A friend of mine is back out there in the Singles' scene. Poor thing. I could just weep for her. Not only is she single, but she is over 40 and never been married before. Oh, and she has a child. None of these are the reasons I worry for her. I worry because she is a avid reader who, at weak moments in her life, nests in the Self-Help sections of bookstores.
If you are, or have been, human in the last fifteen years, someone has written a book, app, or diagram telling you how to go about your life. It's as if we are all so stupid that we need to be told "How To" do anything. How to: date, have babies, get a job, be happy, be assertive, wipe our butts... And if you are single for any reason at all, there are more of those How-To's are in a specialty section just for you.
What the heck happened to common sense? Or getting advice from the people who actually love and know you?
I think I have figured out that life was never that complicated until someone decided to write books about every aspect of it. If you think I am joking about the money being made on our insecurities, just look at what I can dig up on dating in a few minutes while writing this post:
Oh No He Didn't (This book is from an attorney. What does that say about love and romance?)
Women's Guide to Men (Really? What'd the author do to get wiser than God, build men?)
AlphaDog, The Book (I'm scared to think that the women who wrote this want men to thinks of themselves as alpha dogs. I wouldn't want a guy to write one on being a SuperBit*h...)
This advice site has a catchy name. Maybe that's why I don't want to be mad that there is such a place as the Relationship Gym. ~sigh~ Really? Seriously.
Now, I got my ass verbally bullied on GPlus the other day by a rabid Beyonce fanatic; I can't imagine what's going to happen after this post. Actually, I can imagine: I'll get an email telling me that maybe if I took some dating advice my lonely self I might not be such a judgmental bit*h. (By the way & all off-subject: This no-cursing thing is not working out for me too well.)
It only took me just a few minutes to find those helpful books and such. And that's just from a search on dating advice. I'm too scared to look up anything else. I mean, I really might find something on butt-wiping.
What ever happened to just living life the best you know how? I guess that went out the window when our role models stopped being people we could observe up close and personal. When you admire someone like a pop-singer or reality show "star" so much that you will act like a five year old to defend them, it doesn't say much for your own confidence or maturity.
A conversation with someone else I know the other day was eye-opening. He doesn't date anymore. Doesn't want the drama and likes the idea of just being peaceful and comfortable. I can get down with that. It's a fantasy of mine - except I want it to be with someone. How sad is it that there are so few people out there to meet who want the same thing and who act as if they do?
I truly am starting to believe that the only good advice is stuff that's been around forever: Live your life the way you want, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Live decently, make honest mistakes, learn from honorable people, grow in peace. It's okay to be confused when we are young and learning, but no one should be stuck at ten when they are years past that age.
My girlfriend told me that she is going to look for someone who can fall in love with the best that she is while accepting the worst. Now, that sounds like good advice to me.
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
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