family friend came into town with my niece for a visit. For the Fourth of July, she made some beautiful trays of hors d'oeuvres: sausages, pickled veggies, olives (yay!), garlic (yay!), and different cheeses. She sweetened the normally tart goat cheese with a touch of honey.

Oh my heavens! That was the best cheese I have ever let touch my tongue. (Thank you, Jamie!)

So, while shopping yesterday, I wanted to get some more goat cheese. So many brands and labels... I chose one based on best price:

Tastes good plain or with honey
(or jam or marmalade)

Then I saw this one and just had to have it-

- but I was getting over my grocery budget (or whatever it is you want to call the miniscule amount of money I get to spend on food). My sister, bless her, got it for me as a treat. I love my sister. Now I love this cheese.

Probably because I'm not cultured enough (see what I did there?), I can't really describe the taste of this cheese. For both the plain and candied, I can say that they are really super creamy and richly textured. The one with the cranberries and orange peel has the tart under taste that is yummy with the fruits. I mixed the plain cheese one with a touch of honey. That was how I tried it at our get-together. What I can't wait to do is just try the cheese plain with no sweeteners.

What's nice is that, apparently, goat cheese has lots of nutritional benefits. Here's one person's experience with (and info on) goat's milk products.

Because I like the cheese so much, I want to try the milk. I've been using soy milk, but I'm always open to alternatives and choices when it comes to flavor and health benefits.

Maybe we need to try all of them?

flavor & preference count

I've read some good things about goat's milk being beneficial to bone health and the immune system. That's a huge plus for me. I'm not ready for sheep milk yet, but I think variety is good. The main considerations are health and tolerance. Flavor is a big plus. I'll try almost anything that's going to help me heal and feel better. I've tried lots of milks. I wasn't crazy about rice milk and I only like using coconut milk as a sweetener, recipe addition or for cosmetic uses. Almond milk is about the same as vanilla soy for me. I don't drink it, I just use it in cereals and smoothies.

Now that I'm hip to goat's cheese, I'm looking forward to using it on baking recipes. I just know that it's right up there with cream cheese as pastry filling or cake frosting.  As soon as I get settled in "Mayberry" and have the kitchen set up, I'm stocking up on the cheeses and milks.

Peace
--Free

Recap: Day One of Detox

(My morning-after recap of Day One - Saturday)

Everything was great until I finished off my first (and only) serving of coffee for the day. The whole time I was writing the intro post, I was feeling mostly very confident. I even wondered if I shouldn't be doing a 14-day challenge.

The first few hours zoomed by while I worked on sorting, packing and labeling boxes for storage. I downed 2 16-oz bottles of water while I did laundry. I was doing great.

Then I started craving a second coffee.

There are lots of days when I don't have a second cup of coffee and never think about it. Saturday was a day when I was thinking about my second coffee before I had finished the first one. It was a day when I began having involuntary fantasies about coffee. I almost had to take a cold shower to get my mind off of coffee.

I made it past the cravings by drinking more water. I was saving the prune juice for later. I decided that I could think of prune juice as a treat. Prune juice is dark like coffee, so I was hoping that I could satisfy my java cravings by visualizing the prune juice as very sweet, creamer-free coffee. How sad is that? Is that normal while in caffeine withdrawals, or is that bordering on needing-help-from-a-professional? (I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I was thinking of ways to add a few grains of coffee to my water just to tide me over. Thinking about it was just getting to be masochistic, so I put my tub of coffee where it was way out of my sight. I need to #SeekHelp.)

After around 2 in the afternoon, I was okay with just water. I wasn't even very hungry, which surprised me since I had been so physically busy all morning. When I was getting weary of the taste of water, I brushed my teeth. I love the taste of water after I brush my teeth. PRO: Helps that I hate the taste of coffee right after I brush. CON: what a waste of energy. What am I brushing off my teeth? The stains of cravings? Whatever.

I noticed something interesting about drinking so much water just partway through the day: I wasn't peeing a lot. Not nearly as much as I expected to, since there was no food intake to absorb any liquid... Maybe because of my java withdrawals, I spent a few minutes in the throes of a hallucination about my kidneys being damaged or my urethra being clogged by my junkie-like need for a hit of Yuban. My brain went into shock from all that damned water and fluoride and I swear I saw Juan Valdez out of the corner of my eye trying to hawk me some coffee like a beloved friend of the worst influence.

Yeah. Things were getting tricky.

The hardest part of the day was when I went shopping with my sister. It was late afternoon, I was starting to think about food more and more often. Bad time to be in the grocery store. If I could have focused more on all the wonderful food I was seeing, I might have given in. Thing is, I had to pee. Every ten minutes. I hate using public restrooms, but for the hour that we were in the store, I used up all the "rest" out of the "room"! I think my brain and bladder were playing Tag with each other. I'd see something edible that made my mouth water and my brain would Tag my bladder. At least being in the restroom so much kept me (temporarily) away from the temptations of food.

Now it's confession time. I slipped up once. Or twice, depending on how you count it.

I blame it on the olive bar at the store. I love olives. I love olives with pits. I love olives stuffed with garlic. I love garlic. This dang olive bar has all kinds of olives. And garlic. So I had an olive (just one) and some garlic (some = two). I hope there is an olive bar in Heaven.

To pay for my slip-up, I drank a whole 16 ounces of water as soon as we got to the car. Sixteen ounces of warm-from-sitting-in-a-hot-car water. Ugh. (And I chewed two pieces of gum. To save some vampires from my breath. My sister gave me the gum. She dang near shoved it into my mouth.)

So. I made it through Day One. I only made it to 3 seconds past 10:30 p.m. (because I hadn't had solid food since the same time the night before), but I made it. Then I broke my fast with a treat that my sister bought me: goat cheese. I never thought I could fall as in love with a cheese as I am with olives and garlic. I never thought I'd want anything to do with nourishment from a goat. (I'll tell you about the goat cheese in a separate post.)

I made myself drink another 16 ounces of water before I went to sleep. That brought my daily total to around 75 ounces. Short of the planned 88 ounces, but I'm okay with it. I'm just happy I made Day One of my challenge (except for the olives and garlic). By the way, I didn't drink the prune juice. I counted the olives and garlic as a replacement.

I had an epiphany while writing this post (as I start Day Two) where I identified my enemy as my habits, not my hunger. Just like everything in life.

I made it through Day One, mainly by keeping busy and focusing on how badly I want to feel well. I have this sarcoidosis that's disabled me, but I don't have to give the disease any more weapons.

My sleep last night would make Rip Van Winkle look like a coke addict. I dozed off knowing that morning was going to be the end of a rainbow where my coffee was waiting. Of course, I woke up about five times to visit the bathroom, but I had no trouble getting back to sleep each time.

This morning, I got out of bed so fast to get to my coffee maker that I almost pulled a ligament. By the way, this coffee... best coffee ever.

Peace
--Free

My Natural Detox Challenge

The past week or so, my body and brain have been feeling sluggish. My water intake has dropped the last few days. Too much going on, what with moving, having my birthday, the Fourth of July celebrations, and family here for a visit from the States.

All of this (except the moving) has been fun, but is starting to wear on me. I think it's just stress and fatigue, so I am trying to cleanse myself from the inside out. I'm going to set myself a challenge to do a 7-day natural detox. I will update here about my progress.

No cheesecake? Well, that sucks.

When I looked at various detox "systems", I decided against anything involving pills and powders. I take enough prescribed meds as it is. This WikiHow lists several natural ways to cleanse the body. I took what I liked from parts of this list into what I think are the best for me:

• Through healthy eating and drinking. I am going to be better about drinking lots of water and I'd like to give the Dandelion tea a try. The Burdock tea interests me, but I'm worried about how will taste... Still not giving up my coffee, but I can limit myself. 
• Specific Cleanses. The only one of these that sound safe for me is the Green Tea Smoothie. Not as tasty-sounding as a Cheesecake Smoothie, but safe. There's no way in Hades I'd ever mess with a "salt-water flush". My blood-pressure would probably shoot up high enough to explode across the sky in sparkles. Drinking salt-water doesn't sound safe for anyone unless their doctor is present with some of those emergency paddles and an ER team.
• Lifestyle Choices. No duh. When it comes to my lifestyle choices and managing my stress, I face challenges every 5 minutes. Water instead of coffee; green and leafy over creamy, sweet and gooey; walking away from an irritating situation instead of facing assault charges. 

Basically, all this is common-sense stuff. Very do-able. I call it "The Spirit is Willing" plan. My weak "flesh" is why I'm looking to detox in the first place.

 ~sigh~

Here's my self-challenge (starting today and ending on Friday the 11th):

Day 1 A (solid) food fast. I'm limiting my non-water liquids to 1 (12oz) coffee with flavored creamer; 12 oz of prune juice.

Day 2 - 4 No "simple" carbs, and no pasta (a "complex" carb). Adding tea to my fluid intake of 100 ounces. (Info on simple vs complex carbs)

Day 4 - 6 Limiting my white bread intake to 2 slices per day. Fluid: 100 ounces (water, teas, prune juice). Unless I'm working off too many calories running to the bathroom with "prune juice issues". Shut up.

 Day 7 Limiting myself to vegetables, fruits, prune juice and 1 8oz coffee with creamer. Fluid: 100 ounces.

Hopefully, on Day 8, I will feel better. During the challenge, I'll post on my mood and energy level and whatever effects I'm feeling.

By the way, about teas: I thought about using Dandelion tea and/or Burdock tea, but some of the warnings are worrying me. Green tea is one that I know is safe for me. I love chai tea, so I should learn to drink more in place of my massive amounts of coffee.

Add a good book & it's a prescription for depression

I figure this challenge is going to definitely be good for my body. That's what I figure. What I know is that I'm going to be resentful every time I see someone else chewing food that I can't have or drinking a really good cup of coffee after I've had my daily limit. What I am hoping is that I will be able to do adopt this challenge into my life on a regular basis. Drinking more water is definitely going to be a constant. I'm shooting for 80 ounces a day.

Also will decrease my lotion budget

I'm tired of being tired. I want to really work on getting well for the long-term. So... here I go, off to my challenge.

I'm almost to the bottom of my 12 ounces of coffee and I keep looking over at that gigantic bottle of prune juice I haven't opened yet. My water jug is waiting, but I refuse to think about it until I've licked my coffee mug free of every last drop of the International Delight Heath bar-flavored creamer. Every. Last. Drop.

Peace
--Free

What is Beautiful?

(Warning: My brain is tired today, so this post might ramble just a bit!)

There are a lot of us bloggers who feature cosmetics and clothes and, well, all things "beautiful". Male or female, all of us want to be liked, loved, attractive, appealing. It's just part of our in-built need to feel connected. If we feel attractive, we feel that we have something visible to offer others on a (shallow) immediate basis.

After scrolling through a bunch of photos the other day - photos of friends and family - something dawned on me: many of those people were posing and putting out a show-off-y vibe.

If you are on an online social network, just check out all the selfies by regular folk. (Celebrities don't count. Self-promotion is part of their resume.) Most of those selfies are of folk trying hard to look like they aren't trying hard to look really good. We've become a nation (world?) of desperate-to-be-beautiful people.

I bet most people don't find certain things "attractive":

• Too much makeup
• Too much skin
• Too much weave
• Too much posing
• That stupid "duck face" thing people do

I really hate the duck face. That's a real sincere look, right?

We've distorted what is really most attractive in any person: being genuine.

When I see stories about this woman, who transformed herself into a doll image, I just wonder.

She's a living, breathing... Barbie?

And another one

Barbie & Ken?

What is going on here? (By the way, there is a suspicion of a tinge of racism in one of these cases. I don't think it's racism. I think it's complete body-image ignorance.)  I've read stories of people trying to change their appearance to downplay their racial features. That's some real self-hate there.

There are more of these "human Barbies" than I thought. Enough for a slideshow, apparently. I found a black "Barbie" without looking too hard. Their are no racial lines when it comes to distorted body images. 

I wonder about the sanity and character of a person who is attracted to a person who looks like a plastic doll.

Growing up, I used to have the normal (?) pre-pubescent fantasies of being with whichever boy was the cutest in my school, a popular band, or on a TV show. Because I did grow up (and because I had great parents and other role models), I learned to appreciate people for their whole selves: personality, character, and motivations.

I have made some mistakes in judging some people but, overall, I am mostly attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are and how they look.

What's beautiful?

• A genuine smile
• Kindness in the eyes
• Intelligence
• Humor

I am sometimes socially awkward, so I relate to that in other people. It's also really cool when someone is socially comfortable -despite their looks, bank account or connections (or lack of).

A lot of us are attracted to people for reasons we can't put our finger on. We explain our attraction to certain people by saying that "there's just something about" him/her.

Instead of buying into and promoting shallow attributes, we should learn to find that "certain something" that is in all of us.

Peace

--Free

Thank You, L'Oreal!

Have to do a shout out to L'Oreal. Because I participated in a survey on skin, hair and makeup (through their product testing site), they sent a lovely 'Thank You' gift in the form of this:

Just like getting an extra (belated) birthday gift!
(forgive the pic quality)

Wow. All stuff that I have been wanting to try.

What was included? Well, let's see...

• Garnier 5 Sec Blur
• Lancome Blush Subtil Palette
• L'Oreal HydraFresh Toner
• Lancome High Definition Amplifying Mascara
• Kiehl's Creme de Corps (all-over body moisturizer)
• Garnier Clean+ Balancing Daily Exfoliator

Boy. I am just thrilled to have gotten over $100 worth of products. I think the two that I want to try first are the Kiehl's and the 5 Sec Blur.

I wasn't asked to review anything. This was just a gift for my having taken part in the survey. Of course, I will be reviewing each and every one of the products as soon as I get a chance to try them out! What I appreciate the most is that they paid attention to my survey and tailored my gift box to my specific preferences.

Who is a happy L'Oreal fan? Me, that's who. Yes, ma'am, I am. Not sure how participants are chosen but, go here to see about signing up.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Mineral Eye Gel by Adovia

Once again, I am having the chance to try a product by a favorite company. I'm not being generous with my praise for any other reason than I really enjoy everything I've enjoyed from the Adovia brand. They use Dead Sea minerals in their products and, apparently, it's doing good things for my skin. I'm 53 now, and I think my skin is pretty good, but my illness and the meds have taken a toll. I have to do a lot more to maintain moisture and fight off sun damage. I like that Adovia products have minerals and natural oils in them.

This time, I am using their Mineral Eye Gel. It's labeled as being ultra-light and quick absorbing to provide hydration all day.  Other claims are that the gel will reduce the appearance of lines and wrinkles.

After a couple days' use, I can verify the claims of hydration are certainly true. I had to ask my family and friends about the lines and wrinkles. They tell me that I don't have a lot of those in the first place. Good. Thing is, I want to prevent as many signs of aging as I can, so I am going to keep using the gel.

Here is where I think the hydration comes in: this gel really is very hydrating. As soon as I used it around my eyes, I had to stop myself from dabbing some on the rest of my face. It's a little too pricey for me to over-use like that!

Made in Israel

Like what it's supposed to do

For all the skin creams and oils I have tried, I haven't specifically concentrated as much on the eye area. I once used an Avon eye cream, but found it to be too oily. I already have problems with my eyeliner and shadow oiling up. The Mineral Eye Gel is nice because I could feel the moisturizing effects immediately. I didn't have to use very much - which is nice because, like I said, the gel is pricey.

I let the gel "set" for a bit before I applied eyeliner and shadow. Really like that, while the area was still "hydrated", there was no oiliness to ruin my makeup. (I really do want to use this all over my face!)

As with most Adovia products that I've tried from Cleopatra's Choice, the ingredients are fairly straightforward:

Demineralised Water & Dead Sea Water, Stearic Acid, Propylene Glycol & Chamomile (Anthemis Nobilis) Extract & Algae Extract & Papaya (Carica Papaya) Extract & Aloe Vera (Barbadensis) Gel, Caprilyc/Capric Triglyceride, Cetearyl Alcohol, Potassium Cetyl Phosphate, Sweet Almond (Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis) Oil, Glycerin, Carbomer, Olive (Olea Europaea) Oil, Geranium Maculatum Oil, Evening Primrose (Oenothera Biennis) Oil, Urea, Hydroxypropyltrimonium Hydrolyzed Keratin, Peach (Prunus Persica) Kernel Oil, Cornflower (Achinicea Pallida) Extract, Lactic Acid, Hydrolized Collagen, Benzoic Acid, Chlorphenesin, Dehydroacetic Acid, Benzalkonium Chloride, Propylparaben, Dead Sea Salt, Exotic Verbena (Litsea Citrata) Oil, Ginseng (Panax Ginseng) Extract, Soybean (Glycine Soja) Extract, Ascorbic Acid, Retinyl Palmitate (my emphasis)

The one thing missing in this (and other Cleopatra's Choice products I've used) is sunscreen. Granted, most of my foundation makeup includes sunscreen, but there are times when I go makeup-free.

As for the price, yes, it is up there, but the quality is so good that it's justified. The fact that it only takes a tiny dab of the gel to use around each eye means that the 30ml jar will last for weeks. Also, the standard 60-day return that Adovia offers is great if a customer decides they don't like the gel. You can also get this product on Amazon.

I like this one a lot. I like this one lots more than I like the Mineral Lift Serum.

Peace
--Free

DISCLOSURE NOTICE: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

**REVIEW** Eco Filter Water Bottle

I'm doctor-ordered to drink LOTS of water. It's easier to follow those orders if I have a good, re-usable water bottle on hand. With that in mind, I was pleased when I got this for a birthday gift:

22 ounces

 It's the Eco Bottle by Smart Planet.

BPA Free

 The whole "BPA-free" thing has become a trend. I had no real idea what the fuss was about. Now I do. Trust me, my brain needs no more problems. Matter of fact, I need none of these problems.

Love the hook for carrying it

Funny story: The instructions told me how to prepare the filter. That went fine. Too bad there wasn't a "For Dummies" add-on telling me how to actually use the bottle for drinking. I spent the first ten minutes wondering why sucking on the spout only produced a mouthful of air and a tiny bit of water. I was trying to come up with a way to exchange the gift before it dawned on me to tip the bottle. You know, to actually treat it like what it is - a water bottle. (My niece almost begged me not to include that part in this post!)

If you are done laughing now (or just shaking your head), I can tell you that I love this gift.

I'm not the most eco-conscious person on the planet - or, for that matter, in my family. This bottle makes it easy for me to be better about that.

What I like most: the spout (now that I know how to use it!). It flips down when not in use. This is nice because I like to tote my bottle everywhere and I usually keep it in the satchel that I call a purse. Also, it's got a nice slim design and the little tap for carrying it easily. It's labelled as being good for 580 uses (or approximately six months). I'm looking at getting 88 ounces of water per day. I had to use a calculator to figure that 22oz each, 580 uses gives me 145 days of getting my 88 daily ounces before I will need to replace the filter.

The spout is open in this pic.
It flips down to prevent spills

While there isn't much else to say about the design, the total idea is very nice. It's a neat and handy way to get your filtered hydration. At 22 ounces, it holds more than the 16 ounces I was getting from my previous bottle (which was bigger around and harder to carry). This one fits in my car's cup holder. (By the way, Smart Planet also has a cool-looking squeeze bottle; an infuser bottle that I'd love to try; and, just because I'm a little bit "country" at heart, a Mason Jar type "drinking jar" that I just plain like the look of. Must be a lot of folks like me because the jar is currently showing as "sold out". Hah.

By the way, Alaska is one of those states with great water. The water here tastes so good, I can drink it for dessert. Other states should be half as lucky. I've lived in places in Texas and Arizona where tap water would put an industrial water filter through its paces. (I will never be completely convinced that the water in Texas isn't one of the factors that caused my illness!) I saw water that could be used to dye hair an odd shade of rust. One of the places in Texas had water so bad that I didn't even want to wash my clothes in it. In Arizona, I had to have our water delivered. That was one bill I cared about more than I did the mortgage. I couldn't afford to get a filter for the bathroom, but I learned to keep a jug of filtered water in the shower for rinsing. After I doused myself with the filtered water, I'd coat myself in baby oil. That was for the stench the shower water left behind. Horrible.

No offense to Texas or Arizona, but for beautiful states, you guys have some nasty water.

I'll be moving soon and I've heard the water is decent where I'm relocating. Still, I will keep this bottle handy.

Peace
--Free

Birthday 2014 Anchorage

So... my family is big on birthdays. Today was mine. An Aussie friend of mine woke up at God knows what time to call me by 9:30 this morning to say "Happy Birthday, Tru. You are a darling." He probably passed right back out afterwards, but how sweet.

My niece +Gabrielle B got the jump on everyone & sent her birthday wishes (

My niece and sister really went out of their way to make this a special day for me. With everything else they have going on, they made sure I had a lovely party full of family and friends and good times. That was later. First, my sis had dialysis today, so after I dropped her off, I started my errands with a free (birthday) treat from Starbucks:

Espresso Frappe. Venti sized. Yum!

Then I spent time at the house with my sister and niece and DJ. I got to talk and text with all my Stateside brothers, aunts and cousins who wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. One of my brothers kidded that I was turning 55. I reminded him that he is the older sibling. He backed off and suddenly remembered that I am not yet that old!

I really hope that my Facebook and G+ apps were behaving because I had a lot of people to thank for their kind wishes. My phone started dying before noon. I plugged it in for 2 hours without realizing the charger was not the right one for my phone :-(


DJ and I had a lot of fun today. He's getting so dang big now.

all those toys & he sits in a rubber bin...

he knows how to come in and out of house now...

him and that bin!

Then a longtime friend of mine and my sister's (who had spent the night) hung out and talked about days when we were all about 25 years younger than we are now. My sister was styling half & half on the hair today. She went bald for most of the food prep we did, then she sported one of her wigs for the actual party. I'll have to get all the pics from people who took them. My camera was dead for most of the afternoon.

After this delicious dinner...

Chicken & shrimp Pad Thai

... I got to ride with one of my friends in his rebuilt Mustang. Don't tell anyone, but we hit about a 100 mph three times on some empty boulevards. I haven't had that much fun in the passenger seat of a car since I got my first teenage kiss. My niece got video of us taking off. I'll have to get a copy.

Because I am leaving soon, the fam is going to be gifting me with cards and things I need once I get to "Mayberry". Because they are my family though, they got me this to take with me:

my birthstone

Now, it's getting late. I only had one glass of wine all evening. We have to be up early in the morning for chemo and all that biz.

I have an awesome group of people who love me and make me feel loved when I most need it. I'm so blessed that I don't even know where to start counting. I'm just going to thank God for another year of life & be thankful that I made it to 53.

Good night all.

Peace
--Free

Mayberry of the Midwest

Still here in Alaska, but rushing to get prepped for life in Iowa.  A lot of people who know of my impending move are still a little curious about my reasons. All I can say is that no one can understand why I'm going unless they know where I've been for so many years.

My new town? I'll call it Mayberry of the Midwest. Mayberry. Not because it's small, quaint and country, but because it's everything I'm hoping it will be: small, quaint and country.

I'm looking to Mayberry for some physical, spiritual, social and financial healing. The last several years of living in Arizona, Texas and, back here, in Alaska have broken me in way that only God can fix. Living in a more affordable place is my first step to recovery.

Arizona ruined me financially; Texas broke my heart; and Alaska is too cold and expensive to give me anything I need in my life right now.  I want to be in a new place in my body and in my heart. I want the promises that sometimes a place can only offer a specific type of person at a certain time in their life.

What I've heard about "Mayberry" is that there is plenty of fresh air, a friendly (and sparse) population of church-going people. I've heard of old trees in the yards, unlocked doors on the residences. I envision being welcomed should I approach a neighbor for a borrowed cup of sugar. Okay, that might be pushing the technicolor dreams too hard. Still, I need a break from the harsh glare of the life I've been living.

I am looking forward to making a home for myself. A place to put my few belonging and enjoy them in peace. I want a home that makes me feel safe and calm and ready to go out and re-insert myself in the land of the working. I can't wait to put up family photographs and surround myself with cheap and precious furnishings. I am craving a a space to cook and dine in that is clean, cozy and functional. I want to sleep in comfort and quiet. Waking up in the morning to appreciation of simple blessings is another goal. I can't wait to plant a small garden, nurture potted plants and, maybe, have herbs and spices on my windowsill. This home that I dream of is full of fresh air and light, smelling of flowers (grown or sprayed from a can) and hope.

I suppose I am dreaming of a home and life that can be had anywhere, as long as one can afford it.

When I look back on the past seven to ten years of my life, I have memories of drudgery and resentment and a lack of cooperation from the people I aimed to please. Until I gained the dreams of Mayberry, my future was a dark cloud of being crowded and forced to go along to get along. I haven't been so much living a life to enjoy than just moving from day to day in survival  mode. Survival is like breathing: an automatic urge. Living is something only those with true hope and contentment can fully enjoy.

I don't wish on stars in the sky or rely on man-made promises. Stars burn out and men are only flawed and human. God, though, is a steady presence. He comes through every time. At the end of every road, in the darkest and loneliest of moods, He comes with hope and strength.  I've walked myself toward many bridges in this life of mine, but I have never been able to cross a single one of them without the Lord holding my hand.

So now, I begin this walk towards Mayberry. The bridge is a little rickety and, despite what I've heard, I'm not really sure what's on the other side. I'm just walking in faith.

Watch this space for stories of what I find on the other side. For now, goodnight.

Peace

--Free

**Quickie Post** Valley Radio News (Shocking. Not.)

This station bills itself as Mat-Su Valley's first news talk station.

1. The Valley has a rep here in Anchorage.
2. This station just added some negative juice to the rep.
3. Maybe I'm being touchy, but: my blog, my views.  I don't have a radio presence.

Never listened to this station before. Only listened by accident earlier today because I bumped the radio knob while plugging in my phone charger.

I tuned in just as the hosts were doing something called the "Hip Hop Review" segment. Apparently, they feel that parents need info on who and what their kids are listening to as far as music. Today the discussion was a highlight of news of some court-bound rappers. I agreed with what they had to say. I was a little put off by how they said it: mimicking the speech and speech patterns/slang of what they think rappers sound like.

Now, I am the biggest anti-thug, anti-violence person in my circle. I literally preach to the young people in my life about the madness of most "thug" music.

So, what's my problem with this segment that I heard? Not much. I'm just wondering if they have a segment on other types of music/artists who are such bad role models for kids. I won't be tuning back in to find out. I won't be tuning back in to that station. Ever.

Like I said, I don't have a radio presence. If I did, I wouldn't dare generalize the Mat-Su residents with the common stereotypes assigned to them. I know that they are not all pot-smoking/growing/dealing, wild-eyed nutcases, "trailer trash", lunatic fringe of the frozen North. I know that, but someone hearing a radio show that talks that talk might not know that.

Peace
--Free