Dream Products

Since I'm prepping to relocate, I have't been able to take on any new product reviews. In the meantime, I've come up with a dream list of products I'd love to try out.

First of all, for any of the products, the basic criteria would include mainstream availability and prices affordable for average people. By "average" I mean those of us who don't have excessive discretionary funds. Maybe I even mean those of us who rarely get to use the term "discretionary funds".

So, here's the list I have in my head:

• An entire skincare regimen with natural, wholesome ingredients without any mention of animals that weren't killed in the making of the finished products. I love animals, but I don't need to get an entire history of the treatment of them in a brochure attached to my wrinkle cream.
• Any product that actually does reduce cellulite and takes inches off my waistline. The product can't include any ingredients that are renamed to hide the fact that they came from the lab of a mad scientist. Also, it can't take six months of installment-plan use to see any results.
• Hair products that work - not just the sample product that is never quite the same as when you get the full-size treatment. If it implies that it will make your hair shine, bounce, curl, soften up, straighten up - or make complete strangers on the street follow you around because of the great smell - then, dangit, it will do that.
• Something like those pocket/purse-sized teas and juices to squirt into my water that uses actual sugar - no artificial sweeteners allowed. Matter of fact, I want tiny, purse-sized teas, sodas and sugary juices for when I just need a little bit of a guilty thirst fix.
• Cottage cheese that doesn't look like curdled baby poop. I don't even care if it tastes any different that regular cottage cheese. Every time I want to try cottage cheese, I just can't. I have a sensitive gag reflex when it comes to food that looks like it's already been partially digested.
• Grape-sized, rind-less watermelon. Love watermelon. Hate the mess. Loathe that I have to have the fly-attracting rinds in the garbage can in summer.
• Mixable, customize-able makeup. I've seen foundations that are supposed to blend in "true" to various shades, but it's all a lie. You still have to find a close enough match to blend true or else you will look like a cartoon parody of yourself. I want some foundation palettes, and some blendable lipstick that can take me from day to night without having to buy eight tubes of colors that are close-but-not-quite the right shade.

Am I asking for too much? I know I can't be the only one who hasn't thought of some of these products. I hope that by the time I get moved and settled in the new town, someone will have at least come up with the purse-sized sodas. At any rate, tomorrow I might post about my Amazon wishlist...

Peace

--Free

Speak the Truth

While browsing Tumblr a minute ago, I came across this very cool pic

even if it's shaking with laughter **

Normally, I'd get all serious and go on a rant about how true this truth is. But because the sun is shining today (and because I feel good for the first time in a long time while wearing a tank and stretch pants), I thought I'd get a little silly.

What are some of the things you do that you would never speak the truth about? I bet just thinking about it made you cringe a little, didn't it? I know the feeling.

In the spirit of being brave (or silly), I'll share:

• Men are accused of always checking out a woman's boobs. I sometimes go into crotch-frenzy. There are days when I can't look at a photo of a nice-looking guy without my eyes going straight to his package. Speak the truth.
• Sometimes when I see a story about someone jumping in a freezing river or otherwise risking their life to save a dog (or cat), I can't help but think about all the humans no one is trying to save.
• In spite of my previous rant about judging someone's romantic choices, I will sometimes see a couple and think, "He must have a lot of money" (or be great in the sack, or drive a hot car), and "She must have one hell of a personality" (or sack skills, or knows how to "work a root"). 
• I'll see a smoking hot woman and instantly want to find reasons to hate her. I've even sometimes wished that, if she tans, she ends up looking like a purse in ten years. If she has great hair, I might follow her to try to spot weave tracks or roots that need a touch-up. (I actually did cringe while typing that one!)
• I sometimes fantasize about winning a lottery just so that I can visit all the people who ever hurt my feelings. I'd drive to their house in a really hot-looking car (maybe even with a chauffeur), invite them to lunch and let their burning jealousy be my dessert. (I'm too old and mature to think such childish things. But I just did.)
• There have been times when I hated so much to be wrong about something that I made up b.s. "facts" to prove my point. (To be fair, I only did this with the people I knew were too lazy to do a little research.)
• I have judged people by their appearances. Years back, whenever a friend and I went to nightclubs, we'd assign a "slut meter" number to other women. We gave higher numbers to certain women based on nothing other than our own envy. Whenever a woman got hit on more than we did, my friend and I would give her an automatic 10.
• That slut meter game is not the most shameful one my friend and I played in judging people.
• I can be extremely petty sometimes. As bad as my memory is, for some reason I have no problem retaining thoughts about what and how someone says anything that irks me. I file that away and work out exactly what (and when) to say something to get them back.
• Shade. I can throw serious shade.

Okay. Sharing all that is no longer fun. I actually think I might need to go into deep prayer or see a therapist now. Right now.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: I sure hope that shemavericksniper doesn't hate me for sharing the pic in such an irreverent post. I did love the pic and the thought in the way I'm sure it was intended.

Peek Or Boo?

I am sitting here still laughing about something that happened really early this morning. I have a guy friend who is often out of town. Depending on where he is at the moment, I can call him up when I am sleepless (and I usually am). Sometimes he will text me to see if I am sleepless (and usually I am).

This morning when he called, I was glancing over the trashy celebrity news I just love. I mentioned to him something about a certain pop singer and her recent nude pics and teased that I'd send him the link. He just about yawned the Grand Canyon. "What part of her ass haven't I already seen?"

I flashed back to something I used to tell our girls about not making themselves cheap. Back in the day - what - like 15 years ago, when the kids were around 20 or so - I'd tell them what I'd been taught about leaving a little something to be looked for. These days (and probably back then too) no one has to look hard to see what a woman's got going on. I personally feel like I could consult with a gynecologist on behalf of half the female celebrities out there today.

My friend, as a man, says that he is very turned off when a woman shows off her assets to anybody with a pair of eyes. I think that's true for most men I know and I have four brothers.

Now here's my question: if men are so "turned off" by a woman's cheap ways, then why are so many of these chicks getting press? Somebody is looking at the photos and it can't all be gay women, right?

I asked "R" about this and he had to laugh. "Yeah, well, I didn't say we men don't like to look."

Well, well, well.

LOL. I've never tried to put together the puzzle of a man's mind, but it does amuse me to look at the pieces every now and then.

I let "R" off the hook. I can't say a thing when I talk about loving a man's mind and heart and soul, but just about lose my mind when Denzel flexes an eyebrow or Keanu unbuttons a shirt.

And, by the way, just before my friend hung up, he says, "Ah, so where was that picture you saw of ____?" I sent him the damn link.

(Kind of a lazy post, but I was up too dang early. I'm going back under for a short nap!)

Peace
--Free