Trying to Make Artisan Wheat (I think)

 Okay, so this is my first time doing bread in the Dutch oven. I'm not even sure if what I am doing can be called "artisan". Because of the type of flour I'm using, I'm not sure if I can call it a true "wheat" bread.

It is wheat, so...

Here's the thing though, I felt so good while preparing the dough. I've been really wiped out lately and with trying to change my diet (again), it's been a drain. This recipe was one of the easier ones because it's a "no-knead" type. I don't have to knead it because it has to sit for 8 to 24 hours to rise.

I didn't take a Before photo. It was after 9 at night and, yeah. But here is what it looked like this morning:

That did better than I expected. The dough is really damp and was just one big odd-looking lump when I went to bed. This morning's dough was puffed and kind of yummy-looking. Before I had to push out the air and get it ready for the 2nd rise.

I changed a couple of things about the recipe, but here is the video I used.

I like this dude. He gets to the point and is very clear with instructions. If this bread is messed up, it's totally going to be on me. 

Like I said, I made changes. I didn't have sesame seeds and I didn't have the flax in seed form. I used pumpkin and sunflower seeds. I literally picked up the cheap packs of seeds at the corner grocery. I do have ground flax and since this is all about a high-fiber diet, I added that. Without measuring. Yikes. I didn't measure the seeds either. I figured the more the merrier and just went for it.

One thing that I really did want to add but held back was some brown sugar or blackstrap molasses. Or vanilla extract. Restraint is the word of the day. I played around the rules enough. I can always test adding things the next time.

As I was writing this, I was waiting for the bread to finish baking. Nervous! But, it turned out to look a lot like the one in the video. I am impressed with myself.

I am pleased! It smells amazing and none of the seeds burned. I am nervous about cutting into it, but... 

It turned out awesome and really could do with another 5 or 6 minutes in the oven (I'm putting it back in).  I am trying to remember what Paul Hollywood says about the seeds not distributing throughout the bake... Still, I am kinda happy.

The one thing I am really disappointed in is that I didn't follow my instincts and add something sweet - sugar, syrup, honey - the bread tastes like organic store-bought bread that is slightly salty.

Okay. So now I know. I will be making more and this time, I am going to add sugar, syrup, or honey. This would be the best thing ever with some sweetness to it.

Peace

--Free

UPDATED **REVIEW** Mira Nova Creamed White Honey (& Arashan Brand)

UPDATE:
The original review was only for the Mira Nova brand. See the bottom of the post for a tiny review of the Arashan brand of honey. Both brands reviewed are wildflower varieties.

Mira Nova Creamed White Honey

Y'all know how I love honey. Floral, bush, Manuka, etcetera. I like putting honey in my tea, smearing it on bread, or just eating a little spoonful.

Since so much of the honey on grocery store shelves is fake or diluted (or even possibly polluted), I try to buy local or look for organic and trusted brands. I like unprocessed honey and raw (with pieces still in it), but I really like creamed honey. I've been wanting to try white creamed honey and I finally got some courtesy a gift from my public wishlist. (That's a hint for more of my family!)

This is the one I tried and it is so good that I cannot stop eating it. It is a "creamed wildflower mountain honey from Central Asia".

I've got some loaf-sliced brioche from Aldi's that's been sitting on top of the fridge for a minute. I have been spreading it with cream cheese topped with some of this honey for my breakfast or a mid-day snack. It's been tough but I limit myself to 1 (maybe 2) slices a day. When I was a little queasy last week, I had nothing for a couple of days but the cream cheese & honey brioche and tea with honey. I could live off the stuff if I had to.

I was impressed at how well the seller packed the jar for shipping. Also, I like that the jar was sealed with safety tape.

I've never had the Mira Nova honey before and it was just on my Wish List because I was curious about it. Now I am a little bit hooked.

The consistency is about that of processed peanut butter and just that spreadable. It's quite a bit sweeter than Nate's raw and unfiltered honey, which is what I typically keep around. In my opinion, there is a slightly milk-cream undertaste to it. (By the way, for more daily-use and "regular textured honey, Nate's is awesome.)

It has a very smooth texture

This Mira Nova would be too pricey for me to buy for myself on a regular basis but it's a beautiful thing to have around to treat yourself. I can't even explain how good it is. I am going to have to get some regular creamed honey to see what else I have been missing.

Arashan White Honey

This product description of this one reads: "Wildflower/Clover Honey From The “Mountains Of Heaven”.

Of the 2 brands, I have to admit that this is the best. It's even smoother in texture (which I didn't think was possible) and it's less sweet. I cannot get over how this one will run - even after being refrigerated. That makes it easier to spread on bread and to mix into smoothies. Before I did refrigerate this, I could literally pour it from the jar and spread it with a plastic knife. When I refrigerated it overnight, it took on a slightly - very slightly - thicker texture. But, get this, it still spread almost as easily as when at room temp.

This is video of the honey's viscosity straight out of the door of the fridge:

And this is the same honey after warming on the counter for about 30 minutes:

As I mentioned, this one is not as sweet as the Mira Nova. If on a sweetness scale, this would be a 5 compared to Mira Nova's 7. Also, the Mira Nova was so much thicker that I didn't even bother filming it.

The Arashan one is also not as pale. It's not even what I would call "white" honey.

Even though I chose the wildflower variety in both brands, there are options for the Arashan brand.right on the product page; you have to visit the Mira Nova storefront to view their options. Arashan has only a couple of other items that I randomly found on Amazon.



Peace
--Free

P.S.: I am not a person who is fearful of the future or for society but... If people start panicking and cleaning out the food aisles the way the did with toilet tissue, I will be glad that I always have honey around. It does not spoil or go bad. Ever. It's nutritious and, if you have some that is of good quality, it's healthy and can be used on wounds and to deal with sore throats and coughs.  Maybe I do need to stock up on more of nature's medicine.

Some Recipes & Calorie Counts

For the past month, I've been eating quite a bit and losing weight. I tried Keto, I tried OMAD and using the meal shakes, and all that. They all work for certain people and they would work for me if I could keep them up for life. And I can't. I cannot restrict myself to certain foods and trends. Life is varied and my food desires are just as varied. I failed because I had too many "cheat" days. There were days when I didn't want to be low-fat or high-fat or one-meal or fasting for 16 hours. Agh!

First I got frustrated and then I got real. After talking with my doctor, I was reminded that in addition to aging, I am also on certain medicines that inhibit easy weight loss. Okay then. So what I finally accepted is that the trick to staying in a healthy shape as you get older is to find what works for you instead of following every trend that comes along. Listen I even prayed about this situation!

My new reality is that I am over 50 and I am going to have to be diligent to maintain a healthy body. Because I did fail at other plans like Keto, fasting, and OMAD (one meal a day), I decided to hold off sharing what I'm doing until I could keep it up. I finally have this. I am down 10.7 pounds in 5 weeks and so far I'm not regretting anything. I am eating what I like but I do have to at least loosely keep track. This is what a typical day looks like:

Breakfasts

• I try to drink at least 8 ounces of lemon water. This is easier if I have some miracle berries beforehand. It's downright yummy after a miracle berry.
• As much black coffee as I want (I will tell you how I broke my sugary creamer habit) without getting too much sodium.
• Either 2 greek yogurt pancakes or a cup of overnight oatmeal with brown sugar (recipes will be shown later). The oats are a favorite because it's easy and very filling.

Snacks

• Baby carrots with a couple tablespoons of Ranch, or 
• Butter crackers plain or with cheese or with thin-sliced packaged ham, or
• Cheese and grapes/apples, depending on which  fruit I happen to have, or
• Tuna (with mayo and onion) solo or on butter crackers, or
• A single-serve bag of popcorn (my fave is kettle corn)
• If I have miracle berries beforehand - Plain, no-fat Greek yogurt or plain goat cheese on crackers

Dinners

• Cabbage (or a bag of coleslaw greens) steamed with sausages and bacon
• Homemade burger on regular bread with a salad
• Pork chop with salad, spinach/kale/collards on the side
• Ground beef stuffed with spinach or kale, onions and garlic and topped with a couple tablespoons of spaghetti or pizza sauce (see recipes)
• A dinner-breakfast of eggs and bacon and a couple of yogurt pancakes

Desserts

• If I have miracle berries beforehand - Plain, non-fat Greek yogurt/sour cream "cheesefake" (see recipes)
• A pint of Halo icecream
• Cheese-fake

If you notice, I don't use any artificial sweeteners. I don't like them and I'm not sure they are any better for my health than real sugars. 

I have to be really honest and tell you that I think the biggest kick-off to weight loss for me was giving up my heavily sweetened coffees. Here is what I was putting at least 3-5 tablespoons into a 16-oz coffee:

Almost 200 calories per mug

If I do need to "soften" some coffee that might be too strong or "bitter", I will use some of this instead:

100 calories is a lot better than 175

Since I tend to drink at least 2 16-ounce mugs of coffee in a day, I try to stick to this Luzianne brand which is too weak or any sweet creamer but perfect to drink black. I am so glad I found it. I know some people who choose McDonald's coffee as the one the can drink black. In my opinion, this Luzianne is way better and more consistent. Just be aware of the sodium in coffee. It varies, I think, by brand. I'm actually kind of over the whole dessert-coffee thing, tell the truth.

The other thing I had to train myself to was eye-balling calories. I faithfully used the Lose It app at first but now I can gauge how many calories a meal or snack is. I would buy the Premium version if it was a reasonable one-time purchase but... Ugh.

What I've learned about myself is that I am never as hungry as I think. What I am is a person who eats for every emotion: happy, sad, mad - everything but depressed. When I am depressed, I am even worse because I don't want to cook or take my time to find something decent to eat. I once ate nothing but some lemon teacake for about 24 hours. TWO lemon teacakes made with enough sugar to induce diabetes by smell and drizzled with a powdered sugar glaze. I didn't sleep, I just lay around in blue funk eating pieces of cake, sobbing and watching Andy Griffith reruns.

Great app but crazy-priced for the Premium version

So, I am that kind of an eater. And I will probably always struggle with depression. What I am doing now when I don't have the energy to cook or choose healthy meals, is fix the overnight oats and I eat a lot of baby carrots. I love baby carrots. I can eyeball what a tablespoon of ranch dressing looks like so I spend my sad or fatigued moments with a bag of baby carrots and ranch dressing. I think I once peed orange and cried white tears.

My big dessert hack is to eat a miracle berry and then snack on a cup of plain, nonfat Greek yogurt with a squirt of lemon juice mixed in. It's like eating cheesecake. And that brings me to the simple "recipe" for what I call Cheese-fake:

• 1 miracle berry (to eat just beforehand)
• 1 1/2 cup of non-fat Greek Yogurt, strained overnight (use cheesecloth or a substitute)
• 1/2 Tablespoon of lemon juice (fresh or bottled)
• Mix the 2 ingredients together
• Put into a small container (I use a Tupperware sandwich container) and out into the fridge for a couple hours.
• You can add more lemon juice or even top it with fresh, peeled lemon slices. The more lemon, the more cheese-cakey the flavor.
• If you want to splurge a little, you can make a Fiber One crust...

I have ended up with some weak miracle berries and will sometimes have to eat 2 of them to get the same effect so be warned.

Anyway,m here are those recipes. I collected them from various places (online and from memory) and made them my own. You can mix them up by adding different seasonings. By the way, I just used screenshots of my recipes stored in the Lose It! app. It works out all the calories based on the app's listings or what you scan in from your item packaging. Handy.

*** This is for the crust

On one of my OMAD days, I made up my own recipe for stuffed meatloaf using the following ingredients. You basically season the ground beef with seasonings shown (and any others you want) and roll it out on some plastic wrap or parchment paper to get it as flat as possible. Then you layer half of the spaghetti (or pizza sauce) and all of the other ingredients down the middle of the meat. Stay away from the sides. Roll the meat up with the stuff inside and make sure the sides are tucked around so the ingredients don't leak out. Wrap the bacon around it and plop it into a small loaf pan, top it with the rest of the sauce and cover with tin foil and bake at 350 for at least an hour. At the 45-minute mark, I like to uncover the meat and drain all the oil out before I finish baking it uncovered.  I only use the bacon for seasoning and will toss it when the loaf is finished cooking. Although it's a high-calorie meal, it's the only one I eat that day so I can even have a salad with a couple tablespoons of dressing at some point and be done with it. 

So that's it. There are a lot of recipes online for substituting greek yogurt for sour cream or frosting or whatever. Enjoy.

Peace
--Free

**RECIPE** Oven Baked Chicken & a Salad (with coconut oil)

I'm taking a couple of days off from blogging. My energy level is at an all-time low right now. I think it's a combination of having one cold after another since December and stress/grief.

The matcha tea that I am trying out is helping some, but I could probably be eating better. Never underestimate the power of good nutrition, right?  But it only works if you're consistent. Lately, my diet has consisted of coffee, water, and those crunchy almond bars I get from Walmart.

Yesterday was the first time in a couple of weeks that I've actually spent time fixing a decent meal for myself. Before I take this next couple of days off from here, I'm going to share my recipe for no-fry, crunchy chicken wings with you. Mind you, I came up with this on the fly, using whatever I had in the kitchen at the time because, well, um, no energy to go to the store! LOL

This is for the chicken and a salad on the side

INGREDIENTS: (everything optional except, of course,  the chicken)

• Chicken wings  (I separated the wing from the drum so that I had smaller pieces, but they can be left as whole 1-piece wings)
• Garlic cloves
• Liquid Smoke
• Olive Oil (opt)
• Coconut Oil
• Emeril's (or some other type) of seasoning*
• Panko breading
• Salt and Pepper
• For the salad, I used Spinach,  mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and baby potatoes, but you can use whatever you have. 

INSTRUCTIONS:

• Pre-heat oven to about 325-350
• Boil the chicken in water seasoned with the Liquid Smoke, salt and a little bit of olive oil
• While the chicken is boiling, peel the garlic cloves, slice the onions into rings or strips, and cut the baby potatoes in half. Save the slicing of the tomatoes til ready to assemble the salad later.
• When the chicken is boiled to tender, drain on paper.
• Line a baking sheet with foil and coat with a little olive oil
• While the chicken is still warm, rub on some coconut oil and then season with the Emeril's (or other seasoning mix). Now coat the chicken with the Panko and arrange them on your baking sheet, leaving a little room on one end for your potatoes and garlic
• Put your garlic cloves, mushrooms and potatoes in a packet of foil with a little bit of the coconut oil and some of the seasoning. Set this on the baking sheet. 
• Pop the baking sheet into the oven
• Check chicken, potatoes and garlic every 30 minutes for doneness. Move the chicken around if you need to keep the pieces from sticking to the foil.

When your baking items are done, arrange your salad greens, tomatoes and onions in a bowl. Add the garlic, mushrooms and potatoes to the top. Your garlic will be very buttery and spreadable. Delicious.

This is just a nice, simple meal that is savory and healthier than frying chicken in oil. The salad is a little unusual, but I have a thing for those little potatoes and they are so good when mixed with the salad. You don't need any dressing because the seasoning mixed with the coconut oil is perfect.

And that's one of my lazy homecooked meals. 

*Seasoning is optional. You could mix some garlic powder, onion powder, curry, salt and pepper to make your own.

Now, I am going to go and take a bath and get some sleep. I'll be back with some reviews day after tomorrow or the next...

Peace
--Free

**REVIEW** Pure Body Naturals Peppermint Oil

Since I was able to use and review Pure Body's Lemon Oil (and am loving it), I noticed when they posted another product. At first, I wondered if I'd be able to find any use for a big bottle of Peppermint Oil -

Pure Body's Peppermint Oil. Nice, big bottle, just like their Lemon Oil. 4 ounces might not sound like a lot, but this stuff is so concentrated that I'll be good for a while.

Of course, I did find a way to use the Peppermint Oil. There are about 3 million of us here in the house for the holidays, and... Okay - there are really only 13 of us that have been hanging out under one roof but, still. What happens when 1 person out of 13 catches a nasty cold? That 1 person plays tag and passes their cold around to the rest of us. That's what happens.

By Day 4 of our family festivities, I think it was 3 of us who were down for the count. Enter me. And my magic Peppermint Oil. And a q-tip.

oil & q-tip

Plus

a stuffed up sniffer

That really helped get the sick folks around here breathing better. Then, because we were taught by my Mama to do hot liquids for a cold, when my turn came around, I put my oil to use again. Since I already had the Lemon Oil, I added a drop of it with a drop of Peppermint Oil into my tea. 

I love this oil. Both of them, actually - the Lemon and Peppermint.

I was so busy finding uses for the oil on my own that it wasn't until yesterday that I got around to paying attention to the other many different uses. Pure Body's list includes:

• Quick Relief from Stress
• Migraines
• Headaches & Anxiety
• Helps Treats Indigestion, Nausea, Diarrhea, Heartburn, IBS and More
• Delivers Fresh Minty Scent & Aroma For House, Home & Office 
• Also Serves as great repellent to SPIDERS, MICE, FLEAS & ANTS

If I check other sources, I find more:

• As a fragrance in soaps & cosmetics
• As a flavoring in foods & beverages

And the oil MIGHT  help with:

• Bacterial overgrowth of the small intestine
• Gas
• Colds
• Coughs
• Inflammation of the mouth and throat
• Sinus and respiratory infections
• Menstrual problems
• Liver and gallbladder problems

Of course, you have to use some common sense before you go off using any product. Also, I did see somewhere (probably online) a warning that some essential oils can break down the rubber in the stoppers they come with. To remedy that, I replace the stopper with the screw-on cap when I'm not using the oils.

By the way, I just mixed some of the 2 oils together for a hot tea. Getting some double benefits in the fight against whatever this nasty cold/virus is that I have.

A couple of final notes: This product is suitable for vegans/vegetarians, and Pure Body offers a Lifetime Money-Back promise if you are unhappy for any reason. I guess you could beat that with a stick, but I don't think you'll want to.

Peace

--Free

DISCLOSURE:

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Smoothie-licious

Some days I'm better at taking care of myself than others. Usually, those days come right after I've felt the effects of not taking care of myself. The last few weeks have been a little draining so I am making a renewed effort to be good to myself.

You've already heard about my love affair with the blender I purchased a while back. Here's one of the reasons I fall in love all over again just about every three days:

blueberries, raspberries, honey, spinach & flax

Two tablespoons of flax. Daily limit.

And bananas & Silk Almond Milk. And more raspberries!

It's ready to mix. How pretty!

Kind of pretty, ain't it?

And then... The yummy is ready for my tummy.

Tastes SO much better than it looks.

I like using bananas in my morning smoothies because  it makes me feel full. When I'm out later, running errands, I won't try sneaking in an Auntie Anne's pretzel.

Now that berries and veggies are a little more reasonable (fingers crossed!), the only complain I have about buying things for the smoothies is the price of Silk products. I've tried other brands of soy vanilla and almond milk, but they just don't taste as good. Maybe that's why Silk is priced higher? Hmmm... I am open to suggestions, folks.

I'm going to take some photos of my weight loss soon. It's a matter of sunlight and angles. I'm dark-skinned and I don't photograph well under less-than-perfect conditions. Now that it's nice and sunny in Anchorage, I will make an attempt to get some shots. I can't wait until you see the difference between now and last year. Serious, serious changes!

Peace
--Free

Strange Motivations

Can a negative create a positive?

Yes.

I know now for a fact that you can create positive results out of something negative.

This makes me a little sad. I've been making a lot of positive changes in my life for the past few months. Tough changes, changes I didn't think I could make.

This is big for me. Huge. I've always been stubborn and hardheaded.

When I was young, my mother used to say about me that I didn't believe fat meat was greasy. I'd get mad and do the dumbest things. One time when I was a teenager, I got upset about something and didn't eat for a couple of days. My mother was not concerned. She joked and called it my Mad Fast... I gave in at the end of the third day.  When friends commented on how Mama had let me go on with it so long, she just said, I knew those missed meal cramps would bring her around. Mama could be stubborn too. I miss that old woman.

Anyway, here in my older years, I've quit smoking and started exercising and eating better. The smoking was the hardest. The eating changes are going to be a life-long workout.

You would think that having an auto-immune disease that could affect my lungs is the big reason I was able to kick nicotine. I mean, since not being able to run 8 inches without passing out didn't do it. I quit even doing a cute little catch-the-elevator sprint about ten years ago. The sprint was still cute, but the coughing fit that followed.... Well,  looking like you're about to puke up a lung does not bring out the sexy.

So, quitting smoking was the first big change. If I hadn't quit cigarettes, I probably would not have started the other healthy habits.

All good, right? Of course.

Except that I do feel a little guilty. My health was the reason for these changes, but my motivation is my roommate.

I don't mean that this woman is my cheerleader or anything positive like that. No. My friend, I am sad to say, is my negative-positive. Let me try to explain this.

My friend is ten years younger than I am. She has some back problems and lot of esteem problems. You've heard me talk about her before - she's the one holding the Olympic title for sleeping. This woman did everything she could to sabotage my breakup with tobacco. If tobacco was a man I was quitting, she was that chick giving him my new phone number.

When I first said that I was going to really quit smoking this time,  seriously-I-mean-it-no-kidding, she was all in my corner.

I started the Chantix and every day my friend wanted to know how the medicine made me feel.

A few weeks in with the medicine and I was cutting way, way down on my smoking. I went from just under a pack a day to around 6 or 7 cigarettes a day. Anytime my friend stopped at the store for her smokes (which was about every two or three days), she'd text or call to see if I wanted her to pick up me a pack. You have to understand (if you can) that this woman smokes 3 different kind of cigarettes. She keeps one pack of each with her at all times.

When my quit day came, I was ready. I had cleaned my room of all signs of smoking. The smell was gone, the ashtrays and lighters... all gone. This was important because I was going to be holed up there for a minute. I lit my vanilla scented candles and did a lot of deep-breathing. I journalled like someone who knew about paper but had just discovered pens. I became addicted to Starburst and Jolly Rancher candies. I watched every episode of Monk that HuluPlus has.

But, eventually, I had to leave the safety of my room and use the restroom.

I opened the door and the smell of smoke just about slapped me in the face. I held my breath and dived for the bathroom and shut the door. Now, you know that after all those years of smoking and only a few days straight, I could only hold my breath in gasps.

On my way back to the bedroom, I could see wisps of smoke trailing through the air. I snuck a peek around the corner and saw my friend in the living room, looking like that hookah-smoking creature from Alice in Wonderland. Maybe I was having detox hallucinations, but it seemed to me that the smoke was emanating from her skin and not just her mouth.

That right there was motivational. The smell and the image of her sucking on that cigarette...

It was more than a week before I stopped being tempted by the smell of my friend's smoking. I'd do everything in dashes: a dash to the bathroom, a dash to the kitchen, a dash out the front door.

Was she still my little cheerleader? Oh, yes, she was. Her favorite cheers were in between puffs on her smokes:

"Girl, I am so proud of you.."

"Look at you, sucking on those Life Savers."

"Wow, three weeks and no smoking. You rock!"

Really, b***ch?

One day, I was strong enough to start back riding in the car with her. She would have a cigarette and her lighter ready as we left the front door. I'm not kidding. Then, as she lit up before buckling up, she'd go, "You sure this isn't going to bother you?"

I was thinking really horrible thoughts about her, but, remember how stubborn I am? I'd just shrug and say, "If it doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me."

I know that that bothered her. Yeah, so I learned to say it and a lot of other things to work her nerves:

"Go ahead and smoke. Just because I quit doesn't mean everyone else will."

"Light on up - just open your window so that I don't stink."

Sadly, it's as if the stronger I got, the more she smoked. I did get annoyed though, so I once again stopped riding anywhere with her.

Then, I started exercising. I took up walking because my doctor suggested it and because it was a way to get out and get some fresh air. Lord knows, I need fresh air while living with the power-puffing champion of the world.

Again, the passive-aggressive cheers:

"Look at you, getting out there and walking every day. Isn't it cold?"

"Wow, you actually walked a whole mile? Don't your feet hurt in those boots?"

"Two miles? Do your thang, girl! Just be careful you don't overdo it..."

And on and on.

When I started eating healthier, she would come home with something from McDonald's or Taco Bell and ask if I didn't want just a little bit of a treat.

Well, I can be passive-aggressive with the best of them. I started putting broccoli into everything I cooked. She hates broccoli  I quit fixing anything that resembled something sinful. Since she is too lazy to cook (because cooking involves cleaning), she had to go back to her Lean Cuisines. She actually eats those - the pizzas and strawberry shortcakes. Personally, I'd rather eat less of the good stuff than a ton of anything that comes cardboard-packaged.

Anyway.

Last month, my friend's doctor offered her a shot at a surgery that could make a big difference in her general quality of life. The only catch is that she has to be nicotine free for a month before the surgery. She is still smoking.

Now, don't any of you think that I haven't tried to motivate her. I have, but she is hardheaded. My mother had another saying: "She will have to bump her own head to know that a brick wall is hard." (It's always somehow made sense to me...)

The thing is, I want to lift up my friend, but I can't let her drag me down. That's tough. I feel that not being able to motivate her puts a little tarnish on my successes. I feel like I have used her as my mirror to show me everything I don't want for myself. I really hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

Peace
--Free