(Repost) My Hurting Heart Doesn't Want That

(I'm recycling some old posts while my brain is on a sarc-induced hiatus. This one is from 5/11/19. I am not in a bad place emotionally at the moment, thank God. This is for anyone who might be "in a valley" and needs to know they are not alone in feeling that way.)

 Depression is an illness that there is no intervention for. How does one intervene in unexpressed pain? What ultimatums do you give a broken heart?

As someone who has long struggled with depression, I don't have any answers for how to make things better, but I do know of things that have never helped me. People offer suggestions and advice out of love and concern, but most of what they suggest and advise means nothing to a person in the middle of their darkness. And depression is its own galaxy of very little light, filled with fear, doubt, hopelessness, despair, and self-loathing. All those things rotate in the tortured mind of the depressed.  Every now and then, a little bit of light gets in and allows the person to get through to another moment alive. But that light never stays on. That's the cycle: me and it, suiting up against each other, fighting it out, retreating, and then doing the whole thing all over again.


I've had well-meaning people tell me what they think will help me. I love that they care but I hate their advice. To quote one of my favorite writers, "You got to go there to know there." No one else can navigate the dark places my mind has taken me. Often the advice I get is only frustrating.

"Exercise" is what a lot of people will tell a depressed person. "Get up and get out in some fresh air and take a walk." I am sure that that works for some people, but not for me. When I am in the worst of my depression, I can't even move to wipe tears from my face. I have sat immobile on the couch or the floor because I didn't have the energy or will to move. I have sometimes just kept still because of a feeling that I would shatter from grief if I moved. I have lain in bed unable to even push the covers off when I got too warm. So exercise only works for me before the deepest of the darkness settles in.

Another suggestion is to "count your blessings". This is one that really hurts. My faith means so much to me that it's the thing I wrestle most with when I am feeling at my lowest. I pray long conversations with God at this point, but it's very hard to count blessings while you are in a fight for your life. I am always thankful to God because I have never been forsaken, but that doesn't help the pain when I am drowning in it.

I've also been told to just "buck up" -  as if I'm an animal who only needs to remember how to move correctly! And what the hell does it even mean to "buck up"? Whatever it means, I wish getting from under the grip of depression was so easy as just doing something other than being depressed. Maybe the next time I'm taking care of a household bill, instead of sending in a payment, I can just command the bill to "be paid!"

There was a period in my life when I almost couldn't deal with attending church because I would just weep through the entire service. One time a woman sitting beside me in the pew hugged me and whispered that I should just "pray that sadness away". I didn't go back to church for a month. My tears in the church weren't from the sadness, they were from feeling so completely grateful. No matter how low I have ever been, I have never felt abandoned by God. I've felt mad at Him but I've never felt separated from Him. I never forget Romans 8:38-39.

So what am I trying to say? I'm not trying to speak for everyone who suffers from depression. I can only speak for myself because I only know what my hurting heart doesn't want. First of all, you can't 'fix' me with advice. My doctors are trying different types of medicines. I don't even know if I can be fixed. I'm just trying to survive and your words - as nice as they sound - don't help. What helps is knowing that you love me. Please know that I am more than my depression. Know that my depression comes and goes, ebbs and flows. Try to love me when I'm in the middle of the darkness as much - or maybe more - as you love me any other time.

Sometimes, the best thing that a friend or other loved one can do for me is to just let me know that you are there but give me space. I'm familiar with all the voices in my head and I know how to cry them, pray them, and battle them away. I just need to know that you're still going to love me when I come out of the fight.

Peace
--Free

Memory Storm (4th time)

 UPDATE - I added some graphics for those who asked.

(8/17/21) I'm going to be recycling some posts while I deal with a little health interlude. This is the fourth time with this one. I heard such a beautiful song the other day that it made me feel both happy and sad. It is a song about missing someone who is no longer here in this life. After I listened to it 3 or 4 times in a row, I thought about my mother, my brother, my sister, my husband - all the people who I never dreamed I would have to live without. Even now that I am a Christian, I grieve for them still. I wonder if their essence is still here. I read somewhere about the possibility that the air still holds the breath of people who are long gone. And isn't that something to ponder? Sometimes, I just sit and think about things like that. So, once again, here's this post.

(1/20/10) This is the third time I am re-posting this one. This time is for my girl Miss Carrie :-) 
Seems like a lot of us over on Facebook had our Mamas on our minds. So...


(2/19/09) I posted this the first time almost 3 years ago. At that time, my life was in a cycle of changes, but they were all good changes: moving to start somewhere fresh, new job, new relationships... This time the changes are more painful and harder to bear, but I realize that, God willing, I will live long enough for these hard times to be just a memory. Hopefully, this is just a valley I'm going through on my way to some peaks.) Anyway, like always, good times or bad, when things are at an extreme for me, I think of my mother. So this is, again, for Mama.



(3/14/06)
A Memory Storm
Hey y'all. Your girl here is having what I like to call a memory storm. You know, when you have so much going on in your head that things collide & your brain rescues itself from possible system failure by taking a walk in the rain of pleasant memories. Only the memories aren't nice & organized - they just bounce all over the place, like hail or those hard little raindrops that hurt when they hit you.

Memory storm.

Memories about my mama.

Asafetida - I don't know if that's how it's spelled, but I remember Mama saying it's what her mother used to put on her (Mama's) chest when she had a cold or something. Said it stunk to high heaven & probably only worked because the odor scared the germs away.

Urine Shampoo - Mama told me once how, when they were young, her cousin "Bunky" was the only one in the family with short hair (do y'all remember "In Living Color" where one of the characters talked about folk & one of her lines was about a woman with short hair: "hair so shawt you can read her thoughts!"?) and someone told her that it would grow if she washed it in her urine. This fool saved her pee in a big old jar & once a week, she'd pour the urine on it. I don't know what that old pee must've smelled like, but Mama says Bunky grew enough hair in a few weeks to snatch up into a rubber band. She might've grown more hair if "Aunt Jack" hadn't made her stop with the pee shampoos.

Bacon Grease Lotion - Mama says that if they ran out of Jergens or Vaseline, she and her cousins would use bacon grease (and you know she meant that big jar of "drippings" that sat on the stove in an old Folgers can) instead. One time, one of her cousins oiled up and headed off to work. She was running late, so she short-cut it through someone's backyard. "Someone" had some dogs. Dogs smelled the bacon grease. Cousin had to pull the Wilma Rudolph out of her soul and book like the wind. I guess she was leaping fences like somebody had bet money on her. (I suppose she made it away from the dogs. Mama never said. We were both laughing too hard for her to finish that story.)

Sooty Beauty - Back in the day (Mama's day), there weren't a lot of readily available cosmetics for "women of color." Most of my mother's family has LOTS of color & they go from black as midnight (some of them with grey eyes that gave me serious nightmares & this is before colored contacts!) to Light as Vanessa Williams. Most fall in the middlin' to dark category. The lighter-complexioned folk could get away with over-the-counter lipsticks & blushes and all that. My mother and the rest had to work something else out. So what did they do? Mama says that they'd find the darkest lipstick (usually some kind of slut-red shade) and they could find, then mix in some soot. Yep. Soot from the bottom of pots or burnt wood... The soot would darken up the lipstick enough to compliment a sister with deep roots. (Another time, Mama told me that there were some cosmetics for black women. These were sold door-to-door or could be ordered from ads in the back of romance magazines. A long time ago, someone sent me an old copy of a black romance mag & I saw an ad for "Lucky Heart Cosmetics." Somehow, I picture this as one of the places Mama would have found her makeup when she was young.)

"Busting" a part - My mother was extremely honest. If she didn't know you well but didn't like something about you, she'd be polite about telling you. If she knew you well - or "owned" you as she did her children - she'd skip politeness & just get to the damn point. (Mama's bossiness with a person went up with her level of approval of them. I could always tell a friend of mine was "in" with my mama the minute she went from inviting them to "come on in and have a seat" to telling them "bring your ass on in here and sit down, boy. That couch ain't gone bite your ass." Most guys who made it past being like by Mama were keepers as far as I was concerned.) One time, I thought it would be cute to wear my hair with a part down the very center. Mama didn't think it was cute. When I came out to rescue a date from being scared into incontinency by Mama, she took one look at my head and asked, "Why you got your hair busted down the middle with that part, looking like Sista Tutta?" (I have no idea who "Sista Tutta" is & I didn't ask. I was too busy sliding back into the bathroom to get that part out of my hair. And, no, I didn't "keep" the guy I had the date with. He laughed a little too damned hard at Mama's comments.)

TPV Perfume - (This crossed my mind when I did my "favorite perfume" on the ABCs yesterday.) When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to wear make-up (don't forget my Pentecostal "holiness" background), and perfume was too extravagant. BUT - I knew I had hit a milestone of "getting grown" when Mama let me wear TPV to a school "dance" (aka a bunch of kids standing against the wall in the gym and pretending not to notice each other while music played). Talcum powder and vanilla extract. Yep. I didn't get to buy "Heaven Sent" (or whatever it was called), but I sure thought I was some hot stuff when I wiped that cotton ball of vanilla across my shoulders and then puffed on some powder. Shoot. Too bad the only boy who got close enough to smell it was the boy handing out the plastic cups at the punchbowl.

Chewing tar - This falls into that category of "country health" stuff. I can't even lay this on my mama's generation & end it there because she passed it down to us. Until I was about fourteen (right around the time I was leaving my small-town life), I - and all my cousins, play & real - chewed tar. I don't remember where it came from. My mama and aunt would have it to hand out to us. It was clean little pieces & shiny where it had been broken or cut into bite sizes. We'd gnaw on that tar like dogs on rawhide. Mama always said it was good for the teeth. And I have to say, I always had great teeth - until the Air Force let their dentists practice on all of us.

Wow. Memory storm. Mama on the mind.

Believe it or not, I owe almost all of my current manuscripts (the ideas, the characters, the settings - everything) to these memories. Of course, I guess most writers will say the same thing.

Speaking of writers - be sure to check out the new link on the left. John Baker, out of the UK, writes mysteries & we've exchanged links. (John - I'm SO coveting the cover design on your books - just beautiful! - & I can't wait to read these.)

(1/20/10) Can't believe I forgot this one in previous posts... 
Hot Toddy (?) Remedy - This was a concoction of really hot, really black tea with some liquor tossed in. Mama would give it to me for my, ahem, cramps. I joke with my friends now that I don't know if the cramps went away or if I was just too drunk to notice. (And, BTW, I never did become much of a drinker. Just ask any of the ladies who were with me on a particularly hot Mother's Day outing when I experienced something called "Saki Bombers" for the first time. I definitely got bombed...)

Peace
--Free 

Stories I Shouldn't Tell (Part 1000)

 I have to share a funny story about myself. I was joking to my family that I should be embarrassed but...

So in my "coffee journey," 🙄  I have been trying to get away from boring and be a little more adventurous. Instead of ground coffee, I'm buying whole bean; I've been using my little hand grinder to go all the way fresh for each pot, and I am exploring different methods of brewing.

Right now, of course, I have been using my 12-cup pot maker most of the time. I do have the little brew basket gadget that I use every now and again. However, that's as far as I've gotten.

The other day, a suggestion popped up for me on YouTube. It was something about French press coffee. The little blurb mentioned how good coffee can be from such a device. 

Hmmm...

I clicked over to Amazon and priced a couple of French press pots. Not bad but not something I need to spend money on right now in my broke-ish situation. I moved on but kept thinking about what it would be like to make coffee in a French press. I tend to get fixated on things - if you didn't know by now.

When my neighbor came over for a cup of coffee, I was telling her all about the French press situation. I went on and on about how I might get one soon. She said, "But you have one." She pointed to one of the kitchen cabinets.

There on top of a cabinet I look at about 50 times a day sat a like-new French press. 

Yeah. That one.

That's a freebie that I got about 5 years ago to try out. Without learning anything about French press coffee - how to make it, how to use the device - I gave it one go and decided it was too much work for my sarc-addled brain. I think I even apologized to the folks who sent it to me. At any rate, I packed it away when I was leaving Alaska and it got moved here with me. I always liked the look of it so I stuck it on top of the cabinets. I once thought about making it the home for one of my pothos plants.

Anyway.

I am going to actually check out some more information about using French presses. Maybe I can learn to make a decent brew of coffee in it. Maybe it will make a nice home for a plant.

Peace

--Free

More Coffeemaker Drama

 After I fell in love - so in love - with my electric percolator, I had a little mishap and have to return it. (Not only did I return it, but I also had to go over and drop the rating from 5 to 3 stars. The original blog review has all the update info in detail.)

And, man, did I love that coffeemaker. It was beautiful on my counter and didn't hog all the space. Then, the thing I loved most about it became the reason I have to return it.

When I was pouring a cup of coffee the other morning, I lost slight control of my hand and slopped coffee. That coffee was so freaking hot. Lucky for me, I happened to have the cold water running into a purifying pitcher and I was standing right next to the sink. I stuck my hand and wrist under the cold stream until my skin cooled. After that, I spread on some Manuka honey and rested a cool wet towel over it for a bit.

I think that if I hadn't gotten my hand under the cold water so fast that my skin might have blistered. That coffee was scalding. I knew the percolator got hot but I tend to add cold creamer most times. When I drink it black, I put it into a travel mug and dole it into my coffee cup a little at a time. Of course, I have to let it cool before drinking. I knew it got hot but never realized how hot it was straight out of the pot.

After I took care of my hand, the very next thing I did was add a note to my Amazon review. I had already mentioned that the coffee gets really hot and to be careful with kids in the kitchen. What I added was that people who for whatever reason tend to be clumsy need to be extra careful. 

So I am returning the pot. And I know I will have trouble finding something else. As it was, it took forever to find this percolator. My niece and I are reading reviews and looking at the pros and cons of the pots I can afford.

Unfortunately, I am going to be going back to a drip-style pot. I'm afraid that the design of the percolator - tall and slim - was one reason I wasn't able to control the spill. I didn't want a glass carafe but... Thermal carafes are so expensive. My niece offered to chip in but I am just going to go with something that I can use my Prime card to pay in interest-free installments. 

This one caught my eye because of the price and thermal pot:

Not crazy about the look of it, but... 

Other than the boring look, I was in love. It's obviously a best-selling machine since there are 14,600+ reviews right now. Most importantly, it has a thermos-type carafe. No glass to worry about. The thing is, after reading several opinions on Amazon and around the web (I go first for the 3-star reviews), I wasn't so sure about the thermos. There were a lot of complaints about it being drippy, messy, and - this is the kicker - only keeping the coffee lukewarm. (And, yes, some users had no complaints about the warmth.)The other downside I read about in multiple places was the durability. A couple of users said that they loved the machine because of the "price point" but that it was not the best on flavor or durability. One review gave it high marks for everything but the flavor. Rather they said that the flavor was "okay for the price" of the machine but nothing to rave about.

Because I need something that gives great flavor and will last me a long time, I put this one to the side and kept looking.

I looked at a lower-than-usually-priced Cuisinart that was still too pricey for me and didn't seem to live up to the hype for some people. There were actually a couple of Cuisinart's I checked. I also noticed when looking at different machines that people were "replacing" their old Cuisinart's. Hmmm. I did find a Mr. Coffee with a thermal carafe but it was huge and there were reported leaking issues. Also, I have owned Mr. Coffee machines or known people who have and they are reliable but very, very basic on flavor. And ugly. They are usually ugly. This one wasn't too bad for looks but it was big and not gorgeous. I looked at a Capresso; a Hamilton Beach that I liked because it was a dispensing type machine (no carafe!); and even a Mueller Austria. There was something about all of them that I liked (auto shut-off for one) and a few things I didn't like.

I was on the hunt for hours when my niece mentioned that she had loved the Ninja she owned. She loves all things Ninja and she can afford all things Ninja. I laughed at her suggestion but, by then, my brain was getting tired and wiggy, so I went and took a look.

Most of the Ninja makers are way too fancy for my needs and too pricey for what I laughingly call a 'budget'. I saw a whole array of Ninjas and my brain went into high fogginess.

People be doing too much, as the kids say!

I was about to go back to the Black and Decker and take my chances when I saw this Ninja:

Think I found my Neo. Maybe.

But... eighty bucks. Ouch! I went through the reviews and watched videos online and looked for comparisons between this one and the Black and Decker. Too much info!

I took the rest of the evening off so I could pick up on reading reviews the next day. Seriously, when my brain is done, it's d.o.n.e. I start getting overwhelmed and mentally dyslexic if that makes sense.

Feeling a little more rested, I got back to the reviews and comparisons. Oh, boy. There is a ton of information out there about coffee machines. 

This Ninja CE251 gets higher marks everywhere for everything except that carafe. Not only is it glass but it is often reported to be fragile. People told of breaking it by just sitting down too hard on a counter.

On the plus side though:

• Flavor gets high marks (important!)
• 
  Auto shut-off. This was a HUGE problem for me with the percolator. It was the reason I almost didn't get the machine.
• A removable water reservoir (probably the only thing I loved about the Keurig) And I don't plan on removing this but I will just fill it with a jug to keep from damaging the seal by removing and replacing the reservoir constantly. Picked up that tip from a reviewer.
•  Like the Black and Decker, it's programmable (one thing I didn't like about the percolator was that it had to remain unplugged when not in use and it was not programmable - neither was my Keurig)
• Some kind of adjustable warming plate technology that keeps the coffee hot without burning it (another downside to the percolator, it cooked the crap out of any coffee left for more than a couple of hours. Rare for me, but... )
• A showerhead-based spout for pre-infusing the grounds vs drip water system (the idea is new to me!) Try to picture water coming down over the grounds in a showerhead spray vs just drip-drip-dripping into the center of the grounds. That's the way I think of it.
• A straw feeding the brewed coffee into the center of the pot to keep the flavor more even. I can't wait to see whether this makes a big difference or not.
• A "Pause" button so I can grab a cup mid-brew (Black and Decker had this)
• Strength controls - Classic and Rich - and like the B&D, small-batch brewing. I know already which coffee I will be using the Rich function for. The B&D has "Auto" and "Strong" which is probably the same thing as Classic and Rich.
• There is a "Clean" function that should come in handy. (By the way, I heard that the glass pots for this machine tend to hold stains at the bottom and, woe is me, in short supply should you need a replacement. Just thought I'd throw that in.)
• As with the percolator, I will still be saving on coffee. I had already stocked up on some so I'm good for a good long while. No more pods. Let's say it together: "No more pods. No more pods!"
• And once again, flavor, flavor, flavor. This is going to be the biggie.

I am going with the Ninja but only because I can do the installment on my card and only because I picked up an additional warranty. I figure if I have any major problems, between the warranty and my credit card protections, I'm covered. I wouldn't have dared get this one without the installments.

After I made my decision, I kept going back over reviews again and again. I keep coming back to one that touted the Ninja CE251 as one of the best machines under $100 - the Black and Decker didn't make this particular list. Black and Decker didn't even make Owly's list of the best B&D programmable machines. I went back to Owly because they had my favorite review covering the good, bad, and ugly. 

Since I loved the flavor I got from the percolator, that was a big thing when looking for a replacement. 

Overall, the things that pushed me hardest toward the Ninja over the B&D were being able to control brew strength (I love this!) and the showerhead feature. Though the B&D does have the thermal carafe,  am counting on the special "adjustable" warming plate technology. I still have no idea what that is going to mean in the real world, but it gets some hype in reviews online.

By the way, because of my accident with the Presto, I wondered about the temperatures of the Ninja, Coffee is said to be best brewed between 195 and, I believe 205 degrees. The Presto was supposed to get to 193. Maybe, but it felt a lot hotter than that when I burned myself. The Ninja is reported by some reviewers to get to 193 degrees. That's close enough for me to the best temp. As far as spilling coffee, the Presto was easier to spill on me because of the way it's made. The tall, thin pot almost has to be unplugged to pour coffee without yanking on the cord. And I did have less control over the narrow style when pouring. I'm not making excuses for my natural clumsiness but a shorter, wider pot seems as if I will have more control over it. I was always a little unsteady handling the Presto, to be honest, and I think I mentioned that cord in my original review. And then there was the whole no auto shut-off that bothered me from the beginning.

The one thing that I don't think I am going to like about the Ninja is the size. I can't really tell from photos but it seems like I am going to be losing a lot of counter space to it. Also, a user mentioned that the brew basket opens from the top. Oh, and, of course, it takes a different type of filter... ~sigh~. Even though it has a permanent, reusable filter I know I will be buying the #4 cone filters soon. Those built-in filters never work as well as is claimed. But, still, the pros are in the high majority, so...

I conferred with my consiglieri, er, niece, and she gave it a thumbs up. She was still trying to help me pay for it because she is a generous young lady and she loves her auntie. I'm going to be okay with the payments though. When I asked what happened to her Ninja, she said she still has it and uses it on occasion. Apparently, she has done okay with that glass carafe. She and her boyfriend are not big on regular coffee but like pimped-out java with lots of foam and all that. She should have gotten one of these fancy Ninjas.

(I finalized the purchase of the Ninja a couple of days into this post. I have already packed up the percolator and will be returning it via Kohls. I also remembered to return the Asurion Plan for a refund.)

The Ninja will be here Monday. I have been using my single brew filter. My counter already looks lonely and less attractive with the percolator gone. It sounds crazy, but I was almost tearful about giving it back. 

I am hoping that this one works out for me. Hopefully, it brews my coffee hot enough without being a danger. Hopefully. I think if I try to return this one, Amazon is going to hate me.

When I get the Ninja, I will use it for a few days and then do a review.

Peace

--Free

**COFFEE REVIEWS** Luzianne Premium & Door County Flavored

Remember me talking about my percolator saving me so much money? It will once I stop trying new coffee in it. So far, I have bought one coffee, gotten a sample of another, and subscribed to one from the sample brand. I'm about to pick up some Luzianne Medium Roast (red) and I will be good on coffee for the next 3 months or more!

First up, is the Luzianne that I had already started writing this review for. 

Luzianne Premium Blend Coffee and Chicory

For a long time, I've been telling people that I prefer dark roast coffee and that Luzianne chicory coffee is the only brand I loved black. What my no-attention-to-details brain never clocked was that the chicory coffee by Luzianne only comes in a medium roast. Luzianne has a dark roast coffee but it's minus the chicory. I never bought that one.

Anyway.

As you know, I am obsessed with my new percolator. Ob-SESSED. I've been consumed with finding the perfect coffee for it. I've been grinding beans and sampling coffees sent to me by sellers. When I saw this

Notice that it is only 16 ounces

for size comparison

I had to grab some. It's coffee with chicory, and it's a dark roast.

I did realize that I might end up having to water it down a bit. After all, I want to do black coffee as often as I can and the red bag Luzianne is a medium roast. However, I usually can do the milder-tastingArabica beans sans cream and sugar better than I can Robusta beans.

But...

This is a roast that is beyond dark. Child. This is- I don't even know how to tell you how strong this coffee is without explaining it in detail.

The suggested measurements are 1 level tablespoon to 6 ounces of water.

Don't do it, sis. Just don't.

They suggest that because (I guess) they know that the standard 2 tablespoons to 6 ounces is way too strong with this blend. And, trust me, they didn't stutter, lie, or overstate this. As a matter of fact, I found the coffee too strong with just 1 tablespoon to 8 ounces. So, for my 4 8-ounce cups, I used a smidge under 4 tablespoons. I say just under because I was using my finger to level it off and went a little deep.

Anyway.

After I made it the way they suggested, the coffee brewed up stronger than Samson, Hercules, and Andre the Giant combined. It was so strong that I put it all aside to make some cold brew later. It was SO strong that when, as an experiment, I just ran more water (about 12 ounces from a bottle I was sipping from) through the just used grounds. And that made a brew good enough for me to actually drink.

This is the kind of strong coffee I imagine cowboys or slaves - or anyone way back in the day - drinking. You know, when people drank coffee to make it through a day with no sleep. When people drank coffee instead of doing cocaine or Adderal or, I don't know, whatever the E.R. doctors, stockbrokers, and mothers of quintuplets and no nanny do to work 90-hour weeks on no steady sleep.

I like my coffee strong but, good golly! This stuff here... I can see Crocodile Dundee looking at someone make a pot of Folgers and whipping this out to say, "That's not coffee, this is coffee." 

You get my drift. Anyway.

So I decided to use 1 weak tablespoon to about 10 ounces of water. "Weak" being the opposite of "heaping" and a tiny bit less than "level".

The next morning, I used my measurements to make the 4 cups of coffee. Then, fingers crossed, I pushed my sweetened and flavored creamer away and the first cup.

Blow, blow, sip.

The verdict: I can do this or... can I do this?

Here's the thing. I can do this without adding anything sweet but I need the cream. I don't know if it's a mind trick or what but there's something about lightening the coffee - to the eye and on the tongue. But I said I was going to give this black coffee thing a real go. I'm doing tofu, for heaven's sake, I should be able to do black coffee!

Blow, blow, sip...

Hmm... 

Yes, I can do it without cream but I will need to make it a little bit weaker. As is - with the already watered-down measurements - I really need at least a little bit of unsweetened cream. Next time I will do 1 tablespoon to 12 ounces of water. I think that will be the sweet spot for me. (And I was so busy sipping, I forgot to get a photo!)

NEVER bitter!
It would make great Cafe Au Lait 

As big a deal as I make about this brew being so strong, the thing is, even at its strongest, the coffee truly has zero bitterness. With the first pot that I made strong that I had to re-purpose it? Even that wasn't bitter in the least. Now, it was overwhelmingly strong but there wasn't even a trace of bitterness. I think that, for anyone who likes their coffee black by default, this would be the perfect brew for them. My father would have loved this coffee. I know that he liked chicory with his coffee (he was from Arkansas via Lousiana, you know) so this would have been something he preferred over the usual brands found on store shelves. He and my mother used to make Folgers so strong you could gnaw on it.

Anyway, I'm not mad at this coffee like I wanted to be because of the price. Since it takes so little of it to make a pot, it will last me a long time. Maybe longer than the huge 12-ounce cans of Yuban that I used to favor. Plus, you know, chicory.

Will I buy this again? Yes. I will.  Unless I can find the cheaper bricks of the red bag Luzianne's mild roast. But this is worth it for the reason that I can drink it black without hating it and because it really is a nice quality of coffee. I'm no expert and even I can tell that this coffee is better than your average easy-to-find shelf brand. However, if I had to use the regular amount of coffee per cup, there is no way.

Brownie Batter Chocolate Flavored Coffee (by Door County Coffee)

 Okay, so this is a much shorter review. This is a medium roast coffee that is so delicious you will feel like you should be putting on weight. It's so good that I've been drinking it with only unsweetened creamer. 

Two things to know about this one:

• It's decaf. Yeah. It was a freebie so I didn't see the product page first. I don't mind. I save it to drink later in the day when I won't drink caffeinated java. Think of it as dessert.
• It's a medium roast. However, in my opinion, you still need to go light on the grounds. In the percolator, The label suggests 2 tablespoons of coffee to 6 ounces of water (that must be the new standard) but I use about a tablespoon and a half to 8 ounces of water. Find your preference and enjoy.

This is so decadent that I started a Subscribe and Save for Door County's Chocolate Caramel Truffle. It's also a decaf. I wanted to try it to see which flavor I like best. I can always switch over the Subscribe option. It's a 10-ounce bag that runs sort of high (about $11.50 right now) but is nice for the occasional treat.

As I said, this is wonderful - if you get the brew strength right. I made one cup too strong and there was a bitter bite to it. Even creamer didn't help. I went too weak with the next cup and I got that dirty water bland ickiness. It took another couple of tries until I hit the mark. Ever since then I have been sipping on this as an after-dinner treat. Creamer brings out the sweetness perfectly.

There are a ton of flavors under this brand. Some only come as ground, while some are available in whole beans. Some are caffeinated. I couldn't find one right off that I wanted to try except Bourbon Vanilla. Since I like the idea of drinking a decaf after dinner hours, I don't mind. 

Last of all, I did pay attention to some of the reviews but I think it's tough to rely on someone else's opinion of a flavored food or beverage. Maybe someone's idea of good chocolate or vanilla is a lot different than my own. I didn't see a lot of bad things about the Brownie Batter but I did see where some reviewers recommended other flavors I don't think I would like. I won't be rushing to try a flavor like Cherry Cream or Amaretto. Those are favorites of mine in general. At least with this brand, there are a LOT of flavors to choose from.

Peace

--Free

Call Me "Vegetarius" (for my health)

(My apologies in advance to any militant vegetarians or vegans.)

With all the madness of people randomly changing their pronouns - and, sorry, I think it's silly - I started thinking about my own choices. At first, I was going to ask everyone to refer to me as rich but decided that no one could suspend belief that high. Instead, I have decided to be more realistic and ask to have my eating habits referred to as being "vegetarius".

I wasn't born this way. What happened is that I got old. All the fat that my body used to repel the way oil repels water or citronella is supposed to repel mosquitos, found a workaround. Every croissant and donut and Moose's Tooth pizza I ever let past my lips was just waiting for me to turn 50 to bring their calories out of hiding to rest on my gut, butt, and the places under my arms right above my bra strap. And by the way, I like to blame the sarcoidosis and prednisone for my weight, but it's been over 10 years since I was on a really high dose of the steroid, so...

The fat doesn't bother me like it did at first. The visuals of my fat I can deal with. I'm not ashamed of the way I look. The problem is I hate the way I feel. For almost 50 years, my frame was used to holding together about 100 to 135 pounds. Carrying so much more than since I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis has been taking a toll. 

My weight loss "journey" (there's another of those overworked terms) started with whatever plans were "trending" at the time. I tried the whole Cabbage and Carrots diet. That works until you start eating anything other than cabbage and carrots. I tried Keto; the juice and smoothie cleanse diet; food prep; OMAD, and so on. When I tried ADF (Alternate Day Fasting), I realized it was something I could live with long-term.

The problem with any change in diet for weight loss is that not only do you have to stick with it - pretty much for life - but it's a two-step situation. It's all about both how you eat and what you eat. For instance, I have no problem with how to do ADF. I actually love it. It feels natural to me. On top of that, I save on my groceries. 

All good, right? Just about perfect, but I did realize I needed to work on the what I eat part of the plan. 

Originally, I didn't really change what I was eating on the ADF diet plan. My general meals consisted of a lot of beans and chicken and rice and potatoes and vegetables with the occasional beef binge or pizza party thrown in. I discovered freaking Butter Burgers when I moved here to Iowa - Butter Burgers, people. Then I found those delicious Mama Cozzi's Take 'n Bake pizzas at Aldi's. 

Checking in for my infusion one day, the scale hit a number that made even the nurse do a doubletake. At my last infusion, I had weighed in at about 12 pounds lighter. Folks, I get these infusions every 7 weeks. The nurse didn't comment and neither did I - not out loud. Inside though I was telling myself that Sam Cooke never lied. A change was surely going to come. It had to. 

The next time I bought groceries, I used a list of kidney-friendly foods to guide me. (Because my kidneys are on the hit list with this sarcoidosis.) The first thing on that list was tofu. Other things were chicken,  fatty fish - like salmon and tuna - and lots of leafy greens and vegetables and blueberries. Things to avoid include most of the seasonings I had in my cabinet, nitrates, potassium, and - oh no - smoked fish. 

This is where my learning process started: which types of fish and seafood I can and cannot have; how to make skinless chicken more appetizing; who to season food without a lot of salt; and what the heck to do with tofu.

It's been some time since I started playing with my personal menu. As of today, my meals (for good and for "needs improvement") consist mainly of:

• Cabbage and collard greens (I love collards and can do interesting meals with cabbage)
• Frozen mixed vegetables (because they are super-cheap all year round)
• Whole-grain or seeded bread.
• Frozen blueberries (the only berry I really like that I can easily afford)
• Salmon - not always the cheapest when I need to buy it as fresh as possible. Thankfully Aldi's tends to keep a supply.
• Tuna - hard to find low-sodium kinds except online.
• Shrimp - cheaper if farmed, tastier if wild-caught.
• Tofu - so far only extra firm is my favorite

Olive oil and chia seeds and natural honey are staples now. I'm even trying to learn to drink my coffee black. My other go-to beverages are chocolate tea or sweetened vanilla soy milk blended with unsweetened cacao.

I snack on things like roasted black beans, the occasional tortilla chip, and peanut butter on bread. Every now and then, I will get an angel food cake and dress it up with freshly whipped cream and some berries. I make chia seed pudding in place of ice cream. If I really get a craving for something sweet I will make a 2-ingredients ice cream out of yogurt or cream with condensed milk.

Since I had to cut back on salt but just have to have some kind of seasoning, I have started using shitake mushroom seasoning. I don't look too closely at the label but will bring it up with the nephrologist next visit. And, cut me some slack, tofu needs seasoning!

To be fair, I have come to love tofu. It's fairly cheap and versatile. So far, I've only used the firm or extra-firm type and can do a version of chicken nuggets and chicken sandwich patties. I can't wait to try recipes using the softer or "silkier" tofu.

Anyway, the other day, my neighbor asked me if I was "going vegetarian". My answer is no. I don't want to "go vegetarian" but I have to go away from the way I've been eating for almost 60 years. I decided then to tell her that I am "going vegetarius". 

For me, being "vegetarius" means admitting that vegetarians make some good points about eating right. The rest of us typically do eat too much red meat and we don't eat enough vegetables. However, eating more vegetables and less red meat does not make me anywhere close to being a vegetarian. But I can eat better and healthier without getting any closer than is comfortable for me. 

As a vegetarius, I am going for a better-balanced diet. I can enjoy the once-in-a-blue-moon burger or taco and I don't have to scan the labels of everything I eat to make sure I'm not getting a single grain of meat by-product. I have enough trouble watching out for nitrates, potassium, sodium - or any other thing that adds flavor to food.

As a vegetarius, I am adjusting my eating habits for my own better health and not because I worship at the altar of the animal kingdom. 

You can see from the meals I listed, I have completely revamped my diet. However, quality of life is as important as the number of years lived. There is not a lot of fun in being on medicines and dealing with an illness that cuts back on the days you feel well. If I can get some pleasure from my food without literally killing myself, I'm going for it. So the vegetarius life is for me.

If there are any dieticians, vegetarians, or other folks with food knowledge, I would love to hear about some kidney-friendly recipes.

Peace

--Free

Some of the resources I use when grocery shopping

I'm not a medical professional. Always do your own research. I am just sharing some of the places I check when I am putting together a grocery list. I shop online so it's easy for me to open them in another tab. When I do go to a store, I try to have my whole list ready to take with me.

Be good to your kidneys. Trust me, I know what a toll dialysis can take on a person.

• This is the most comprehensive site I use. I have to pull it up almost every time I shop.
• And this is the "quickie" list when I don't have the brainpower for the first resource!
• This gave me a heads up about dairy alternatives. There is a catch to everything!
• Some "fast foods" that I found
• Seasonings that are "safe" (and not one is a favorite without salt!)
• I like this page for the different lists of "eat this not that" options. Scroll down on the page to find it.
• I hate this page but refer to it often. It depresses me.

**REVIEW** Presto 12-Cup Electric Percolator (UPDATED)

HUGE 3rd Update. I am SHOCKED

I am almost embarrassed to write this update but I want people to trust my reviews so, I have to deal with it.

I am going to be going over to Amazon and dropping the rating for this percolator from a 5 to a 3-star review. It's not about the incident I had spilling hot coffee. I already updated the Amazon review with a warning about that. This is about flavor.

So. I got the new coffeemaker I was posting about (or will be; I don't know when it's scheduled to publish) and it might not be the world's best in some people's opinions but... It shook me up with the flavor it delivers. Keep in mind the machine is new and quality might nosedive at some point. (I'm going to be more careful from now on about screaming praises.)

A while back, I got a complimentary bag of coffee from a seller to replace one that I did not enjoy. I brewed both in the percolator and hated both. I didn't tell the seller about the complimentary replacement bag. After all, they had been kind enough to not only give it to me but they refunded my money for the bag it replaced. I had about 2 cups' worth of freshly ground beans that I had frozen from the second bag. I vac-sealed it and stuck it in the freezer. I vac-sealed the rest of the beans and gave them to a neighbor. And I moved on.

When I got the new coffeemaker, the Ninja CE251 (that I will be doing a full review on), I wanted to do what I had done with the percolator and try small batches of at least 3 kinds of coffee. The percolator did well with 2 of them (I can't remember which ones now). The other coffee came out just kind of blah. And the same thing happened with both bags of coffee from the kindly seller. I thought it was the coffee. Since I usually pick a couple of bags of coffee I like and stick with it - unless I am doing a review - I was fine. I was using Green Mountain Dark Magic ground coffee. It was okay. I thought it was good. Until...

To test the Ninja, I made a couple of cups each of Green Mountain, Cafe Du Monde (stop hating!), and the Door County Brownie Batter. I remember that the Brownie Batter was yummy from the percolator. The Green Mountain was okay (I thought) and I can't remember about the CDM. 

The Ninja killed it with all three. Knocked them clean out of the park. I couldn't believe how good everything tasted. I can't remember all the subtleties of flavor with the percolator but I know it was nothing as good as with the Ninja.

Again, I am embarrassed. I guess since the percolator coffee was "good" I didn't know any better until I brewed them in another machine. Mind-blowing. 

When I remembered the coffee I had given away - an almost entire bag of fresh beans!!! - I was glad that I had some left from what I had ground. I had just enough for about 4 cups so I did 2 cups.

Now I am kind of pissed. I gave away some of the best coffee ever. Free coffee at that. And I can't afford more of it right now. 

The coffee was so good that I was able to drink it black without gagging. When I added unsweetened creamer... Yeah. I will be saving up for another bag. Who needs food or A/C when I can have coffee that good?

Now I have to go back over to Amazon and make that review right.

2nd Update*** 

WARNING: I am having to return this. It gets too hot. I like that because I like my coffee hot. However, I burned my hand when I spilled the coffee I was pouring, and, let me tell you, the coffee was freshly brewed and scalding hot. Luckily, I was near the sink and had the cold water already running for something else. I cooled the burn and slathered on some Manuka honey and it was fine. I tend to be off-balance and clumsy so... this could have been really bad. It's still the best coffee pot ever but not for me - or anyone else with balance issues. Absolutely be careful with it around small children or anyone who might tend to bump and knock things over.

UPDATE: See below the original post for my updates.

This is listed on Amazon (where I bought it) as the "Presto 02811 12-Cup Stainless Steel Coffee Maker". Since I am keeping the stovetop percolator too, I am selling my Keurig to a neighbor to pay for it. The stovetop pot will be my cold weather indulgence while I use the electric pot for daily coffee brewing. I could have titled this post "The Perks of a Percolator".

So, let's get a look at this thing.

They even included wraparound filters

I like 99.99% of everything about this percolator. There is one big drawback that, had it not been for the Pros, I would not have gotten this one. First, let's look at what I like.

• It takes up far less room than the Keurig. I can move this easily from counter to counter as I need to. Right now, I have it near the stove but am thinking of moving it closer to the sink where I can easily fill it with water.  I saved so much room that I was able to arrange my coffee, tea, and some cups and saucers in the spot where the Keurig used to be. If need be, I can even store this on the kitchen bar. And I am seriously thinking of doing this because it frees up more working counter room.
• It brews fast. Not as fast as the Keurig but, then again, this isn't limited to just a pod's worth of brew. I timed it making about 6 cups of coffee and clocked at 07:29:04. If you remember, one of the complaints about my old Keurig's performance is that it had slowed down and was putting out less liquid. (And, yes, my neighbor is aware of this. He also knows the machine is 4 years old.)
• The coffee is hot as lava! I actually burned my tongue on the first sip - and that's after I'd added fridge-cold creamer. Cold creamer killed any heat for coffee coming out of my K.
• The machine keeps the coffee on Warm until I shut it off. I don't know yet how tasty the coffee is after about a couple of hours. So far, it's still been yummy after about an hour and a half of warming. One day, I will use some cheap coffee to taste-test the results after a few hours in the pot. 
• The machine is almost entirely stainless steel. The cap of the lid is hard plastic and that's it. Like with the stovetop pot, I feel it will be durable because of the metal construction.
• Buying coffee for this is cheaper than for the K. Bagged coffee is just cheaper all around than pods. For instance, at my corner grocery's coffee center, I can buy as many or as few beans as I want. Ground coffee is also more affordable - in general. 
• Coffee is cheaper not only because I'm not using pods but because I can mix coffee roasts. I tried this already with a weaker Breakfast roast I've had in the freezer for a while. It's a decent-tasting coffee but just not rich enough for me. On the other hand, I had a little bit of some Columbian roast that could cut through steel it's so strong. I mixed the two for a really decent brew. I plan to go through the freezer of vac-sealed bags I have. There are several small batches of brew that were given to me over the months that I've never used. Some were too tricky to use in the Universal K-cup for the K machine and some I just never got around to trying to brew because I didn't want to waste them on the K. Also, I am once again enjoying the affordable Yuban and Community Coffee with chicory that I never used in the K.
• I can, in most cases, skip using a filter. Filters were never a problem with K-cups but with the Universal K-cup, some coffees were bothersome. I can use or not use filters with the percolator. A couple of grinds did leave residue on the brew but I didn't notice until I was dumping the dregs from the pot. For the coffee that does leave grounds in the brew, I plan to use wraparound filters. I tried the Melitta discs and they were a total bust in this percolator.
• I can, of course, make up to 12 cups at a time with the percolator. I rarely will be making that much coffee but it is nice to be able to set up 4 cups and drink at my leisure.
• It's a picky one this, but I don't have to deal with all those freaking empty k-cups taking up room in the trash. 

By the way, in the video, I have the pot sitting on a silicone mat. I wasn't sure if the heat from the pot would mar the counter the way the Keurig did. I don't think it does but no need in taking chances.

Talk about a strong cuppa.
 Whew!

Time was the biggest factor for me with a percolator. The stovetop took too long for most mornings. My routine with the electric percolator is to set up m coffee the night before. I get up in the morning and plug in the machine, hit the bathroom, open the blinds, and - boom- coffee is done. I like to let it sit for a minute or two for all the liquid to clear the basket before I pour. It makes for a good start to the day. And the coffee is going to still be piping hot if I don't get to it right away. There were mornings when I had to reheat coffee from the K because I got busy and didn't get the brew into my thermal mug before it was cooling off.

Should be about my Keurig instead

Last of all, I honestly felt like having a Keurig was just trendy. That's why I ever got the first one. One of my sisters-in-law had the first one in the family - way back when they were first being used in homes. My brother had one in the office and it was so convenient. I think I got my first one a few years later. Keurigs were a popular Christmas gift item. Pretty soon, everyone in the family had a Keurig. It seemed like they were better made and lasted much longer then. I swear I shipped or drove one from state to state for a while. I think I ended up giving it away during one move. I don't know. The one I had in Alaska was still going strong but I couldn't figure out how to empty it to pack to the move here. Now when I think about it, I just kept getting a Keurig because it was what I was used to. Any other machines I had on the side were basic and didn't last long. These days they are getting a reputation for being shoddily made and not exactly easy for the common user to repair or maintain.

So I do love having this percolator. I don't know why I didn't get one sooner. Rah, rah, sis-koom-bah. So what is the one thing that almost sent me looking for another brand?

Hold that thought while I mention a few minor irritations:

• That cord is okay for my tiny kitchen but it is a bit short. I have to reposition the pot when I use it so that the cord doesn't tug when I am filling my cup. Otherwise, I have to lift the cup to pour coffee.
• Unlike the stovetop version, the lid on this one is solid. You can't see the perking action. That's nitpicky but still...
• The well that the pipe sits in is narrow. In order not to move it out of place, I have to kind of feel around for how to sit the basket onto it. If that makes sense.
• Because this starts to work the very second it's plugged in (no On/Off Button), can't leave it plugged in and turn it on as I want. For now, I leave the cord unplugged from the wall until I'm ready to use it.
• Cleaning the basket can be a pain if I don't use a filter. 

 Now about that major concern I have...

Well, there is no Auto Shut-off feature. Nope. The pot is either on or off. If it's plugged in, it's on and that is it.

That's irritating and very concerning. Especially since I have times when my short-term memory is not even halfway decent. Seriously. I have routines just to accommodate my memory problems. I tape notes around the apartment and I have all kinds of timers on my phone to remind me of medications and daily details. I have 3 calendars - desk, kitchen wall, and purse. I constantly lose or misplace things so I tend to keep duplicates for the bedroom, bathroom, and living room. I use Alexa to help with some reminders and alerts. It's a process to live in my head and in my routine. It's sometimes embarrassing and that I can live with. It's when something can be dangerous that I worry. So, yeah, that whole no shut off thing? That bothers me.

I don't know if I ever mentioned the time that I was using a travel-style coffee maker (to brews some ground coffee instead of K-cups). I had used it just before I was leaving to visit family in Arizona. I was sitting on the plane about to take off when I started to wonder if I had turned off that little pot. I ended up trying to call the building maintenance guy so he could go into the apartment and check. It was the holidays and Iowa roads were awful. The maintenance guy lived in the town next door to where I lived. The building manager was on vacation. Neighbors had no way to get into the apartment. I sat there, praying for the maintenance man to answer his work phone while a flight attendant was giving me dirty looks. I managed to leave a message for maintenance. Then I sweated and worried all the way to Phoenix. I needed Valium or a strong drink by the time that plane landed. When I turned my phone back on, I had a message from the maintenance man. The coffee pot and everything else were unplugged and all was well back at my apartment. He didn't wish me a happy holiday. I brought him back a huge gift bag of goodies from Cracker Barrell. We were friends again.

I don't need another anxiety-inducing episode like that. I have already decided that this time if I travel, I am leaving a key with a neighbor just in case. As a matter of fact, I now have an OCD checklist to tape to my door if I have to leave town ever. 

Thankfully, on a day-to-day basis, I'm done with drinking coffee by about noon at the latest. I have tons of time to make sure the pot is unplugged before bedtime. 

Still, I feel like I have made a good purchase and I will be saving a lot of money in the long run. I figure I will have saved what I spent on the pot by the end of the year. No more pods and I have coffee on hand to last for at least 3 months. Having hoarder tendencies has paid off! I have enough coffee from the past 4 years vac-sealed to get me through another pandemic lockdown.

Anyway.

Getting the percolator made me reevaluate how I make purchase decisions. There is a subReddit called Buy It For Life where members discuss the benefits of going for quality over quantity. It's made me realize that I tend to spend more money replacing cheap purchases. I've decided to work on that. In the future, I hope to be more careful about buying clothing, footwear, handbags, and, especially, appliances. I'm proud to say that I got a head start when I bought Under Armour sneakers and the purses I got from Poshmark. I made a promise to myself that I will not be buying any more handbags for the next several years - if ever. I have a few quality bags that will last as long as I need them to. The same goes for my winter boots. I might have to buy more sneakers by next summer's walking days though. As for appliances, I'm done for now. I have the basics and they are all decent items. The only thing I really want - not need, mind you, are some good knives and maybe one other good non-stick pan.

Anyway, I will keep you updated on any breakdowns or problems with the percolator. I spent a few bucks more and got the 3-year warranty but this thing better last me a lot longer than that!

Peace

--Free

UPDATE

It's been a minute that I have been using this and I am still thrilled with it. I have more room on my counters now that I have gotten the Keurig out of the way. This percolator has made me fall in love with coffee again. I got a complimentary bag of coffee beans from the seller of the Mushroom coffee. I also have some Luzianne (white label can) to try, and brownie batter coffee to taste. I will review them all.

Since I have the complimentary beans (dark roast), I had to bust out the burr grinder I first got to review a couple of years ago. I'm glad I have that thing now! I remembered to do a medium-coarse grind for brewing in a percolator. 

The other day, after brewing freshly grounded coffee, I remembered why I started drinking java. It was for the flavor. I think that in the past several years, I'd put flavor behind trendy. Every time, I have my coffee now, I am having more enjoyment of the smells and tastes and just the simple indulgence. I had my neighbor over and she said that she might have to get a percolator. She is in her mid 80's and remembers using her old stovetop perc as a farm wife. She has a drip machine for now. Like me, it was the smell that she enjoyed so much.

With the Keurig, I would have spent about $15 to $17 to restock coffee to last me about 1 month - maybe less if I use 2 pods a day. And sometimes, I would deny myself the 3rd cup just because of the cost. With ground coffee, I can make as large or small a serving as I want instead of being restricted to a pod at a time. If I get low on coffee, I can make smaller servings. In a drip maker, I would use about 2 tablespoons of coffee to 8-10 ounces for a cup of coffee. With the percolator - where the water gets hotter and, well, percolates through the grinds, I can get a strong cup of coffee using just about a tablespoon and a half to 8-10 ounces. That's just me. Maybe some people like theirs stronger. I'm trying to learn to drink my coffee black so... Basically, I'm getting the equivalent of about 40 to 50 pods at the price I would pay for about 30 pods. It depends on the coffee I buy. Luzianne White Label is at the high end at about $16 for a pound. More in line with my budget (at the lower end) is Cafe Du Monde at around $8 per pound. So, yeah. saving money.

By the way, I have to give a big thank you to my neighbor the teacher. She worked out all the math for me with the coffee pricing. I tried to do it but got lost at the beginning! LOL

Internet: I Have Questions

 ... SO many questions.

Someone needs this shirt

• 
  Can a YouTuber make a video without begging viewers to "Like and Subscribe"? 

I find this to be so annoying. It's not like YouTube is new. I'm sure that 99.99% of viewers know how to Like a video if they like it and Subscribe if they want to. Personally, depending on how annoyingly placed the begs are, I will downvote a video or just stop watching it and go to the next one in my queue.

• What is up with the weird narration voices on some of the YouTube channels?

I don't know if this is supposed to be trendy or if the narrator is just trying to make their channel stand out from the pack. 

There was one channel I used to listen to (but stopped) that had a narrator who sounded as if he was a robot trying to sound like a human trying to sound like a robot who was asking a question in every sentence. The speaking cadence was an up and down monotone of irritation that grated on my last good nerve. Too bad because the content was always very interesting.

Another channel was annoying because the narration was - big surprise to me - apparently digital. Yeah. When I complained about the weird pronunciations and odd speech patterns, another commenter told me that I was listening to a computer. Tech is getting good. I really thought I was listening to a person - but a person with an annoying speaking voice.

• Can we talk about the volume on videos while we're at it?

I don't know why the heck someone would put the time and energy into creating a channel - some of them with a ton of videos - but not get the sound together. I've actually had to get an extension to boost the sound of videos. I sometimes can only hear some of the videos with earphones on. There there are the videos that splice in content without regulating the volume so you're straining to hear one moment and scrambling to Mute the next. 

• Can we just get to the recipe already???

Okay - I am guilty of this one, but I am getting better. It's so frustrating to Google a recipe, go to a page, then have to hear the life story of someone before they post the actual recipe. And, even worse is when they make it tricky to print the recipe without a ton of photos or their own weird formatting. By the way, I have started making it easy to spot where recipes or reviews start in my posts. See? Getting better.

• What is with those It the Clown type pop-ups on every page of the internet?

This has long been a pet peeve but it's getting worse day by day. Every time I go to a site to check an article or find that hidden recipe (see above), I'm slapped with one of those stalker pop-up things before I get a glimpse of the page. They pester readers to sign up for newsletters, joining a mailing list, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. I just feel like yelling at the screen "Can you give me a freaking minute????" 

How do I even know if I want to join your mailing list if I can't see what the heck you are all about first? And why on earth can't the offers be a little less jolting? 

By the way, for all those sites that won't let you price anything or see what they offer without giving an email address? Well, I have a throwaway email just for that. So there.

• Instagram shops: please be honest and upfront about the products you are selling. Please.

I have found a lot of products to peruse after seeing ads that pop up in my Instagram feed. Not that I always buy the product (I rarely do), but it's cool to see something interesting that I might not have heard of otherwise. My problem is when the ads either straight up lie and misrepresent their product. Don't show me a beautiful wig or whatever only to be selling something that looks like it came from a joke shop. And please start being more upfront with the pricing. I have found at least 10 products or services that sound amazing until I find out that not only can't I afford them but neither can half the upper-middle-class population. Very recently (okay, it was this morning), I saw an ad for a product to replace traditional, stripping shampoos. Man, it sounded so good when the ad echoed my thoughts about the detergents and other insane shampoo ingredients. I almost broke a thumb clicking for more info. Actually, I went to Amazon because I dislike clicking on Instagram ads - in case I hate the product. This amazing hair product should only be advertised to the rich. I don't want to lie on this product but I believe the price I saw was around $50 for 8 ounces. Hah! Begone with you. Get out of here and never come back!

• Does everyone on Reddit just have to be so snarky?

Okay - first of all, I love Reddit. I just hate some of the users. A lot of them make it their mission in life to out-snark each other. Some of them just can't comment without trying to be cute - or one-up the last comment. Sometimes, they all just get overly playful and go from being fun and cute to annoying.

I really hate when I find a good post that is interesting and useful only to be ruined by stupid comments. I haven't figured out yet how to get past all the long strings of input from attention-seeking people. 

What's wild is that Redditors tend to be really smart and witty and interesting. I don't know how the mean folks managed to take over.

• Why did Google get rid of Google Plus & why hasn't someone started a similar forum?

I will never and not ever stop being mad about Google Plus going away. I tried some of the other places that Plussers wandered off to. None are good enough. I honestly can't remember off hand the 2 that I tried hard at.

• Why are there no popular forums for the "mature" among us?

Look, there are plenty of tech people who were born in the '60s and '70s. So why has none of these tech-smart folk come up with a "G Plus" or "Reddit" for people who are mature and act mature? Not all of us are "old at heart". Some of us are very interested in connecting and communicating and sharing - without trying to look and act like we are fit & fab yummy mummies and dishy daddies. Some of us, ahem, are north of 40 and 50+ who love our internet as much as the rest of the users.

Maybe I'm just full of sour grapes, but I can't believe I am the only one who could love a more mature and life-focused version of Facebook. Right now, I have 80-year old relatives trying to keep up with the vain and narcissistic people on these other platforms. Maybe I should be asking for a platform based not on age but on mindset? After all, there are celebrities in their 50s and up who only get attention for looking half their age. That's just sad.

So, yeah, I have so many questions when it comes to the internet. Got any answers? Go ahead, I'll wait. In the meantime, I will be adding to this list...

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Is German-Made Nivea Better?

How many ladies used to stock up on these tins at the drugstore?

Years ago, I used to love, love, love me some Nivea cream. I remember always having multiple little tins of the stuff to stash everywhere - in my purse, in the car console, the drawer at work, in the upstairs bathroom, the downstairs bathroom... I wanted to be able to reach and grab some no matter where I was - especially during the long, cold, dry Alaska winters. This is back when I was young and didn't have problems like extremely dry skin. I just loved the feel of Nivea.

I'm not sure when I fell out of love with the cream. I think it got to the point where Nivea just felt and looked too greasy. A little glisten to the skin is nice but looking like you're coated with grease.... Nope. I don't remember if I even wondered if the formula had changed or if it was just my skin slowly maturing and not being able to absorb the stuff. At any rate, I moved on to other body and face moisturizers. Some good and some wonderful. Some I can't even find around anymore.

When I was married, I started using a moisturizer that a friend gave me. It had an orangey-vanilla scent and my husband was mad for it. It made my skin feel amazing. I wish I could remember what it was. It's probably gone out of production just like my favorite perfume did. Does anyone remember Flori Roberts Gold fragrance? Gone. Not made anymore.

Anyway.

In the past 7, 8, or maybe 9 years, I've been using a combination of face- or body-specific products. I like trying different oils and mixing them to get the perfect blend for my skin type. But I do get tired of having so many little bottles and tubes around. It's gotten to where I've been giving away a lot of stuff to my neighbors (some of whom have never heard of moisturizers such as shea, babassu, peach kernel, etc.).  Even so, I still have a bathroom pantry full of oils and creams.

This pic from an old 2018 post
doesn't tell the full story!

A while back, for some reason, Nivea products started popping up in my "suggestions" on Amazon. And there are a lot of Nivea products on the site. I had never used any other Nivea product and the last time I'd bought a tin of the cream was probably just before I moved here to Iowa. After I used it up on my dry feet, I kept some vaseline in the tin to keep in my purse. (I actually found the empty container in the bathroom pantry just for this post. Do I have hoarding tendencies?)

So feeling a little nostalgic and seeing the Nivea suggestion (around the same time as having psoriasis on my feet acting up), I thought about getting a small tin. The Nivea that showed up on Amazon was touted as being "100% Authentic German Nivea Creme".

Wait.

What?

Okay, so my ignorant self never knew the history of Nivea (and see further down for other things I didn't know about Nivea...) 

I honestly didn't know that Nivea originated as a German brand. So, of course, I never thought about the fact that the brand I was buying here in the USA was made in Mexico, More importantly, I didn't know that there are formulation differences.

I will be smacked.

If you want to go deeper, you can peruse the timeline. Here is where I learned that Nivea means "snow white". Picture my brown-skinned face expressing some kind of feelings here. 

(By the way, the brand has had, previously unknown to me, issues with race and homophobia, but I won't go into that here.)

While learning some of this, I also started thinking about the origins of the brand name "Eucerin" but I don't want to get sidetracked so...

Moving on, let's get back to the Nivea I saw online.

After reading some of the Amazon reviews (and scanning reviews and input from some beauty pages online), I had to - just had to - try the "100% Authentic German Nivea Creme". Come on, folks, you know me by now!

Not only did I not know about "German-made Nivea", I had never even thought about where the Nivea I'd been using was made.

North American Nivea

Two things helped me feel better about buying this. First, the price isn't bad (under 10 bucks for a huge almost 14-oz tin) and, second, the item is returnable. 

I have never in my life had such a large tin of Nivea, no matter where it's made. I think the only thing I've ever bought in such a large tin container is some cooking lard.

I mean, seriously - this can is BIG...

Makes my "regular" 99 cent tin look measly.

dug up my ancient tin.

What I had to know right off was whether or not this was any different (better, I hoped) than the Nivea of my 20s and 30's. And the verdict...

Yes, Virginia, there is a difference. When I applied the cream to my face, the difference seemed subtle at first, but then I noticed it more as the minutes ticked by. 

**In the middle of writing this post - which took a couple of weeks - I found this chart via a Reddit post by u/jewishvampire. It's an old one but worth checking out.**

Link to original

One of the reasons I gave up on Nivea the first time around was that it left my skin greasy-looking and slick. It just didn't absorb well enough. I want to say that I stopped using it on my face long before I stopped using it altogether. 

This "original" Nivea smells much the same to me - even though some reviewers swear that it smells less perfumey. It might have a similar scent but my skin has a better reaction to it. I can apply it on my face and within a few minutes, it's already absorbed. After 10 minutes, I can touch my face and feel absolutely nothing but velvety softness. The one other skin cream that does that for me is Loreal's Age Perfect Cell Renew (in the gold jar). It's pricey stuff so I rarely buy it anymore and when I do, I try to water it down to make it last longer. I also do well with Korean brand skin creams like Moistfull from Etude House. We know now that, like me, my skin is not xenophobic in the least!

Anyway, I like having this "better" Nivea on hand. I like to use it before applying any too-thick sunscreens to reduce the ashy-looking white tint on my skin. (By the way, I love the Walmart brand of Baby Sunscreen SPF 50. No residue. Also, it's very moisturizing on its own.)

So, yeah, it is my opinion that the German-produced Nivea is better - at least, for some skin types. I like the absorbency and it just moisturizes my skin better. I think a lot of the preference between the 2 different products has to do with skin type. So just pick the one that works better for you.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: I am once again apologizing if this post sounds disjointed. I had to write it in between some feeling-not-so-great days. I will check back at some point to make sure all the links work.