Your People, Not Your Feed

I guess this post is about how social media disconnects us. Let the rant begin.

I thought these were supposed to be sites that brought people together. I thought I would be able to communicate with people I normally would never meet: the person in Germany or Australia or someplace in Africa who likes coffee as much as I do or who can tell me about their school, church, or job. I didn't think it was going to be a place where I got to watch friends and family discuss so much useless crap while never talking again about anything of meaning and value.

If I scroll through another page of adult people trying to talk, act, or look like they did when they were 2 decades younger I'm going to end up having to buy a new phone when I throw mine at a wall. 

There was a time when the people I knew and/or loved had to have something to say to talk with me. Even if they were only telling me something about their day or their life or why they suddenly hate shopping at Krogers - they were talking to me. 

When people post something, they are talking to everyone. They aren't using the face I know or saying anything meaningful to the two of us. When people are talking to the world, they are putting on a face they want the world to see.

I can't remember the last time I talked to more than 5 people I love about a deep and personal thing. I find out about their child taking the first step when I see it posted online. I find out that they had a great time when they vacationed in Cabo or that the little one who was just a baby has now started school. 

When something really bad happens - someone is very sick or someone has died - I hear about that. I get a phone call or an email. But all the good, fun, crazy, and lightheartedly interesting stuff? I get that with every other Jack or Jill who has their face buried in their phone.

Some of the best times I remember from my youth involved being with family and friends. That is no longer a big priority for a lot of people.

Why work at getting together in real life when we "see" each other constantly on social media? Why make sure that this person or that person you know has heard about this or that thing in your life when you are just sure they already saw it on your "feed"?

I don't want to be a part of your "feed", I want to be a part of your life.

Please un-pout your lips, shut down the photo filter, stop being what you think looks good to and for the world, and come back to the people who love you and need you and really do care about you.

When I die (not that it will matter to me at that point), I don't want to be a sad mention on your social feeds. I don't want my obituary to be managed and published by Facebook or any kind of death-dot-com entity. I want to know that the people I know and love will be getting together or calling each other to talk about the 'me' they knew. I don't want to be remembered for how cute or not-cute I looked online. I don't want everyone scrolling their feeds to find and repost photos from my Instagram. I want the people I know and love to be talking quietly together about our existence as friends and family. 

I don't want to be the only one making an effort to have relationships with my friends and family that is not monitored, modified, data-fied, and cultivated for profit by some nerd with an algorithm. 

Is it nice to see photos and updates from people we normally would not see or hear from on a daily basis? Yeah, sure. There are distant aunts, cousins, and former school and work friends who I'd not be able to keep up with any other way. But for the people who should be in my life and privy to my important moments... If we need a social media site to be social with close family and friends, something is wrong. Maybe you don't want to make the effort to be more than a face in my feed. Maybe I need to learn to be okay with that. I have a family group on Facebook and that's the only "family" feed I plan to pay attention to.

So there. I think that I am going to "go dark" for a while. I am going to shutter Facebook and Instagram to everything but what it was meant to be for. To all the contacts I would never meet in real life, as Tupac once sang, "I'll be around for ya, keeping my sound in the ground for ya". (People who know me know that I'm the queen of misremembered lyrics!) To the people for whom I should rate more than a feed check-in, well,  I am going to either hear from them or not. 

My social feeds will go back to being for exploring and communicating beyond my normal circles. Now I am going to go and check in with my Facebook group that talks about coffee and nothing but coffee...

Peace

--Free