Getting, Being And Staying Real

One of the things I am re-learning as I try writing a book is what I first learned when I started blogging: it's hard not to edit out your real self.

We all do a little photoshopping of ourselves everyday. It's a routine, like brushing your teeth, shaving or putting on makeup. I believe every one of us has parts of ourselves that we are afraid to expose. (For the smart asses out there, I am not talking about physical exposure.)

I try to be brave here on the blog. I'm really trying to be brave with the essays I am writing for the book. Some of what is so painful, embarrassing and humiliating for one of us can be helpful for someone else. Maybe they can learn that you can survive almost anything. Maybe they can learn that some things just don't matter after all.

One of the things I have talked about (but probably not deeply or seriously enough) is the verbal and mental abuse I survived in a marriage. That's a hard one. Maybe when I finish surviving it, it will be easier to talk about.  The thing about that situation is that the damage one person does to us cannot be altogether undone by ourselves; we need a little of the healing to come from outside ourselves. I'm getting there.

There are a lot of topics that are tough to address with a straight face. A lot of us would rather make jokes, be hurtful or be as outrageous and shocking as we can imagine. As vulgar and "open" as some people (musicians, artists, actors) want to be, what a lot of them are doing is not really useful to anyone outside themselves. I think it's easier for someone to sing about giving out "the best p_ _ _ y" around (and, yes, that's really in a song) than it is to talk about what's real about love. I think it's easy for someone to cut their hair weird or dress in meat clothing (WTH is that  about) or perform an exorcism as part of a stage show. What's hard is to talk about why we hurt people who are different than we are.

Sometimes there is a meanness that comes with covering up what we feel. I've been mean to hide being vulnerable or confused. (Just go back to some of my older postings.) What I wish is that, in some of those instances, another person would have just confronted me.

I forget where the hell I was going with this post. (I'm going to blame the Sarc, like I always do!) Mainly, I guess I was just thinking about how we need to be kinder and more loving to other people. I might not be tolerant of everything, but I need to look deeper at myself before I condemn anyone else. That's going to take learning to be real and stay real - about me, my feelings, my flaws, my needs and my whole self.

Peace
--Free

I'm SO Busted (or my personality is anyway)

I can thank Mz Newy for turning me on to this handwriting analysis program (free online & even tho they will try to sell you a registration, you can opt for the total freebie) that nailed the good, bad & ugly that is Free...

Mz Newy is so gutsy. She shared her entire analysis. I'm way more guarded (and that showed in the analysis, damnit) and will only share partials.

Ahem. Here goes (My comments in small letters):

Free is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. (Heck yeah. The street-corner homeless LOOK for my car 'cause they know I'm good for a handout of a buck or two)In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Free will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. ("Somewhat?" Nah. I'm "Allwhat" when it comes to moody!) Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Free an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Free is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. (I bawl out loud over those orphan commercials. Can't help it & I don't think that's a bad thing. Just wish I had more money to give.)

Free is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Free doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.(Yep. Til they start getting on my nerves. Then I just go into hermit mode.)

Free will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it! (Um... I've gotten into trouble for this trait)

Because Free has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Free is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Free is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble! (And to think that my folks just thought I was being a pain in the ass...)

Kind of cool, huh? The thing is, some of the analysis disturbed me. Not because the observations were wrong but because they were right & I hadn't realized some things about myself. Shit. Now I'm pretty sure I need therapy. Too bad I'm broke.

I'm curious to hear what other people think after trying the analysis.

Peace

--Free

What You Can Tell

My mother had a thing about people's shoes. She'd say that you could tell a lot about a person by their shoes. It didn't matter whether the shoes were expensive or cheap, leather or plastic. Mama said that if a person cared about their appearance, they made sure their shoes were clean. I guess it didn't matter about scuff marks, etcetera - long as they weren't dusty or muddy. (Mama also said that if a person were careful to wipe their feet or take their shoes off when entering someone's home, that told what they thought about other people.)

I'm not just spitting in the wind with this one, you guys. I have a real point. I was thinking about what you can tell about people from different things & I got to thinking about our "Wish Lists." I started one a while back with Froogle & I was playing around with it a while ago and did some updating. When I looked back over my list, I wondered what someone looking at my list would think about me. Now, I'm curious about other people's lists. There are plenty of things that I would put on a REAL list, but here are some of my general grooves:

1. Anything by or about Huey Newton and the BPP. I've always had a curiosity about this.
2. Anything to do with something that smells good. My latest favorites are the scents of Tuberose and chocolate. (I have got to buy me some of that perfume that has the chocolate in it!!!)
3. Anything to do with soothing looks or sounds. I love those recordings of nature sounds - esp the ocean. Maybe we Cancerians are into that because of our crab natures...

Now - I'm dying to hear back from all of you guys on what would be on your wishlists. Keep in mind - money is no object & you don't have to be completely realistic. I just want to hear what you'd love to have. I know that somebody is going to have the name of a person on their list! (I have a couple of names in mind myself, but decided to stick to possibles!)

Peace
--Free

Thoughts:
Tomorrow I go to work, so this old bumper sticker came to mind --
"I owe, I owe, so off to work I go."
Pretty appropriate with the way I've been spending money!

Music:
Yesterday was my late father's birthday. I've got the Temptations "My Girl" on my mind since it's one of the songs Daddy used to sing to me.

Web:
Haven't gotten completely back into my net surf groove yet, but I plan to get back to and really work on my Frappr page...

Words:
"God invented birds to sing backup for nature." (Free 5/2006)