Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Distracted Much?

As if I am not air-headed enough on a normal day, just put something on my mind and watch the comedy ensue...

Woke up fighting the start of some sniffles, so I fixed a big pot of chicken noodle soup this morning. Chicken soup has been "proven" good for colds. As if we ever needed proof. For one thing, it calms my whole soul to just be  in the kitchen, chopping up pieces of chicken and dicing my celery, onions and carrots. Seriously. By the time I had everything going at a nice slow boil, I could feel my mother's presence.

Once I spooned out a nice bowl to enjoy, I realized I'd forgotten to add the noodles. That was today's first sign that I will never be a rocket scientist.

Later on, (after I added the noodles) I decided to toast a couple pieces of Italian bread. (Trying to get in the habit of eating any breads before 8 pm. You can ask me in a couple of weeks how that's going.) The microwave the roommate and I are so proud of ourselves for choosing has a nifty little grilling feature. What would be nifty to the max is if either one of us had ever read the manual or could just figure out how to use the feature. Yeah, so, I ended up putting the bread in the oven. Went away to check my email and came back a few minutes later to discover that bread only cooks when you turn on the oven.

Second sign of the day.

I figured, screw it. I'm not trying to find the third sign for anything today. I just popped some bread in the toaster and called it lunch.

Just a few minutes ago, I got into a fight with the bedroom window. Since my roommate (who has the circulation of a 90 year old mummy) is out for the day, I wanted to let in some fresh air. Damn window started acting like this apartment is prison and I'm the most dangerous inmate. I spent maybe three minutes hitting my fist against the edges and cursing the moisture that must all be outside (cos it's dry as Mesa inside) and sealing the window. Around Minute Four, I realized I hadn't unlatched the locks.

That damn third sign came all on its own.

The best thing I can do now is crawl into bed and pray for deliverance from my own stupidity.


Listening for God's Voice

This may seem like a strange post, but it came to me tonight and I can't let it go.

I have been doing a lot of contemplation and prayer in the past couple of weeks. So many things sitting restless on my mind. Now that I can look forward to a more healthful future, I am in a constant state of anxious joy. Anxious and jittery, but joyful. And thoughtful. My mind just won't be still.

As a Christian, I have prayed so many selfish prayers that I'm used to God just silently shaking His head and waiting for me to get over myself. I usually do. I know which of my prayers are silly and not even fit to have been uttered in the first place. The tough thing is listening for God's voice when I have prayed out of a sincere desire.

In the past few days, I have prayed for something that is truly between me and God, and I am wondering now if God leaves even some of our most sincere prayers unanswered.

My prayer this time is so real for me. This time I am not praying only for myself and I'm not praying for anything material. I even think that I am being given an answer - slowly and in stages - but how do I know that it's God's voice and not my own hope?

I have been known to run off on the wind, working under my own will and making things happen while convincing myself that it was God leading my success. I have learned the hard way that just because God let me get away with something, it doesn't mean He approved.

Once a long time ago, God gave me a significant blessing. I didn't understand that it was a blessing and I didn't give it the reverence and care that I should have. At another time in my life, I took what I thought was a blessing and ran with it. That was a disaster of my own making. I hadn't taken the time to even try to discern that situation before it got out of control.

Now I am at a crossroads of a sort. I've been stubborn and willful for so long, ignoring His voice and listening only for what I have wanted to hear. I am now trying to remember what the Lord sounded like to my heart.

I was taught as a young woman that we know and hear God's voice because we belong to him (John 10:1-4 *), and that we are supposed to flee from the voices of strangers. My problem has not usually been the misleading voices of strangers; my problem has been listening to myself.

Taking the advice I remember from childhood, I am going to do a prayer and fasting because I need to block out my own voice. I need to hear God and I am listening for Him.

If you are a praying Christian, pray for me.


*“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.  But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep.  To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. (John 10:1-4)