Waiting for the Smoke to Clear

It has been 12 days since my last cigarette. All this fresh air is about to kill me! (Just kidding.)

According to the Android app on my phone, my health is improving incrementally:

• Carbon monoxide level in my blood down by 100%
• Taste & smell improved by 100%
• 100 percent of nicotine gone from my body
• 86% of my nicotine dependence is gone
• My withdrawal symptoms are down by 43%
• My circulation has improved by 13%
• I'm down 3% on my risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack and stroke

I've still got a ways to go before I'm even half as healthy as I need to be, but I'm getting there. If a bus doesn't mow me down. If I don't slide my Sarc-clumsy ass on the ice and break my tailbone. If, if, if...

Slowly, surely, I creep through this  minefield of beating my addiction to nicotine. It has been good for my lungs and my prayer life.

The thing is, I want to encourage anyone else who is trying to kick a habit. If you smoke or drink or have way too much sex - you can at least attempt to stop. Find your personal motivation factors. I have Sarcoidosis, therefore, I should not smoke. I was married to a drunk and I will never be an alcoholic. I don't have to worry about excess sex; I create enough problems for myself just thinking too much about it.

Bottom line: if you want to quit something - you can do it. It's just a matter of when and how. I don't want my "when" to be too late or my "how" to be death.

Peace
--Free

Cessation Nation is the Android app I'm using. Go find one that works for you. Good luck.

Comments?

I had stopped taking comments on the blog because I had to moderate so many inappropriate ones - or sometimes, there were no comments for days on end! Gonna try allowing comments again. Let's see how nice we can all play together...

A Little Honesty

Okay. I'm going to put myself out there and admit that I can really be one petty bitch. (I'm doing this as a  sort of cleansing exercise. New Year, new me, blah, blah, blah...) Here's some mini-rants I need to get off my chest and out of my head:

1 - I love my roommate, I swear that I do. I love her more than she knows. My hydrophobic ass would swim an ocean to get to her if she ever needed me to. But. (Don't act like you didn't know this was coming.) I am going to go all Katt Williams on her ass the next time she leaves dirty dishes on the counters right after I've cleaned the kitchen. Or when she leaves the dryer vent looking like a Wookiee or something. Come on now. I have phobias! Fire is one of them! She knows this! Damnit. I'm not just being a neat-freak. This is sometimes about safety. (Okay, not the dishes on the counter, maybe, but...) The other day she fell asleep in her recliner (which is right by the deck door - which is an emergency exit) with boxes and bags of old give-away clothes just surrounding the chair. I cleaned it all up (in case of a fire) and told her that if a fire does break out and she's blocked an exit, I'm moon-walking right over her narcoleptic ass. I'll send a firemen back in for her but... SMH

2 - This next rant is all on me. It's something I have to work on if I want to be a better person in 2013. I am, um... How can I say this?... Here it is: I am sometimes a pretty petty bitch. (We won't talk about dishes and blocking exits here, okay? Okay.) What I mean is, sometimes out of spite I will begrudge someone their proper due.

One example I can give of this is probably something you've done yourself: An acquaintance comes around looking nice. Maybe she has a new haircut or has learned to dress as if she actually owns a mirror. Let's say that she is looking really good. Let's keep talking and say that everyone is noticing. So when a friend mentions to me that old Sally is stepping up her game, do I agree that Sally's game is, indeed, stepped up? Probably I do. Out loud. But in my head, where the real me lives, I'm thinking: "So what? So the heffa got a raise and spent it getting her hair and makeup done instead of paying a bill." Then I tell myself that as soon as her perm (or weave) grows out, she'll be the same old Sally.

Now that's just an example. I've never really had those thoughts in a real situation. No. I've had worse thoughts in different situations. Sometimes these thoughts are fleeting and I ask God's forgiveness immediately. Sometimes, though...  I can hold those thoughts until I'm halfway to Hell.

I don't know why I'm like this. Usually, the Bad Trudy only comes out to play when I'm tired or mad about something. Usually. Then again, Bad Trudy has come out at times when I'm drunk. Not good. Drunk me doesn't just have thoughts in my head. If it's thought, it's said. Loudly. Yeah. So.

3 - Why do some people do the stupidest things then want the rest of us to feel sorry for them? Or at least want us to listen while they moan and cry? If I do something super-stupid, I'm only telling the nearest and dearest of friends - maybe. Some folks will cry their heart out to anyone over anything. To those people I say:

     Don't spend the last of your money on the 18th of the month when you know you will be broke at least until the 1st of the next month.

     Don't get a $60 outfit at Old Navy when you haven't bought groceries or paid the $50 cell phone bill.

     Quit telling all your friends what a loser your old man is if you're going to get mad when they call him a loser.

     Quit sleeping with random guys you don't really know if you're going to wake up tomorrow crying to me about what disease you might have. Get your ass down to a clinic, then start practicing knee kegels.

I could go on, but you get it. The people I am talking about are not young and still attending Hard Knocks High. When you get to a certain age, you should have learned some lessons already.

You know what I just realized? I need to quit being so hard on other people. (Notice how I finished my rants first?) Most of the things that irk me about other people are the things I've done myself. It's childish of me, I know. Like  a toddler laughing at an infant who still wets himself.  That's another New Year goal for me: being more understanding.

Yeah. For the New Year. Meanwhile, there's more than 2 days left in this year. I'm going to go find my roommate and have a discussion about those dirty dishes...

(heh heh, thanks to +Kim Barnes)

Peace
--Free

It's How You Say It

A tribute post to some of my favorite songs. This time, just the words:

* "(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman"

(Composers: Carole King, Jerry Goffin)

Looking out on the morning rain

I used to feel uninspired

And when I knew I had to face another day

Lord, it made me feel so tired

Before the day I met you, life was so unkind

But you were the key to my peace of mind

'Cause you make me feel, 

You make me feel, 

You make me feel like

A natural woman

When my soul was in the lost-and-found

You came along to claim it

I didn't know just what was wrong with me

Till your kiss helped me name it

Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for

'Cause if I make you happy I don't need no more

'Cause you make me feel, 

You make me feel, 

You make me feel like

A natural woman

Oh, baby, what you've done to me

You make me feel so good inside

And I just want to be close to you

You make me fell so alive

'Cause you make me feel, 

You make me feel, 

You make me feel like

A natural woman

"Turn Your Lights Down Low"

(Bob Marley /Lauren Hill version)

[composer: Bob Marley] 

Turn your lights down low 

And pull your window curtain 

Oh let "JAH" moon come shining in 

Into our life again 

Saying ooh, it's been a long, long time 

(Lauryn- Long, long time) 

I got this message for you girl 

But it seems I was never on time 

Did I wanna get through to you girl? 

On time, on time 

I want to give you some love 

I want to give you some good, good loving 

Oh I, oh I, oh I 

Yeah I want to give you some good, good loving 

Sayin': ooh, I love ya! 

And I want you to know right now, 

I love ya! 

And I want you to know right now, 

'Cause I - that I - 

I want to give you some love, oh-ooh! 

I want to give you some good, good lovin'; 

Oh, I - I want to give you some love; 

Sayin': I want to give you some good, good lovin': 

Turn your lights down low, wo-oh! 

Never - never try to resist, oh no! 

Ooh, let my love - ooh, let my love come tumbling in - 

Into our life again. 

Oh, I want to give you some good, good lovin' (good, good lovin').

"Someone Like You"

(sung by/written by) Van Morrison

I've been searching a long time

For someone exactly like you

I've been traveling all around the world

Waiting for you to come through.

Someone like you makes it

All worth while

Someone like you keeps me satisfied. 

Someone exactly like you. 

I've been travelin' a hard road

Lookin' for someone exactly like you

I've been carryin' my heavy load

Waiting for the light to come shining through.

Someone like you makes it all worth while

Someone like you keeps me satisfied. 

Someone exactly like you. 

I've been doin' some soul searching

To find out where you're at

I've been up and down the highway

In all kinds of foreign lands

Someone like you makes it all worth while

Someone like you keeps me satisfied. 

Someone exactly like you. 

I've been all around the world

Marching to the beat of a different drum.

But just lately I have realized

The best is yet to come.

Someone like you makes it all worth while

Someone like you keeps me satisfied. 

Someone exactly like you.

"Moon River"

Lyrics: Johnny Mercer/ Music: Henry Mancini

Moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend

My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

(moon river, wider than a mile

(I'm crossin' you in style some day

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the

Bend

My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me

 

That was fun (at least, for me), so maybe I'll have to so another posting of lyrics. Since I have a habit of mis-hearing song lyrics, maybe I will just leave this alone!

Peace

--Free

* Lyrics from Lyrics007

Violence Against Women

This woman's story was originally brought to my attention by a G+ buddy the other day. I just now saw this followup story.

While I was sharing the link on the above, I noticed a post stating that 500 U.S. women are shot to death         every year by their partners. (check out demandaplan.org & their petition)

I don't know what to say except that I shouldn't have to be afraid of being female. Just wanted to post it so that more people know.

Re-post, please.

Peace
--Free

Forgiveness Season

I had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas. It all made me realize how much I have to be thankful for. It also made me realize that this whole "holiday" season needs to be about more to me than it has (for me) in recent years.

Of course, I am thankful. Thankful for having come through a health scare and for a million other smaller things. Thankful doesn't seem to hit all the switches though. Thankful is only about me. I need to get more outside myself. It seems like forgiveness is what I need to focus on.

I've mentioned my stubborn streak. That streak does not coordinate well with my pride and hyper-sensitivity. I've joked that when I get hurt or angry, I can hold a grudge, plotting like Wile E. Coyote to get back at someone. That's what I need to let go of.

Forgiveness is the greatest gift I've been given and it's one I need to learn to give.

Jesus said: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34 NKJV).

I just about weep every time I read that in the Bible. Usually, I am reading it after I've lost my mind and done something that requires a lot of forgiveness. But, then, I have been the worse kind of hypocrite. I have not only sometimes refused to forgive people, but I also have used that very verse to justify my childishness. 

"They knew what they were doing, Father. They knew they were breaking my heart or hurting my feelings or making life miserable for me." 

Yeah. I've actually had talks like that with the Lord. I forgot that I am forgiven several times a minute for doing what I know is wrong.

So, this year, I am going to try and forgive any and every thing done against me. I've told myself this before, but I never really set my heart on it. When I am tempted to hold a grudge, I am going to remind myself that, by forgiving, I'm not saving anyone's soul but my own.

Matthew 6:12 is the part that tells us we are forgive as we forgive. I need to remember that.

Peace
--Free

My Lil' Man

Little D.J. will turn the big Zero-One tomorrow.

Wow.

Since I suck as an aunt & haven't finished the 2nd video for the fam, I am posting some pics here.

Just bout have this gate business figured out...

Really? A NEW gate? Aw, man...

New fam friend, my big sis & one of my "play" brothers

Couple of nieces & nephs, fam friend & her kid.

Sis feeding D.J. way before dinner's ready. Spoiled brat! lol

And... half the dinner is ready.

And he's spoiled... how?

Aw, Auntie, can't I please touch the Christmas tree?

                                                                 Drumroll, please...
                                               Lil' Man is a year old. All downhill from here!

My niece came in from N.C. & made an amazing cake. Amazing.

The "dirt" - Oreos. "Rocks" - coated chocolate. The cake? YUM>

Road construction-pattern inside

The Birthday kid & his paparazzi. LOL

Finally. Sleeping. (for about 15 minutes, tops!)

Hope you guys (especially Miss Karina) enjoyed the pics. I thought of playing this song at the party, but... Deej's a little young yet :-)


                                                                     Sing it, Muddy!

Peace
--Free

Whispers & Shouts (and Prophecy)

"There was a time when sin had to whisper."

I'm not really sure where that thought came out of my thought ramblings, but - there it is.

My usually wandering mind has been focused lately on prophecy, prophecy, prophecy... I don't feel especially clear-headed tonight, but I wanted to talk about prophecy and Bible study. Please bear with me.

I almost don't even want to mention it, but along with my Bible readings, the recent school shooting is what prompted this post. Senseless murder, unnecessary death, all kinds of hate. So much ugly stuff happening. How horrible are the words "the latest" before any other words like "school shooting"?

At the rate we are going, everyone will be killed off before the Mayan Calendar nonsense can be proved right or wrong. Personally, I believe what my mother used to say: "The Bible is fulfilling itself." This was her mantra every time there was something ugly in the news. I always did the sigh/eye-roll routine when Mom said her thing. These days though, I am turning into my mother.

Not long along, I watched an interesting video called "The Daniel Project." The link here is to watch it (for free) on Hulu.com, but this is the link for The Daniel Project site. (Interesting tidbit: the presenter - Jeremy Hitchen - is an atheist. I suppose since he is mostly paid for voice-over work, this was just another paycheck.) I noticed that there was a "Daniel Factor Conference" in August this year (Link is to Part 1 of video.)

What I wonder, is how that Hitchen fellow can remain a fully committed atheist when he heard the points made in the T.D.P.  video? Sometimes, I hear less factual or impressive info from an atheistic p.o.v. and am pressed against my own faith. My beliefs are rooted in a religion (one I bet my very life on). Is Atheism a religion?  If not, what are atheists like Mr. Hitchen counting on?

I look at just a couple of points that are often mentioned by eschatologists - those who study prophecy:

• Israel becoming a nation again (in a day, no less) May 14, 1948. Prophesied by Isaiah.
• What was done to the Jews during the Holocaust was foretold so clearly by Isaiah - down to the fact that they would be branded.

For those who are interested,  here are a few resources for your perusal:

• John Ankerberg's archive of prophecy info
• An audio of Dr. Walter Martin regarding apologetics.

I have to say that among all the different ministers, denominations and conflicting studies in Christianity, it's sometimes tough to find good information. I have never found any disagreement between the teachings of Ankerberg & Martin and the Bible. The most important thing to remember when doing any Bible study is that, when in doubt over what a man (or woman) says, go back to the Bible itself. Pray for understanding. Just pray.

Peace

--Free

Ways to Screw Up Love

No preface to this one, except to say that you are never too old to learn.

1. Not wanting happiness as much as we want to be envied. Maybe we confuse the two. Probably we do.
2. Choosing lovers (or friends) with one part of our body or mind. Some of us are still picking relationship partners without ever consulting any part of our brain.
3. Not realizing that most love is not like rice - instant and hot. Sometimes, the best love is a marinated friendship.
4. Letting money or power or position get in the way. Theirs or ours. 
5. Always looking for love. There are times in life when we need to just let things be.
6. Caring too much what others think. When you live your life based on the expectations and standards of others, you're really living their life, not your own. 
7. Letting the idea of ourselves get in the way of our reality. Kind of like Number Four on this list, but sillier. This is why so many of the young and beautiful end up old and alone. Some of us need to see ourselves - body and soul - through today's mirror.
8. Shining such a bright light on the flaws of others that we can't see our own. You probably know at least one physically not-so-hot person who wants only the best of looks in a partner. At least they know how to dream.
9. Always "going for" the wrong type. For one thing, no one should really have a "type." Having preferences seems cool, but having a "type" seems... jaded.
10. Confusing love with lust. (See Number Three.) If you fall in love with tits or ass, what happens down the road? 

And I'm not preaching. These are all things I've talked about with Me and Myself. Just thought I'd share.

Peace
--Free

Random Music Flashes

Can't call all of them "Flashbacks," so...
Go light the fireplace and cuddle up with someone sweet. I plan to.