Somebody's Pain

No post, really. Just wanted to ask that if you read this over at Supa Sister, you pass it along. Twitter it, Digg it, email it, print, paste and post it up at church, the youth center, wherever - just get it out there. We cannot keep on hurting each other this way.

Peace
--Free

WalMart Broke My Heart Today...

First off, let me say that I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a WalMart junkie. Well, "junkie" may be the wrong word. I'm not one of those people who shops WalMart just to spend money like I have nothing else to do. I shop there because it's pretty much all I can afford these days. Trying to be frugal during these hard times!


Some of you understand what I'm talking about: Need toothpaste? Wally's. Need writing paper? Wally's. See, I'm not one of those people you see just cruising the aisles and dumping in all the cool, As Seen On TV stuff. No, no, no. I'M the chick comparing the difference in price between Aveeno brand lotion and Equate brand lotion. (Let me quit playing and admit that Equate is my brand now. If they had lingerie, I'd be their spokeswoman.)

So, anyway, my sis & I went in this morning to do the usual shopping for neccessities. I got all my budgeted-for items and then I just happened to notice a really cute red computer case. I've been needing a computer case ever since I got my laptop for Christmas. I've been resisting getting a case because A) They usually cost too much, and B) They usually cost too much.

This particular bag I saw today caught me eye because of the cherry-red color, the style and roominess of the bag, AND the price marked so clearly right underneath: $17.95... I think I actually heard an angelic chorus when I saw that price. (I figured the price was cheap because the bag, while cute, is only vinyl. Soft vinyl, cute red vinyl, but just vinyl.) Of course, I was still having to think of what absolute neccessities I'd have to skimp on for a couple of weeks if I spent $18 on a bag for my laptop. (I was thinking I could really go a little light on the shampoo & conditioner and, maybe, you know, do without touching up my roots for a few weeks...)

My sister saw the bag and she agreed with me that it was too cute and too affordable to pass up. She even offered to cover the cost of my hair dye if my roots just got completely out of control before I was back on budget.

So, I'm finishing the rest of my shopping feeling all happy. Every now and then, I'd push my cart to the side of an aisle and just look at the computer bag. I hoisted it up on my shoulder a couple of times, checking the feel and all that. I already had plans for how I'd use all the little compartments: adapter, here... my writer's notebook, here, in this handy side-pocket...

By the time I got to the checkout counter, my sister was teasing that she'd hadn't seen me so happy since I was about 9 and got my little suitcase record player. I just kept grinning, thinking that maybe I hadn't been so happy in that long. (And how sad is that?)

The clerk rang up the bag first, of course. 


$44.98

Huh?

I stopped her before she rang up anything else. I explained that the bag was supposed to be $17.95. She explained that I'd probably looked at the wrong price sticker on the shelf. I explained that I saw a $17.95 price sticker right under a row of these same bags. She explained that somebody probably moved the bags to the wrong position. I told her to keep the damn bag. She kept the damn bag.

Yeah, so my heart is broken. I mean, if I hadn't gotten so attached to the red bag. If I hadn't already named the red bag (yes, I named it, but I'm unable to speak that name just now; I need more healing time), if I hadn't made such big plans for me and the red bag. I mean, I had started thinking of which of my clothes would go best with that bag.

**sigh**

I think it's gonna be a while before I can visit that particular aisle in WalMart. I'm thinking that, for now, I just need to recover from my letdown. Send some strength and solace my way, won't you?

Peace
--Free

When I Rose This Morning!

Don't know why, but I just feel like praising God this morning & this is the song that I listened to after I got up. I've been going through some things, but I hear these words and truly do feel like shouting.







When I rose this morning, I didn't have no doubt
I know the Lord will take care of me
I know the Lord will provide for me
He will lead and guide me all the way.

Felt like walking
Felt like talking
Felt like praying
Felt like singing
Felt like running
Felt like shouting

Oh, hallelujah!

(This brings back some memories. Sunday morning & my mother fixing breakfast before church... She'd be singing something like this to herself.) Get on up wherever you are and give the Lord some praise.

Peace
--Free

Damnit Facebook!

Don't talk to me right now about Facebook. I'm serious.

For months, I heard about Facebook. "You should get a Facebook account." "Facebook will make it easy to keep in touch with family and friends." Facebook this, Facebook that...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So. I got a Facebook account. Set up the profile. Put up pictures of the fam. Fiddled with the searching for friends. Sent out some invites... Thought all was well. I even convinced one friend to join right away. I now had 1 friend. Another person hit me on Twitter and became my 2nd friend. (I don't know if he really wanted to or if he just felt sorry for my pitiful, one-friend-having ass!)

Skip forward a week or so and...

Tonight, my baby brother called me. We got to chatting & I told him all about how he should be on Facebook. I'm thinking this would be a good way for him to network since he's trying to get some voice-over work. And, as usual, I talk like I know more than I actually do. (It's genetic.)

"I bet it'll be better than MySpace," I told him. "Facebook seems more 'serious,' and, plus, then we can keep in touch better."

After we talked, I decided to shoot him an email with all my other web presences listed - you know, the blogs, Twitter and... Facebook.

Um hum.

I had a little trouble trying to include a link in the mail cause I had no freaking idea what my Facebook url is. Still don't know.

Hmmm...

I googled for some help: "What is my Facebook url?" (God please bless Google.)

Well. It seems that a LOT of people ask that very same question. Seems that I'm not just an idiot.

One suggested solution to the issue: set up a Fan Page on Facebook. That way, you get to name the page & grab a url.

All-righty then.

I went back to Facebook and, after much fumbling/stumbling around, did a "search" and found where to set up a fan page. I'd even thought of a cute name for my page: "Nickname Penny." Okay. Good, good.

Except... When I start selecting radio buttons for type of page and all that, I see that I should either be a business, a brand or a public figure. I didn't see anything for "personal," "individual," or just "goofball wanting a page to get a url."

Wha-tha???

I think I finally just chose brand. What the hell, right? So guess what? I now have 2 things to be irritated with:

1 - a Facebook profile (with no url I can decipher), and
2 - a Facebook fan page (with a url that includes "search help" in it)

I ended up just pasting something into the email to baby bro. Maybe he can figure that shit out. Now I know why all the people I invited to join Facebook haven't done so. (They probably already know what a pain in the ass it is.)

I give up for the night. I'm going to take a breather and put this mess aside until tomorrow. If I'm still hating Facebook come morning, I'm deleting that sucker.
Damnit, Facebook!

Peace (for somebody, anyway)
--Free

The Wisdom of Children

I got this in an email & it gave me goosebumps. Maybe because I have been struggling lately over what love really is and what loving someone really means. I have been looking in the Bible for insight on the love between spouses and keep landing on 1 Corinthians 13:4 - Love is always patient; love is always kind; love is never envious or arrogant with pride. Nor is she conceited.

When I saw the answers these children gave, I realized they understand love a lot better than I do. The question "What is love?" was posed to children aged 4 to 8 by a group of professionals (according the the email) and these are the answers given:

• 'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8
• 'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'Billy - age 4 ('Safe in their mouth.' What a beautiful thought!)
• 'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5
• 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'Chrissie - age 6
• 'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4
• 'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7
• 'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more... My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8
• 'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
• 'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6
• 'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7
• 'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'Tommy - age 6
• 'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8
• 'My mummy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6 (ROFL!!!)
• 'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5
• 'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7
• 'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day' Mary Ann - age 4
• 'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4
• 'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7
• 'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6
• 'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget..'Jessica - age 8

And the final one --

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

(I felt like crying myself when I read that last one. I once heard a minister preach about being a friend by sitting with someone during their suffering and grief. He illustrated his point with Job 2:13 Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. The minister said that sometimes when people go through suffering, the best thing to do is to say nothing but to "sit where they sit," in other words, to sit with them in their grief. That little kid could teach everybody something.)
Peace
--Free

Twittering

I kept hearing about it. I kept seeing little mentions on different sites. People had "Twitter Me" buttons on their blog.

Twitter. Twittering. Tweets. Tweeple.

Hmmm...

So I went over and took a look. And, of course, joined.

I wonder if this makes me a Twit?

Twittering. Sounds a little naughty, doesn't it? Anyway, I am now a Twitterer. I'm not very good at it. It took me several days before I realized how to reply directly to people or respond to their tweets. Just last night I learned of something called "Following Fridays." Still not clear on what that means, but I did get a little surge in people "following" me.

Here's the thing about people. We all love to be "in," don't we? I can't tell you how excited I get when someone new decides to follow me. And once I learned how to search others to follow, I couldn't wait to follow folks like Anderson Cooper and Bill Gates. My biggest thrill so far? I opted to follow Barack Obama and - be still my heart! - Barack Obama is no following me! Yes! I know, it's great, huh? I mean, I'm pretty sure O Man isn't personally aware of ME, but, still... I have saved the notifying email in a special folder. I even copied and pasted the email into a Word file. I'm thinking of adding pics to the email and making it into my Desktop background...

**sigh**

I even convinced my niece and a friend to sign up for Twitter. Of course, I couldn't tell them much about how to use it, but, who cares? I now have two more "followers."

What I want to know from you guys is, exactly how do you use Twitter? Do you use it for networking or just making new friends and keeping up with them? What kind of stuff do you twitter about? And - most important - will you follow me?

**lol**

Peace
--Free

What Is WRONG With Folks???

I thought that the story involving sex and a power tool was going to be the one to go down as Most Bizarre. I was wrong. I often am.

THIS attention-seeking genius right here is going to serve 90 days in jail for **wait, wait - I just need to crack my neck**

...For performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum.

Yeah, you read that right. I did not say that he was having sex with another person or that he was vacuuming out his car, but - performing a sex act. With a car wash vacuum.

Now. I know that some people might get a little lonely or frustrated or - I don't know, strung out on those sexy late-night commercials. But how lonely do you have to be to turn to a vacuum? What, you can't find something to get relief in the privacy of your own home? You don't have your own, um... appliances? What? I just don't get this. I mean, I don't like having sex with my husband in hotels where the walls might be a little thin. I sure as HELL ain't going out to the local Wash 'n Scrub to get it on with a vacuum. And even if - let's just say I am that kind of person and DID want to spice things up with the possibility of getting caught - even then, I don't think I'd want to use a vacuum hose that has been who-knows-where sucking up who-knows-what out of other people's nasty cars... (Or - here's a thought - maybe those other people have been doing the nasty with that same hose...)

I mean, damn. I don't really like to use those vacuums to VACUUM. I'm the one who always wraps a paper towel around the hose while I try to suck up gravel and grime from the floor mats. (Lemme quit lying: this is Alaska - my car only gets washed about twice a year anyway. The rest of the time, I just leave it to the other cars splashing me in traffic, run the wipers and call it a day.)

Maybe I have missed something about sex. Maybe I haven't lived enough or paid enough attention to what's going on with other adults. If so, someone please explain to me whether or not a guy having vacuum sex AT THE CAR WASH (with a car wash vacuum) is strange or not.

I hope while this dude's in jail they don't give him mopping duties. He might try doing something weird with that little squeegee thing on the bucket. Then, when he obliterates his hanging happies, he can sue the city. Then he can buy all the women - or vacuums - he wants to help with... Oh, wait. I don't guess he'd be all into sex after that.
**smdh**

Peace
--Free

Whatever Happened To...?

We have a little malady here in Alaska that we call "Cabin Fever." It's something that strikes at different times depending on the individual, but for me, it usually creeps in after around the third or fourth snowfall of winter. It's when I've lost that "Oooh, look at the pretty snow" glow & edge toward the personality of Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Some people eat and gain what they stupidly call their "winter fat" (as if fat understands seasons), other people sleep in a lot - and that's why there's usually a boom in baby bumps come spring time. Me - I get manic-depressive and have fits of insomnia. The upside to this is that PMS no longer matters. My bitchy alter-ego moments are not limited to "pre-" anything; it's all one long cycle of crazy.

Anyway, I have a loving and understanding circle of family and friends. We can spot the winter blahs in each other and manage to head off the worst of them with some our own remedies. Cooking is great (which explains that winter fat b.s.), drinking... Yeah - a lot of drinking gets done in the winter. Talking is the best though. It's low-cal and non-alcoholic. Which is a good thing because, not surprisingly, along with pregnancies, the rates for suicides and alcohol related crimes in Alaska shoot right up in the winter months. How sad is that? (This is why I'm not a big drinker. A couple glasses of wine & I'm adorable and a little less inhibited. More than that and, well - I think you have seen my posts on my famous drunk moments...)

So, practicing our brand of talk therapy, my sister and I were chatting today about how Cedric the Entertainer is coming here to Anchorage & somehow the name Sinbad came up. Remember him? The comedian who had a television show and then did a few movies? Big, tall, red-haired dude? Well, what the heck ever happened to him? **shrug**

Once we started talking about Sinbad, we moved on to other folks we haven't heard much about in a while. Like Kid 'n Play. The rapping duo of the House Party movies. Remember? And Florence, the maid from The Jeffersons?

See what I mean? It's like these people just dropped out of existence. Or maybe it's just that me and sis are getting old! Most of the people we were reminicsing about were in the spotlight back before televisions had remotes. My sister does not like computers & feels her life is complete enough without them, but she wants me to start doing searches to find out where these folks have gone off to. (I guess her life IS complete without a computer as long as I'm around!)

Anyway, we started ticking off on our fingers who we were wondering about. There's the guy from Fresh Prince - Carlton - and the oldest sister from The Cosby Show... All I could remember about her was that she had a French last name. And getting back to the Fresh Prince, what the heck happened to the parents? All three of them? Because remember there were two actresses who played the mom.

Surprisingly enough, I know that Sherman Helmsley (who played George Jefferson) is still around. I saw him on some gossip site a while back. He might not be working all that hard anymore, but he's doing something since he was on somebody's gossip list.

And of course, that damn J.J. from Good Times is still around. Still acting the dusty-assed fool, but still around. (That man just made me embarrassed for all black people.)

Now, who I'm really curious about is the little kid from the Jerry McGuire movie. The one with the spiky hair. I'm pretty sure I've seen him in something since then, but I can't recall what exactly. Hmmm.

See, now this is what happens on an almost-end-of-winter day in Alaska. Not a dang thing much to do, so you sit around having mindless conversations to get your mind off seven months of winter. The only other thing to make you survive living through a winter in Anchorage is to give thanks that you don't live in Fairbanks... Fairbanks with the temps down somewhere the same as dry ice. Fairbanks where a good sight-seeing tour takes about 32 seconds. (This is why even after being here some almost 40 years, the closest I've been to Fairbanks is passing the turn-off to it on my way back via the AlCan Highway.)

Yeah. So. I figure we've got another few weeks of this nasty, hateful winter crap. That should give me and sis time to have some more of our Whatever Happened To talks. See how exciting my life is right now? Damn.

Peace
--Free


(By the way, if you really are curious, here is a site called... Whatever Happened To...?)

Tragic & Sad

I saw this article about Nicholas Hughes, the son of poet Sylvia Plath, committing suicide. What a tragic and sad ending to a life that seems to have been plagued by family history.

Interestingly enough, Hughes lived here in Alaska, in Fairbanks. When I read that, I immediately thought that this was a man who wanted to be away from things while living his life.

Here's part of the news as it runs:

When Nicholas Hughes was in his early 20s, his father, poet Ted Hughes, advised him on the importance of living bravely.

"The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated," Hughes wrote to his son, who committed suicide at 47 last week at his home in Fairbanks, Alaska, 46 years after Nicholas' mother, poet Sylvia Plath, killed herself.

I imagine that, since he survived and fought under his burdens until he was 47, Mr. Hughes lived as bravely as he could. After all, he was practically born into tragedy...

Hughes was only 9 months old when his parents separated and was still an infant when his mother died in February 1963, gassing herself in a London flat as her children slept. A few months earlier, she had written of Nicholas: "You are the one/Solid the spaces lean on, envious/You are the baby in the barn."

...and it seemed to follow him and his father -

Ted Hughes relived the tragedy not only through the constant reminders of Plath, but also through the suicide of Wevill, his second wife, who in March 1969 killed herself and their 4-year-old daughter.

He didn't even lose his father gently; Ted Hughes died in 1998 of cancer. I love that the father did try to reassure the son about life:

"The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated," Hughes wrote to his son, who committed suicide at 47 last week at his home in Fairbanks, Alaska, 46 years after Nicholas' mother, poet Sylvia Plath, killed herself.

"And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."

I just have to think to myself that maybe Nicholas Hughes lived as boldly as he could, invested enough heart, and loved as much as he knew how and it still wasn't enough to sustain him.

My heart mourns for this man and for the people who loved him. I hope that there is a place of peace for people who suffer as he did.

Peace

--Free

She Blew It (Redoubt, that is)

Well, hell. Just when I might have to travel, that dang Mt. Redoubt decided to blow her top. We've been waiting for weeks now & until last night, all we got was burps and hiccups. Until, like I said, last night (or night before last...)

Here's the thing: last time this volcano acted a fool, we were covered in ash forEVER. I remember planes being grounded. I remember people wearing masks. I remember blowing dust out of our cars forEVER.

**sigh** Anyway, some folks managed to get it on video...





And traveling... Well. Certain airlines have already cancelled some flights while others are trying re-route theirs. Such a mess. It's not like we have but three ways out of the state: via that damn Alcan, by boat or by plane. I've already told y'all about that scenic drive from hell that the Alcan is & you know I don't swim (so I don't do boats).

Things don't look good.

Here's info from the Volcano Observatory:

Beginning last night (Sunday March 22, 2009) at approximately 22:38 AKDT, Redoubt Volcano produced a series of five explosive eruptions that each lasted from four to thirty minutes. The last one ended at 5:00 AM AKDT this morning (March 23). National Weather Service radar, pilot reports, and AVO analysis of satellite imagery suggest that these events produced ash clouds that reached 60,000 ft above sea level (asl), with the bulk of the ash volume between 25 - 30,000 ft asl. Traces of ash fall have been reported in Skwentna, Talkeetna, Wasilla, and Trapper Creek.

You can see pics submitted by readers over at the Anchorage Daily News. I don't know WHY you'd want to see them, but... I'm just depressed now, so bye.

Peace
--Free

The Truth About Paradise

I got a message from someone organizing a reunion for the high school I graduated from THIRTY years ago. Wow.

Depressing fact #1 - I was a G.I. brat back in those days, so I spent all of 20 minutes at the school I graduated from.

Depressing fact # 2 - It's been 30 years...

Man. Let me tell you - I just didn't realize how long it's been. I mean, I look in the mirror & it's as if I'm looking at the same face from all those years ago. I don't feel like it's been 30 years. And yet... I do. I don't really feel older, but I do feel wiser. I've had so much happen in the past 30 years that I am a little overwhelmed to think about it all.

I've always connected to my own feelings best through music and words, so when I thought about the reunion, this is a song that came into my head:

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me
Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....
Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free

I guess some people would think of that as a sad song, but I really feel okay about it. None of us can go back and change one thing about our lives. I mean, there are things I wish I had done differently in my life, but I don't really regret what I've had. Of course, my feelings change from day to day (that's the Cancer in my sun sign), but mostly I'm feeling like I've had an all right life - good and bad - and I've got more memories to make.

I'll eventually get to me.

Peace
--Free

Prayer. Fasting.

I have so much to be thankful for. (I know I say this a lot, but it is so true.) I have some problems in my life right now, but one of the things I am thankful for is that I have a God, a Father, I can turn to.

The big thing with me lately has been my inability to stay focused in prayer. So I am going to be starting a fast this coming week. I don't know yet what I will be giving up during the fast, but I am going over the possibilities. Food? Reading? Television?...

Anyway, while I think on it, I am asking that all of you include me in your daily prayers.

I will be asking that God touch on my marriage and peace of mind. I am also going to be asking that He help me learn to be more forgiving of past hurts and slights. I know that forgiveness of others is what leads to me being forgiven by the Lord. (I haven't been doing too well in that whole forgiveness areas lately!)

Mark 11:24-25 (NIV) "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Peace
--Free

Love Hurts. Really, Really HURTS.

Now this right here is just strange. How do you start out having an intimate encounter and have your story end up in the paper with this kind of mention: ...injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade...?

I mean, what the hell were these people thinking? I can understand trying to keep the fire in a relationship. You know, trying something a little different every now and then, but - damn! I don't want to even THINK about putting the words "sex" and "saw blade" together. Saw? Blade? Now, oil, feathers, chocolate - okay. And we've all probably seen the commercial for the battery operated toy that even some little old lady was happy about. But something that (quoting the news): cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman... CUT THROUGH???

No. Notta chance. Never in my wildest moments. Not even with Keanu Reeves begging me with tears in his eyes.  (We all know there's not much I would deny THAT man or Denzel Washington.) 


Hell. No. That's not having sex. That's an audition for a horror movie.

Even if you get over the idea that you are possibly flirting with endangerment to some very important parts of your anatomy, what would make you think that this could feel good? How hard is it for you to get aroused that you need a freaking POWER tool??? I don't know about you, but I can put on some Barry White and lay close enough to a speaker to get kinda "happy." Or drive across speed bumps going just fast enough... Or - okay, lemme just quit.

And the article reports that The injuries were severe enough for medivac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday... Released to where? A mental hospital?

I will tell you something very private about myself right now: the only sex-related injuries I ever want to deal with are ones I can solve with a hot bath, a couple of aspirin and some rest. Just like any good workout, but having sex and being medivacced should have not a damn thing to do with each other.

Now, I was torn between wanting to feel sorry for this woman and wanting to laugh my behind off. I mean, dang, going to the doctor for a pap smear is embarrassing enough. I can tell you now that I would have literally DIED of this embarrassing situation because there is no way I'd've gone to the hospital for this. No way at all.

You have to wonder what this couple talked about when they got home. And will they ever have sex with each other again? Is she even CAPABLE of having sex with anyone again? Damn. Will they ever listen to the song "Love Hurts" again?

**smh**

Lord, Jesus, set my people free...

Peace
--Free

My Auntie Liz

I know that everyone has their favorite relatives. One of mine is my Auntie Liz. The thing is, she's not really my aunt, but you know how we black folk are! She is my Aunt's daughter (my mother's niece & my cousin), but she's older, wiser & to be respected, so I call her "Auntie."

My Auntie is one the coolest people ever. I don't mean cool as in she knows all the latest and trendiest. I mean, she's real. Very, very real. If she has something on her mind, she will say it. She doesn't mince words, my Auntie Liz. This is not to say that she is rude, because she isn't. She is nice if you are nice. You piss her off & you may never piss again.

Here's the thing I love most about my Auntie Liz: you don't have to worry that she is smiling in your face and stabbing you in the back. If you ask her advice or opinion, you don't have to wonder if she is telling you the truth or just saying what she thinks you want to hear. Know why? Because she will always tell you exactly what she means.

The other thing I love about this woman: she will never beat you down when you are down. She might tell you what a dumbass you are, but only when she knows you can handle it! lol

Anyway, a while back, after I had made many, many bad judgement calls & gotten my life into such a mess, I had to sing the chorus of "Take me home, home to my fam-ily...." I called my Auntie, told her I was coming & I showed up at the bus station with my raggedy self at some crazy hour of the morning. I was not only raggedy in body, but my mind and soul were a wreck. My Auntie made sure someone was there at the station to get my sorry behind. When I got to the house, she made sure I was fed, cleaned up and bedded down. And then she just let me rest. No questions or discussions about the bad decisions I'd made for having left then gone back to a man who didn't treat me right. No head-shaking or finger-wagging. Nothing except open arms for a hug before telling me to lay my "little narrow behind" down and rest.

I was able to just stop and breathe for a while. Just think and cry, cry, cry and try to collect up the battered & scattered pieces of my heart. I weighed 107 pounds and had had the will to breathe deeply knocked out of my soul.

After I spent about a week just sleeping (seriously sleeping, only waking to sip broth and go the the bathroom for showers), I was able to stand up on my own without my legs shaking. I think I was really sick from having lost around 30 pounds in a short period of time and not having slept well  for over a month because of fear that "he" would go into a drunken rage...

When I did finally get out of bed and start moving around during the daylight hours, my Auntie Liz would sit with me while we drank coffee and talked about everything except my mess of a mess. Somehow she even managed to make me laugh. And I never felt like she was ignoring my heartache and despair. She was just giving me what I needed (when I didn't even know what that was).

So, yeah, my Auntie is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I never tell her that with words, but I do hope that I've shown her. God knows, she has shown her love for me.

I love you, Auntie Liz.

Peace

--Free

(I am reading this over again in 2011. I have been diagnosed with some strange illness. I have to wonder if I wasn't having symptoms back when all this happened. I've been told by a good friend now - who saw me around the time I was with my auntie - that I didn't seem to be myself at that time. This friend says that because I didn't seem to be able to think and express myself clearly, she thought I'd had a nervous breakdown. Now I have to just wonder: was it a breakdown or this certain illness I have?) December 2011, Anchorage.

Albino Moose

I got these in an email from my niece. Beautiful & interesting pics of some albino moose. As long as I have lived in Alaska, having moose come all up in your yard & on the porch and such, I have never seen this. Come to find out, these pics were taken in Michigan. According to the email (I sure don't know), it's rare enough to see ONE of these moose, let alone two of them. Nice though.

Totally Random Riff

• Every now & then, I like to put brown sugar in my coffee. I like the different kind of sweetness that I get with it.
• No matter how broke I get, I always keep Ambi & Oil of Olay Rengenerist on hand. I mix them and use every morning and night.
• I hate my hair right now. Too dry. Too unpredictable.
• I belong to too many sites online. Can barely keep up.
• I think people with dimples are cute.
• I have no idea who "Nas" is, but I like reading about him & his wife on the gossip sites.
• I think Anderson Cooper is hot. I read somewhere that he is gay. I hope not (and how selfish is that? Like I'll ever meet him anyway.)
• I love sardines.
• I hate anchovies.
• I get daily Bible verses by email & sometimes I delete them without reading them.
• I'm really jealous of Beyonce (but, well, who the hell isn't?)
• I think that Steve Harvey is hot. He has dimples, damnit.
• I had a secret crush on a minister once. A married minister. (Not so secret since my husband knew. He told the minister I had a crush on him.)
• I'm always ordering things out of ignorance in restaurants. Once I ordered Crudités because the name sounded cool. I didn't know they were raw veggies. (I also had to look up the word because I'd forgotten how to spell Crudités.) My mother was with me & she laughed through the whole lunch.
• I have a weakness for pickled beets. And also garlic stuffed olives. I'm a garlic-aholic. I can't wait to try garlic ice cream.
• I often boldly criticisze things that I later end up liking. Example One: The Show "American Gothic." Example Two: The Harry Potter books. Example Three: liver and onions.
• I don't like pictures/paintings of people in the bedroom walls. I feel like the eyes are following me.
• If I am really tired, I will sleep "ready roll." My husband hates this.
• I have insomnia.
• I am slightly manic-depressive.
• I don't like to walk on dirt, mud or grass. Even with shoes on.
• I have never smoked pot, but I got a really deep contact high when I was young. Scared the crap outta me.
• I'm very picky about my alcohol. I only like very sweet wines, Corona beer, but I can't drink any whiskey straight. And I love cognac.
• I'm addicted to sunflower seeds. Salted and in the shell.
• I've never lived alone for any long period & I have a fear of it. Can't sleep, hear noises. Will usually stay awake all night & day sleep.
• I'm extremely generous when I have anything to give, but I can be selfish with my time.
• I'm a loner.
• I'm no rocket scientist, but I find smart men very sexy.
• I got so drunk one time that I thought I was going to die. Well, not really, but I kinda hoped I would die.
• I have a big family & I love it. I don't like everyone in my family, but I love everyone in my family...
• I love to cook. Sometimes I can really mess up a recipe.
• I love cheesecake, hot biscuits with butter and apricot-pineapple preserves.
• I don't know why I shared all this, but I feel better.

Motivating Women

So... I tagged Soulfull & the sister came back strong with her post on the "5 and 5" list I tagged her with. Let me tell you something: this chick has her stuff so together that she sent out motivating vibes to me.  Any woman, any mother, any daughter - y'all should go check her post. (We are both on Twitter, so I'm gonna get to thank her today! Does anybody else reading this Twitter???)

 

Everyone has a vibe. You can be around some people & start to feel dragged down. You can be around other people who make you feel pumped up and energetic. Some vibes are weak & some are strong. I have the feeling that Soulfull is one of those people who gives off a power vibe. You know, she can make other people want to feel ready to get things done.

A long time ago, when I had first started working in the customs brokerage industry, I had a female boss named "J." At first, I really looked up to this woman. She was smart and efficient and I wanted to be just like her. For the first 6 months or so - while I was learning the basic ropes of the various duties - "J" was really cool. She acted as a sort of mentor to me. I caught on to the job quickly (probably because I enjoyed it so much) and was promoted from clerk to department supervisor. This brought me to the attention of J's boss. He seemed to be pleased with the job I was doing in one department and within another six months or so, he promoted me to head a larger department. Of course, I was thrilled. Like I always had before, I would turn to J for advise about different situations I had to handle. Funny thing: the better I became at my job, the less pleased J seemed to be. Instead of offering advise and constructive criticism, she began to act peevish about anything I did. She stopped dropping by during the day to chat and she no longer emailed me to point out helpful articles and information.

J eventually relocated out of state to another division. I stayed with the company for over 15 years. I worked under a lot of different bosses - male and female. Some of them had mentoring personalities and some didn't. A lot of them made it clear that they were just passing through to the next rung on the ladder.

The thing is, J had started out being such a motivating and energizing presence in my professional life. The way she dimmed her enthusiasm really affected the way I related to co-workers (above and below me). For one thing, I learned how to mentor and be consistent in my approach. But I also learned how much we can affect the people we come into contact with. We can be motivating, apathetic or damaging.

Ever since those first days in that job, I always watch for the kind of energy people give off. I don't mind working with people I might not personally like, but it's a real effort to deal with people who are a drag on energy. It's not productive and it can spread through a workplace like a virus.

Hopefully, in my life, I will meet more people like Soulfull. Because of my old boss, I can deal with people like J, but I prefer positive energy.

Go check out Soulfull's blog & try to soak up some of that motivation (then go out and spread some around).

Peace

--Free

Playing Tag

Two things led me to do this post:

1. I read about Altovise Davis (Sammy Jr's widow) passing away. She was 65. 

2. I got to wondering what "middle-age" is. Found out it is defined as being aged between 40 and 60 years. (So...I've been middle-aged for SEVEN damn years & didn't realize this???)

That all kind of depressed me until I realized (modestly, of course) that no one who meets me believes I am over 35. That helps a little on most days. But, damn - I'm considered middle-aged! And not just middle-aged, but almost 10 years in... Wowwwww.

So. The post is going to be about 5 things I absolutely want to acheive before I die and 5 things I'm happy I have already done. Then I'm going to tag a couple of folks that I haven't messed with in a looooooong time. (Just because the idea of playing tag - even online - sounds young and fun!) Here we go:

5 Things I Wanna Do Before Dying

(sounds like a Tupac song, huh?)

1. Lounge on a boat in the middle of a beautiful lake on a beautiful day. (Doesn't have to be a big boat - shoot, it can be a raft!)
2. Take a cruise. (I don't know why exactly. I've never learned to swim because I'm afraid of deep water. And of drowning.)
3. Walk on a beach at sunset. (A real beach - not the sandy, litter-filled trench that is called Goose Lake here in Anchorage...)
4. Spend a night on a screened-in porch, talking and listening to night sounds, drinking something warm and comforting.)
5. Walk around Paris or Rome just people-watching.

5 Things I'm Glad I've Already Done

1. Held a newborn baby, smelling their skin and watching those little movements they make.
2. Spent long evenings with my mother, laughing and talking about her childhood.
3. Made up with my father & had wonderful times with him before he passed away.
4. Gotten dirty and dusty and played for hours with my cousins on both sides of the family.
5. Had a grown-up slumber party with a bunch of girlfriends.

I'm going to tag Supa and Soulfull and Mz Newy... Hope they catch it; I been out of touch for a long while! Go get it, sistas"

Peace

--Free

Real Battles

I have a very, very close girlfriend who is going through some major relationship drama. I mean her drama makes my situation seem like a two-bit stumbling block. So right now she is very down - feeling like her world is coming apart (anybody been there before?) and we were talking about ways to use your faith to get through.

Anyway, we got on the subject of the fear and anxiety and depression she is dealing with (yeah, when I say she is going through some stuff, I do mean through some s t u f f!) and using our faith to combat all that. I remembered some books I had read that dramatize how demons prey on us. There was a series written called "Chronicles of the Host" that tells the story from the war in Heaven to the Crucifixion and Resurrection - but all through the eyes of angels. The other books were Frank E. Peretti's. He told stories of people (and ideas) under attack from demonic forces and he showed the battle between angels and demons.

The point I wanted to encourage my friend with is this: we are not just random things here on earth. We are created beings and there really is a war going on over our souls. We just have to remember that we have a choice in getting and hanging on to our faith that there is a God in Heaven Who does love us. The demons aren't little pointy-tailed imps with pitchforks. The demons are Despair, Pain, Misery, Fear... You know - all the things that keep us focused on darkness. But God is there always. Sometimes, we get so surrounded by our problems that the darkness shrouds us, but even so, there is always that light of our faith out there. The light might at times be just a pinprick of light, so dim or seeming so far away that we feel like we aren't ever going to be close to and warmed by it again - but it is there.

Anyway I was trying to encourage my friend to just try to stay focused on that light. I (yeah, me, with my sad, depressed behind!) wanted her to keep in mind that in life or in death, that darkness can only overtake us if we give up on the light.

I guess I needed to say all that to her to hear it for myself. As I was talking to her, I was thinking how low I have let my faith get.

So, everyone out there, pray for my friend (and for me). Pray for all the women and men who are in those relationships that are dangerous, unhealthy, unloving - whatever. Don't criticize, but just try to offer up some love and comfort.

And those books I told you about? Please do take a look. Those authors were writing under a blessing.

The Chronicles of the Host
that's the author's site
Here is where you can peek at Book 2 of 4
Here is where you can peek at Book 3 of 4
(by D. Brian Shafer)
***
This Present Darkness
The author's site
sneek peak here, or here
Piercing the Darkness
sneek peak here
(by Frank E. Peretti)

**If for some reason the links don't work for you, just Google Booksearch for them**

Words Just Fail Me

I wandered over to Hot Ghetto Mess to see what it was all about (because I'm always hearing about it), and one of the first pics I saw was this one:


I just.... Oh, my, my, my. I have no idea what to say. These people here - they must be just so... confused? Drugged? In a cult????

Think about it: they actually got up and got dressed and got themselves down to a studio to have this picture taken. On purpose. By a person who could see them. By someone probably trying their damnedest not to fall over laughing.

Is this photo now being displayed somewhere in someone's home? Where anyone can come in and see it??? (I bet you money that I don't even have right now that the studio uses this picture in some way - either as an example of how NOT to pose or just as a good laugh-inducer.)

Foolishness. Just plain foolishness. And don't blame this on the "ghetto." This is just pure mess. Ghetto has nothing to do with this kind of shameful ignorance.

Oh, Lord, someday we all will be free - just not today.

**smh** sigh.....

Peace
--Free