**RECIPE** Cool Whip & Jello Rainbow Cake (and bragging)

This was one of my mother's and my sister's favorite recipes. All the chicks in the family learned to make it except for me. Until the other day. My first one was a disaster because I made a couple of rookie mistakes. My niece, +Gabrielle B (who should have her own bake & crafts shop!) walked me through it over the phone and I finally #nailedit.

Here is the recipe (with notes from my own experience):

Ingredients:

1. 2 boxes white cake mix
2. 2 (or more) different colors of Jello gelatin
3. Big tub of Cool Whip

Also needed

1. 2 cake pans - each large enough to hold a full cake mix*
2. Parchment paper (to line bottom of each cake pan for baking)
3. Enough extra oil and some flour (to dust the pans)
4. Coffee straws (for poking holes in cake)
5. Skewers (or toothpick-like items to anchor the cake for frosting)
6. A children's medicine squirter, if you have one. 
7. Make sure to have room cleared in fridge to hold cake pans later.
8. Make sure the fridge is very, very cold.
9. Leave your Cool Whip in fridge (not the freezer). Makes it easy to use later.
10. Have a plate ready for later. The cake is tall, so...

Instructions:

1. Mix and bake cake (one box for each of the 2 pans). Don't forget to line bottom with paper.
2. Once cakes cool to normal, put them in fridge for AT LEAST 8 hours.
3. Just prior to removing cake pans from fridge, mix your Jello, keeping colors separate. (My mother would use half the water required for making the Jello. Give more intense flavor.)
4. You're going to leave the Jello in its liquid state. Set it aside.
5. Take out your cakes (and leave them in the pan). Poke holes in the cakes from top to bottom. This is where you are going to be injecting the Jello. (You want to space the holes so that your Jello colors won't glob together, and you don't want to make any too near the edge of the cake.)
6. Use your medicine squirter to inject your different colors of Jello into the holes. (Don't put the same colors close together; spread them around for a pretty effect when the cake is sliced.)
7. Put the cakes (still in the pan) back in the fridge. Try to wait at least several hours. I left mine in for about 8 hours.
8. Remove one of the cakes from its pan and put onto cake plate. This is the bottom layer. Duh.
9. Frost the top of this bottom layer of the cake with your Cool Whip. You will want to go heavy with the frosting here. Don't worry about the sides of the cake yet.
10. Remove your other cake from it's pan and place on top of the first layer.
11. Use something to anchor the two layers. I had a problem with the top layer sliding when I tried frosting it. Also, this will help steady the cake later when you're cutting slices. (Trust me, anchor the cake!)
12. Frost the rest of the cake. (I like to go heavy with the Cool Whip.)
13. For extra prettiness, you can run lines through the frosting across the top of the cake and down the sides. Add a little of the Jello and let it run down the lines.

The cake needs to be kept in the fridge in between servings (if it lasts that long!).

It's a pretty easy and inexpensive cake to make. Plus, you can use the leftover Jello and Cool Whip for more snacking later.

By the way, this is what happens if you don't get the right size skewers & they stick up too high:

But that's better than when you don't have a cold enough fridge, get impatient about letting the cake set overnight, and make all the other mistakes I did with the first one:

And this is what happens when you're a baking queen like my niece!

And I'm not kidding when I call Gabby the Queen of All Creative... Here are some of what she has done - while holding down a full-time job and going for her Masters... Stiff competition in the family to pursue your dreams. (Gabby lives in the Dallas Texas area, and she is available for custom cakes and creations of all kinds for parties, baby showers, etc. #pluggingmyretirementplan!)

Everything has a function

Jazzing up some plain chairs

Nintendo cookies for a family birthday

fiesta hats

Our uncle's M & M birthday cake

DJ's tractor construction cake

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** goPURE Naturals Fractionated Coconut Oil

Coconut oil is one of my favorite natural ingredients. I like using it for my food and for my skin. The one drawback to coconut oil is that it will stain fabrics. Also, even though I love the smell, there are times when I'd rather not have it.

Fractionated coconut oil is starting to get popular for some good reasons. It doesn't stain clothing and there is no scent. This is one I just got to try out and it's nice:

100% Pure Fractionated Coconut Oil by goPURE Naturals.

Another reason I like fractionated oil is because it tends to absorb so much better than the oil I like using in my food and coffee. It's light enough to even use on my hair. I'm not big on using too much oil on my hair because I don't want the greasiness or the weight. I tried this one as a scalp oil and on my wet hair to calm down the natural frizz. It worked, as long as I didn't use too much. If I overdo it on my hair, I lose some of my curl definition.

My favorite way to use the oil? On my skin after a bath or shower - especially when I am in a hurry and don't have time for my 10-minute lotion routine. You can literally drench yourself in this oil and, before you finish brushing your teeth and toweling your hair, it will have absorbed enough for you to dress without worries.

Also, like "regular" coconut oil, it makes a great makeup remover and, um, personal lubricant. Because it doesn't stain fabrics.

You know the makeup hack we ladies use of putting a little Vaseline on our teeth to keep lipstick stains off them? Well, this oil is also great for that. It doesn't leave that thick petroleum jelly film on the teeth, but it works to keep the lipstick were it belongs: on your lips and not on your teeth. (I have a problem with lipstick, so this is my new thing.)

I don't know if I talked about this before so I'll mention again the difference between fractionated coconut oil and the regular variety. Actually, I'll just let you get that info from WiseGEEK.

For those of you who, like me, are into using a lot of the more natural ingredients for your lotions, soaps and fragrance items, this oil is great as a "carrier oil". Just recently, I've been experimenting with tea tree oil. Initially, I was using an argan oil with the tea tree for a chapped lip remedy. I have now found that the coconut oil works just as well in place of the argan oil.

Since the fractionated coconut oil is fragrance-free (and so light), it works really good with my scented essential oils. I love Sweet Orange, Vanilla and Bergamot oils in place of store-bought perfumes. I had been using some of my heavier carrier oils with the scented oils. Guess what I just realized? Because the coconut oil is lighter and really absorbent, it is a better carrier for those scented oils. The coconut oil helps me get more body coverage with the fragrant oils. I can't really tell yet if it helps the scent last longer or not, but I'll keep an eye on that.

Now, some big Pros for this brand:

• Produced in small batches for control of quality and freshness
• Has excellent shelf life
• 100% Natural, Paraben Free, Phthalate Free, Free of Any Fragrance or Color

What it is & what it isn't

Because the fractionated oil is getting so popular, there are a lot of brands out there. Some oils are not the best quality. You will want to do a smell-test to check for any rancid odors. I like this brand because of the quality of the oil and goPURE is associated with a business I have worked with previously and I can tell you that their customer service is top notch. And, in my opinion, most important is that they offer a 1-year Money-back Guarantee. By the way, you can check out their Facebook page if you want to keep up with them.

If you have been wanting to add some natural oils to your own beauty routine, this a a great one to start with. Keep in mind that this is not meant to be ingested. 

Peace

--Free

DISCLOSURE: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Things No One Told Me (About Grief)

As I get ready for church this morning, I am feeling low on faith and strength.

I saw a quote yesterday: "A woman without her sister is like a bird without wings."

No one ever told me that I would feel this way after losing the person closest to me. When my mother passed away, that was a different kind of grief. That was grief shared. With Mike.

Unlike other women my age, I didn't spend a life with husbands and kids of my own. I spent a life with my sister and my mother. We always lived with or near each other. We were a team of the family women.

After Mom passed, Mike and I became more than sisters. We became a team of two. We were each other's strength when relationships failed, when job stresses overwhelmed us, and when life did what it does and went into little surprise tailspins.

At one of the loneliest times of my life, when a marriage had failed, I remember looking out of the bedroom window at the sky. I was thinking of how big this world is and how orphaned I felt - in a strange state with an abusive husband and no family of my own around me. I was thinking that I had one thing on this earth that would get me through: my sister. She was somewhere on earth, under the same sky, and that made everything bearable.

No one ever told me that grief would ebb and flow. That I would go from feeling numb to feeling new every sensation of emotional pain that ever could be felt. No one told me that I would sometimes feel paralyzed by my loss, unable to function, barely able to breathe. I didn't know that I would catch scent from one the hats Mike wore or catch sight of some of her belongings and then just die a little.

Last night, I sat looking out the window, thinking that I no longer have Mike somewhere on this earth and under the same sky.

So, I am going to church this morning, feeling orphaned and wingless.

No one ever told me this is what grief feels like.

Peace
--Free

**REVIEW** 100% PureTea Tree Oil by Apothecary Extracts

This is the first time I have actually used a tea tree oil. Me. The person who has tried oils with names that I can't even pronounce correctly. This one was nothing like what I expected. It's a 100% pure therapeutic grade Tea Tree Oil by Apothecary Extracts.

Nice-looking bottle too.

 First, it doesn't stink. Matter of fact, I really like the smell of it. My regular blog readers know how I am about that.

 

 Also, I'm crazy about the packaging of this product. Not only is it pretty, but the label includes specific information about the oil itself and about the uses (and warnings). That's nice. I've seen lots of products that include a lot of hype and no real information. Check it out on Amazon.

Like I said, I've never tried tea tree oil before. I was a little nervous about trying it because most of what I've heard is how strong it is. When I gave this one the sniff test, I was really pleased with the scent. It's strong but not overwhelming.

Since I am cautious about what I use on my skin, I decided to start easy with this. After I checked out the package label and a few websites indicating all the ways it can be used, I tried it on my chapped lips. I combined a drop of it with a drop of some argan oil (which is heavier and richer than some of my other oils) and used the mixture as a balm. Results: very nice. There was a sensation much milder than when applying mentholated balms, but I got immediate softness. The best thing is that after my lips sucked up all that oil, they didn't dry out. The relief is lasting and I think I am going to have to make a mixture to keep in a tin for my purse.

I don't have problems with acne, so I don't want to test this on my already dry and moody skin. What I do have is a stubborn corn on my left foot. I read somewhere that I can use the tea tree oil to get rid of that problem. So... I tested it out tonight by wetting a Q-tip with some tea tree and some of the argan oil. I dabbed that on and, since my toe didn't fall off or burst into flames, I'm going to repeat the process every night and soak my foot in warm water every morning until I get rid of the corn. Where was this stuff when I needed to get rid of old boyfriends and ex-husbands?

To be honest, I'm still finding ways to use the oil, but here are some uses I've heard about:

• As an antiseptic and an alternative to chemical-based cleaners
• Treat Athlete's Foot, fungus, etc.
• Used in homemade toothpaste recipes (though not safe to ingest!)
• Various household uses as listed here
• To get rid of mold
• For making a natural household disinfectant
• Using in laundry care

A couple of warnings that stood out for me as I searched around were not to use on young children and not to ingest.

I think that there can be lots of ways to include this in your beauty routine. This is a list of a variety of ways to take care of your nails, hair and skin with it. This site is a bit more specific to beauty care using tea tree oil. The main thing I noticed when checking out ways to use tea tree oil is that diluting with a carrier oil is best until you know what your skin and hair can tolerate. 

This is one of the more expensive oils that I have tried, but I need to mention that the price works out to be cheaper than it looks. Because the oil is often meant to be diluted and used in combination with carrier oils and other ingredients (for instance, when making cleaning solutions), I think of the 4 ounces as being equal to 16 ounces of other oils. For instance, I use a lot of coconut oil but that's because I don't dilute it.

Since the brand offers a 100% "No questions asked, money-back" guarantee, you can feel secure in giving this tea tree oil a try.

For me, I have found a new staple to add to my oil collection for natural body and beauty care. By the way, I'd love to hear from anyone that knows of other uses for it.

Peace

--Free

DISCLOSURE: I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free in exchange for a fair and honest review using BrandBacker Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

**REVIEW** Bouncy Curls

Since I was just recently discussing my hair and how dry it's been, I recieved this product to review at just the right time.

Add caption

 My Bouncy Curls was ordered via Amazon here. The brand site is here.

Sorry I couldn't rotate this photo!

This super-cold and dry last-minute winter weather is driving my hair and skin crazy! But on to the hair situation...

First of all, I'm always glad to see products for natural hair wearers. There's not enough variety of product outside the brands that are so heavily marketed but not properly formulated. This is how the product is described on the product page (I bolded the ingredients):

Ultra Rich hydrating cream made specifically to create the spring in your curls that only nature can create. Olive and grape seed oils infuse moisture while our proteins strengthen and protect your tresses from frizz. Whether you have kinky, curly, afro or wavy curls, Bouncy curls will deliver the soft touchable curls you've always wanted. Directions: Perfect for daily styling. Apply to towel-dried hair. Massage in from root to tip saturating strands. Style as desired, allowing hair to dry naturally. Ingredients include: Panthenol (Pro-vitamin B5), Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Extract, Triticum Vulgare (Wheat Germ Oil), Olea Europea (Olive oil), Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter), Cocos nucifera (Coconut Oil), Fragrance.

I tried Bouncy Curls two different ways: the way the directions instructed me to, and the way I know I will sometimes tend to use it. Because I'm a maverick. Also, I know that lots of us ladies with natural hair don't wash our locks as often as others, yet we still need the moisture and styling benefits of our products in between washing.

Before I even start the rest of the review, let me get to one of the most important parts of any product: the smell. The scent is very. very mild and pleasant, thank goodness. It reminds me of a soft hand lotion with maybe a slight scent of fresh milk. I like it alot. Now, on to the hair results.

First, I used it on my dry hair. I wanted to see if it was as moisturizing this way.

This pic is of my dry hair. I had not treated it with my Carol's Daughter or any other product since night before last.

verrry dry!

This second pic is taken immediately after applying Bouncy Curls to part of my dry and otherwise untreated hair. I can tell that the product is very moisturizing.

This third pic is of my Bouncy Curls treated hair about 5 minutes after applying. I wanted to let the product dry and set for this one.

By the way, this product is nice and creamy, and it doesn't take a lot to treat your hair if you work it carefully. I am using it by working small sections to fully treat my hair without over-saturating (which might cause a weighted down look) and wasting good product.

One thing to note: I think that if you do over-use/over-saturate with this product, you will get a waxy feel. For myself, I plan to use sparingly, then apply more as needed. Just to avoid that situation.

Now, on to the way I was instructed to use it...

First - the comb-out. No added products. I have had my hair twisted into 2 flat plaits from front to back & just picked my hair free and combed it with a wide toothed comb for this shot:

This is a fresh wash and towel blotting. No Bouncy Curls applied at all:

And this is with the Bouncy Curls applied and still in the drying phase. I lost some of the fullness (aka "wild" look) that I like, but the moisture level is wonderful!

Webcam photo because I had to change rooms and lighting

By the way, I can tell that I can regain my full (and wild) look without losing moisture and curl definition. All I will need to do is finger comb some of my locks. For now, I think this tamed-down look is a better one for daytime.

There is no information regarding product guarantee, but I noticed their website has a Contact page. Personally, I have no reason to request a refund since I'm happy with the results.

If you are interested, I did a slideshow of the process on YouTube. (And I will do a review later on the Samsung Galaxy Note 4 phone I used to produce that slideshow... For now, know this about the phone: AWESOME!)

UPDATE: About 3 hours after I used the product, I still love the curl definition, but I lost some of the moisture. My hair is not dry, it's just not as moisturized as it was right after applying. Because I still have softness and good curl definition, I'm happy enough. I did spritz on some of the Carol's Daughter I mentioned recently, and all is well with the world of my hair.

Peace
--Free

DISCLAIMER:
I was compensated and/or received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

**REVIEW** Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla

Black hair (race, not color) tends to be drier than that of other ethnicities. My hair is probably some of the driest of dry black hair. And I wear it natural - no softening relaxers or smoothers to leech out my natural curl pattern.

So.

I am always up for products that soften my hair, moisturize it and, with the best luck of all, make it smell nice. When I saw this at Target the other day, I was a little reluctant to try it out. For one thing, I have tried other products from the Carol's Daughter brand and mostly what I liked about them was the story of Carol's daughter. Then, of course, I am gun shy of many products that claim to be made for my kind of hair. I will thank Miss Jessie for that...

This time, it was the price that convinced me to try the product. I can't remember exactly, but I think I paid around $12 for this:

I'm glad I took the chance.

This stuff does what it says. I sprayed on just a couple spritzes around the outside of my 'fro, then scrunched it in to moisten the undergrowth. Boy, what an instant difference.

Of the 3 claims made right there on the label - to replenish moisture, improve manageability, and add shine - the only one I didn't notice with my use was the shine part. There's some shine, but mostly from the lack of crackling dryness that my hair had been suffering from.

If you keep up with this blog, you know that one of my favorite natural hair products is StaSofFro by Carson. It still is a favorite, but this Black Vanilla leave-in by C.D. is a whole other kind of  niceness.

StaSofFro gives me shine and softness. It's great for using in addition to other products that tend to give me extra curls or styling options. The StaSofFro was always a counterbalance to the drying properties of other products. Also, depending on the weather, I need to give StaSof a little time to work away the dryness. Sometimes, to get full softening results, I have to treat my hair 2 or 3 times with StaSof (letting it soak in between treatments). The Black Vanilla is great on its own and at the very first treatment.

The driest time for my hair is also the time that I achieve the perfect curliness: right after I was it. I always wished that I could freeze-frame the state of my natural hair to that point where it's almost-but-not-quite-dry from a fresh wash. It's the right kind of curly, but not dry. Until, well, it does finish drying. Then it's super-dry. That's when I have to start using the StaSof.

The Black Vanilla works as soon as I spray it on. There's no waiting for the product to work, and there's no need to keep re-applying. The best way to use it, I find, is to part my hair into sections of 4 - just like when I used to apply relaxer. I then spritz the root and scalp along each part-line, and add another spritz to the top of each section. I scrunch each section of hair to let the leave-in absorb and, done.

Best thing ever about this product is the smell. I love a nice vanilla scent, and this one is so glorious. It's not loud enough to be offensive or clash with any other perfume, but you just know that your hair will smell yummy should someone get close enough.

You can see (of you squink) the ingredients

I noticed that, like in StaSof, glycerin is a main ingredient. I think it's just a good combination of the other ingredients that makes this work so nicely.

Also like what it doesn't include

Another great use I love this product for is detangling. One of the reasons I'm not diligent about putting my hair up in twists overnight is that I hate hassling with the dryness. It seems that I do more damage from overhandling my hair - for twisting, arranging styles and general care - than I do from product use. I noticed that this really does make my hair much more manageable.

All in all, if I had 5 stars to give this product, I throw in 10. It's good stuff. It's so good that I'm going to have to check out some of the other products in the line.

Peace
--Free

**REVIEW** Pura d'or Hair & Body Care

Nice to have a set of products that will treat my hair and skin. This set is from Pura d'or:

A complete care system

 These products are formulated for hair growth/prevention of hair loss. I haven't used it long enough to tell you about that, but I do think that when used regularly, it probably does help. That's because of how each of the products worked for me.

Actual sizes I received

Let's look at each part of the set.

The shampoo works really well for cleansing without drying my natural (kinky/curly) hair. It feels really good during the washing and the only thing I didn't like about it was the smell. There's a very strong, medicinal/herbal smell that reminds me of fresh planting soil. That's the negative part. The positive part is that the smell only applies to the shampoo and doesn't last long.

The conditioner is very pleasantly and  faintly scented. I can't put my finger on the type of scent, but it's more of a fresh smell and not perfume-y. And it is such a great conditioner. It left my hair softer than normal (even after drying and before otherwise treating with moisturizers and follow-up products).

I had 2 of my nieces try out the shampoo and conditioner just so that I could get opinions from ladies with different hair textures. One niece, (who has naturally very healthy hair that she wears straight and unprocessed) liked the conditioner but not the shampoo. She wasn't pleased with the smell, but her main point was that it didn't feel as if it was cleansing her hair as well as her store-brand shampoo. She did love the conditioner - both for the smell and the resulting softness. My other niece (who has more of a caucasian texture of straight/slightly wavy hair) liked both products as much as I did. She did agree with my other niece and I about the smell of the shampoo.

As for the Argan oil, we all loved it on our skin and nails.I happen to like using oils for my cuticles and this worked as well if not better than the actual cuticle oil I have purchased off the shelf It was a bit too heavy for my 2nd niece's hair if she applied any more than the very tiniest amount. My other niece and I love it. Our hair tends to be much drier and the oil absorbed well into it without weighing it down at all. Still, we applied it sparingly.

I like using the oil on my face at night. The weather has suddenly gotten colder an drier in the past several days and my normal moisturizer wasn't enough. This oil absorbs so well that I didn't even need to blot it. I applied a couple dabs from my fingertips to my face concentrating on my eyes and smile lines. For ladies who have dry hairline edges (me!), dab some of the oil on and, instead of rubbing it in, just keep dabbing until you have worked the moisture into the hair and skin.

Only take a couple of dabs

So, yes, this is good stuff. Like I started out saying, I can't swear anything about the hair growth/hair loss prevention, but I can see how that might be the case. I think it's important to use a product for a while (and to use it correctly) before expecting results. I like that these products do work well together, and I love the oil.

Pura d'or offers free shipping for the Continental U.S. and, for first-time customers, a 20% discount on products. The products are made with all natural ingredients, are animal cruelty free and USDA biobased certified. There is a "100-day Complete Satisfaction Guarantee" (with a request to complete a short survey for improvement of the products and services).

Peace
--Free

DISCLOSURE: I received my Pura d'ora products( via a BrandBacker campaign) in exchange for a fair and honest review for my blog readers.

Living in Honor of Love

This post is for everyone, but especially for some people in my family. It's such an important and urgent post that I am attempting to do it from my phone since I can't get to my laptop.

When my sister died last week,  I explained to people who asked  how I was handling it that I am fine. And I am. I am grieving, yes. But I am not grieving in guilt or remorse. There was nothing unresolved between me and Mike. As a matter of fact, I let my love for her heal my broken relationships with others.

Mike's passing reminded me of what we should all know about life: that we are all Born to die. Some of us won't die of old age and linger long enough to give or receive apologies and speak all the untold feelings of love. Some of us will go quickly and unexpectedly.

Our family has lost so many people I  the past several weeks, from the teenager who had so much life left to live to one of our Grands who was blessed with many years. We've lost members to disease and to old age. Death will come, eventually, for each and every one of us - some sooner than later.

The time for resolution of any problems is now.

The time for forgiveness is now.

The time for saying "I love you" is now.

For everything in life, any time other than right now could be too late.

Someone I know and love is still living with deep hurt and a spirit of unforgiveness. A friend of theirs asked them a profound question about this: What positive thing are you getting from holding on to your negative feelings? What good is it doing you?

That's deep. Though it wasn't directed at me, I decided to remember to ask myself that question anytime I am tempted to hold onto something negative.

The sweetest gift my sister gave me when she passed on was my relationship with some members of my family. I had held onto some grudges and pain that I was immediately released from. I wasn't holding those negative things,  they were holding me.

I lost my sister, but I gained back some of my neices. That was the sweetest gift Mike left me with.

To Amanda and Tierra: I love you.  You are my family.  I am blessed by that and I am going to honor my sister Mike with my love for you. I am going to honor myself and my life with that love.

To anybody wanting to hold onto (and be bound by) their negative feelings: I pray for you. I will not push you to forgive, but I'll remind you only once,  right here and right now,  that if you claim love for even one person who believed in love and forgiveness, you can either honor or dishonor their memory with your choices.
Your love - my love - for anyone only matters right now while we are still here to give it. And I love you.  I may not always like you, but I love you. That's a choice.

Forgiveness is hard, love makes its easier. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It's not some magic eraser of pain or disappointment. It is simply not being enslaved to negativity.

Last of all,  I will say to anyone who claims to love God: if God loves us,  and He does - even when we hurt Him by hardening our hearts towards others - who are we to not love each other?

Thank you, Mike, for teaching me that my past does not have to be my present out future.  Thank you for being such an example of love.

Peace,
Free

We Called Her Mike

As I get ready to write my sister's obituary, I realize I need more than a few paragraphs to tell the world about her life.

Her name was Sandra Kay. We called her Mike. A friend of my grandparents did some work for them and the only payment he wanted was that they name the next grandchild after him. I think he might have been joking but, when my sister was born, she was nicknamed Mike.

She had her Thanksgiving reunion with family

I called her my big sister and we were always very close. After our mother passed away, we held each other up, we held each other together, and we just held on. My mother had taught both us of a lot before she passed away, but it was Mike who continued teaching me the things I hadn't always been ready to learn when Mom was around.

Mike taught me to cook - not just throw things out of a package and into a pot and call it a meal, but to put some heart and soul into the food, She taught me how to get past bad relationships and how to nourish the good ones. She was there when I needed to cry, laugh, be silly, or rant and rave. She was my buffer against some of the worst things life threw at me. She was there when I was sick. I was there when she was sick.

She was often sick in the past several years. First came the kidney failure, but there was dialysis. Next came the leg amputations, but there were wheelchairs. Then came the cancer, but there was chemo.

For dialysis, you need an access for the transfer to take place. Mike had a fistula in her arm. That was the safest option of the very few she had. The fistula was becoming worn though.

With family in November 2014

When you are in a wheelchair, you are plagued with sores and the breakdown of flesh and bone.

When you have chemo you - well, you know most of this: sickness, more weakness, more infections, etc.

Mike never complained much. She would get tired, of course. Getting around in a wheelchair isn't easy or that much fun for someone older and weaker. But, as tired as she got -tired of it all - she focused more on being an encouragement to the people around her,

Even in sickness & pain, she was a light

If Mike knew someone needed it, she would comfort them. There are young people all over the U.S. and around the rest of the world who were blessed by her- friends of the children she birthed and the children she raised. She gave them advice when they needed it, fed them to show love, held them when they cried over various things, and laughed with and teased them to brighten their hearts.

If you were her friend, you were her friend for life. She remained best friends with her ex-husband (who had been her high school sweetheart) for over 40 years. He called this week to find out what day he needs to be here for her memorial. He lives thousands of miles away in another state.

When the staff at the dialysis center where she received treatment learned of her passing, I personally called some of them and heard them break down in grief. I heard that others were absolutely heartbroken at the news.

Mike had known those people for a long time, but that's not why they reacted the way they did. They reacted the same way that anyone who met Mike for more than a minute would react at the news.

While she was in the hospital, nurses and staff that knew her for less than 2 weeks, felt a sincere joy at having met her. An anesthesiologist visited her after one of her surgeries just to say hi and have a moment's chat with her. For no reason other than he thought she was an amazing woman. He's right, she was.

Mike and D.J.

Before her last surgery, she sent me on an errand. "Go to the store," she told me. "Pick up something nice for the nurses." I had no idea what to get, but Mike suggested coffee or chocolate because "Nurses work so hard, so they can always use caffeine."

There was a patient in the room next door to Mike on the Renal Ward. When Mike noticed that this woman never had personal visitors, she had me make a point to speak to the lady at every chance. "Don't forget to say hi to the neighbor," she'd tell me any time I was leaving her room for something.

That was my sister.

So beautiful & always smiling

One day, when she was undergoing yet another session of poke-and-prod, I stood by, trying to be the comforting little sister. I held her hand and stroked the top of her head. After about 5 minutes, she waved my hand away and said, "Girl, if you don't stop stroking my head like I'm a genie..." I stopped and we all laughed about it.

That was also my sister.

When my sister ran into sudden and unexpected complications after a last surgery to create an access for dialysis and was moved to the ICU, she was weak and very, very tired. She didn't talk much, but she'd search my face to see how I was doing. Even at that point in her fight with Death, she was worried about me. We'd hold hands and, just because I couldn't help myself, I'd stroke her head. I'd kiss her face and tell her I loved her, She try to tell me the same.

Mike had a restless night on Friday, At some point very late into the night, she was given something for her pain and was able to rest. I moved away to sit on the sleep chair the hospital provided for me. I was just going to sit there and let my sister rest. I wasn't going to sleep.

Some time later, I don't remember the time, I woke up to the nurse's voice as she tried to rouse Mike. I ran over and tried to wake my sister. I held her hand and she seemed to be squeezing mine just a bit, but she didn't wake up. Her heart was beating but she was already heading away.

I called her kids - the ones who were here already in town - and told them to come say goodbye. And I watched the monitors that told me Mike was still breathing, having a pulse and heartbeat, I watched those monitors and realized that they mean nothing to a soul who belongs to God.

My sister belonged to God. I'm thankful that He gave her to the rest of us for 63 years, but I know that she was ready to go to Him.

One of the hardest things I have ever done so far in my life was to kiss my sister goodbye and tell her what she and I had told my mother on her deathbed. I told my sister that if she was tired enough, she should just go Home so she could rest. I told her that I would be okay, her kids - all of them - would be okay, and that everyone who loved her would be okay.

While the kids and I sat around her, holding her hand, touching her face and trying not to ask God for her to remain, I watched those monitors. Then something made me turn my head to look toward the windows. I looked out at the view of the mountains, just for the shortest moment - maybe long enough to take one breath. When I looked back at my sister, the kids were looking at the monitor. There were no more lines and graphs tracking anything, There was just a clock.

My sister is gone, but she's not. Everything beautiful that she brought to this life is still here. Mike is dead but she is alive. She's somewhere none of the rest of us can fathom. There is no music, there are not words, there's no scientific theory, and no creative imagining to even let the rest of us glimpse the glory she has gone home to.

I can't fit all this into a newspaper obituary. I can't fit in all the names of the people she is leaving behind. I can't describe how so many people who loved her dropped everything and flew into town just to attend her memorial - or how those who could not be here have been calling and sending flowers and cards and paying their respects by phone and email. I can just tell you that she was loved, is loved, and will be missed and remembered by us forever.

We called my sister Mike. She was born in Texas on December 27, 1951 and she died on February 28, 2015. It doesn't matter what she is called now. She is resting.

Peace
--Free

What's Hard About Dying

I'm sitting here, taking some time to pray and reflect while my sister is fighting several medical issues. Everything in this post is something I would normally share with her during one of our talks. I decided to share my thoughts here.

What's hard about dying is being the one left to live without a loved one.

It's hard to accept that the person will be gone, that you won't wake up with them here.

What's hard is not being selfish; being able to let them know that it's okay to let go. Hard not to make all the bargains with God that you have no right to make.

It's hard to suddenly come face to face with the idea that we all are born to, eventually, die. Life is temporary. We know that and we hear it in whispers every time we hear about the death of someone else's loved one, but we hear it as a roar of grief when it's us that's saying goodbye.

No matter how hard life is, death is harder. Life in hard for the individual, sometimes by their own choices. Death is hard on all the ones who love you, need you, and think they cannot go on without you.

What's hardest about death is that it's so easy.

I am loosely repeating something I once heard: "Everybody wants to meet Jesus, but nobody wants to die."

Support Beams

I want to thank all my online buddies for there encouragement and prayers over the last several days.

This is the loneliest, scariest, most faith-testing time I have ever had to go through. I've gained some strenght and some character, I've cried and rejoiced. I've learned that this life is like a building. There are parts of it that are purely for decoration, but the most important parts are the hidden support beams.

I have had to find where my strongest support beams are. I have learned that there are the weaker ones too. They are there in the talking but not in the doing; there to be noticed, but not there when that earthquake hits.

I also am learning that the way a lot of people behave at the possible approach of Death has nothing to do with the way the behave at funerals and memorials.

Most important - and hardest of all, but the best - is that I have learned more about myself than I have about other people. I have learned that I am stronger than I knew, that I am often weaker than I ever thought. I have learned that I am tough. I have learned that I love harder than I realized.

So, thank you for your prayers and positve thoughts. Keep them coming. This battle is not over yet.

Peace
--Free

Taking A Break

I have some urgent stuff happening in my life right now. Until things get back to normal, I will not be able to post often.

Keep me and my family in your prayers and thoughts.

Peace
--Free

**REVIEW** Sole Magic Foot Smoothing Pad

If you have problems with dry, scaly or callused feet, I'm going to scream at you to go and get one of these:

That is the Sole Magic Foot Smoothing Pad. And, boy, does it work.

You can get one of these online at the Sole Magic site. It's $7.99 (U.S.) and I'd very happily pay double (triple, if I had more money like that).  It's worth every single penny. I happened to find it cheaper and Walmart ($2.79). I found it a couple of weeks ago and, liked it so much, I went back for another one - just in case the price goes up.

I don't have money to throw around, and that I consider it a problem to "throw around" 3 bucks should tell you how hard up I am! Seriously, I have to be a little tight with the money so, when I bought this, I hung onto the receipt in case it was a dud. I have no problem returning bad products for a refund.

This is no dud. This works so well on my foot calluses, the only thing I wondered about was who the heck would be using it on their elbows. I'm not going to criticize though. My feet were so bad that I would never have taken a Before photo like the person on the Sole Magic site did. I can tell you that the photo is no trick. The foot smoothing pad works that well.

I am surprised that I never heard of this product before noticing it at Walmart. It was on one of those junky and badly placed racks where you can find everything from the latest things being hawked on infomercials to some hosiery. HOSIERY? Whatever.

The main reason I bothered to take a closer look at this smoothing pad is because I always take a closer look at any product for feet. And that's why I held on to my receipt until I saw the results I got. I have bought (and returned) so many products that claim they'll moisturize and smooth and, basically, keep you from shrouding your crusty, cracked, calloused feet in gauze to keep from offending other people. A couple of them did moisturize well (not well enough for my feet), and one or two of them lived up to at least part of the claims made (on TV, in magazines and by celebrity hawkers), but none of them worked fully as well as I'd like. One of them would have been great if it had been better designed.

The Sole Magic smoothing pad works mostly (I assume) because it has the basic concept of a foot file worked into a great design.

It's easy to hold and grip the smoothing pad, which seems to be the best part of the design. You don't have to exert a lot of pressure to remove the dead skin from your feet. And for the calluses... Oh! It just filed them right down to nothing.

I especially like that the pad smoothes the skin on your feet (and get's rid of calluses) without hurting at all. With some other foot file devices, I was afraid to use them too much because I didn't want to end up with scraped feet. It's the same reason I don't ever let anyone use razors when I (rarely) get a pedicure.

Before using this foot smoothing pad, I had stopped wearing certain types of shoes - just because my calluses were so painful. I could never walk barefoot around the house because the hardwood floors were like torture devices with each step. I spent about 10 minutes on each foot. Most of the time was used on my calluses because they were thick and located in odd places. The way the smoothing pad is made for gripping and angling is perfect. For my heels (which aren't so bad) and just for the overall smoothing out of my feet, I was done in no time.

Like with anything that files/smoothes dead skin, you're going to get that nasty skin ash falling everywhere. I usually try to do these kinds of foot treatments over the empty tub or over a towel, just to keep down on the mess. Plus, it's kind of gross. Another benefit of using the Sole Magic smoother is that it can be used wet or dry. I did my first smoothing treatment with a dry pad. A few days later, I did try it out in the bathtub. My feet were already pretty smoothed up by then though. I think that I will like it better wet for random "touch up" treatments, but I needed to full effect of a dry pad to handle these calluses!

After treating your feet to a smoothing, you can really tell a big difference - HUGE - right away, but you will be super impressed when you apply lotion to your nice new footsies. For me, it was better than a post-pedicure feel, and it didn't take all that soaking and waiting and paying. Besides, I'd rather take care of my own feet than risk some of the infections I've heard you can pick up at a mani-pedi salon...

Depending on how well I treat my feet (keeping them moisturized) and how dry or humid our weather is, I expect to do a smoothing treatment about once a month. Just touch up work. The pad seems to be sturdy enough to last for at least a few months, maybe more.

I'd check out my local drugstores before I ordered online. If your feet are in the shape mine were, you're not going to want to wait for shipping. Plus, it's nice to stock up on a couple of better-priced products while you can.

Recently, I've been wearing all my cute boots that my calluses made just standing uncomfortable. I can't wait for summer when I can wear my sandals...

Peace
--Free