Saved by Ice Cream

Did I mention that I recently screwed up my 7 month smoke-free streak?

Yeah. When I eff up, I eff up with top marks.

So, now I am popping Chantix twice a day, which helps with the nicotine cravings but does not a damn thing for murder cravings. (I won't get on a rant about this, but my roommate makes me consider trading in the contents of my closet for a jumpsuit stamped "Property of County Jail.")

Anyway.

I'm such an oral person that if I'm stressed, I have to smoke a cigarette, chew a straw, drink anything fit for human consumption, or eat. Since I am finally getting my sexy back, I sure as hell don't want to go on an eating rampage. I don't even want to eat too many carrots or celery sticks because, eat enough of that negative-calorie stuff, a positive pound or two is going to slap itself onto my waist.

The thing is, when I stress, I don't crave salty the way I did when I was younger. Hormones or God's sense of humor has changed my body. Stress these days sends me running for the cookies, donuts or ice cream. The sight of a cookie turns me into a glutton. I don't do donuts in singles. Ice cream, though... Ice cream is a frenemy. I love it, but I have sensitive teeth so I can only do small amounts.

You don't know how happy I was to see this at Walmart a couple weeks ago:

This is the sh*t.  It's like Freezer-Aisle crack.

90 calories. It's just the right amount of heaven to keep me sane for a day. I swear, if I could, I'd marry one of these bars. Except that would make me one of those people who suffer from O.S. As if I don't have enough issues (that I told y'all about) to make someone resurrect Freud.

At any rate, I am trying to get my health act back together. Between the Chantix and the Snickers, I should be completely sane and mostly healthy within another month. So far, I'm still losing weight, and I'm hoping that my recent success with that doesn't slow down when the nicotine leaves my bloodstream. First-world problems, huh?

This is my life.

Peace
--Free

Randomness & Followups.

• I like getting feedback on posts. Most of the time, I get emails from women, but every now and then I hear from the guys. A male G-Plusser let me know that my post the other day was not what he'd expected from reading the opening. He thought the post was going to be about men being complex. Funny enough, a friend of mine now thinks there should be a post about men being complex. (Well, hell, people, men are way beyond MY understanding. If I ever feel brave enough, I will attempt to write something about the men I know. Maybe.)
• A huge Thank You to my friend, L, who returned that part of my mind I lost when left a huge gap in my recent "The Sexiest" post. How in the hell did I leave off the hot/talented/smart John Cusack? ~sigh~ I plead amnesia due to cold meds. Or brain freeze. Seriously. It's been so cold here that animals are pissing icicles.
• My smoking (or trying not to) is going well again. The Chantix is working. I guess. For about a week, I was so nauseous and bitchy I thought I was either having a miraculous pregnancy or Sarc was attacking from another front. My doc had me pause the Chantix for a couple days to see if that was the problem. Yep. Apparently, nausea is a temporary side effect. (The bitchiness belongs to me. Cold weather just pisses me off.)
• In family news, we are really blessed. My niece is here from N.C. I didn't realize how much I missed that little heffa until I got a call from my sister early this morning, teasing me. "Guess who just got here?" (It's 2:30 in the morning, so I'm thinking... fire department? Police?) Then I hear the voice of the only person who can be louder than me, screaming, "Tru-deeeeee!!!" It's my girl, Gabs! Wow. Yeah, I missed this chick. Going over in a bit to hang out so she and I can act silly.
• Other blessing: Another niece is here with hubby and kids. Baby D.J. is getting to know some more of his cousins. It's so cute. Tai (the girl) is six and in love with baby dolls and D.J. looks just like a doll to her. Her little brother, Damien, is three and very shy. He used to be Tai's only "baby doll" so I think he's a little jealous of D.J. I just sit and watch the three of them. So cute it makes my teeth ache.
• All the latest doctor checkups have been good. I'm still losing these predni-pounds. Every week I go through my clothes to see what fits again. I just about had an orgasm yesterday when I  managed to get into a favorite pair of jeans. I'm telling you, the most random shit just makes my day. (Of course, I have another appointment coming up, so I will hold off doing the hallelujah dances for now.)
• For the really random news: I cut my hair again. Pretty soon, I'm going to look like the black Sinead O'Connor circa her Prince days. My problem is laziness. And vanity. These two personality traits (?) really are affecting my life. Just like I find it easy to (try) quitting cigarettes because smoking is an aging factor, I find it no problem at all to cut my hair because of the time it saves me in the morning. Any woman with hair on her head will understand (especially most black women): hair is a chore. I loved my longer hair, but the time and money I spent was ridiculous. The drying time, curling or straightening or gelling... Now, I wash, condition and go. There's no "bed-head" situation I can't handle. I can style this 'do with my fingers in the car going through the drive-in at Java-Joe's. It's such freedom. One of my nephews rode all the way to the top of my Gift list the other day when he complimented my short hair. Hell, if I want long hair, I can buy a wig or a weave.
• Finally, for the music today, it must be the Cancerian in me, but I swung from bitchy last night to mellow this morning. Listening to: 

Um, okay. That's it for today. I got off my lazy ass and posted (no matter how lame the post). Now I am going to head over to congregate with the small village that is my family. 

Peace

--Free

P.S.: 

Wow. This freaking sexy without even trying.

Remember kids: Smart is the real sexy.