Ride or Die?

Recently, I saw a post on Instagram that made me laugh hard just before it made me think even harder.

Liking my pic is not the problem here!

I was once  a true "ride or die" chick. The ride was pretty rough and it did almost kill me.

The ex you have heard about before was my personal Jim Jones. I loved him blindly and drank so much of his Koolaid that I'm still getting the poison out of my system. In the early days of our relationship, he told me that he didn't think that he had enough to offer me in the way of material things. I told him I didn't care and that I would live in a shack or on the streets with him. It was only after we had burned through all of my money and were really close to living on the streets that I had a couple of revelations. For one thing, there was no reason for us to be in such a bad situation. If he had at least tried to help and love me the way I did him, we'd have been just fine. For another thing, well, he didn't love me the way I loved him. I know because he eventually told me so.

It was that relationship - and all the drama and fear and anger and abuse - that helped make me sick. If you think that emotional and psychological stress can't kill you, ask a doctor.

My bad relationship helped me to realize that the love I need is the love I have to give.

Or maybe there will be no more hurt

A  few short years of being "ride or die" for someone who didn't deserve that kind of loyalty cost me so much. I damaged other relationships, I wrecked my mental and physical health, and I crucified my finances. Believe this or not though, I gained so much more than I lost. Humiliation taught me things that pride never could have. I know what being loved and valued means now that I've been through the opposite. Most of all, I learned something my mother always tried to teach me. Hope is worth more than 'happy'. Being happy can very quickly be replaced with sorrow and depression and defeat. Being hopeful helps you persevere when you think about giving up and giving in. I survive on hope every single day.

So, I sometimes joke about being burned and learned when it comes to love. Truth is, I'm still a believer. I believe that the other half of my celestial self is out there somewhere, remaining hopeful.

And that, I truly, hope, is the truth.

Peace
--Free

Love and Aging

My best friend and I were talking (because we talk on the phone at least once a week) and I asked her if she wanted to find love again. Her answer was that she had never found it before and that she is no longer looking.  Since I guess I am relatively younger (she's 20 years my senior) she lobbed the question back at me. My answer is more complicated.

Here's the thing: I've not been good at or "lucky" in love. A just-uncoupled friend sent me a meme once that said, basically, that being in love and being in a relationship are two different things That is so true that it stings. So, I guess I would take either - love or the relationship - but would prefer the latter.

Love is tricky and, in my opinion, very rare. I know that a lot of people talk about being in love and having found the love of their lives but I think it's more complicated than that. I believe that most people have just found someone they can love and be happy with. I don't think that most people find their truest love or "soul mate". Sorry if that offends anyone.

So, yes, I would love to be 'in love' - who wouldn't? I'd love to just be with someone who most perfectly matches the edges and curves of my soul. That probably won't ever happen but I never give up hope. I would, at this point, settle for being in a really good relationship. And I consider a good relationship being one based on comfort zones, acceptance, and loyalty. I'm not a person who likes to be smothered. I don't want someone breathing up all my air and I don't want to suffocate them. I'm too much of a hermit crab (Cancerian here, remember?) but I do want to make someone happy and I'd prefer not be grow old(er) alone. I take that back. I don't want to grow old lonely.

A long while back I posted what some children had to say when asked: "what is love?" Kids are so damn pure! One of my favorite answers was given by 4-year-old Billy:

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy was four at the time, people. I can't imagine the man he will grow up to be.

A 7-year-old Noelle gave an answer that, in my opinion, describes a relationship:

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

She has the concept down. There is a tricky difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. It took me until my thirties to figure that one out.

So, love or relationship? Again, I'd like to have both. I'd rather have my name safe in someone's mouth, but I'd take having them just care enough to make me a priority.

I don't think there are many men out there who would want a relationship with me. For one thing, I'm more sensual than sexual and I get the feeling that most men my age date younger because they want children or porn-like intimacy.  I'm the chick who needs my space when I need my space but will often want to sleep in a cling-wrap cuddle.  And I don't like having mundane, pointless conversations because nothing should be mundane and pointless. How nice to be able to enjoy someone in their silence... I want a person who has their own "thing" - something they care so much about that they don't mind if I don't care about it with them; something that gives them a reason to have their own space every now and then. And I want someone who has gotten over themselves enough to be flawed and awkward; someone who can laugh and cry and think without caring what anyone thinks of them for laughing, crying or thinking. I just want someone who makes me feel comfortable being who I am. I remember being married and waking up early just to get rid of morning breath and crawl back into bed with the whole fake I-woke-up-looking-this-good. F*ck that!

Someone once told me that, often, people aren't looking to be loved but looking to be rescued. This may be truest as we age. For certain, there is hope for older people looking for actual love. One of the people who used to live in this apartment building started seriously dating a few months back. And get this: he is dating someone around his own age! The judgemental witch that I can sometimes be was surprised by this. The guy is nice-looking and I suspect that he is really comfortable in his retirement (some seniors here hide their money to live in the building), and he likes to 'party' (read that as hitting up the VFW almost every night). He even asked me out once. Alas, I don't 'party' like that. Of course, because I can be bitter and critical, I just knew that dude had hooked up with someone half his age. Nope. She's kind of hot, but she is most definitely "mature". He likes to bring her by every now and then when he visits with his buddies who still live here. I'm a little jealous now. LOL

As for my best friend, I tease that she doesn't have to be looking to find love. As a matter of fact, I think it's when we aren't looking that it finds us. Now I'm a little scared.

Peace
--Free

P.S.:
I am such a fan of  JM Storm (his Facebook link). He's prolific on Instagram and has books and an Amazon page.

All a Woman Wants

It's been said that all a woman wants is everything. Okay, it was most likely a man that said that, but... Come on, ladies, you know it's sorta true. The reason it's so hard for men to understand us is because we are still trying to figure it all out for ourselves.

Let me stop right here and say that, Number One: you might be offended by the rest of this post. Number Two: I don't care. My blog, my thoughts.

If we are talking about clothes, a woman wants garments that make her look more or less thin, thick, tall, approachable, whorish or lady-like. I am with the fellows who get mad at the woman who dresses with her tits falling out of her blouse then wants to blast out anybody who happens to stare at her chest for more than five seconds. (I'm hetero, but, if I was gay, I think I'd be into boobs. If I see a woman with her boobs on display, I can't help but stare like a nursing infant.)

If we are talking about work vs family, a woman wants to be multiple people. She wants to be the wife running the marriage, the mom there for every game and PTA meeting. She wants to be the on-the-go executive on the fast-track to the next promotion. She wants to be in demand yet free, on the move yet rested.

If we are talking about identities, a woman wants to be romanced like a Jezebel but cared for like a a treasure. She wants someone to cherish her but not go easy on her, make her feel safe but not bored. She wants that "bad boy" who will treat her like a nice guy would. She says money doesn't matter but she hates paying for everything. She says a pearls are a nice as diamonds but she's not jealous of anyone's pearls. She wants a man she can "run," but she doesn't respect that kind of guy. She wants friends she can talk to, but she doesn't want them "all up in her business." She wants to be understood, but she doesn't want to open her heart.

If we are talking about just living life, she talks a healthy game but dreams in technicolor sin. She is a black woman who wants bone straight hair and blue eyes, or a white woman who wants the deepest tan and a curvier butt. She wants what she thinks you want but she doesn't understand that you are just the mirror of her.

Got that?

All a woman wants is everything - until she learns to be happy with who she is and what she has within herself.

So if there is a woman in your life you want to make happy, here is what you can do to help:

• Let her be okay with who she is.
• Love her the way she is at this moment and who she will be in the next moment.
• Give her room to make mistakes and when she pulls away from you a little, let her. 
• If she is fat or skinny or tall or short, with hair that's straight or nappy, either love her body completely or leave her heart alone.
• If she is one of those "strong" women, let her reserve the right to be a little weak sometimes.
• When you do find her weakness, try to understand it without exploiting it.
• Let her "sexy" be whatever her sexy is (and her sexy might not be what's on a magazine cover or in a popular movie or song).
• Let her see you for who and what you really are. A front is nice for the "front porch" of a relationship. If you want to get behind doors with her, then get all the way behind those doors.
• If you are going to be her lover, also be her friend. If you are going to be her friend, also be someone she can trust completely. If you are going to break her heart, do it sooner rather than later.

Woman are like secrets within secrets within secrets. We play games - not to hurt anyone but to keep from getting hurt. Any woman you meet today can be someone you only want her to be - or who she really is. How far into her heart you get is up to you.

Male or female, all any of us want is everything, but my everything is not your everything.

Now, that's the end of my little rant for the day. (Don't know why I feel like I should have been reading all that into a microphone with some jazz playing in the background.)

Peace

--Free

I Believe Fat Meat's Greasy

Growing up, I heard my mom use a particular saying for someone (me) who was stubborn or "hard-headed."


If I made a mistake once, Mom would hug me and tell me to learn from it. If I made that same mistake a couple times over, Mom would give me the side-eye and say, "You don't believe fat meat's greasy."

The saying also applied when I knew I was making a mistake, but just didn't want to believe it. Like when I trusted the wrong "friend," or tried to convince myself that the ground was Up and the sky was Down. (Or that Mama wouldn't know that I was lying about something...)

I don't know what it says about me as a person that I only learned a few years back to be more cautious in my life.

Until I got my little heart broken real good, I believed that if someone told you they loved you, they meant it. I didn't think that person would lie to you or cheat on you. I thought that if someone said "I love you," they knew how to love. It took getting hurt to learn that, while every one of us wants to be loved, the love we need is not all the same.

Last evening, I got a call from an old friend. There was a time that my heart would have jumped right out of my chest at the sound of his voice. I'm not that person anymore. I've grown past anything I could have had with him. Now, if he had been ready for me way back when... Well, two people can be together and grow apart, but they can't grow together, apart. If you know what I mean.

I talked to my old friend and it was nice, but I won't be hearing from him anymore. What he has to give now doesn't apply to who I am today. Probably, he was a mistake back then and I just didn't know better. I am learning, though. At least now I know and believe that fat meat's greasy.

Peace
--Free

To Be Loved or to Be Rescued

I had an interesting email conversation the other day with someone who was sweet enough to give me advice. He gave me great advice, and the best part of it will probably stay with me all the rest of my life. More on that in a sec.

My running for advice was like a hormonal scream of frustration. I will be 50 + 2 this June.

50-anything is a milestone but not devastating, really. I feel smarter, more beautiful (in the fullness of the word) and sexier than ever. But there are regrets that keep me wake some nights.

There is the almost-perfect relationship that I think I must have just imagined into being. There is the devastation of losing someone I really did love. And then there are the kids I didn't have and never will.

Age is a little bit harder on women. We get past the age of child-bearing. Men don't. We get past 40 and society starts telling us how great we look "for our age." If men get a little depressed at growing older, they should understand why we women feel damn near suicidal.

So.

I was feeling really low a few weeks back. I was feeling like all my hopes and desires suddenly had expiration dates. Falling for someone I can grow old(er) with, having my life validated by the blessings I've secured... I told myself that if all this didn't happen pretty quick, it was going to be too late.

For about a month, I walked around trying to avoid being a witness to anyone else's joy. I don't like to covet or curse what someone else is blessed with, but it's so hard not to feel weary when you see anyone else with what you don't yet have. That's another symptom of aging: when you are young, you feel you have time to get yours; when you get older, every thing you don't yet have feels elusive.

The person I went to for advice is Christian. They are wise and direct and too full of love to lie to a brother or sister. The advice they gave me was perfect, but the part of what stuck with me was this: You aren't looking for love, you are looking to be rescued.

I should be looking for happiness as I am, then I might or might not find someone to share love with. The point is to understand my blessings as things stand.

So I am standing - right here where I am, with my life as it is - and praying and being thankful. If there is someone in this world meant for me, I ask God to bless them. If there is no one, that has to be okay with me too.

Peace
--Free

Not Much, But Enough

I can tell that spring is coming because there's been so much talk about dating. A couple of my friends are out there, trying to get matched up; people in my social network groups are talking about relationships and dating. I've been a little back and forth on the whole subject. One day, I'm bah-humbug about relationships and the next, I am in a hmmm-maybe state of mind. There is one thing I am sure about and that is, I know exactly what I want in a future relationship: honesty, not perfection.

My roommate thinks I'm just feeling jaded because I've been hurt, but I think I've only just come around to having the right idea. I have come to see myself as I am and not through a trick mirror. I try to see and accept other people as they are and not as I want them to be. Here is what I want (and have to give) in a relationship:

For the right man, I have a heart full of love and laughter and comfort. When I am in love, my smile can light up a man's whole world. When the world has beat him up and tried to knock him off his feet, I'll be in his corner to help calm his mind and soothe his heart. For the right man, my heart is wide open and belongs only to him.

He doesn't have to be Mr. Handsome, but he has to have a twinkle in his eye that I put there. He has to know how to smile at me and make me feel like everything is going to be okay. He doesn't have to be rich, but he has to have personal pride and a traditional sense of manhood. He doesn't have to be one of my "girlfriends," but he has to be my best friend. He doesn't have to "get" every feeling I have, but he has to acknowledge that I have them. He doesn't have to be perfect, but he has to accept my flaws in the same spirit that I accept his. He doesn't have to love my family and my friends, but he has to accept that I do.

When I look at him, I won't be looking for his physical "imperfections," I will be looking for the sincerity in his heart. He doesn't have to be the everybody's idea of Mr. Right, but he has to be the right one for me.

Every woman wants to be swept off her feet, and it would be nice to live in a beautiful home with a great view. But my life isn't a sitcom with writers and directors. I've been swept off my feet and landed in a nightmare of fear and hurt. I've lived in nice homes where I cried so much that the beauty didn't matter.

My dream? My fantasy? To have a man to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay. To put my arms around someone who makes me feel safe in his. To be with someone who loves me when I am silly and happy and worried and nervous. To be with someone who feels better about everything in his world just because he knows I am there for him. To love someone and accept their friends and family as people they love. To grow old with someone who isn't afraid to grow old - because he knows that there is love and fun and silly and sexy at any age. To be with someone who looks at me like he knows I am his.

The most beautiful thing I have ever heard about relationships comes from the Bible:
"My beloved is mine, and I am his" (Song of Solomon 2:16)

Some days, I am not sure if I believe in true love, but I sure would like to be convinced it exists.

Peace
--Free

Couplings: Yes? No?

I am holding things up with a special "friend" because I don't need anything else going on in my life right now.  And because I don't feel about him what I need to feel in order to go to the next level. But. I also kind of would like something else in my life. Here's the thing: I'm too freaking lazy these days to even write more than three pages a day; can I even come up with the energy for a relationship?

Last night, I told my girlfriend that being single is confusing to me. For a while now I have been alone, but it's only lately that I feel lonely. I want to not be single, but I just cannot handle any drama. She says that if I am thinking about relationships, then I am probably ready to be in one. (Like that helps me out, right?) She suggested that I try looking at the pros and cons to being coupled up. (Not that I am legally un-coupled from my last mistake yet. And I'm not calling any future loves "mistakes." Let me just shut up and get on with the post...)

PRO:

• It's nice to have an "other" in your life. Other than a friend, other than just a friend, other than someone you really only like.
• Being part of a couple is nice. I think that, deep inside, we all want to feel "claimed." (And don't give me that crap about how that sounds. Keep your opinions on that to yourselves; this is the blog where I get to spout mine.)
• Right now, I have the affection and friendship, but a deeper relationship brings in deeper and more meaningful things. You can only go deeper with the right person.
• I need a partner because I'm not freewheeling. Maybe because I have old-fashioned values, I like commitment. I like sharing trust and hope.
• I could just be all woman in my world - taking care of the female stuff on my life - and have him be the man. I am damn tired of worrying about shit like the crazy sounds the car is making, trying to get all my groceries from the car to the house, breaking something that I have no idea how to fix, arguing with asshole male salespeople... There are just some things that men handle better. (Again, swallow your opinions or rebut on your blog.)

CON:

• I'm not yet legally untangled. I don't know why I am procrastinating on that. There is a theory floating around that I am using my "marriage" as a barrier. Don't know.
• I don't like being a possession. For some reason, I have always gotten with men who end up wanting to smother me. Claiming me as your loved one does not mean chaining me as your property. 
• There's that whole thing about families and friends. That is probably the worst part of getting into a relationship - you don't just get each other, nooo... You get drunk Uncle Earl and a cousin who has horrible table manners. And, trust me, you cannot hide the family forever. Those freaks come out at night and the daytime.
• There's that whole thing about the first time you burp in front of each other. It's rude and should be avoided, but it is eventually going to happen. You can't always hold off on some things. (Actually, there is an upside to this one: Once you get the first embarrassing "Oops, 'scuse me" over with, you're either seriously okay with each other or not.**)
• I have many flaws and one of them is that I am critical of other people's flaws. I'm such a short-sighted, selfish bitch sometimes. The things is, I always get past a lover's flaws, but it's a process. (Remember the old Ellen DeGeneres joke about getting irritated with a lover after an argument and thinking of his flaws? "So annoying. That breathing he does, in and out...")
• My feelings are tissue-paper thin. I want a partner who is honest and speaks his mind,  but I hate getting used that. 
• I don't know if there is a decent man who can put up with the total mess that I am. Like any woman, I can get a male, but it's tough to get a man. I've had the worst kind of male already, which is why he was able to put up with me; next to him, I was a super prize. Nope. I need a guy who can deal with my whole Seven Dwarves kind of personality: bitchy, witchy, touchy, fussy, moody, cranky and snide. Hell, now that I think about it, I'll be lucky to find a man who won't sit up at night trying to think of ways to kill me in my sleep.

You know what? Maybe I need to just hold off on a relationship for now. Looking over this list, I see that I need to just work on myself for a minute. Maybe I will use the solitude of the coming ice age that we call winter to do just that. (You think I am exaggerating, but, it feels like winter starts in October of one year and ends in June three years later.)

Peace

--Free

** Funny story about this kind of situation. A female friend of mine seems to get gas from just breathing. She spent the first year or so of her marriage blaming her "toots" on her old, sick dog. When the dog passed away, my friend would almost get ill trying to hold things in until her husband wasn't around. I don't know if she finally got honest about this - or maybe she's blaming the cat now. I don't know why we women are so repressed; my ex-husband used to fart in bed and hold my head under the sheets.

Love & Options

Gotta love the ideas people come up with...

Branded!

This ring is available from a site called The Cheeky. I heard about this over at Daily Mail and my first reaction was, "Well now, damnit. Why didn't I think of that?" Then I talked to a couple of friends about it.

BFF T (female buddy) loved the idea as much as I did. For a nansecond. She just about commandeered my PC to get to the website. "Oh yeah. Getting my man one of those." Then her brain hit Pause.

T and I are kind of tight, so when her brain went back to Play, I could see in her eyes what she was thinking. I had to agree.

What good is love without trust? What is trust when you have to brand your lover to keep them faithful? That was what T and I came up with together. Then a special male friend of mine showed up. Damn, if he didn't break it all down to a whole other level.

His wisdom: "Branding a man like that will make him want to cheat."

Do tell. (Like I said, this is a guy is a bit special to me.)

According to this guy, men like a challenge (yeah, yeah, yeah) so if you try to lock them down, they'll just have fun breaking the combination. Give them that ring, they'll come up with a chemical or something to even the skin out instantly. Plant a tracking device in their ass, they'll find a way to trick the technology.

In the end, I sided with my gal friend (in my head and some of my heart), but made sure to praise my guy friend for being so insightful. Truth really be told: I'm just way past wanting to do anything obsessive, possessive or lunatic lavish to keep a man. If we're good, we're good; if we're not, we never were.

Poor T, much as she believes everything she said, she admitted she can't get the Chris Rock line out of her head: "A man is only as faithful as his options.

Me? All I can say is, I don't want to be an "option." I just want to be real.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: This is so completely off-topic, you'll think I'm Sarc'd out again. I'm not, but I just found out from another friend that my all-time favorite actor - the world's greatest - Kevin Spacey, is on Twitter. You can follow him at @KevinSpacey

Now I can get back to my "Grimm" marathon.

Peace
--Free

Busted! (But Happily So)

Um, remember this? Yeah, I got all gutsy and shot off my big mouth. That's easy to do over the phone or in an email. This is why you should never drink or do copious amounts of chocolate before taking on something serious.

I'm busted.

My crush has found me out (like most men, he's a little slow on the uptake). I think it's hilarious that all my dropped hints took a moment to sink in. The big jump I made apparently just confused him. How cute... It's all good, except we are now in that awkward phase of "talking." It was so different when we were just buddies. Now? Now there is that "knowing" thing.

It's cool. He's mature-minded enough (more so than I)  to have a plan in place should things not go as we'd like. His plan: always, always remain friends. I can get down with that. I'm not taking anything more serious than a happy mutual crush. We are both a little tied up emotionally - he's just coming out of a relationship & I'm in the Witness Protection Program for estranged spouses of crazy persons. Nothing going on here but a recognition of our affection. That's damned nice.

Of course I won't name him here, but he is someone I have done a lot of creative work with & my friend D (who lives out of state) introduced us (because we live - mostly - in the same state). Now you know why I adore D. The last several weeks have been tense. I thought I was being side-stepped. Now I just have to put up with D making little jokes when the three of us are on the phone.

This is nice & fun and stress-relieving. Just to have something, someone to smile about in the middle of the madness that is my life right now. He is probably reading this & I've said all I'm going to say about this special friendship for now.

I wanted to post this because I was worried about making a move. I did & it's all good. If you have been hesitating about doing the same thing, well, I hope this encourages you. Most of life is a lot about chances. Go ahead and take some.

Peace
--Free

P.S.: Another piece of joy today? The kids and Baby D.J. are coming home from their vacay tomorrow. I've been in sugar withdrawals without Little Man. See my next post for something beautiful!

The Cover of Love

April, May, June and July are tough for our family. Two of my older brothers celebrate birthdays this week. Born a year and a day apart. Chuck and Joe.

My mother passed away in the month of April on Joe's birthday.

My father was born in the month of May and died in the month of July shortly after my June birthday.

Mother's Day this year is on the 13th of May.

It took me until just now to figure out why I have these blues. Happens like this almost every single year.

I really miss my Mom. Being lucky to have super-amazing people in my life, I think about the different ways we (all people, men and women) can be a Mother/Father comfort to one another. Or a "covering." I will explain that later.

Think about it, mothers and fathers just love. That's really the main job. Everything else comes out of that love. They care for, teach, lead, discipline, comfort, protect, push, challenge, inspire, encourage, advise, listen & hear, and just love. As children, we get different measures and degrees of all those things from our parents as we go the the stages of life, but it is never not needed.

Once, when I was around 30 or so, I went through some minor life crisis (can't remember what exactly) and my mother was sitting and holding my head in her lap one day. I was just laying there, watching the news with her, feeling miserable about whatever I was going through. One of our good friends happened to drop by for a visit at the time. She saw me being miserable and my mother being comforting and instantly just "got it." She didn't think was weird in any way that I had gone to my mother right after work to just curl up on the couch and be tended to. (My brothers would have joked about my being a big ole grown baby, but they would just be joking.)

As my mother always told me, I never stopped being "her baby." All of us, even my big 6 foot 1 brothers (okay, and the short one, too!) never stopped being hers. (Understand this, my mother stood about 5 foot 7. My brothers would not only stand still but stoop so that Mom could smack on across the back of their head. I think the last time she probably did it on a regular basis was when they were around 16 or 17. I know because they all laugh and tell those stories now.)

My father was just as bad. He didn't "baby" the boys, but they were still his "kids." My sister & I? Now, we were still "his girls." (Up until 2 months before my father died, he sang to me. "My Girl," "You Are The Sunshine of My Life," and "Sugar Pie, Punkin Pie"... My dad sang his love for me.) I have a picture of Dad and my older sister. She is all married & grown, but you can see that, to him, she is still one of "his girls." (And I will tell you something that means nothing at all to me as far as our family love: my dad was my sister's step-dad. People who knew us for, literally, 40 yrs or more and did not know about that until my silly-assed stepmother mentioned it after my father's death. Witch.)

When both my parents were gone, my sister & I became "mothering" to each other. My brothers became "fathering."

In marriage, my parents believed that your spouse was supposed to be what some Christians call your "covering." In other words, the husband becomes the wife's comfort or her cover: covering her worries, fears, needs and dreams. The wife becomes the same for the husband, but under his submission. (I don't care what your ideas about feminism or power are. This is the way I was raised and I have no problem submitting in love to love. Love, not abuse. Been there, done that.)

Because I am now not "covered" (wasn't ever really covered in the first place by the soon-to-be-ex), I am covered by the men in my family (blood & chosen). I go to them for advice and strength, I go to them the way I would my father. Until I am loved and covered by a man I choose, I have that comfort of the family.

With my mother gone, I not only have my sister, but I have my mother's friends and my own best friends you hear me talk so much about. For some of my friends, I am sometimes "Mom." Me - Ooe of the most childish adults around!

Uh oh. Somehow I forgot where I was going with this post, if I was going anywhere at all. I think I just needed to be writing after I realized where my recent mood was coming from. Now I know.

Peace
--Free

Something About Love

A BFF is going through some pain right now. Someone she really cared about seems to have started caring more for someone else. It's hard enough to share love between two. When there are three hearts involved, someone is always going to be wondering if they are getting the smallest part of the whole.

My friend called me just to do what we always do when one of us is hurting: Nothing at all but sit, listen and try to pretend we have all the wisdom in the world. After all, true wisdom is just being wise enough to care.

What the hell do I know about love? If I knew all that much, I wouldn't be alone and with a trail of ruined relationships behind me like crumbs. If I knew much at all, I would not be human...

Not having all the answers never stops me from trying to find the words. So I tell my friend that she is, as Sade sings, so much better than she knows. I tell her about how it's okay to be a fool for someone you love. And it is, you know. Don't let anyone tell you that you should walk away, that you should just forget him and move on. Don't let anyone tell you any of that or all the other stuff you already know. What your mind knows and what your heart feels at a time like this - at any time - have nothing to do with each other. If they did, you would not hurt, nor would you ever truly love.

Love is the possibility of hurt. Love is opening your heart to someone, trusting them to take care of all the parts of your soul that you put into their care. Now, there is cautious love and careful love and protect-your-heart-and-wallet love. Those are easy. You can write contracts and plans out for that kind of "love". But real and true, giving and whole love... That is something else. There is no piece of paper, band of gold or cut of diamond that can define it. There are no songs, verses or written fantasies that will capture it.

I don't believe anymore in soul mates. I do believe in finding someone you can trust and want and respect and cherish and be ever-amazed by. I believe that you can end up with the right steward of all that you are and all you need to be. But we don't always find that one right away.

My friend hasn't found the one. In the meantime, she has been brave and hopeful enough to open herself to the hurt she is feeling right now.

We sat on the phone all night. Sometimes, we laughed about the absurdity of love, but mostly we were just trying to understand how to deal with all the feelings love brings. That was a little like trying to pin water to a board.

Finally, we just decided that, no matter what, it's worth it - love is. It's worth it because it's our human way of reaching for joy. It's how and why we dream. It's who and what we were meant to be. It's the part of us that makes our flesh pair with our souls. 

We don't feel any more enlightened this morning that we did last night, but we do feel renewed. My friend is going to survive this heartache. Because of this pain, she is going to be a sweeter gift to the one she is meant to be with.

Peace

--Free

Dating Advice

I was talking to one of my younger nieces the other day about her problems with meeting decent men. She is in her mid-twenties and living in a large city in the Lower 48. Should be easy to at least connect with one or two nice young men.

As we talked, I could hear her frustration, but then I remembered something about her (and about myself when I was around the same age): the types of men she was looking to date had nothing to do with the type she might actually be happy with. Going from there, I gave her advice that came from my own personal experience. (Too damn bad I had to learn all this after going through hell.) Anyway, my niece thought that my advice was good enough to share with others. I felt so good about that, I'm going to give it a shot...

First, try thinking of what you like about a guy- any guy, not just the ones you'd want to date. I have always had close male friends in my life. These are guys that I wouldn't dream of dating. They are just great friends. For whatever reason, we are only attracted to each other as friends.

Think of the men you know and really like. What is it that you like about them? For me, it's personality or sense of humor or smarts. Those are just the things I happen to find attractive about men. However, when I was younger and dating, I always looked for other things. I was all into whether they guy was "nice-looking" (and sometimes not even by my own standards). I was looking for the guy that I thought would make me look good or better just because I was with him. I was an idiot then. I'm a little wiser now.

So, my advice is this:

1- Look for what you like in a man. Is it a sense of humor, the way he smiles, a sweet personality or maybe just the way he makes you feel special? When you are out and about - shopping, at the movies or gym, in church or wherever you generally expect to meet a man - don't limit yourself. Out of any number of guys you might meet, only so many of them are going to be some kind of Adonis, but more of them are likely to have other qualities you want. Understand this: there is a reason some guys are called "bad boys" and others are called "nice guys."

2- Look for a friend who can end up being more. (I myself only used to believe in love at first sight. I have actually experienced deep liking at first sight.) It makes no sense to try being with someone you can't have a whole relationship with. A guy might be loaded with money, droolingly gorgeous or have a reputation as a great lover, but what happens outside of all that? Try to find someone you can talk to, listen to and just vibe with. Wouldn't it be better to look for someone you can count on to be there for you no matter what? If you get the right guy with the right qualities, money and physical attractiveness won't be the best thing in your relationship. I don't care how great a lover a man is supposed to be, for most women good sex comes from how we are made to feel before we get near a bedroom.

3- Don't worry about what other people think of a man  you choose to be with. He might not be what they call handsome or desirable or whatever, but if he makes you happy, then be happy.

And, probably most important

4- Look for the man that respects you, truly likes and cares for you and wants to be happy with you. You don't want a guy - no matter what he looks like or how much money he has - to beat you down, break you down or take you down.

I hope this helps. Like I said, it took me a long time to learn this. I've had heartache like you wouldn't believe. I've had the man who wanted to break me down - and he did, for a while. I don't want any of my friends or family to go through that kind of hurt.

I want to end by sharing a sweet little story with you.

 When I was traveling back home from Texas a few years ago, I overheard a couple sitting near me in the DFW terminal having a minor argument. The argument seemed to be over something petty and finally, the wife wouldn't even discuss  it. She folded her arms and turned her back on the her husband. Poor guy, he sat there for a minute looking like he was praying to understand the female mind. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when, after a few quiet moments, I heard him pitifully tell his wife, "All I want is for you to be happy."

Wow. That's the way I want a man to feel about me because that the way I want to feel about a man.

Peace
--Free

What's Wrong With Being "Old-Fashioned"?

I am a little bit sad and a whole lot happy to say that one of the BFF's - "T" -  is "in love." Let's not think about the fact that I am jealous as hell. (By the way, I told her that and she laughed, so we're okay with it.) What I like most about T's love groove is that it's old-fashioned. The slow courtship, the falling deep, the whole thinking-about-the-future thing - it's just something I haven't seen a lot of for a long time. Matter of fact, my mom and dad's relationship was the last old-school kind of  love I'd personally known of.

I was telling all of this to a younger (40-something to my 50 years) lady. I'm thinking that, since we come from a similar cultural background and aren't a thousand years apart in age, she would understand what I meant. She didn't.

I explained to her that, to me, old-fashioned meant showing respect when approaching a person. Courting them with some real kindness and sweetness before you put on all the intimate moves. Learning to like them before you start sizing up what kind of house or car or job or bank account they have. Trying to see how you might fit into their life before you invade their life. In other words, just taking things a little slow. I mean, what's wrong with the whole, "I like you, do you like me?" kind of approach? That's way better than the usual, "Hey, baby, you looking so fine." Hell, it's more mature than that.

My friend looked at me like I was Jim Jones holding out a cup of Kool-Aid.

"Are you serious?" she asked me. (And she was serious.)

"Yes, I'm serious. Don't you want something real and mature and hopeful," I asked her. "Or do you want the sorry old pickup lines, lies and too fast to be good kind of thing?"

"Tell you what I want," she said. "I want a man with a job - a good job. He's got to look good, and he's got to have some swagger. You can keep that old-fashioned mess for yourself."

"So, you don't care if a man respects you or cherishes you - as long as he looks good and has bank?"

"Not only do I not care, I don't give a real good damn."

Well, at least she's honest. (You might notice that she is not one of my best friends.)

We talked about it a little bit more. Basically, she wants a image, not a man. She wants whoever looks good to anybody who might notice. I didn't ask, but I wonder what she'd be willing to put up with to have that in a man? I mean, could he beat her ass? Could he not really even care about her as a person?

I see so many women these days (my age and younger) who are into that "I gotta have a man" mode. They don't care if it's a good and decent man or not. One lady I know actually admitted to me that she does not feel "complete" without a man. What the hell is that about? I mean, to me, there is a difference in feeling "complete" and feeling "completed." I think we all want to feel completed. But, no, this friend says that she just doesn't want to be alone. To top it all, her preferred "type" is one with (I swear, she told me and another friend this) "A little bit of 'thug' in him." She's fifty-three years old, so this is not a youthful phase she's going through. I believe she's just a little bit crazy.

There are other people I know who have settled down with someone they are not happy with. They stay because it's "safe" inside a relationship. Or they stay because of kids - which I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I think stay for the kids, but sometimes I wonder what good is an unhappy parent? You might be teaching your kids about commitment, but what are you teaching them about joy? So, that's a tough one and I change my mind every few days or so. But I really hate people who are just in a relationship only for the sex or money or laziness. Why be in a relationship if your soul isn't?

That's not what old-fashioned love is about. At least, not the way I know it. All I have to go on is my parents' relationship. (And let me disclose that my parents ended up divorcing, but they remained friends and never stopped respecting each other. Not ever.)

My father was an Air Force man. He was from small-town Arkansas. He was raised to love and respect his parents, especially his mother. (My mother always said to look for a man who loves his mothers and sisters. That didn't work out with my ex, but that's just him.)

My mother was a beautiful woman. She was a very maternal kind of person, if that makes sense. She loved to care for my dad and their family. She felt like he was the man and should be allowed to feel like a man. (Please, don't give me any feminist crap here. A woman can be strong without trying to out-man her man.)

My parents were a team. My father let my mother be good at what she was good at and she returned the favor. Sometimes, Mom was good at things that most men are "supposed" to be good at. For instance, Mom ran our finances. Daddy used to say that Mom could make a dollar out of fifteen cents. He'd give her the little bit of spending money (and G.I.s didn't make a whole lot of money) and always be amazed at what she could do with it. He loved to brag about how Mom could feed and clothe eight people (there are six of us siblings) and make it look so easy.

My dad, bless his heart, was not one of those men who was mechanically inclined - or whatever you call people who can repair and upkeep things. The big joke in our family was that whenever my dad did take something apart to fix it - say, a lawn mower - there'd be parts left over when he put it back together. (Believe it or not, most of time, whatever he fixed did work afterwards!) Now, I say it was a big joke, but it was a silent joke. My mother would have (as she'd put it) slapped the taste out of our mouth if one of us said anything to Daddy about his workmanship. She would look the lawn mower, or whatever, and go on and on about how "her man" could take care of stuff like that. She'd be acting like he had adjusted the world on Atlas's shoulders.

And they just loved each other. Just that simple. It wasn't anything complicated, as far as I could tell - just love.

I used to watch my parents do that thing where lovers look at each other across the table or a room. I didn't understand it until I fell in love myself for the first time, but I always know that that look means you've got something special with someone. My inner gauge for how I feel about someone now is when I want to give them that look. (Well, that, or when I get that melting feeling in my stomach when I think of them. With my first serious boyfriend, I knew I was feeling something the day I fell down some stairs while I was thinking about him. It happened at school. He'd been nowhere on my mind until we passed each other in the hallway just before I had to take the stairs to my own class. I was feeling so goofy-good! Man, when I went down those stairs, ending up with my skirt all up around my waist, I think I dang near busted my ass... The worst thing wasn't the falling, it was thinking how stupid I'd look to him if he saw. I couldn't even think about it and him at the same time without feeling so embarrassed.) Anyway.

So, I just want that old-fashioned kind of love. I want the man who is attracted to me, then begins to like me, then begins to want to know me better. I want the man who just wants to spend time with me because he likes being with me. I want to make him laugh, feel good about himself and feel good about life. And I want him to feel the same way about me.

Trust me, I've known the smooth talker. That didn't work because words alone won't sustain love. I've known the rich guy. That didn't work because money won't sustain respect. I've known the guy that pretended to be everything he really was not. That didn't work because real love can't be based on deceit. Real love is honest and maybe a little painful. It's awkward and it can be confusing and even kind of scary.

Old-fashioned, new-fashioned. Maybe it doesn't really matter as long as we find something real. I think my BFF has found that. That heffa!.

(I love you, T. Be happy.)

Peace
--Free

First Moves

It's 4:30 in the morning. I'm wide awake.

My best friend and I were up really late talking. About men.

Men. They really are hard to figure out.

My friend and I are both in situations where we have what we are calling our "Grown folk crushes." And neither one of us can figure out what the objects of our crushes are thinking.

This is some hilarious stuff. To be grown and still not able to "get" what a man has going on in his head...

What do men think? Do they worry that if they are attracted to you, they have to wait to make sure you are attracted to them? Why are their signals so subtle?

Yeah. So. J and I have decided (because we are women and always logical) that both our crushes are just as nervous as we are about approaching someone they like. Makes sense. No one wants to risk being deflected. No one wants to make the first move.

So. What to do? What to do?

J has made up her mind to make the first move. Easy for her. If she gets cut off at the pass (get it?) she doesn't have to see her crush again. Embarrassing but survivable. She can lick her wounds, come tell mama-pal all about it, have some ice-cream and move on. Eventually.

Me. Hah. I'd have to feel like crawling under a rock in shame every time I saw my crush. Or move away. Or just will myself numb and blind and completely undisturbed every time I saw him.

Wow. You think that as you get older, you get wiser, right? Well, that ain't happening over here.

Before we hung up, J asked me the world's stupidest question: "What's the worst that could happen?"

What is she? New to the planet? The worst that could happen is that I end up mortified and frozen on the spot. Just end up standing there, rooted to the spot, mouth hanging open while I try to think of a way to act like I wasn't telling someone that I am attracted to them. I mean, how do you play that off? Say something like, "Oh, okay, so... heh heh. Yeah.... All right. Um..."? See, I'm good at most social situations, but I really don't think I could pull that off without looking like I need rehab for the critically stupid.

Bottom line is, I haven't decided what to do yet. I am the queen of proud. There is almost no way I would set myself up for that kind of humiliation. Almost no way. I might get a burst of crazy and just blurt everything out the next time I get the chance. Tell you what though, J better have ice-cream and sugar cones ready. And not just the regular old sugar cones, but those really nice waffle-y kind - the ones coated on the inside with chocolate. And maybe some Snickers bars. I can't survive crushing (really, did I say crushing) disappointment without caloric comfort.

Whatever happens, I will let you know. Because if I'm going to go down in flames, I might as well write about it.

Peace
--Free

A G+ friend posted this song I had not listened to in a while. It's really the kind of song you hum to yourself when you are crushing on someone. (Etta James' "At Last" doesn't come til your are out of crush stage and into the getting-to-know-ya stage.)



(And, by the way, that whole "women always logical" thing? You know that was just a joke, right? Of course you did.)

Mammy-made Rant (Pt II)

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.(Elbert Hubbard)

You guys know by now that I like quotes & that one is one of my favorites. It's also a perfect start for the continuation of my previous post.
After our little falling-out, G (GWA - Girlfriend W/Attitude) and I fell back in - just like we always do. We pitch our little fits because our personalities make us almost complete opposites. BUT G & I will probably always be friends.
That's what I was thinking about when she called me up on Valentine's Day. She was at work. I was at home (and attempting to pack since I'm supposed to be headed to another state in a few weeks). I was busy, frustrated, and surrounded by my life separated into piles of "To Be Sold," "To Be Stored," "To Be Shipped," and "To Be Trashed." I snatched up the ringing phone without checking Caller ID, just ready to take out some of my stress on a telemarketer. The minute I heard G's voice, I forgot everything else. My G was having a crisis.
Like I said, she was at work & she was surrounded by other females who were all cooing over their delivered flowers, candy, and other Valentine's Day loot. Meanwhile, no deliveries had come for her. Not even one of those sweetheart phone calls that can have you floating through the rest of your day. G said that she'd even tried calling her boyfriend to see if he'd gotten the gift she'd sent (a cologne set), but he was either not at work or the receptionist was lying for him. He wasn't answering his home or cell phone either.
Talk about a crisis.
It's bad enough to be single & have to deal with Valentine's Fever at work, but when you're part of a couple... Wow.
Anyway, G and I (always at our best in a crisis) handled the situation. I ordered a delivery of what had to be the last flowers in the state, and when they arrived at G's office, she called me up and talked in such a way that everyone within earshot thought she was thanking someone named "Baby" and "Honey." After work, she came by with wine and cheesecake & we had a great time applauding our combined genius. Her heart & pride was pretty beat up, but I was able to make her smile.
And that's how female friendships survive. Most women don't bond easily with other females, but when we do bond, it's almost unbreakable. This is what I was thinking about as G and I finished the second bottle of wine. And I started thinking that if women had the same criteria for the men we let into our lives as we do for our girlfriends, we'd probably save ourselves a lot of heartache.
I explained this theory to G in that mellow and deeply philosophical way of a person not used to drinking so much wine. G - just as drunk as I - understood me perfectly. We discussed it for a while and I came up with a list of "Relationship Declarations":
I am what I am. I cannot & will not fake being some fantasy woman out of your unrealistic dreams. That's not consistent, healthy, or sane.
You is what you is. Relax and be yourself. I might not like everything about the "real" you, but at least I'll know what I'm getting. I can work with that.
Life is what it is. Life is not going to be one long, perfect, moonlit date with a Grammy-winning soundtrack playing in the background of our relationship. We have to be able to get through the good days and bad.
I finished ticking off these points, then looked over to see if there was anything G wanted to add. I guess not. She was sprawled across my sofa, dead to the world & probably dreaming about killer cheesecakes going after her now ex-boyfriend.
I pulled a blanket out of the "To Be Shipped" pile and draped it over her. When I stumbled to bed, I remained conscious long enough to thank God for the girlfriends in my life. Girlfriends who understand my silence and my words - even when I get on one of my mammy-made rants.

My words for today:

"If man & woman could switch places for a day, woman would explore the mind & man would explore the body." (Free 2/2006)

Listening to:

"You" (Earth, Wind & Fire - from the album "Love Songs")

Games Married Women Play

Now that I have your attention.

On a talk show yesterday, a couple discussed their sexless marriage. (Sexless. Marriage. That's just single & wearing a wedding ring.) In the case of this particular couple, after 4 years, the husband was no longer "turned on" by his wife. Now, I'm not going to get all up in their business - even if they did put it out there - but, basically, the more the husband rejected the wife, the more she let her appearance go. To sum up, in the past 2 years, they'd had sex 5 times.Okay then.

Now I know that marriage isn't all about sex, but sex is important & unless you have some medical issues, I don't think there's any excuse for not keeping the home fires hot.

As a single woman looking forward to a Mr. Right-For-Me, I can't feel sorry for any married woman who plays the game of keep-it-tight-just-til-the-wedding-night. So, to all the married women who think that getting the ring was the whole & only point, I have a few things to say.

Ladies, if you "get" your man & then stop courting him, that's not love. That's entrapment. One thing that being single has taught me is that the best way to keep a man is to keep up with whatever you did to get him. I know because we Singles have to work harder in a relationship.

The whole game of Get Him & Then Forget Him works in some marriages (if those kinds of relationships are what you want to call "marriages.") We've all seen couples in those situations - they're the ones who shlump around in public looking bored with each other. I can spot them from around corners. (And you can just imagine what their sorry sex lives must be like: a little roll-over in the middle of the night, then rolling back onto their side of the bed. See? Boring.) Whenever I see these folks out there, just broadcasting their lack of hotness, I feel a whole lot better about being single.

Newsflash for all the neglectful married women: Damnit! You got a man. If he ain't abusing your mind, body or soul, or neglecting his responsibilities - either treat him right or send him back out to the rest of us. You picked him, so if you ever loved him, then take some Do & Don't advice from this single woman who'll be waiting for you to throw him back.

DO...

...Keep yourself looking, smelling, feeling & tasting good. We can't all be in Ms. Halle's orbit, but your man must have loved something about you since he married you. All I'm saying is keep that up.

...Remember to look at him the way you used to when you were dating. You know the look: the one where you're talking nasty with your eyes & he likes what they're saying.

...What a good mother always taught her daughter: be his lady in public & whatever he wants you to be in the bedroom. The whole "public" thing includes not acting ignorant or embarrassing (unless maybe you got a man who's into that kind of thing...I don't know what to tell y'all).
...Let him be as important to you as you want to be to him. Which is not to say you should lose yourself in his issues, but, come on girl, you remember how you used to bump something from the schedule to make a little time for him. And you remember how you loved it when he did the same for you.

...Have His 'n Her lives. You don't have to be all up in his space every time he coughs. You don't have to try sneaking yourself into all his plans with the "boys." And you do realize that this means you have to trust him? If you don't, you got no business together in the first place.

and now...

DON'T...

...Criticize so much. That's called nagging. Of course, you want to gently help him out with any minor flaws, but don't be pointing out his ashy feet if you got them jacked up never-had-a-manicure fingernails. Everybody has flaws. Work with it. If your man got ashy feet, then give him a massage with some oil or Eucerin or something. Maybe he'll treat you to a paraffin treatment.

...Forget that he's a man & that men just don't think the way we do. I know it gets on a nerve but, as one man told me: "I can't read your mind." You know what? Even if men could read our minds, they wouldn't know what to do with the information. So, the next time you're mad about something & he seems not to know why, either tell him why or drop the attitude. He ain't there.

...Get mad because he acts like a man. That's what men do. And I know, I know, I hate it when they do some of that guy stuff too - like like dozing off while I'm talking about my best friend & her mother having a crisis in their relationship. You should give your man a standing ovation if he even pretends to listen to one of these 2-hour monologues, because it's a wonder we don't bore ourselves sometimes.

...Forget that he is the man who made your heart stammer, caused your toes to curl & made you lose a little bit of your mind - and that was all just by looking at you the right way.

Most of all - don't ever forget that there are a lot of women out there with no morals, scruples, or self-respect. They won't even wait for you to throw your man back - they'll come all up in your house to get him.

You've been warned & if you've been slacking, you might want to make some Valentine's Day resolutions.

Romance - It ain't for everybody

I already told you about my adventure with a younger man, right? Well, I was talking about it all with a friend after I did that post. I complained to her about Mr. Nintendo (aka: the "game man"), and she said she could top my story with one of her own. Where my man (not) was into games, hers was the opposite. Waaaaaaaay opposite.

My friend (let's call her "Rose") had a man in her life who was around her age (so no generation gap excuses) who not only wasn't into games of the romantic-playful-freaky kind, but was also kind of a bedroom cheapskate. Rose said his idea of being romantic was waking her up before sex. Now, Rose is a Danielle Steele-reading kind of woman. She lives for those "special moments" in a relationship. If a man cleaned out her bank account, charged up her credit cards & wiped Cheeto stains on her sheets before he dumped her, all he'd have to do to be forgiven is surprise her with a day-old rose from the supermarket. (Maybe it's a good thing I'm not using her real name. I can almost hear some men out there ready to Google for her location!)
Anyway, for whatever reason, Rose really liked this romance-impaired loser. I think it was his teeth that turned her on (the man had some beautiful teeth, y'all). At any rate, Rose decided that she must be the problem & she needed to take more initiative in putting a little romance into this relationship. She went out & bought some, uh, goodies & then invited him over for a special evening. They had a nice dinner that she made (I'm talking stuff right out of a Martha Stewart cookbook, not that throw-it-together-right-out-of-the-box crap.) After dinner, she ran him a bath - with potions and oils and the Scent Stories going on and everything. Once she'd bathed his rusty butt, she took him to the bedroom and put on some mood music (meaning Marvin Gaye & Patti LaBelle - not somebody singing about popping and coochies). While she had him relaxing on her clean& perfumed sheets, she got out the little tray of "goodies": silk scarves & some strawberries, whipped cream, champagne & melted chocolate... You're getting the picture, right? Her plan - straight out of an advice mag - was that they would take turns blindfolding each other & having a creative taste test. I am not this creative or energetic when it comes to romance. I mean, it shouldn't take all this. (But I did tell you that Rose is a romantic? Girl been reading all them Cosmo articles & such...)
So, what happens? Do Rose & her man have a nice evening, deepening their relationship & becoming closer? Not even close.

First of all, by the time Rose got everything ready, Mr. Love Machine had fallen asleep & Rose had to wipe drool off his mouth. Next, he saw the edibles & started scarfing down the strawberries, talking about "that fancy dinner of yours wouldn't feed a two-year old." When Rose explained that she'd had something a little more sensual planned for the goodies, his eyes bugged. He said, "We gone waste good food on that? Girl, I ain't licking no chocolate off ya cha-chas when I can use it on some of that ice cream you hiding from yourself in the back of the freezer."

Rose - a trouper, yes she is - tried to tantalize him back into the romantic moment by saying how they could tie each other up if he wanted. Wrong move. Mister almost hurt himself getting out of bed & finding his clothes. "Aw, hell naw," he told her. "A woman tie you up, she liable to bust you with some hot grits or trim your Yankee. Just ask Al Green."

Rose said he left so fast he almost didn't have time to grab the rest of the strawberries.

Romance. It ain't for everybody.


**Disclaimer: Not only have some of the names been changed, but so have some of the facts. It wouldn't be as funny a story without a little embellishment!**


My word for the day is a little bit weak ("Bad days are like rainy ones - necessary every now & then"), so I'll toss in a little list of some songs I'm listening to for the day:

* "In The Deep" (Bird York)
** "Woman 2 Woman" (Jaguar Wright)
*** "Even If" (Amel Larrieux)