Stretching Away the Blues

That deep, funky blue cloud of depression that was hanging over me has started to dissipate. Finally. 

I realize that a lot of my physical and mental problems are caused by the higher than normal amount of stress I've been under. Between being depressed and the methotrexate making me sicker than usual, I spent way too much time in bed -especially the last week. One of the things that motivated me to get up was a video channel I found on YouTube. The host does stretching exercises - non-Yoga stretching, to be specific. (Christians recognize that Yoga is based on and rooted in another religion.)

This woman is pregnant in the first videos I tried following along with. Perfect. I'm old and out of shape. Her gentle nighttime stretching exercises were just what I needed to get started. And the stretching worked. I didn't realize just how tight my body was until I began to unkink the muscles. I slept relaxed that first night instead of just passing out from sustained misery.

I haven't yet worked up to doing the Full Body Morning Stretch - baby steps, people! 

By the way, it is not only my opinion that Yoga is, if not a religion, a spiritual practice. As a Christian, I don't practice anything spiritual outside of my faith. For a further explanation of why I do not and will not practice Yoga, you can check this post. Or not.

Anyway. That is why I choose non-Yoga stretching.

The other thing I did to help pull myself out of my depression was to give myself a break from my strict renal diet. Just for a few days. (My nephrologist thinks I could loosen up a bit with the diet anyway.) For the past few days, I have been adding broccoli and collard greens to my meals. I really indulged when I made the collards and added a piece of smoked turkey wing. Later today, I am going to have some pinto beans and hot water cornbread. 

So, yeah, the blue cloud is lifting. Hopefully, after my infusion next week, I will feel even better. Oh, and a couple of perfume decants I've wanted to try arrived in the mail. Not thrilled with either of them but they will be fun to review at some point.

from the House of Oud

Anyway. I'm back - or trying to be. 

Peace

--Free

Taking a Little Break (To Reboot)

 My depression and anxiety have ramped up in the past couple of weeks. This is a cycle, I know, and I know it will run its course. For now, I am just struggling to deal with the most minor things. I'm pretty sure my sarcoidosis is in cahoots with the mental issues because my brain gets even sillier at times like this.

I'm going to take a little time away from blogging. Maybe in a week or two, I will be better. I have an infusion coming up so I should definitely feel physically better after that. For now, I have been mainly avoiding people and trying not to sleep too much by browsing memes about depression and anxiety. It all makes me very tired.

When I come back, I will share some CKD-friendly recipes on my kidney blog and try to do a couple of perfume reviews here since one of my nieces sent me a couple.

Praying that all the readers are doing well. I'll leave you with some memes to make you smile a little and inspirational thoughts to make you think.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: If you suffer from anxiety and/or depression, talk to a doctor - or to anyone who can help you. There is treatment and it works. I sometimes have to have my dosage adjusted. This happens to be one of those times and I do have an appointment coming up. Whatever you do, do not think you are the only one, and do not lose hope. Do not give up and do not give in.

This is so me.

And I need to buy a sticker like this for my front door:

This. So much this:

**UPDATE** I Tried Mitragyna Speciosa

NOTE: Kratom is not legal in all places & I am not encouraging the use of the herb.

This post is about my personal experience using Kratom

 and anyone considering using it should consult their medical team.

*****UPDATE*****

I've used Kratom every day for 6 days. Here are the highlights.

PROS:

• I felt that it did help my focus somewhat. The brain fog never completely went away, but I felt I had an easier time working through it.
• The energy boost is undeniable. There were no jitters, just a steady level of energy.
• My appetite decreased. 
• I slept better than I have in a very long time. I found that I was sleeping through the night and waking up without the hangover effects of prescription sleeping pills.
• It was easy to work around the nasty taste of the powder by mixing into beverages. I think it's best masked by mixing into some O.J.
• A 25g bag of the powder could last a couple of months if I only use it on an as-needed basis. If I had to choose, I would use it only for sleep.

The biggest benefit has been the effect on my sleep. I haven't felt so rested in a very long time. My fatigue is not completely gone, but I wonder if it would be in another few months. The appetite suppressing effect is nice but I was already losing weight on my own. That's called not eating your emotions.

CONS:

• Getting the dosage right is very tricky. What seems to work one day is too much or too little the next.
• Even though it helped me sleep better, I slept less. Not sure if this is a downside or not.
• I would have to test a lot of strains to find one that works best for me. There are a LOT of different strains and variations of strains.
• Kratom gave me headaches.

That last one - the headaches - is the biggest negative for me. No matter how much or how little I used, I would develop a headache within half an hour. The headache lasts longer than the other effects of the powder. To make sure that Kratom was the cause, I skipped an evening dose and the next morning's dose. Headache went away about noon of that second day. I took a dose for nighttime and the headache crept back in. I checked my blood pressure (which has been excellent for over a year now) and it was normal. 

I am not sure whether I will try a different strain or not, but I really love how much my sleep has improved. That feels a little bit like a miracle after all the months of fighting insomnia. I am going to think about whether to continue my search for a strain that works best for me. In the meantime, my friend bought me some CBD oil and I will review that at a later date. I didn't want to use both the Kratom and the CBD at the same time until after seeing the effects of the Kratom. 

 Mitragyna speciosa or, as it is more commonly known as Kratom is something I heard about when through an online support group for people with chronic depression and anxiety. I have been considering trying it for a long while because prescription medications have not been working well for me. 

I hesitated with posting about my experience with Kratom because I don't want to be a cheerleader for anything like this herb. Making the decision to try Kratom was like marriage and not to be entered into lightly. I didn't pay attention to that suggestion when I was at the altar but I did take it seriously about Kratom.

There were a lot of reasons I wanted to try this herb. The possible relief from anxiety and depression was a top reason. When some people told me that it also helped alleviate their extreme fatigue, I got more interested. 

I spent a lot of time looking around for reputable vendors, then I had to decide which strain of Kratom I wanted to try. There are so many choices and the information out there is so convoluted that deciding where to start is tiring. What I finally ended up doing was getting one strain that is supposed to be best for relieving fatigue (this was a white veined strain) and another strain to help with depression and anxiety (red veined).

One very concerning thing is that there are no standard dosing instructions for this stuff. All I learned was to start small and move up incrementally until you discover your best dose.  I ended up being extremely cautious about doing this.

The first time I used the white veined powder, I took it in increments of 1/8 teaspoon at a time until I realized that a teaspoon and a half is a dose that works for me. By the way, this stuff is crazy bitter. I mixed mine in with a little bit of my coffee and just slammed it back. Cranberry juice also helps mask the nasty taste.

 Both powders look the same

I got some relief from my fatigue after using that 1 1/2 teaspoon. There was no feeling of being 'high'. There's no discernible feeling at all. I simply realized, after about 10 minutes of the full dose, that I was not as weighted down by the fatigue as I had been. Thankfully, there is no 'buzz' or sense of being revved up like there can be with some prescription meds. The downside is that, for me, the effect lasts only a few hours. Still, it was great to be able to get things done for a while. I didn't notice a big difference in my cognitive function but I didn't seem to be as brain-fogged as I can often be.

I made sure to use the red-veined powder only when I was completely ready to be down for the night. I went ahead and used the same 1.5 teaspoon dose as I did for the white strain. I expected it to be more noticeable but, just like with the other powder, the effects were subtle. I forget how long it was before I did notice being more relaxed and calm. I do know that, had I shut my brain off, I could have gone to sleep about a half hour after I was in bed. Of course, I didn't shut down because I wanted to listen to a news podcast like I do every night. When I did fall asleep, I was out and I was out for the night.

The red strain worked so well for helping me to sleep that I am amazed. After struggling with both fatigue and insomnia for so long, it was wonderful to be able to get a complete night of sleep. I didn't wake up not even once through the night. I know for a fact that I didn't toss and turn. I had my writing notebook and an open bottle of water on a bedtable next to me when I went to sleep and didn't knock anything over during the night. Also, I felt incredibly rested when I got up. When I have used sleeping pills - prescription or OTC - I always wake up feeling groggy, slightly hungover and kind of dehydrated.

Day Two, I decided to take the white strain on an empty stomach and I did the full 1.5 teaspoon dose all at once instead of incrementally. That seems to work better for me. I felt as though I had had a significant caffeine boost without getting the jitters. I'm not sure if my mind was sharper but I really think that I had less trouble focusing for longer periods of time. Usually, when I am writing or blogging, it's easy for me to lose track

The one benefit that I was not expecting was that this suppressed my appetite. I didn't realize this until about 6 hours into my day. I start my morning with coffee and creamer instead of food. By lunchtime, I am usually already snacking when I prep something substantial. My meals are almost always homecooked and fairly healthy but my snacking is out of control. There are some days when I replace meals with junk and, despite all my wishes and prayers, homemade junk is just as fattening and as storebought junk. It may be slightly healthier to eat my homemade brown sugar bread with walnuts, but my bathroom scale doesn't care if it home prepped or straight from the Twinkies factory. So, score another point for the Kratom.

So far, I do like using the powder. I do know that I will need to be careful to watch for any negative side effects, but that's the same as for prescription meds. Also, like I said, this is something that is all kinds of experimental and it effects most like vary wildly depending on the individual's other medications and overall health.

Finally, this was just a rundown of my personal experience. If anyone decides to try the herb, know that you will have to do your own research and accept the responsibility. Also. this stuff is not legal everywhere. It is currently legal here in Iowa, but you can check online for the latest maps of states where it is and is not allowed.

I may update this post at some point.

Peace
--Free


P.S.: I was undecided until the last minute as to whether I would say where I bought the Kratom. I have decided to link to the site where I bought mine. I liked the item I got from Coastline Kratom. I found the prices fair and after a month of use, I am very happy with the results I am getting. Make sure that you look for any first-time buyer coupon codes. However, I do not get paid for any sales. Use your own judgment when making purchases of anything you intend to you as I am not responsible for that. This next time I am trying the white strain of Maeng Da. Again, purchase and use under your own guidance.

Stranger in a Strange Land

I'm not literate enough to discuss the book of this title. When I think of being a stranger in a strange land, I think of what it means to be a Christian. Right now I'm just thinking of being a woman who feels a little bit lost.

Yes, I am going to do some whining. This is the one place that I can vent out loud to the world and not get interrupted with a lot of "thoughts and prayers". I don't need thoughts and while prayers are always welcome, for now, I just need to vent.

My deep depression of the past few weeks has mellowed into this purgatory between super-blue and lightly-blue. I'm not even sad, really. I'm mostly feeling "apart" - apart from everything and everyone. I suppose everybody sometimes feels like this but I have always felt like this. When I was very young, I felt too old in my soul and too young in my heart. Now that I'm older, I feel too young in my soul and very, very old in my heart. I feel weighted and heavy with expectation - of what? I don't know.

I've only ever read one of Zora Neale Hurston's books but I am a great fan of her quotes. My first favorite is "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." I feel as if I should be living in my "answer" years but I'm still so full of questions. My other favorite Z.N.H. quote is  ""Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." That one has been on repeat in my head for the past several months.

Is it normal to feel different and absolutely unique? No, and it's not egotistical either. God has said that we are all "fearfully and wonderfully" made. It's just that we live in a world that expects conformity in the way we look, speak, think, and behave. Like everything, conformity is good. To a point. But like the love of food turning to gluttony, sexual pleasure turning to perversion, and the enjoyment of wine turning to drunkenness, conforming to respect social norms can turn to - what? A follow-the-leader world of people who glut, pervert, and live drunken lives of constant hedonism?

Let me stop here and say that I'm glad about one thing today. My brain is actually working well enough to string decent thoughts together. I will quit while I am ahead though. I need to still myself and think all this through a little deeper.

Peace
--Free

On a Personal Note

I've been doing so many product reviews that it's been a long while since I shared anything else here. With spring peeking into the windows of my apartment, my depression is easing and I thought I could talk about that struggle.

It's a serious business, dealing with depression and anxiety. It's even more serious (for me at least) as you age. When I was in my 30's, I could ward off "the blues" by focusing on family and friends. We always had a gaggle of babies and toddlers around and my mother and sister were still here with me. Now, I feel quite alone. Here's the contradiction: I am a loner by nature. I like being alone. My best friend is the same way. We once lived together for 5 months and were perfectly happy spending at max about 20 minutes a day together. She says that we are able to entertain ourselves with our own thoughts and imaginations. Blessing and curse.

The other day, I found myself wanting to get on a plane and get to Arizona as fast as possible. I have some family here, but Arizona is where the babies are. The smile and trust of a baby is a magical, mysterious kind of medicine. Babies don't care about your past. They don't ask you tough questions about the mistakes you made. Babies don't know that you've ruined marriages and relationships. Even older children - the ones who have only ever seen the you that you are now - don't want to talk about what you did wrong to be alone. They just want to be your friend. They want you to be their protection. They want your hugs and bedtime stories and attention.

Of course, I didn't run off to Arizona. Instead, I locked myself in with my plants and the radio and books. I prayed and cried and apologized to my past. I cooked food that I wasn't hungry for. I made bread and cakes that I gave away to my neighbors. I lay in bed and ached with a craving for I know not what. I scolded myself and I talked to God, making promises and asking questions and listening for answers,

When I get really deep down in the darkest blue of these moods, I will aim my pity outwards - but in a mean and backhanded way. I will talk to the muted screen of the TV, preaching to the seemingly morals-free and happy living people I see there. 

...To the girls with their asses hanging out of shorts and lips twisted up for duck-faced selfies: "You life-wasting piece of ignorance."

...To the celebrities parading their wealth and extravagance: "Really? You needed a diamond that large when there are hungry children in the world?" 

...To the product spokespeople: "Keep your iPhones and Androids and your supplements for a flat tummy. Sell me some peace, some quiet, some hope in mankind."

And, sometimes, while I watch the world spin around in the madness that is, I feel hopeless. I will silently scream into the void, and wonder if that scream is heard in another realm.

While living through this insanity, I at some point, found myself asking some actress in an old black and white movie about my theory of sadness. "Why is it that our laughter is so much louder than our tears?" (By the way, she didn't have an answer. She got killed by the man she was in love with but who was in love with another woman.)

I usually come out of the worst of this mood after talking to the TV. There's nothing like talking aloud in empty rooms to make you look down and realize how close to the edge of madness you are. When pieces of your sanity start to break off and crumble down the mountain, you begin to remember how you cherish the safety of the steady ground. That's when I will stop talking to myself and start playing music.

Music is powerful - either powerfully good or powerfully bad. When David played for Saul it was to soothe. David - loved by and in love with the Lord - had that holy blessing that Saul no longer did. The music was his sharing of a balm.

I never listen to certain music when I am in my blues. No Bird York reminding me of being In the Deep. Otis Redding making me lonesome for my father's history with his Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay on the dock. Such stuff but stuff that tempts me back to the gravelly edge of my sanity. 

When I need healing, I listen to Dora Pickett singing James Cleveland's God Is or Big Daddy Weave singing about being (thank Jesus) Redeemed. These are people - with all their flaws and, surely, their own hidden struggles - who are loved by and in love with God. They have blessings in their songs.

I, too, am (thank Jesus) loved by and in love with God, but in my darker hours, I need that holy balm. Music is like the laying on of hands - God's or Satan's. (Trust me, you don't want to listen to the angry anthems such as Tupac's Holla If Ya Hear Me or Fight the Power from Public Enemy after reading a news piece of another black kid being choked out by a cop. And, if you still doubt the power of music, think of how many babies were conceived while their parents got warmed up by Marvin sing about Gettin' It On. When Beth Hart sings Tell Her You Belong to Me, I want to sit in the dark with a glass of wine, smoking a cigarette, and cry about some imaginary man. Powerful.

Some music. A lot of prayers. Just desperately holding on to the hem of Jesus' garment to keep from falling... That's how I push through.

So, I am coming out of the dark. This time. Like I said, spring has been leaking in between the slats of my window blinds. Sun and hope. Warmth.

Spring is my favorite time of year. Probably because I lived so many years in Alaska. Spring has always, always, always felt like the dawn that comes after the long night of winter.

In another few weeks, I will have more plants and herbs to calm myself with. I will be able to walk down to the lake and breathe in air that's not biting me with icy teeth.

Once again, I have come through the struggle and I have regained the ability to hope. Maybe this will be the season that I will fall in love, or in like. Maybe this is the season that I will be able to finish working on the book. Maybe is a good word because 'maybe' does not mean 'never".

Peace
--Free

**REVIEW** Magnesium Oil from Dead Sea (from Livana)

After seeing my doctor this last time, I've added a couple of things to my natural health care arsenal. Magnesium oil spray is what I'm reviewing today. I will review the trace minerals tomorrow.

This is not the first time I've tried a magnesium oil spray. I tried a couple in 2016 and reviewed one of those oils. That one was part of a review and I used it until it ran out just before moving here to Iowa. I hadn't had a chance to try it again because it was no longer available. Back then, I was combining the oil use with changes in my eating habits so I saw good effects.

These days, my fatigue is worse and I have been having those "tired but wired" insomnia problems again. My doctor suggested melatonin tablets, but I remembered the magnesium oil. While looking through the choices, I saw that this one had good reviews and was priced so I could afford it. I consider it a part of my healthcare expenses. Also, I was attracted by the fact that the source is the Dead Sea.

their photo was better than the one I took!

 What I noticed when looking through all the magnesium oil choices is that there are 2 sources for magnesium chloride that are most popular: the Dead Sea or the Zechstein Seabed. This is because they are both "ancient seabeds" and I guess that's kind of a big deal when it comes to the minerals and nutrients. Makes sense to me and, of course, I want to try an oil sourced from Zechstein (and it was actually priced better but for a larger size). For now, I am happy with this $8 bottle that I could get right away.

The one thing that annoyed me was that, when I opened my package, the bottle was damp and had leaked out some of this precious oil. For now, though, let me give you the highlights of my experience with this product. And, trust me, when I say that there are differences between brands. The other oils I tried were good but this one is powerful good (as my Big Mama might have said).

leakage

It NOT an "oil"

Yeah. Magnesium oil is more like water. There is zero oiliness to the stuff. Because my bottle leaked, this is what the spillage looked like on my hand:

Look like I been eating powdered donuts!

This is why when I used it at bedtime, I followed it up with some coconut oil. 

You need to be careful when applying this product because if not, most of it will roll right off. Think of spraying water onto the skin, right? I like to spray my throat then quickly rub it in before it has a chance to drip.

Ingredients in this one

The other oils I tried had magnesium chloride and water. This one has Magnesium Chloride, Purified Water, and Dead Sea Salt. I'm sure it's the salt that left the ashy residue on my hand. I am curious about the salt being useful for my psoriasis (and other skin ailments). I might have to ask the doctors about that and try it. If you think you want to try some Dead Sea salt products, you can check out many brands. I found this one site that looks interesting (and affordable). This brand is also Amazon-available.

It put me right into Sleep Mode

Once again, not all oils are created equal. The other oils I've used did help me sleep a lot better. A lot. I would spray my armpits (I will tell you why in a moment), my hair, my stomach. I would go spray crazy! When I used this before bedtime last night, I was thinking of those other oils and (thinking that I was holding back to make this last until I can get a bigger bottle) I spritzed my throat just twice. Within about 5 minutes, I was getting droopy eyed. 10 minutes and I was done. 

I don't know what would have happened if I had sprayed on any more of this oil. Probably I'd still be asleep right now. I've rarely taken anything but OTC sleeping pills but I did have an Ambien or something when I was hospitalized and I hated the drunk way it made me feel. I only slept well for a few hours before I was restless again, and I remember feeling very hungover the next day.

Here's the thing with this oil: I did not feel groggy at all this morning. Not a bit. Matter of fact, I felt better upon waking than I have for a while. I guess that's what getting a good night's rest does for a body. I slept deep until I'd say around 1:30/2:00 when I had to get up to do a bathroom and water run. Usually, I have trouble getting back to sleep if I get up like that. Not last night.

I can't wait to let my doctor know how great this worked for my sleep.

Daytime use is tricky

I think I mentioned in the previous reviews that magnesium oil is supposed to help relieve anxiety. This particular brand oil is too strong for me to test it undiluted during the daytime. When I got that residue on my hands opening the package, I washed my hands because of the ashy look. Good thing.

For daytime use (stress, anxiety, you know - me being me), I figured I'd better be on the safe side and cut this oil with... some oil. 

Had to slap a label on this one

This bottle is labeled as 1/3 ounce. I spritzed in a couple sprays of magnesium and filled the rest of the bottle with jojoba oil. I think any kind of oil will do; I just happened to have jojoba on hand. I've rolled on some a few times today and it's been okay but I think I need to add more magnesium to the mix.

Now I don't know if my body will get used to this and the effects will start to lessen. I will have to let you know about that.

This is a natural deodorant

If you type in "magnesium oil deodorant", you'll get slammed with sites offering up DIY recipes, benefits, and folks' stories about how it changed their lives. When I used the other brands before this one, I just sprayed the stuff right on my pits. It did work, but I don't think I can use this one the same way. Like I said, I'd probably go right into a cold doze before I could do anything to work up a sweat. That said, I do plan to try dabbing a little under my arms. I can't use it at my regular nighttime application because I don't want to put oil under my arms. 

Like I said, I can't wait to tell my doctor about this stuff. She digs natural products so maybe some of her other patients would be interested in using this over melatonin for sleep.

I'll update this post if I need to. For now, I'm happy.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** New Essential Oil for Anxiety and Stress Relief

**Disclosure: I received the product discussed here in exchange for my fair and honest review via a Tomoson promotion.**

Let me start by saying that I almost passed on this review. As you know, I love essential oils, but I usually only try ones that are for something beauty-specific. This one, as you can see, is labelled as being for the relief of stress and  anxiety.



                                                 

Now, I do have stress and I do have anxiety, but if this stunk, I'd keep all that and just take a Valium. LOL! Seriously, I do like the smell of this, but I will get back to that after I tell you about my little saga with the packaging.

UPS can be rough with a package. Apparently, someone dropped mine a couple of times, then fumbled and recovered before they kicked it home. I actually was pulling up to the house and had to wait to get in our driveway because the UPS van was blocking me. I saw him leave the box on our porch and, when he went back to the van and saw that I was waiting, he couldn't drive away fast enough. I figured out why...

The brown paper stuffing was coming out of the hole when I picked up the box. Luckily, everything inside was okay. Mostly. Another product was in a gallon jug and the plastic was beat up. The oil (which is in a glass bottle) was wrapped in a couple layers of plastic bubble so it was okay, thankfully!

Anyway, once I got over that and unwrapped the oil, I was really surprised at how beautiful the product was presented. It's Tranquility Essential Oils for Anxiety & Stress Relief from Phytopia.

It was actually even prettier, but I had to re-tie the silver lace string for the photo. (I wanted to make sure the glass inside had not been damaged by UPS). So I want to thank the Seller for not only securing the product so well, but also for the decorative way the sent the oil.

Now, on to the product itself - which is a 100% pure, natural, therapeutic grade oil blend

Like I said, I almost passed on this promotion because I was worried that a stress-relieving, anxiety-calming oil would be less than pleasantly fragrant. No worries there. The blend includes 2 of my favorites: vanilla and orange. Rose is, of course, also a very nice (soft) scent, but I had never smelled geranium oil before. Those 4 oils blend together very well. Very. So, yes, I really like the scent. I like it so much that I decided right off that, even if there were no other benefits, I would use this oil as a personal fragrance. I've done that with Sweet Orange and Vanilla/Grapefruit oils.

I'm not one that gets into a lot of new-age-y stuff, but I really do believe that oils and other natural based products are useful for mind and body health, healing and well-being. You already know that I believe in using such products in my hair and beauty routine. I want to summarize some of the benefits of these oils (separately) now:

• Carrier oils used are Virgin Olive, Sunflower, Evening Primrose, and Jojoba. I like all of of those for their moisturizing and soothing properties. There's nothing there that I have a problem with using on my hair or skin.
• Vanilla E.O. is, first of all, just a nice scent that almost anyone can like (if it's authentic and not too strong). I'm probably biased because a good vanilla is one of my fave scents. I find it very sexy as a fragrance on both males and femails. A lot of people might not have heard that Vanilla is good for promoting hair growth. I recently heard that it's also good for adding shine to hair. As a "natural", I'm mostly interested in the growth and retention benefits.
• Orange E.O. is also another of my favorites. (Maybe there is a food connection there???) When using in hair mixtures, be careful because Orange (and other oils, such as Lemon, etc) will make your hair more sensitive to sun and UV exposure. If you don't want to lighten your hair, avoid it, but if you want to soothe itchy and dry scalp, orange is thought to be good.
• Geranium E.O. This oil has often been noted as being good for hair growth, but I've mostly heard of it being used in steam facials. I've never tried Geranium before, but now I'm reading up on its aromatic effects on tension and stress. (Since this oil blend is definitely soothing, I can believe this about Geranium oil.) On its own, Geranium is one of the "balancing" oils that are good for dry and oily skin and hair. Huh. Good to know.
• Rose Oil is another oil I haven't used separately or with other oils. I have used Rose water and really like it - the smell and the soothing properties on my skin. I looked up some information and notice that Rose Oil can be used as a substitute for Geranium Oil because they have similar benefits. I'm also learning that Rose Oil is beneficial as a healing and mood-elevating element. Nice.

I can't explain to you why this works, but I can tell you that I am enjoying the calming effects of this blend. When I first got it (during the day), I was just so pleased with the nice smell that I dabbed it on my wrist and temples. After a minute, I realized that I want to try this in my bath. It will probably help me sleep better. Lavender is good for that, but it is a much stronger scent. This blend is mild enough to use without bothering anyone who is sensitive to smells.

So far, I haven't tried using this in a massage. I did add a couple of drops to the little bottle of hand lotion I keep in my purse. I'm going to continue to dab the oil straight from the bottle onto my wrist and temples to enjoy the calming effects.

As far as the price. it's up there. It's not too 'up there' for someone who needs the help with keeping calm and peaceful (which is true of most anyone working a job these days).  I will say that it's worth it. I will be replacing mine when I can just because it does keep me nice and relaxed - especially at night. Better than a Valium, I guess.

Finally, a couple of notes:

• Shelf life: 36 months (Keep it in a dry and cool place.)
• Directions:Use it 15 minutes before taking a bath to prevent feeling greasy. Apply right amount to skin and massage gently, move toward the direction of the heart. Can be used while taking a bath by adding 3 teaspoons into the bathtub. Best in relieving stress, nervousness and restlessness. For best results, use it regularly (once or twice a day). 
• Cautions: For external use only. Consult a doctor first if you are pregnant or have physical trauma. Keep the rim clean and the bottle tightly closed to prevent oil from spoiling. 

Peace
--Free

Stress Can Make You Crazy

My mother used to warn me about getting "stressed out". Stress, she'd say, will either kill you or make you crazy. I don't know if my stress will kill me, but it sure is making me crazy.

When I get stressed, I do goofy things.

A few days ago, I was on my way to have coffee with a close friend I hadn't seen for a while. We have a favorite meeting spot called The House of Bread. (If you live near one, go there. It's great - unless you're on a diet. You can gain weight just from inhaling the delicious smells.) It's a straight shot from where I live to The House of Bread. I can get there in three minutes, if I hit the one stoplight just right. Or if I actually get to the stoplight. I didn't make it that day because my brain went on autopilot and I ended up sitting in the parking lot at Walmart, trying to figure out what I needed from the store. I was actually sitting in my car, trying to remember whether or not I'd made a list and forgotten it at the apartment.

That was funny, but scary. I sat there at Walmart for about five minutes before my friend called to check on me. When I told her what happened, she drove to Walmart and we ended up getting coffee at the McDonald's inside. Happy ending to that weirdness:  I was able to pick up some groceries while we were there. Downer to that weirdness: my friend has been calling me every few hours to make sure I'm not sitting somewhere in a parking lot when I'm supposed to be somewhere else.

It's just stress, right?

My friend advised me that the best way to deal with stress is to acknowledge it. Until she reminded me, I had not thought of the reasons I'm struggling to cope right now:

The months of April, May, June and July don't hold a lot of great memories for me. My mother passed in April (2001); my father was born in the month of May and died in July (of 1991); June is the month when I walked away from the best man I have ever loved; my oldest brother died in July of last year; July of 2011 is when I was hit was sarcoidosis. This April, my sister was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.

So, I am trying to acknowledge my stressors, but even doing that is adding stress. The goofy, crazy weirdness continues.

While I'm normally an easily distracted person, this emotional chaos is not helping. Writing is usually an escape for me, but I can't concentrate long enough to get any writing done. After last night, I'm considering taking a break from doing anything that requires my full attention.

When I write, I don't like to wander far from my laptop in my bedroom because I'll get sidetracked. Normally, "getting sidetracked" means I will end up chatting on the phone with someone or taking a walk to clear my head. Little things like that only take me off course for about half and hour. Last night, in the middle of a writing session, I took a quick bathroom break. I ended up rearranging the towels and soaps, then I realized I needed to clean out the makeup drawer. I don't like throwing things away so I put the makeup in a bag to giveaway to friends. And why stop at makeup? I have plenty of clothes and accessories I don't wear or use anymore....

When I finished, I had a gallon-sized freezer bags of cosmetics and medium-sized packing box of clothing to tote to my car. Apparently, that was thirsty work because, before I knew it, I was in the kitchen and blending up a some lemon, ginger and mango smoothies.

Life doesn't play fair and, every now and then, I need a reminder that I am no match for what it's going to throw at me. Okay, I am reminded, but I am also reassured:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

--Free

Psalm 23