Cursed for Cursing?

This woman has been touching my heart for years.

NOTE: I was not well when writing this post. I just glanced back over it and... damn, I need to pay attention to Grammarly! I have no time do corrections now. I just wanted to apologize. (This is why I try not to re-read finished posts.) Peace.

Every time I think that my best friend and I have discussed everything under the sun, we come up with something new. The other day we started out discussing our need to clean up our language. We ended that conversation trying to figure out what constitutes "bad" language. Fuck if I know.

Seriously. We are both Christian. Also, we both curse. A lot. I have joked that cursing is my second language. I worry that I joke about it. I should not be joking about something that is considered "bad" or impolite. It's no secret that I have a tendency to be repressed. That's what a churchy childhood will do. I'm pretty sure I could benefit from therapy. I've worked out a lot of my issues but I still worry a lot about my cursing.

Here's the thing though: what makes a curse word a curse word? Think about that for a minute and then explain to me how telling someone to fuck off is cursing them.

What my friend and I have come up with so far is that the only wrong words to use are words that actually curse people. I don't want to curse anybody. Not at the moment.

When I curse, it's usually out of affection or camaraderie.

• "Fuck if I know."
• "Bitch, please" (Some people substitute that hot-topic N-word. Applies also to the next item.)
•  "Biiitch" (translation: "You seeing this?" or "Hey, girl, what's up?" or "No you did not!" TMTL too many to list)
• "Mother. Fuck" (for when I've slammed my hand in a door or tripped and fallen or... TMTL)
• "Sonofabitch" (same as for above item)

Now that I am looking at that list, I realize I use my choice bad words sparingly. That's a good thing, right? Notice that I don't use words or phrases in anger. My top fave of "bitch" is only ever used with close friends and in extreme affection. It goes along nicely with the word "heifer" (aka heffa). I think I probably curse the most when I am with a bunch of women and we are all being drunky d'drunk drunks. You know, after the 3 glasses of wine.

"strike"? huh. who knew?

I'm not perfect. I do have a couple of words that I only pull out in private one-on-one conversations - and when I know that I'll be forgiven later. Also, I don't think of myself as angry at those times. Those "discussions" are just passionate. As a matter of fact, I can't wait to have another heated convo just so I can use that amazing phrase I learned from an Aussie pal: "Fucking hell." Man! That right there is perfect for so many situations...

Anyway. What is puzzling me and my friend is why is it not okay to use certain "dirty" words (~feeling like I'm ten years old saying it that way~). What made the word "fuck" into a bad word It's just letters strung together like "sex" or "making love" or "ow, I just hurt my toes". We users have made it dirty. But why? Did we just need a word for sex that sounded hotter than the none dirty words for the act of copulating?

Oh, my damn, I think I accidentally answered my own question. Answer: it's not about the words. It's about the emotions words can stir up.

As soon as I used the word "copulate" I totally understood. There is no way in hell that a lover asking if I wanted to copulate with him would sound enticing. "Baby girl, I'm about to copulate you so good..." 

And that, I suppose, is why we need alternate words that are a lot more arousing. Talk about easy population control. Shit.

Still, I don't plan to give up painting a little color into my personal conversations. There are some topics that just need a pop of "no the fuck I did not" or "are you shitting me" (Okay, maybe not that last one. That's one you don't want to think about too deeply.Ugh.")

While I was typing this, I remembered a phrase my late uncle used all the time. His signature line about almost everything was "shit hell" Not "shit and not "hell" but "shit hell". Coming from my uncle, it sounded more like shit tell. He used it for every situation: "Shit hell, Bob, I didn't know you'd been sick"; "Shit hell, I lost my keys"; and "Shit hell, there are my keys". I miss that guy. He would lose his manners in public and tell his disapproving wife: "Shit hell. It's better to be in shame than to be in pain." Fuck yeah.

Just because I like my colorful words and phrases, that doesn't mean I know when not to use them. The first time I meet someone and we hit it off, I let them lead. If they throw out a hot word, I'll give my brain editor some time off. That's a great feeling too. That is a bit of a bonding experience. Like when you reach a stage with a friend where you can unbutton that top button after a meal. Or when you don't mind that they know that you sleep with your mouth open just a little. (Okay, that last one shows how uptight I can be.)

Well, I need to go call my friend. I need to know what she thinks of all this. Hope that bitch is home.

Peace

--Free

What Will I Have Left?

So....

As everyone who has read this blog in the last month or two knows, I have quit smoking. (Day 41 9 hours, 8 minutes. I've given up counting the seconds so I must be getting better.) Giving up cigarettes was easy compared to my next inhuman feat: I am giving up ~sigh, gasp and clutch my freaking pearls~ cursing.

Do you know how hard this is gonna be for me? Cursing was my second language. It was my poetry.

Ask me why I am trying to be cleaner with my vocabulary and I can spit out a dozen reasons (I'm more mature, I'm better than bad language, it's not ladylike, I'm Christian, and on and on), but the real reason?

He walks. He talks. He COPIES everything I do.

Yep. It's all because of that little kid there.

I adore him. Everything he does is a wonder to me. No matter what is going on or what he's getting into, if I do just a couple notes of a song, he starts smiling and bopping his head. He's a huge piece of my heart. And in the past few weeks, he has started watching every word coming from between my lips.

The other day, I was visiting with my niece and sister and we all sat around my sister's room, chatting and looking over some recipe books. Baby D.J. was back and forth, going from my sister's room and down the hall to his mom and dad's room. No worries, he's gated in from the stairs and he's got his puppy to play with. It was a very "family" kind of scene - all quiet and cozy (and quiet is rare for us). I was at peace with the world until we heard D.J. talking to his puppy.

"Shit, Sadow!"

("Sadow" is really "Shadow," the little lab mix puppy.)

We ladies went dead silent and waited to see if we had heard D.J. right.

"SHIT! SHIT! No, Sadow, SHIT!"

Right. Now, I don't think it's fair that my sister and my niece were suddenly looking at me like I was the one who farted in church. It's not like they never use a curse word...

But, okay, okay. I am woman enough to admit that I have had, on occasion, a bit of a potty-mouth. But, understand this, I am not a half-stepping kind of chick. When I love, I love hard. If I am mad, I'm boiling. When I curse... Well, let's just say, I don't mess around with the playground type of language. I get down and dirty. Am I proud of that? I used to be, yeah. I have 4 brothers and, for years, I worked around a bunch of mean and stressed out men - not my brothers. I can run rough with the big boys when it comes to "cussing." If D.J. had picked up a word or two from me, it wasn't going to be something found in the Bible - like "ass" or "damn." The ess-aitch-i-tee word is not a whopping big deal, right?

Still, I had Mother Theresa and the Queen of England looking at me like I'd better go handle the situation. As if I can make a baby understand bad words when he can't even say five "good" ones... But I decided to try.

When I got to the hallway and saw D.J. pointing his finger at the dog and tapping him on the head, it dawned on me what was really going on.

"Shit, Sadow."

I reported back to the Inquisition panel.

"He's trying to make Shadow sit," I told them before we all fell out laughing. I just about wet myself.

Still. That episode gave me something to think about. This little kid loves me and, for the time being, he thinks I'm fabulous. He's pretty amazing to me and I have a responsibility to be a good example to him. He already knows about love - because we show him every day what that is. He knows not to spit and hit. We are teaching him to count and give hugs and feel empathy. The only thing I don't want him to learn from me is how to curse. At least, not before he learns how to pray for someone.

So, yeah. No more cursing for "YaYa Tru." Damnit. (Give me a little break. This is only Day 4.) I think I will learn sign language. Can you curse in sign language?

Peace
--Free


Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Prov. 22:6

"Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education." Dr. Martin Luther King