Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm Not Impressed (or) What Love Is and What It Ain't

I couldn't focus on a title for this post (as you can tell).  Shoot, I was also thinking of calling it: "You're Not Cute, So Stop It!"

Look - if you are grown and you know it, you don't have to always be trying to prove it. Just be grown, damn it. I don't need you to show your behind, talking all the time about "I this and I that."

And if you are in love and you know it, clap your fucking hands and call it a day. Don't walk around trying to prove to everyone that you are in love. (And, by the way: if you really are in love and secure in it, everyone will get it. All that talking about how in love you are makes me a little bit suspicious...)

I'm sorry. I guess this is just my weekend for ranting. I've already gone off good and long on one person. Please, God, help me control myself & not let loose on anyone else.
But, damnit! Really. I'm just tired of "grown" folks having to show their behinds because they think it makes them look grown. Take a note here: IT DOESN'T. And it's not cute. Or endearing. It doesn't make anyone respect you any more. It doesn't make anyone look at you and say, "Wow, I wanna be just like you." Nope. What it does is, it tap dances on a person's last good nerve.

And about love?

Here's what "love" is and isn't:

Love IS -
  • NOT based on your emotions. (Women, especially - when you are hormonal and hate the freaking idea of that man even breathing, you are not "out of love." You are just bitchy & irritable. Get some Midol or Pamprin or borrow a freaking Valium from somewhere. That mood WILL pass. And if it doesn't, then you better pray your man isn't the one trying to dump your moody ass.)
  • NOT about what someone else has. I don't care if your girlfriend's man showers her with a rainbow of jewels and has her sleeping on a mattress filled with rose petals. That ain't YOUR situation. (For all you know, your girl buddy is just being grown & talking a good game & her man ain't all that anyway.) Whatever. The thing is: you need to be happy in YOUR situation. If you aren't, then you messed up from the get-go. Keeping up with the Joneses is not a good thing, especially when it comes to a relationship. YOUR situation is what it is and ain't what it ain't. Deal with it.
  • NOT a fantasy or a romance novel. If you have your spouse/lover running ragged having to prove to you every minute of every damn day that he/she "loves" you, you're going to wear that situation out. Someone who loves you for real, loves you even when they are out of your sight for ten minutes. They love you even when they don't jump fast enough when you snap your selfish fingers. They love you even when they want to go hang out with someone else for a minute or two. It's called LOVE, not PRISON. You are a spouse or a partner, not a warden with keys to the cell block. Damn.
  • NOT being able to boss someone around like they are three years old. (For that matter, as a woman - and maybe this is just me - I have never been turned on by or attracted to a man that will let me run him like that.) Women, I know that some men need a little direction and guidance. Men, I know that women like to know you are the man. People, just keep in mind that everything is good in moderation. It's just as bad to have a man who is "whipped" than it is to have a woman who is controlled. To me, both seem a little bit abusive. And one more thing for the women on this: Keep ripping a man's balls off & you'll end up with a puppy and not a husband. If you wanted another woman, you should have swung that way.
  • NOT cutting a person down, but building them up. (I'm guilty of this one. Once - ONLY ONCE - I did a little ego-smashing. But, like I said, all things in moderation. LOL)
  • NOT always "feeling" in love. There are good times and bad times. I'm pretty sure a lot of people in serious relationships have looked around and wondered: "Did I make a mistake?" Bottom line is, if you only stay in a relationship when you "feel" in love, you'd be a mess. The next time one of those wondering moments hits you, maybe ask yourself if you'd be happy NOT being with this person for the rest of your life. Ask yourself how you'd like to look up and see them with another person who does appreciate them.
  • Work. Love (or at least relationships) is work, just like any other pursuit in life.Sometimes, it's easy work and sometimes it's hard work. Sometimes you will have to be the one to put more into the relationship (more patience, more sympathy, more... whatever). Sometimes you have to sacrifice and do less (like less eye-rolling, sighing and that arm-folding thing we all like to do when we are showing just how freaking patient we are! LOL) And like with any other "work," there are paydays and deductions. It's all about balancing the good, the bad and the everything in between.
So, yeah, I started this post with a little bit of an attitude, but my intentions are in the right place. All I want to get across is: either appreciate your situation or rectify it, but don't do anything just for show. It will make you miserable. And no one is impressed. No one will think you are "grown," they will just think you are silly and have some growing up to do.

P.S.: And no, I'm NOT talking to anyone in particular. I'm just looking at life and making some observations.