Saturday, April 18, 2009

Things I THINK Men Want

Since I did a post on the things women want in a man, I feel like I have to do one on what men SEEM to want from women. I say "seem" because I can't get into the head of a man anymore than men can get into a woman's head. I'm basing this post on what I was taught by my mother and my own experiences. Here we go: What I think men want from a woman...

1 - No nagging. They heard you the first time you said something. If you asked them to do something & they still haven't done it after a while, find another way to ask. Don't just keep repeating yourself. That just gets on their nerves. My man actually said to me one time, "Damn, baby girl, I HEARD you!" And you guys know that this is one of those "contemplating homicide" times Chris Rock jokes about... If all else fails, start doing it yourself. This might get to them. (But don't let that get to be a habit or you might end up doing everything by yourself - in which case, why do you need them?)

2 - Keep yourself up. There was something about you that attracted your man in the first place. Whatever that was, keep it up. I'm not saying you have to try to keep up with Halle or some young thing, but do the best with whatever you've got. As a woman, I HATE to see another female looking raggedy. I hate to see a woman out in public with a sloppy attitude - you know, the hair's not combed, there's sleep crumbs in the corners of her eyes, and she didn't even bother to put some lotion on her ashy ankles... There's a big difference between vanity and giving a damn. (Right now, I look a little bit raggedy - hair messy, rip in the PJs... But my man is out of town at the moment. You better bet that if I thought he was coming up that driveway, I'd just about hurt myself getting to the mirror to fix this lazy Saturday morning look I have going on!)

3 - Food. I don't know if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I know men like to be taken care of. Food is one of the basics. I didn't learn to really cook until I got married this last time, but I can tell you now that I DID learn. And it's not just for my man either. There is something beautiful about putting together a meal to nourish and satisfy your man. Even if you can't cook, you can learn. If you don't learn, you can try. I think men appreciate the effort.

4 - A clean home. This is basic, sisters. For one thing, I don't care if your man is the biggest slob on the planet, I don't think even he feels good about living in squalor. Besides, how can you feel good about yourself when your house is a wreck. I don't mean that we can all afford the best living quarters, but you can keep what you do have clean. (I used to know this one chick who was always complaining about her man not being "romantic" enough. What she meant was, she wasn't getting enough action in the bedroom. Well, hell, if you had SEEN this nasty apartment they were living in... I mean, dishes always piled up on the counter & in the sink. Clothes always about to be washed and folded, etc. Atmosphere does a lot for the senses. I like the idea of lighting a scented candle to set a mood, but I wouldn't have advised this sister to even light a match in her place. Might have torched the whole dang building...)

5 - Trust. Yes, men need us to trust that they are going to be there for us, that they are going to handle things. This one is hard sometimes. You know, when you're worried about that extra money y'all need to come up with to pay that unexpected bill... You might have to clench your jaws & grit your teeth, but you need to let him know that you know he's gonna handle it. (I admit, I might be doing some scrimping on my own just in case, but I'm not going to let him know that until I absolutely have to.) Trust your man at least until he gives you a reason not to.

6 - Sex. Yep. This is the biggie. Steve Harvey calls it "The Cookie." You can call it "quality time," "that special moment," or whatever you want to, but it comes down to keeping the man satisfied in a way that food, cleaning, trust, no-nagging & all that other stuff ain't going to get it. We women crave affection while men want sex. I try to be proactive & start with the affection before he has to ask for sex. That way, we both get what we want. (That doesn't always work, because I think men would take sex 24/7 if they could, but... Work with what you got.)

OK. That's it. I mean, I know there are a ton of other things that men can say they want, but as a woman, I think those 6 are the biggies.


P.S.: And I just couldn't resist doing this one more time:


  1. Girl Free you miss the main one.. Support and Respect. (Ok I am a woman, so this is me speculating)but a man wants a woman who supports and respect him. It is all about how a man feels when he is with you. If your man feels that you truly have his back and that you believe in him. He is not going anywhere. Halle Berry could stand in the front of him naked and he would give her a towel. I think women do not understand the psyche of a need respect. It is an ego thing and it has to be genuine, because they also have a BS meter....

  2. True enough. (Notice I didn't forget a dang thing when I got on the men!)

  3. Oh and I forgot.. men need to be needed.. They need to feel like a man. Again it is an ego thing. Many "independent women" have it wrong (listening that Beyonce BS). If you project that you don't need a man, then you will never have one...simple.

  4. Oh, absolutely. I might have said it here before, but I USED TO BE one of those I-don't-need-a-man-to-do-shit-for-me chicks. Then I realized that's a lot of what's wrong with relationships today. Men & women do need each other there's nothing wrong with that. As my Mama would say, we need to get back to some old-fashioned basics in the home.

    See - this is the kind of thing that more of us women need to be discussing.