Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Truth About Paradise

I got a message from someone organizing a reunion for the high school I graduated from THIRTY years ago. Wow.

Depressing fact #1 - I was a G.I. brat back in those days, so I spent all of 20 minutes at the school I graduated from.

Depressing fact # 2 - It's been 30 years...

Man. Let me tell you - I just didn't realize how long it's been. I mean, I look in the mirror & it's as if I'm looking at the same face from all those years ago. I don't feel like it's been 30 years. And yet... I do. I don't really feel older, but I do feel wiser. I've had so much happen in the past 30 years that I am a little overwhelmed to think about it all.

I've always connected to my own feelings best through music and words, so when I thought about the reunion, this is a song that came into my head:

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me

Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run

I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away

'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....
Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free

I guess some people would think of that as a sad song, but I really feel okay about it. None of us can go back and change one thing about our lives. I mean, there are things I wish I had done differently in my life, but I don't really regret what I've had. Of course, my feelings change from day to day (that's the Cancer in my sun sign), but mostly I'm feeling like I've had an all right life - good and bad - and I've got more memories to make.

I'll eventually get to me.