Music. Lyrics.

I happened across a song that I've loved from the first time I heard it. It's a love song, but I heard it way before I had anybody to love on my mind. The song is "I Wanna Grow Old With You" by Westlife.

So, I'm listening to this song when I am feeling anything but some damn love... and I flashed onto a conversation that I had with someone who I am very close to. This female and I were grousing about our husbands and it dawned on us that if we could blend our two men into one, we'd have pretty much the perfect mate for each of us.

My man tends to be more affectionate than her man, but her man is a way better financial provider than mine. She doesn't get enough attention from her man & I get almost too much (often the jealous kind). Hers doesn't know how to be social enough for her & mine is social when he wants to be and a jack ass when he doesn't want to be. Hers is addicted to video games and mine to alcohol. And when I say addicted & you hear "games" and think it can't be that bad - think again. I'm talking come home from work, change clothes and hook into the games and stay there until time to go to bed. Ev-er-y day. Mine is an alcoholic & you probably know what a pain in the ass that is.

So. this other female and I were wondering what has happened to all the really good men. Men who know how to treat and appreciate a good woman. Have they been run off by the bad women out there? Have they gotten spoiled by social changes? Are they all dead? I mean, damn.

Anyway, after my little hissy fit (and someone out there knows why THAT phrase came to my mind today), I tried to tell myself that these are the changes anyone goes through in a marriage. I tried listening to Sade's "By Your Side" to work up some stand-by-your-man kind of feeling. Sh*t, all I came away with is: I HAVE been standing by this man. Lots of us have been standing by some men and women who need to start deserving all our love and patience.

Yeah, I'm through ranting for now, but wait 'til tomorrow when I tell you about a falling out I'm having with a sorry-assed member of the family...

Peace
--Free

Free Entertainment

I have my little tricks for keeping sane - Lord knows, you all have had to hear so much about that here lately...

Movies have never been my big thing. I never have liked going out to stand in a ticket line to sit in a dark, crowded (usually dirty) place with a bunch of strangers. At the movies, you can't hit a Pause button, you can't (usually) get seat-side service on food, you can really stretch out and get comfortable, you can't (without repercussions) tell the loud-mouth nearby to "Hush!" So. I have never enjoyed the movie-going experience. Besides, I like too many things that don't play in most theaters: Agatha Christie mystery shows, Alfred Hitchcock, the Twilight Zone - all that kind of stuff.

Enter the beautiful World Wide Web. At my fingertips, at my leisure, in the comfort of wherever I am, and with myself in almost total control, I have entertainment. Movies, music, gossip, news, etc. I used ot subscribe to the old Yahoo Music Engine (then Jukebox), but I let it lapse only to learn recently that YME/B is no more. It's all gone to Rhapsody. (I downloaded the Rhapsody program as non-paying, just to check it out & the dang thing is so confusing, right now I can't see PAYING to be that puzzled over how to use the service...)

ANYway... I told you guys already how I discovered some of the old shows I love. I have been on an overload of Hitchcock shows and Dick Van Dyke, Andy Griffith, etc. The only thing I haven't been able to find much of are 2 of my faves: Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot. *sniff*

The whole point to this post is that since I first started talking about watching movies and television online, I have had friends and strangers sending me all kinds of links. It's how I found Hulu.com. Now, I have someone letting me in on news about a site called The Old Time Radio Show Catalog.  The name says it all, but maybe not enough since the catalogue if pretty lengthy. The thing is other than a "daily download," you have to order the CDs.

I'm not sure how the person who contacted me actually did find me at the email address they used, but find me they did. And, as I promised, I visited their site & dug what I saw. And - now I'm sharing it with you. (BTW - the person contacting me did NOT ask for a plug. I might get a free CD, but I admire their coolness!)

While we are on the subject of diversions, I found some really good free card game downloads over at CNET.com

And here are some other cool places to visit (forgive me if I have repeated any of these links here or on BLinks - my state of mind these days is a little foggy and loose).

Hulu (for great tv shows to watch online)
Like Television (more tv online)
Chess Kids (don't fall over, but I'm trying to learn to play chess!)
Find Your Spot (take a long quiz & see where the site says you'd love to live...)
Free Tube (and it's back to online tv again!)

And if anyone can explain that dang Rhapsody to me (ya know, the "For Dummies" version), fire away.

Peace
--Free

Merry Christmas, All

I've been so depressing here lately in my posts, I wanted to lighten up a little and wish everyone a beautiful Christmas.

I've been looking at all my problems instead of my problems & I need to stop that.

So... I'm hoping that if any of you are dealing with some heartache or other unhappy thing in your life, that you will take a moment tonight to just thank God for the blessings - no matter how small they are. Your SMALL blessings are ones that others wish for:

If you have a mate that you love and can depend on (no matter what other problems there are) - be thankful

If you have your health - so many people don't. My sister lost both her legs; a friend of the family just lost a battle with kidney failure, and I read in the paper where a 19-year old girl was killed in a car wreck last night.

If you have a roof over your head - no matter how raggedy or run-down - it's there.

If you ate anything at all today.

if you have a television to watch, a radio to listen to, a computer to spend time on, or books to read - be thankful.

If you are doing your worrying as you drive back and forth on errands - you have a car.

If you had cried yourself to sleep in your bed at night - you have a bed.

If you have grumbled over having to cook when you are tired - you have appliances and food.

There are just so many blessings & sometimes they just happen to be wrapped up inside our problems and worries. Lord knows I've had SO many tears and disappointments lately - but I am still so very blessed.

Have a thankful Christmas. Have a smile. Have a moment of prayer. Have a heart for someone else who may be hurting.

Peace
--Free

Getting Through

I've made no secret of the fact that I'm "going through it," emotionally. One of the ways I've been dealing with a lot of my emotional pain is finding ways to distract myself when I get to feeling down. One of the distractions: watching old movies and listening to old radio shows online.

I'm about to post some links over on my other blog that might interest others who are into "distractions."

Also, I discovered this web site for online counseling/therapy. Now we can say that the Web has everything...

Peace
--Free

Glad Somebody Said It!

 

Chasing Pavements

I don't even have words for how this singer and this song connected with what's going on in my life right
now. I wish I could meet her just to tell her that "Chasing Pavements" is going to be my personal song to help me get through the process of moving on with my life.

Take a listen - and go out and buy this lady's CD. I haven't heard original soulful sounds like this in a long time.

Going Through It

Lord, Jesus, help me.

What a month I've had. Who am I kidding - what a year I've had!

I hate to get on my pity pot, but your girl here has been through more crap than the Lord should put on someone.

The latest: after 6 months of marriage, I'm just about ready for a d-i-v-o-r-c-e. For real. And, trust me, I've given it my all. I have put up with stuff that I never thought I would. I have stuck with this man through nothing but thin. At what point do you say to yourself "Enough" and make up your mind to move on? After he's lied over and over? After he's promised not to lie and still lied? After disappointment's too many to count???

One of the reasons I've hung in so long is that I want to believe in real love. I really want to believe that if you love a person enough and stand by them through bad times that they will grow stronger. Well, that has not been the case in my situation.

I fell in love with a man who doesn't have anything in terms of material wealth. He's not the most handsome man. He's not any of the things that most women would look for. But I love him. Why? Because I think he really does have a good heart. The problem: he's weak. Too weak to face anything negative and make it better. Too weak to stand up to life and get through.

I still love him, but I can't depend on him for the emotional support that people in a relationship should share. I have to always be the "strong" one. I have to be the one to handle the problems and hardships because he will just fall apart under any kind of pressure. Well, guess what? I'm tired of being the strong one. I want to be able to lean on someone sometimes. I want to be able to know that I've got a partner who can take some of the pressure off us. I want to be the "traditional" woman.

Whew! Okay, I got that off my chest. I feel a little bit guilty about ranting so publicly, but, hey, this is MY forum to do what I want.

Who knows - maybe he will buckle down and get his act together in a few days and we will have a chance, but my patience is running soooooo thin right now. If things don't get better soon, you all are going to be seeing another post soon where I talk about what it's like to get on with life after major let-down...

Peace
--Free

Great Sites (for saving a buck)

Haven't been round here for a minute & don't have a ton of time today, but I wanted to join in the crazy commercialism of the season & plug a few sites I've run across. I guess you can call these sites shopping money-savers...

The Budget Fashionista - my niece is going to LOVE this one. I just sent her the link & I am starting to explore it more deeply myself.

Cheap Stingy Bargains... Well. THAT about says it all, huh? Mostly electronics, game players & movies & such, but I did see some other items sprinkled in. This is on my Google Reader list and I check it periodically.

Coupon Mountain clues folks into the deals available for a wide variety of products - clothes, jewelry, magazines... just about anything.

Deal Detectives - another good one on my Google Reader.

And, finally, yet another on my Reader:

Deal Hack

For those of you wanting to be a little more frugal year-round, there are some good sites out there to help:

Frugal For Life           Real Simple         Wise Bread     Budget 101  All Things Frugal

Tightwad Central     The Dollar Stretcher        Miserly Moms

Real Housewives? Yes Again!

I was pretty amazed yesterday to read up on the Atlanta Housewives. Wow, I mean, Lisa threatening to kill Kim. And Kim with her secret, possibly married boyfriend "Big Poppa." And NeNe might have been a "dancer." Mercy.

I have to tell you that my least favorite of the wives is that damn Sheree. Girlfriend thinks her sh*t don't stink. And while she is not ugly, it kills me that she thinks she is so beautiful. Maybe if her attitude was better... Notice how she is always doing that thing of pushing her hair back with her finger? She's always posing. (And when she makes nasty comments about NeNe not being attractive, I want to fall over. NeNe looks better than her hook-nosed behind does!)

My favorites are still NeNe and DeShawn. NeNe is real. She may not be a "sophisticated" as the others think they are, but she is at least real. And I dig how she has the guts to say what she really feels. I have the feeling she is the one who would be the most fun to have as a real-life friend. You know, the one who'd be there for you if you didn't have money or were dealing with some mess. And the one who would just be a blast to hang out with. Plus, if she doesn't do a damn thing else, she has the Twisted Hearts Foundation (even though I couldn't find a site for the foundation).

DeShawn seems to have a naturally sweet nature. She and her family were blessed financially & she acknowledges that. (I do think she is a little enchanted with having a "chef" (who calls her Mrs. Snow. Get down, girl) and an estate manager, but I'm not going to lie, I'd have them if I could afford it!) At least she isn't a snot about it. AND the biggest thing I like about her: she seems to be so truly in love with her man. I don't get the feeling that I do for the other wives that she is just there for the money. That's some real love going on there.

Speaking of "iffy" love, that Lisa chick... Wellllllll I don't know if she is really down for her man or not. I mean, I do think that it's no hardship to be into him while he's set, but did you notice her little slip-up when they were talking about the possibility of him being badly injured? I think she said something about not wanting to be wheeling him around in a wheelchair.... Whoa. What happened to the "for better or worse," "in sickness and in health" part of marriage? (She backed it up really quick & said that she would be there for him, of course... but that was a clean-up job.) Another thing about Lisa: she has the cunning look and attitude of someone playing whatever role she needs to play to get by. You know, right now she is the cute, sweet, giggly, loving wife to Ed, but if she needs to, she could change masks and be something else. (What's that saying she has? "If it doesn't make me money, I don't do it"? Does that include relationships???)

Kim. Oh, what can I say about Kim??? When I was reading up on the Housewives yesterday, I learned that she gives her age as 29. Dang. Not that she is ugly or anything, but I don't know that I would have pegged her at being under 30. Actually, I think she is cute. She dresses horribly cheap, but she is attractive. And I do think that she is sincerely a loving mother. But... What's with her and this Big Poppa mess. I guess she's only been with him for less than a year, yet she's known NeNe for 3 years... Where does her money come from? Were she and NeNe dancers together? Isn't gold-digging a little shaky as a profession? I mean, what do you do between rich boyfriends??? (Maybe that's why she loves diamonds. She could probably finance a good lifestyle off the jewels while she scouts out another provider...)

Now I have to scope out more info on the dudes on the show (not the hubbys, but the gay guy friends!)

Real Housewives?

Okay. It's official: I am hooked on the Real Housewives shows. I'm embarrassed about it, but I am hooked.

My one problem with the show is the idea of anything be "real" (as in everyday real and ordinary) about these women. If you want "real," do a show about the women (and men) who are balancing a tougher budget than any government, using prayer as their main healthcare plan and trying to keep a relationship alive under all that stress. That's real. Shopping for Gucci, Ucci and Whoever-else-ii is not as common as shopping at WalMart, Target and Susie's Deals.

OK. My rant is over & I have to say I love the show as a diversion from real life. I'm impressed
at the diversity of it all. Ignorance is equal opp. Black, white, bi-racial - it doesn't matter. Give some people money and they get all caught up. It's all about big boobs, good weaves and hot wheels.

I watched the one with the ladies from Orange County. That was just so-so for me. I saw the same women in my everyday life when I was working in Arizona. The fake boobs, the "me" obsession... It was too familiar.

Then came the ladies from NYC. Inter-esting! I liked watching people being so classy-trashy that they would pimp out their lives on a television show. I mean, come on - the duchess or whatever... How secure is she that she needs to feel big by showing all the common folk how she lives? (My fave scene with her was when she got miffed about being introduced to the help by her first name.)

And now, just like I knew it would be, here are the ladies of Atlanta. Lord have mercy... I think the one I admire most in the group is Nene. At least she is real. Not that the other ladies aren't just something else, but I get the feeling that these are a bunch of little girls playing with big money. The weaves, the showy talk about needing nannies and estate managers... You just cannot give some people money and expect them to act right. My fave quote: "I don't keep up with the Joneses, I AM the Joneses!" (And that makes you proud because...why?)

Here's what I wonder about all these people: are they more proud of the work they do to make the money, or are they just proud of the money?

On the very positive side, the ladies do seem to try to do a lot of good with their money. They all seem to try to "give back" and help out with their foundations and charities. I LOVE Nene's work with helping women. How cool is that? And I like that Lisa and Sheree seem to be doing their thing as businesswomen. (Kim... Well, I don't know what's up with her and the whole "Big Poppa" thing. Sounds like a Suga-Daddy situation there & does he feel used or what? Or just like he's getting his money's worth?)

And is it just me or is Dwight probably embarrassing to other gay people with his Steppin Fetchit gayness? (Yet & still, I find him soooo amusing.)

Anyway... I can't wait to see the reunion show for the Atlanta ladies.

Sarah Came Marching Back

Mudflats had me crying with their account of Palin's return to Alaska. Poor Mudflats was there in the freezing cold & it had to be worth it for the one giggle over what would happen if she'd started up the "O-ba-ma" chant. You have to take a look at the pics.

Thinking About Today

Here are snatches of some thoughts and conversations I've had since the announcement of Obama as President Elect:

• Black people are really going to need to step up their game. Finally, the world is going to have higher expectations for us. And that's a wonderful, beautiful thing.
• Obama is not the Messiah. He is not going to be able to wave a wand and solve every problem right now. Or even soon.
• I hear people saying how not young minorities can look to Barack Obama and say "I can grow up to be President." He's the first black president & he did it without one before him. We need to teach our children and ourselves to strive to be "the first" in all areas that they want to reach for.
• There is going to be some payback in the workplace for some of us. Until people's feeling, emotions, tempers - whatever - calm down, things will be a little touchy sometimes.
• There have been many successful minorities in various walks of life, but for whatever reason, they have not been as visible to our young people. Well, you can't ignore or hide away the President of the United States.
• When people who didn't vote for the new president get over their disappointment, many of them are going to come around to the idea of being as hopeful as the rest of us. If Obama messes around and cleans up some of this mess we've made of the economy, all those disappointed Republicans will be knocking the rest of us down getting to the polls to vote for him next time.
• I do feel bad for Mr. McCain. To work so hard for something and lose it. Because of his age, this was probably the last shot for him to run this way. No one likes defeat. And to have the campaign fall apart the way it has. To have people you thought were your friends turn out not to be. To have ridden that high and worked that hard for so long. I just can't imagine what the morning after felt like. Maybe he's glad. Hopefully he is resting. Maybe he will put his energy and abilities into doing what he can to help the new Prez.
• Sarah Palin. Well. This has got to be tough for her too. I wonder what has gone through her mind in the past week or so. I wonder what coming down off of that high feels like. Wonder what thoughts she has when she lays down to go to sleep at night.
• If Mr. Obama runs the White House the way he ran his campaign, we're in good hands.
  
• Even though nothing has changed yet. Even though the new prez isn't even sitting in the Office yet, I already feel a personal sense of hope that things will get better. I don't feel so much anxiety about "what now?"
• I wonder what Mr. Bush is feeling. I wonder what anyone about to leave the Job feels.
• What is going on in Hillary Clinton's head? Bill's? Will Hillary run again. Will she be a friend to Obama?
• Wonder what kind of puppy the Obama girls are going to get? (And who gets to clean up behind a puppy in the White House?)
• I saw Jesse Jackson on the night of the election (well, not in person!) and I watched as he cried. I can't imagine what went through his mind. Hope? Joy? Envy? A feeling that if he'd just been born in a different time? I kind of imagine that he was just proud and wistful.

I had lots more thoughts and conversations, but it's all too overwhelming to continue.

Next post, I'm going to get back to a website roundup.

Peace (& hope & change)
--Free

• 
  
• 
  

Finally...It Starts

Well. I guess today is the day.

I didn't post for several days on the election because I was just sick to death of the whole thing, but now, here we go, huh?

Interesting what this race has done to people. Yesterday, someone I know was upset with a person she works for. She sent me a text: "I believe L___ is racist from some of the stuff she is saying about Obama." Hmmm. The person she was talking about is someone she always liked before. I guess certain subjects never came up before this election...

I've heard other stories (and have some of my own) about surprising undertones of racism and class-ism and sexism coming out between people because of this particular election. I was really shocked when one friend of mine kept making little comments about the election. She would never come out and say that she doesn't want a Black president, but the things she did say made me feel that she was on that track. And the saddest thing is: I don't think that she even admits to herself that she's against Obama because he's Black. I don't think she wants to admit that to herself, but... Just so many things make you stop and think and really re-examine what's REALLY going on.

Just imagine what some of our personal relationships are going to be like TOMORROW. I know that some of my relationships with friends and acquaintances are going to be tense. I know that, for years to come, things are going to feel a little... weird for all of us.

Well. Back to CNN and MSNBC. I'm going to be watching the returns like a hound dog. I need to know which game face to put on tomorrow. I mean, am I going to be happy or depressed tomorrow? Am I going to be feeling like we may finally be "overcoming," or am I going to feel like we still have come a long enough way? AND... how am I supposed to behave if Obama wins? I mean, I'm going to be happy (and, no, not just because a Black man is president, but also because I believe in his policies-to-be), but I need to be sensitive to the feelings of the other side (ha!)

See you in the morning, morning.

I Can't Help Myself. Palin Gets Pranked!

I swore this all off until after the election, but Mudflats has me just ROTFL with this one!



Oh, stop it! My sides are just hurting from all the laughing!!!

Celebration Time, Come On!

It is 5:37pm on October 31st. I don't want to be premature, so I'm holding this back and won't post til THE DAY!!!

This is how I'm feeling.

The Spirit of America

This is something that a friend of mine, Drew Williams, wrote for his hometown paper.

So many have asked the question: Who will win the 2008 Presidential Election? The answer is simple. The one who can capture the Spirit of America.

Several years ago, British Prime Minister Tony Blair spoke to the US Congress about its role in bringing down Saddam:

“and I know it's hard on America, and in some small corner of this vast country, out in Nevada or Idaho or these places I've never been to, but always wanted to go...

I know out there there's a guy getting on with his life, perfectly happily, minding his own business, saying to you, the political leaders of this country, "Why me? And why us? And why America?"

And the only answer is, "Because destiny put you in this place in history, in this moment in time, and the task is yours to do."

Prime Minister Blair spoke of a defining moment in our history and what he felt our obligation was as the Leader of the Free World. He understood the importance of our history and what the impact could be if we did nothing. He is wise beyond his years.

We have now reach such another moment. It is now up to us, Americans, to decide which side of our history we respond to for this presidential race. It’s not an easy choice. There have been some things said by the candidates that have cause Americans to draw a few lines. There have been some things said by Americans that have produced even more lines. Somewhere in the midst of all the myths and misleading statements lies the truth. That’s where many of us are today. Looking for a truth inside our conscience.

If Americans can remember, it is the efforts of all people that allows us to shine. In our darkest moments of war, famine, disasters, and disease we have overcome desperation with diversity, hunger with heart, and division with cohesion. This is our strength as a nation and it sets us apart from any other nation across the globe.

Whoever you may decide to cast your vote for, remember that you don’t need a President to lend a helping hand, to show compassion, or to just be a good neighbor. For these moments are reserved for you to define. How you manage these moments will define the manner in which your life moves forward. In your moment and in your vote, capture the Spirit.

Depressing Emails

From my last post, you can tell how I feel today. So. I get the following email from someone who I know meant well, but... Can we please just admit that those emails don't help too much. It's like when someone is drowning & instead of offering them your hand - or a rope or something to help them out of the damn water - they stand there singing an uplifting song. Doesn't mean the song is not meant to be uplifting, but it's not going to save the drowning person, is it? So, please: enough with those emails. They only sound good to someone who doesn't need the help.

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my
life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'
His answer surprised me...
Look around', He said.. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'

Yes, I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care
of them.

I gave them light.

I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the
bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on
the bamboo. He said.

In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit.' He said.
'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong
and gave it what it needed to survive.


I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.
He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been
struggling, you have actually been growing roots'.

I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you.'
Don't compare yourself to others. He said.

The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me.

'You will rise high'
'How high should I rise?'

I asked. 'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.

'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'
I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on
you. Never, Never, Never Give up.

For the Christian, Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great
the Lord is!

Heavens door opened this morning, God asked me... My CHILD...
what can I do for you?' and I said 'Protect and bless the one reading
this message. God smiled and answered ... 'request granted ............

Guess what, friend? Obviously your request wasn't granted. (I haven't given up on God, but this email got on my nerves!)

Someday We'll All Be Free

Just because of the way I'm feeling today in my tired soul



Doesn't make me feel better, but I don't feel alone in the gloom

Alert: Missing Child

From Electronic Village comes this.

Get the word out, people.

I'm... Speechless?

Saw this on Perez this morning.

Well, this is what America is about. Picking a leader based on qualifications and not color.

(I'm not even going to comment on Palin's wardrobe function. Or her kids' travel expenses - representing the campaign my a**...)