Bread, Bread, Bread for Life

  I rarely toot the horn of a site if I haven't used their services but I'm going to make an exception. Recently, I found this site and I'm kind of excited. I have been checking out their blog also. 

The only reason I ever found Food to Live (FTL) was because my doctor has warned me to get a bit more serious about eating healthier things. I'm not eating super-junky stuff but I need to go harder at the fiber and nutrients than I have been.

The first change I made was to cut out the sliced garlic and herb turkey deli meat I so love for sandwiches. I switched up and kept everything else except for the meat and bread. Yeah. I now use high-fiber bread instead of brioche or Italian white bread and I just enjoy it with the avocado, tomato, and yellow onion. It's a tasty sandwich. Because of the delicious bread and the avocado, I almost don't miss the turkey.

This Aldi's Ancient Grains is the bread I started to fall in love with:

I need to be able to control
that sodium level...

It's pricey though. Like around 5 a loaf. I wanted to try Ezekiel Bread or Dave's Killer Bread but their prices make the Ancient Grains look like nothing.

I've switched over to eating a lot of cabbage and other greens, white meat, and using good oils. When I was going over my budget, I realized I need to find a way to afford really nutritious bread. So...

My family has asked what I want for Christmas. My answer: bread machine. I picked out one that will let me add nuts and seeds or just prep the dough so I can finish the rest myself. Then, while looking for affordable seeds and grains, I found Food to Live.

FTL recipes are heavily vegan and I am not interested. I just want to be able to make my own sprouted grains and seeded bread. It has to be less expensive than keeping Killer Dave in business. Those prices!...

Normally, I am not a big eater of bread. However, I would rather get full from eating a highly nutritious bread than eating a ton of veggies and fruits. I can only take so much of salad and chicken. With the right bread - seeded with tasty nuts - I could go from breakfast to dinner on just that with some butter.

In case any of you are interested, here are some links I have found to recipes. Enjoy.

• Easy Dutch Oven Bread  this one not only looks good but I can't wait to use my Dutch oven for bread
• Fast No-Knead Multi-Seed Bread and this one... that bread looks amazing.
• Seedy Sandwich Bread with Sprouted Wheat I'm not as visually excited by this one, but I love the idea that it's with sprouted wheat.

I was happy to see that The Prepared Pantry had this helpful write-up on designing whole grain bread recipes. That will go up on my fridge.

This all has me very excited to get my hands on that bread machine! In the meantime, I am going to start trying some of these recipes by hand. Pictures (good or bad) will be coming up...

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Pantene's Butter Crème Hair Treatment with Argan Oil

 Pantene has been showing up and showing out for me the past year or so.

I never paid much attention to the Pantene brand before last year, but I loved a sample of their foam conditioner I got in some sub box or the other. I loved it so much that I actually bought some and still use it on an alternating basis with another conditioner. But I never thought of shopping Pantene specifically for my kinky-curly hair needs. Then I happened to see this pop up on Amazon:

Yeah. There's a whole lineup of products in that Gold Series. 

Pricewise, most of the products run about $7 to $9 each if bought individually. I see that there are some sets of products for sale. I am happy with the shampoo I use and I already sometimes use Pantene's foaming conditioner so I don't need to go broke buying an entire line of products. What I always need though is daily moisture. So I gave this a try:

That's the Hydrating Butter Creme. It's "infused with argan oil" and supposed to have moisture that lasts 17 hours. I wanted to see about that.

The texture is a creamy oil that has a slightly 
watery melt-down.

I haven't tried it on my freshly washed and conditioned hair but I did test it out today. My hair is 3 days post-wash/condition/twist. It's decent but was still a bit dried out from not being wrapped every night. Also, I ran out of the Hydrasteam products that were so good for my hair. 

Anyway.

This morning, my hair was dry - not crunchy-dry but in that thirsty-need-some-moisture-quick kind of mood. I've been using other products very lightly every day but it's that time of year when the air is getting drier and cooler. My hair always has trouble adjusting to seasonal changes.

Just so I wasn't applying this product to bone-dry hair, I fine-misted it with some water beforehand. I applied about a teaspoon's worth of product to each of four sections of my hair. 

First impressions - immediate impression? This stuff smells SO good. It smells a tiny bit like the Marrakesh oil that is so popular. Not as sensual but it has that slightly amber scent that gets stronger with any kind of warmth. Most of the smell abates quickly, but my hair still has a really pleasant scent for anyone who gets close.

The next impression is that this is very moisturizing. Once I tried just running a small amount through the sections of my hair, I knew I was going to want to use it the next time I twist my hair. So... I did.

That's water-spritzed & the product

It takes an amount of about half the size of a dime for each twist. The tube is a nice 6.8 ounces so that's fine. 

Basically, yes, this does a fabulous job of moisturizing very dry hair. Because of that, I don't care about anything else, but some people will be happy to hear that it is "sulfate-free". 

Best of all, it produced a nice twist-out that was moisturized without being greasy.

Girl, yasss...

I have to admit that this just makes my hair feel better than the Shea Moisture I had been using. My hair felt smoother and had some shine - and shine is not something my hair easily does. But I think that everyone's hair is different and responds differently to products. This just happens to be something that my hair likes apparently.

I started writing this post, as always, several days ago. The update is that my hair does love this. It dried out a bit after a couple of days but I was able to twist again with just a water-spritz and, voila, the moisture revived. Remember what I said about the size of the tube? That's going to last longer than expected because some water will re-boost the first application.

Since I can afford this so much better than I can the HydraSteam products, I will probably use this as a staple and use the HydraSteam when I can.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** Cascara (aka: Coffee Fruit Tea)

**UPDATE** I have CKD stage 3b. I have learned that that I have to be careful using this coffee product. As always, you should check with your medical care team before adding or trying anything new in your diet. Every healthy thing is not healthy for everyone. 

So, way back about this time last year, I was talking about coffee and some of the brands I like drinking black and sugar-free. Luzianne was my favorite for that but I haven't been able to find it lately. Well, I can find it all over Amazon but only if I want to use my entire grocery budget to pay for it.

Anyway. I'm not here to talk about regular coffee.

I might have mentioned it in that coffee post or in another of my rambles but the product I am talking about today is cascara - also known as coffee fruit and coffee fruit tea. So, coffee but not coffee the way most of us are used to it. Actually, cascara is the husk of the coffee bean. It kind of looks like extra-dry raisins.

It's an interesting thing, cascara. Nothing like coffee and nothing like any tea I've had. The taste of it is more of a fruity-syrupy-tasting beverage. As a matter of fact, I just realized that the taste reminds me a bit of raisin. Hmmm.

Hot or cold, the taste is about the same but I do prefer it cold. If I drink it hot, I am tempted to add honey to it for some reason.

As a beverage, it's referred to as cascara tea. Odd, right? Since it's the husk of the coffee bean. The husk is actually considered a "waste" product. Eat Cultured is more concise and precise, saying:

"Cascara, which translates as "husk" or "peel" in Spanish, refers to the outer husk of the coffee cherry that wraps around coffee beans. Since it's essentially the "fruit" of the coffee tree, it's also a valuable source of fiber and antioxidants." (source)

I am drinking the tea because of those antioxidants. I've been talking about ORAC values again recently and I am happy to say that cascara tea is the best-tasting thing I've tried from that list. 

By the way, this happens to be the brand I am trying. I ordered from Amazon but the coffee is from Twin Engine Coffee. 

They do have a Facebook page and they were super-responsive to questions and requests for info.

I think it's a shame that cascara has been getting tossed away all this time. We all ingest a lot of silly foods and beverages and we've been trashing something as ORAC-packed as cascara. Makes me wonder what all else has been going to needless waste...

Anyway, I have been replacing about half the daily coffee I drink with the cascara. I will either drink it cold and solo or add it to one of my sparkling waters. Last week I had a dry night-time throat so I sipped on some of the hot tea with raw honey before bed. It didn't keep me awake and it was soothing to my throat. 

One of the benefits I heard the tea offers is a mild laxative effect. I have not found myself with a huge change to my, er, movements but I do feel a bit more regular. I also pee a lot. That's because I tend to drink a lot of clear or sparkling water with the tea or after having some. I've read reviews where other people feel more of an energy boost.

I am always fairly fatigued, even on the best of my days, and I haven't noticed a prolonged boost of energy but I do seem to be a little more focused for a few hours after drinking a couple cups of tea. 

Now that I am used to having the tea as a staple, I am learning that the best way to prepare it is by soaking some beans overnight so that I have the drink on hand for the next day. This is not a brew-and-go tea. Even when steeping in hot water, it takes a while to get a decent cup. It's just easier for me to always have some soaking and ready to either heat up or drink cold.

It didn't come in that tacky jar.
I just wanted to show what it looks like

If I start noticing any better energy effects over time, I will update this post. Keep in mind that the drink might be more energizing to someone with more normal health.

The price of the tea is reasonable and I am sure that as I shop around, I will find even better prices. One thing I plan to do is to dry the remains of the used husks and dry grinding them to add to smoothies. I want to get every last bit of use from the tea.

Until I have an update, that's it for now.

Peace

--Free

P.S.: Since I wrote the draft of this post a few weeks ago, I do have an update. I have been baking a lot of bread and have a couple of times added the liquid from the tea in place of water. Results are not bad.

I hope the post makes sense. I went back in and added a little info and photos just now so. Please forgive any errors.

Bake Away The Blues (Bread & Water Roux)

 When I get stressed, baking helps calm me. Stress seems to send signals to my sarc to join the party so my brain might not be functioning well enough to do anything complicated. But I can almost always bake.

October was not good for my life. As if 2020 doesn't suck hard enough, it doesn't want to go out without dragging down as much joy as it can... Can I get an amen?

Anyway.

I spent about 3 days on the couch, not able to move or care. I watched YouTube videos hour after hour after hour. When I started getting sore from laying there, I decided to get up and maybe bake something - bread or rolls from scratch. Then, at some point, I got it into my head that I wanted to find a video on how to make brioche. 

Most videos on making brioche are either too talky. All I wanted was a recipe. I found one and... What a mess. I basically wasted a lot of flour, butter, eggs, and sugar. I should have looked at the comments before trying the recipe because there were a lot of people wondering just what the heck the baker was doing.

Also, I don't have a stand mixer. That seemed to be a must-have for kneading brioche dough. I was discouraged until I found the more awesome YouTube channel ever for baking recipes. The. Most. Awesome. Ever. 

The host/baker/cook in the Savor Easy videos ticks all the boxes for making great instructional videos. The entire focus is on the ingredients and procedure. Tomorrow, I will be trying a new batch of brioche.

Isn't that the best baking video? No frill, no life stories told, just right-to-the-point instructions. I need to learn from her! I'm hoping she has a recipe for babka. I've been wanting to bake one of those since forever.

I don't have the energy to start baking yet. I'm still mostly confined to the couch because, on top of everything else (cue the violins), I have a cold I can't shake. 

But -

Until I can get on my feet long enough to bake, I have been enjoying the Culinary Boot Camp videos from Chef Jacob Burton's channel. 

Like I said, baking/cooking is a stress reliever. I go through cycles of liking either baking or cooking, one more than the other. Winter seems to bring out my inner baker chick.  I don't like complicated baking challenges. You won't ever see me doing anything that involves preparing more than one dough or pastry for a finished product. I will never, ever qualify for The Great British Bakeoff. I like simple things that I can share with family or neighbors.

how satisfying is that?

There is nothing more simple in the baking world than bread, right? Well, I was always kind of terrified of making bread. A couple of years ago, I found a recipe from the Big Family Homestead channel and I made their recipe for Amish Sweet Bread. It was fun and easy and made the apartment smell fabulous. This is the recipe and it's actually called just "Amish White Bread". My bad. They actually have a good playlist of recipes very worth checking out.

I have talked about making Japanese Milk Bread for the longest. I just never felt comfortable with the recipes I found. Welp, Savor Easy has me covered. Theirs doesn't look the exact same as other recipes I've watched, but I think it will be good enough for me. I learned a while back that the secret to softer bread is to add a water roux. Say what??? 

The Water Roux Method

aka 

Tangzhong

Apparently this "water roux" is a bread starter known as Tangzhong and is what makes Hokkaido Milk Bread so yummy soft.

look how soft & fluffy...

The roux is a simple bread flour and water mix that is cooked to thickening. The tricky part is knowing ratios and when to add it. Here is a video I found that best explains the procedure and answers basic questions:

Her instructions are great but I still had questions, like what about how much to add to various recipe amounts? Thankfully, commenters had answers. This one is the most helpful of all:

"The Tangzhong roux should use 5% of the original recipe flour amount, by weight. The amount of water used should be 5 times the weight of the flour used in the Tanzhong roux. The water amount used in the Tanzhong roux should be taken from the original amount of water in the recipe. You are not adding an extra amount of water or flour to the recipe, just using some of the original ingredient amounts in a different way."

The same commenter also had this to say:

"I make the roux in a microwave. Use a pyrex cup. My microwave is 1100 watts. With room temperature water, 25 gm flour and 125 gm water I microwave for 20 seconds. Stir will with whisk. Take temp. Microwave 10 more seconds. Stir, take temp. Microwave a final 5 seconds. Stir and take temp. The roux is at about 65 C / 150 F. This is enough for a 450 gm / 1 lb loaf of bread. Cool to below 55 C / 130 F and add to bread maker."

Note: you can find conversions by asking Google or here is one site with charts.  Here is a graphic. Also, here is a calculator site, if you don't mind accepting the cookies. Ironically.

The only answer I couldn't find anywhere is to the question of when to add the roux. I have decided that, since the roux can be stored for later use, I can add it to a dough before I prep it for the first proofing. I dunno. I will try it that way. As soon as I get back into the swing of things, I will be getting my Tang-zhong. Get it?

If any of you have used or plan to use the Tangzhong method, let me know how your bread turns out.

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW* Silicone Exfoliating Face Scrubber

 Those who have read this blog for a while know how careful I am about what I use on my face. Be it makeup, cleansers, toners - whatever. I have weirdly sensitive skin. It's resilient but moody. 

Anyway.

I have these little things on my nose that always looked like blackheads. They started appearing when I hit my 50's and, because I assumed they were blackheads, I would tweeze them out. Not good. For one thing, they aren't blackheads. They are sebaceous filaments. 

If you glance at the photos in that article, you might find out that your sebaceous filaments are visible like mine. By tweezing at these things for a couple of years, I was probably just making things worse. 

Since I refuse to "exfoliate" my face with anything that's the least bit abrasive, I started using those slightly painful sticky strips on my nose area. That helped but I was worried that it wasn't the best thing for my skin overall. For one thing, my skin was always reddish and irritated afterward. And the strips are so gross to look at!

Not long ago, I saw something like this and considered giving it a try- 

-but... that seems a little aggressive. I watched a couple of video reviews and still haven't decided whether I would try one or not.

The other day someone sent me 2 of these silicone scrubbers. 

This pink & a blue one

There are a lot of them all over Amazon but mine are the Etereauty  brand. I wasn't impressed at first because I always get these kinds of things - battery-operated facial tools and the like. I once got a  couple of weird little wooden things that seem slightly occultish. I threw those out and had my apartment blessed! LOL

I was really curious about these though. I like the way the feel - very soft and pliable. I started to think that they might be gentle enough to use on my face so I gave them a try. I wet my face and applied some cleaning oil and a tiny bit of gentle soap. Then I realized I had no idea what I was doing so I looked on Amazon for tips. 

I love the grip on it because it's so easy to hold it at angles so I am only scrubbing the area I want to.

After massaging just the nose area - where I have all those nasty little filaments - I rinsed and wiped my face down with a baby wipe. And, wow. I like, I like.

Since I don't have any Before photos, I won't bother with any but there is a very noticeable improvement. A highly visible improvement. I could tell right away by rubbing my finger over the area that it was lots smoother. Those little filaments really do a number on the face.

I can still see some of the little black dots if I use my "magic mirror". (Trust me, you have to steel yourself and be in a really good mood before you use one of those mirrors.) Mine looks exactly like this one and I once made the mistake of using it when I was a little bit down. Don't do that. 

I did try using this silicone scrubber on the rest of my face and I was very light-handed with it and it still was too irritating. I can use it on my neck and that oily nose area but that's it. I would love to get a bath mitt sized one though.

Anyway, I am going to start using this on my nose once every weekend until those filaments are done with. I suppose all I will need after that is upkeep.

So, if you have wondered about these, I would say to just know your skin before you use one. I personally love it.

I got two of these in the box that was sent to me. I use the blue one on my nose and the pink one on my neck. I am already checking out some of the larger ones to use on my torso.

If I do get up the nerve to try that spatula thing, I will do a review.

Peace

--Free

Homemade: Sugared Rolls & Mozzarella Buns

 My oh my oh me oh my!

When I was telling y'all about the Rhodes Rolls recently, I didn't tell you how much you can do with them. 

I was worried about gaining weight because I have been eating so many things made with the dough from these rolls. To be honest though, I am not gaining weight. I think it's because if you eat 2 or 3 of these rolls, you are full for the rest of the day. The past few days I've been having about 3 o these rolls (made as dinner rolls or as mozzarella buns) and a piece of salmon. I can have that one meal and I am done for the day.

Anyway. Here is what you need:

• Rhodes Texas Dinner Rolls (or you can probably use the smaller yeast rolls)
• (For the sugared rolls) Powdered sugar & whatever other seasonings you like. I use a little fresh nutmeg and some Ceylon cinnamon and regular cinnamon.
• (For the mozzarella rolls) Mozzarella cheese. I prefer the large ball that I can easily chills and slice or the pre-cut logs that I can chill and cut down into smaller slices. I have not used shredded and I never use the low-fat, dry kind!
• (For the mozzarella rolls) some savory seasoning to coat either the inner cheese or the outer part of the roll. I like using Lawry's and/or some Famous Dave's (either chicken or rib) seasoning.
• A couple of baking pans to let the rolls rest/rise in prior to baking.
• Enough oil or butter to lightly coat the pans.
• Enough oil to over at least 2 to 3 inches of a skillet if you are going to fry the rolls.
• Cling wrap to cover the rolls for rest/rising.
• Something to drain the rolls after baking. I use my large splatter-guard & just lay it across a skillet for the oil to drain into.

Other than letting the dough rest/rise, it only takes about 1 minute for frying and about 12 minutes for baking.

If you start your dough and won't be able to fry or bake as soon as you thought, you can cover the rolls and put in the fridge to slow down the rise/proofing. This does, in my experience, make for a slightly drier bake. I notice that the bottoms of the baked goods get browner after refrigerating the dough.

Here are the ways I have been using the dough. 

For the Sugared Rolls (I couldn't think of a better name but these are like fried donut holes, sort of):

Basically, to start, you need to let the frozen rolls thaw just enough for the dough to be soft so you can cut or manipulate it. In my apartment's warm ambient temperature, that takes about 30 to 35 minutes. (You don't want the dough to start rising so you can thaw them in the fridge if your house is too warm.)

For making donut holes with the Texas rolls - which are touted to be "50% larger", you need to cut each roll into 4. Once these bad boys rise, even that will make a large roll.

Roll each piece between your palms or on a cutting board so it's as round as possible. (I have not yet figured out a non-messy way to add jelly to the centers...)

Put all the finished little balls onto a lightly oiled pan, cover with plastic wrap, and let them rise - or you could fry them without waiting. I don't know what those results are because I always let mine rise,

Fry them in hot oil (sorry, I don't know what temp; I just test a pinch of dough to check if it bobs quickly) and turn. T

Let them drain and then coat them in powdered sugar. (I use a blend of powdered sugar, a little grating of fresh nutmeg and some cinnamon in a bowl to toss & roll the dough in.)

For the Mozzarella Buns:

Same technique for prepping the dough except leave the dough whole or just cut in half - not in fourths.

I use whatever mozzarella is cheapest. I cut the cheese (see what I did there?) into small fingertip-size pieces and store in the freezer covered with wrap or in baggies. The frozen cheese is less likey to spill out during cooking. Or so I was informed by another website.

Put a little piece of the cheese in the center of a piece of dough and roll into a ball. Try pinching the dough closed first to seal in the cheese.

You can either dust the balls with seasoning (I like to use Lawry's Seasoning Salt) or you can season the cheese before you seal up the dough.

Fry the same as with the Sugared Rolls. I like to eat the "buns" dipped in Marinara sauce.

Keep in mind that the dough fries super fast! 

See how huge the sugared rolls turned out? The were the size of large marbles before I let them rise for about half an hour. Next time, I will have to make them much smaller!

I have seen a couple of recipes for making flattened fried bread using the Rhodes yeast rolls. I guess you could really get creative if you wanted to. Also, I am sure there are other brands of the dough out there, but Mama always used Rhodes.

And I am serious about these filling you up. I can have a couple of the mozzarella buns with some marinara sauce and all I will have the rest of the day is water and coffee. It's super-filling. I will be experimenting with adding some spinach and cream cheese to bake inside the rolls. Fingers crossed.

Peace

--Free

Benefits of Belief

 I usually put my Christian-themed posts on my Free & Faith blog, but I wanted to share this one here.

Recently, I published this on Free & Faith. It's basically about how people will believe in all sorts of silly and unfounded things while rejecting God. The better part of me prays for those people who reject God but... 

There is a part of my personality that is still under construction. As some people joke: God is still working on me. When I get annoyed or angry or have to deal with the supreme hatred of people, all I can think is that they better be glad that I believe in God. They better be glad that I'm not who I used to be.

Years ago, I was not a nice person. I mean, I was nice but I could go from nice to not-nice in the space of a heartbeat. I had a terrible temper and (I'm so ashamed to admit this now) I had a habit of slapping people. 

The fact that someone didn't beat my little then-narrow behind into a new reality is proof that God has always been watching over me. I was all of not quite a hundred pounds and thought that the universe revolved around my emotions. I ticked a lot of the boxes listed in Proverbs 6:16-19:

I quit counting after I hit on 4. Oh boy.

Not only was I a sometimes-awful person but I was also occasionally naive. As mean as I could be I did have a soft side and was incredibly trusting. I don't want to think back on how many times I could have been abducted or raped or even killed because of the situations I put myself in. I was (still am) a lightweight drinker and would be falling-down drunk after a couple of moderately strong drinks. I remember times that (and yes, I am VERY ashamed to admit this) rode with drunk drivers or fell asleep passed out in the back of a car parked in front of our house. 

A few years ago, I saw this image and laughed so hard I got hoarse.

But, all kidding done with, I know that God was looking over me. I have struggled with depression all my life and there were times when I really thought about ways to end my life. I was just too chicken to die. Now that I am saved, I am not afraid to die but I always say "it's not being dead that scares me but getting dead". Before I came to Christ, I was too stupid to be afraid of being dead.

So, there are benefits to belief. There is a poem by a woman named Carol Wimmer. I know nothing about her or her definitive beliefs but I feel like her words capture perfectly what so many Christians want to convey. I thank her for the beautiful poem. I will leave you with her words and hope they give you insight into the Christians in your life.

Peace

--Free

Spammer's Delight

I don't know if spammers just think that if they submit enough comments that a blogger will think "You know what? This one is so persistent, he deserves to be noticed?"

Back in the day, I used to get a TON of comments on my blog posts, then G+ died and went away. Now I have to rely on the dreaded ~ugh~ Facebook to get any reader feedback and interaction. Once people started to get Insta-famous and Tube-fabulous, I think bloggers who didn't join the money-train lost traction. And I am okay with that. I never started blogging to monetize. I blog for my emotional health and because it's fun. I have some loyal readers and I love that part. I am not in a place in my life or abilities to deal with "monetizing" what I do for stress-relief.

Anyway.

This all is on my mind because I am SO tired of dealing with Spammy comments. It was a long time back (when a couple of those comments slipped through my net) that I started moderating all comments. It doesn't take long to glance through and see the ones that mention a product or include a link. Blogger makes it pretty easy to just run down the line and delete-delete-delete.

This latest is just one of the silly things I see via Blogger mail:

How obvious and smarmy, right? 

The thing is, I might actually be interested in some of the stuff the spammers have for sale - I mean, I do shop Amazon like someone with money... How crazy that spammers self-defeat by using this approach.

Anyway, this is to those annoying people who do this type of thing:

Back when G+ was a thing, I would have blocked and reported you. Right now, I am thinking of making a list of you all, searching you ought via Private browsing and then filling up your inbox with copies of your own comments. For now, just know that you might have something I would be interested in hearing about. It's just like stores who flood my snail-mail box with unwanted ads - I make a vow to never purchase anything from those places. 

The way I see it, if you are using spam, you must not have any product or service worth promoting in any other way.

I have gotten this kind of thing from people pitching vape products, cosmetics, household goodsm etc. I use all of those things and will consider taking a look them - but not from someone slimy enough to use spam.

So there. I just had to vent a little after rejecting about 12 spam comments and cleaning out my In-box of emails like that one.

Peace

--Free

Soothing My Emotions

 Nobody warned me about my feelings and emotions catching menopausal moments. Plenty of women warned me about hot flashes and night sweats. I was well-informed about mood swings. But mood swings are different from emotional bruising. Trust me, I am learning that now.

I am well past menopause. Mostly. I've gotten past the hot flashes and night sweats and I haven't just suddenly felt like committing the murder of innocent bystanders because of hormonal fluctuation. 

However...

My emotional swings in the past few years have been directed more inward. I can wake up feeling normal (you know, cranky without my coffee and ready for my days of the general craziness that is my life) and then, suddenly, without warning, I can feel so unloved and life-failing and bleak. For no reason. That is not a mood swing. That is a soul burp or an emotional crisis.

These random bruisings don't happen often. If they did, I might be used to them and better prepared to swim through. Nope. These nasty things creep up behind me and slap the back of my heart about once every maybe 6 to 8 months. Weird, right?

I swear, I sometimes feel like all life after 50 is one eternal crisis of self-examination. And I never pass when I get in a certain mindset.

So it was about 3 days ago that I had the latest attack of... whatever this weird sadness and soul-pain is called. I wasn't sick because I skipped my weekly injection. (It's rainy and cold and gray and I don't want to be med sick in this weather.) Because I was feeling fairly decent and my brain was in a good mood, I was cleaning and putting out laundry to do and making a grocery list for a rare actual trip to the store (instead of delivery). The rain broke for a moment and I was able to take out the garbage and scrub the kitchen floor. It was a great day. Glorious if you ignored the weather. And then, I just... I suddenly started thinking too much about the wrong things.

When I get in these - let's call them mental conniption fits - I immediately lose all energy and joy.

This sad state of - whatever - stayed with me for a full day and a half. I was tired but didn't want to sleep. I thought I might be hungry but didn't want to eat anything. I tried to read the Bible but just didn't have the strength. And then I even started having a moment of wondering why God doesn't love me. (Maybe I should have spent the past several days reading the Book of Job as part of my yearly reading plan?)

This morning, the fit finally broke. It left as fast as it came on. I woke up and make coffee and stripped the bed (because I never got around to all my laundry before) and was thinking about when I would do my morning Bible reading session and... I realized that I was not feeling like I had been during the downpour of sadness. Yeah. It was just like that.

I tell you what, I am so glad that I finished reading Job. I don't know if that had anything to do with it but maybe? Reading about Job's trials and sadness (no one expresses sadness like Job does!) made me think so much of my late sister and all she went through.

Anyway, I am better today. I am taking a break from housework and getting ready to eat something because I am really hungry now. Tonight, I will do more Bible reading (thank goodness Job is finished and I hope it's not wrong to say that) and then I will sit in the living room for a while with my fake fireplace.

Let me tell you about my "fireplace"!

Laugh if you want, you snobs, but I love this. I can turn off all the lights and turn up the sound to hear the crackling of the "fire" and almost feel warmer. I'm not for watching TV but I am so into this.

If you want a YouTube fire, the one I use is 10 hours long and is found here. I get my comfort where I can find it.

Peace

--Free

Them Dinner Rolls!

 Yes, I said, "Them dinner rolls". Aren't those bad boys just beautiful? 

There is a funny story about these rolls. Well, not the rolls in this photo. I made those rolls tonight but...

Years ago, every Thanksgiving and Christmas, my mother would make dinner rolls from scratch. They were the best rolls ever - all soft and salty-buttery on the inside and a nice brown top. So good. Mama would start making those rolls early the day before she wanted to serve them. At night, she would set the rolls up on top of a high cabinet to rise overnight. When we baked those rolls, neighbors a couple of houses down could smell them. My mother was family-famous for those rolls.

When mama started developing mild arthritis in her hands, my sister and I worried that she wouldn't be making dough from scratch anymore. She didn't make any more bread either except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We still had those delicious dinner rolls. 

Now, my mother didn't really like anyone in the kitchen when she was fixing a big dinner. My sister and I and some of our female friends would do a lot of the prep - cutting up and hulling vegetables, peeling potatoes, and doing late-night store runs. But at a certain point, Mom would kick everyone out of the kitchen. She did a lot of her pies and bread early in the morning or late at night when everyone else was sleeping.

One year, Mama wasn't feeling well but she still did a lot of the cooking. That was the year that she started letting my sister in the kitchen with her all night and morning. I wasn't jealous then because I really wasn't interested in cooking. Those were my too-cute years. 

After Mama passed away, my sister took over all the major meal preparations. My nieces and their friends were old enough by then to help out with the odd duties. I never did get promoted to sous chef but I could wash dishes and clean a destroyed kitchen like nobody's business. Just like when Mama had been around, every year, we had those delicious dinner rolls. I was a little bit jealous that my sister had gotten that recipe... Not long after that, I did get the recipe. Seriously. This is how I was able to turn out that pan of the rolls tonight.

When the nieces were old enough to be cooking in their own homes, they still came around for some of the holiday meals. One of my nieces brought a long-time friend (just like a niece to us) to one of these dinners. The friend kept talking about how she had sure missed "Grammy's dinner rolls" and she told my sister that she wanted her to teach her how to make them one day. 

This girl ate a roll buttered. She ate one plain. She made a turkey and dressing sandwich with a roll. And she just would not stop talking about those rolls. After she ate almost a whole pan by herself, she just about begged my sister for the recipe.

My sister looked at me and I looked at her and she got up to get the recipe.

We always kept the recipe close at hand and in the freezer around the holidays. Here it is:

The girl and my niece's mouths fell open. They remembered Mama's homemade rolls and couldn't believe that the frozen ones tasted so good. They felt like we had been tricking them for a long time. Honestly, though, Rhodes Texas Rolls are the closest thing to Mama's homemade rolls. Mama's were always a bit larger and a smidge saltier but we remedy that by brushing a little salted butter on the frozen tops when we set them out to rise.

These in this red package rise up large and there are some in, I believe, a yellow package that is "regular" sized. We always try to match the size of Mama's homemade rolls so we get this red package.

These are so easy to make. You literally put them in an oiled pan (I use a 9-inch round cake pan); lightly baste the tops with butter (optional); cover them lightly with cling wrap that you have sprayed with a little oil; set them out of the way where they can rise (I set mine on a high cabinet where heat rises); they rise in as little as 4 hours in a warm house; then you pop them in an oven at 350 and they will take anywhere from 10 to 12 minutes to bake. If you do butter the tops, they will brown faster so let them stay in a bit longer to be completely done.

Best. Rolls. Ever. Well, other than Mama's from-scratch rolls. 

Now that the girls have the "recipe" they can have the rolls any time. I will get in a mood for them, like I did this time, and bake up a pan of 8 that might last a couple of 3 days. The best thing is, they keep well in a sealed baggie after they are cool. They stay soft and fresh-tasting for the next meal. I love to eat mine with butter and honey or with some gravy or just warm and plain.

Man, I miss that old-fashioned from-scratch cooking and baking but thanks to Rhodes Rolls, I can almost remember Mama's dinner rolls.

Peace

--Free

Mercari or Poshmark?

 I don't know why I am writing this post just now. It's been weeks since I've shopped either Mercari or Poshmark. See, I figured out the secret to not going broke on those sites and that is to only go near them when you have something very specific in mind to shop. Never, ever randomly browse a marketplace like Poshmark, Mercari, or eBay. Trust me, it's trouble, my friends.

If you already use those sites, I would love to know your impressions. If you don't, I am warning you that they can be an impulse shopper's dream or nightmare, depending on your finances...

Now if you are looking for a certain thing - clothes, a purse, some fragrance, etc - and are trying to find good prices, include those "social commerce" sites in with the better-known online retailers. My latest buy was from Mercari and it was an amazing find. I don't know if you remember me talking about this foundation from Lancome but I have never been able to afford it since. I can finally wear it because it balances out with the humid air here in Iowa. Well, instead of paying 40 to 50 bucks, I got an unopened, authentic bottle for $20.65 (shipping & taxes included). 

When I got the purses for my SIL and myself, I thought I might be addicted to the sites but I have managed to control myself. Still, I will make sure to check them when I am looking for things I need around the house. I have to say though that, while I like the organization of Poshmark, I prefer the shipping costs of Mercari.

If I find a great buy on Poshmark (like the $3.80 silver ring), that buy is not so great with the basic shipping of $7.11. The only way to knock that down is to bargain with the seller or wait for them to see your "like" and offer lower shipping - usually $4.99. 

Mercari has plenty of "free shipping" items to sort through. Also, the basic shipping is $4.99. For this reason, I will always go for Mercari if it has items similar to something on Poshmark - or I just won't get it at all. Before I reigned myself in from browsing Poshmark, I probably saved fifty dollars just by skipping out on things because of the shipping.

Poshmark is, however, a lot more organized than Mercari, in my opinion. 

It's so tedious on Mercari to have to specify that you are looking only for items still "for sale". I don't know why else I would be looking! Also, Poshmark has better overall search functions. It's a little like going into a nice, neat store with things stacked and organized vs rummaging through a garage sale table.

Since I started this post, more than a month has gone by. I have not been back over to either site because I don't want to get sucked in. I did want to add though that I am surprised at just how much variety there is at both sites. Mecari has a much wider variety. I checked over there not long after I started this post to see if there was any Tomoe River paper for sale. Tomoe River paper is supposed to be great for fountain pens. I personally was looking for something similar to the paper Bibles are printed on. I want to be able to take notes and slip them into my Bible and would like to have the same kind of paper texture. Yeah, I know. At any rate, there was Tomoe paper and other similar types available. I didn't buy any because, well, bills and other priorities. 

So, again, I would love to know what odd and interesting things anyone has found on one of these sites. Just don't tell me about anything that I will want to run over and grab. Bills, remember?

Peace

--Free

**REVIEW** L'Oreal Paris Sublime Bronze Tinted Self-Tanning Lotion

Who'd have imagined? Black ladies can benefit from tanning products. As a matter of fact, the idea is pretty genius and it is not new. 

When I thought of using a self-tanning lotion, it was because I got some in a Target box. That one seriously irritated my face but put me back onto the idea of using a self-tanner. I had already been using this ever since I got a sample a year or so ago in a beauty box. The Jergens Wet Skin Moisturizer Self-Tanner was in too light of a shade for me but I did like the idea. As I started looking for a self-tanning product, I was self-conscious and glad that I could search online instead of in a store. What I did not realize is that a lot of black women were already onto this trick. Just do a quick YouTube search and you will see more than a few black people using different brands and types of these self-tanners. And here I thought I was on to something new...

I can't afford the expensive higher name-brand serums that are sold in Sephora and Ulta, etc, but I did find this for a reasonable price, knowing that I could return to Amazon if I wasn't happy. I am happy.

The "Deep" is for how dark you want the color. I have some glow product in a light-to-medium and it does almost nothing for me. I assume that if you are lighter-skinned, you might want to start out with a light or medium choice.

My first quest was to find something labeled "Deep" or "Dark". Next, it was to find something that wouldn't irritate my skin. I am happy to say that this particular lotion is working well and not breaking me out in the least.

I decided to write this review in a bullet-point style, listing and answering the different concerns I had. So let's go:

1. A lot of Glitter? No, this doesn't have as much "glitter" as I feared from reading some reviews. I am dark so, trust me, glitter would really sparkle. I can see the glitter faintly on the back of my hand after first applying this. On my face, I didn't notice as much. When I wash my face before bed, the color stays and the glitter goes.
2. Does it itch? I was really worried about this because I recently tried Tanologist Face and Body Drops and had to immediately get it off my skin. This one tingled slightly the first time I applied it but the tingle didn't get worse and it went away as the product dried. And, keep in mind, I am using this on my face. After that first time, I haven't even felt even the slightest tingle.
3. Does it dry out my skin? The product I used in the past was a lotion for use on wet skin and I didn't want to use anything else that would dry out my skin. This doesn't dry me out but you are to use an oil-free moisturizer, if any, before applying. I do make sure to apply my regular moist lotion in-between applications. So far, so good.
4. Is the smell offensive/strong? Sniffing the open cap, there is a faint, soapy kind of scent. It's not unpleasant and I didn't smell it when the test spot dried on the back of my hand.
5. Is it sticky? Yes. While this is still damp on the skin, it has a tacky-like feel. Once it dries, it's okay. I still like it best once I can wash my face without ruining the results.
6. Is it shiny? OMGoodness, yes! I almost hated this because of the shine on the first day. What I realized is that it is best to apply this before bed, then I can wash my face in the morning. That gets rid of both the shine and any hint of glitter.
7. Does this transfer/Is it messy? I didn't have any problems with this getting on paperwork or my clothes - as long as I let it dry completely. The advantage this has over makeup is that I don't have to deal with transfer to my clothes and paperwork and furniture, etc. When you wear dark makeup, the transfer can be a big problem. 
8. Does it affect my brow/lash/hairline color? I was careful not to get this into my hairline the first day and I made sure to wipe my brows with a damp tissue and brush my lashes too. After the first day, I forgot to do any of this. I haven't had any problems with the product messing with the color of my hair. That might be because I have black hair though. Someone with lighter hair/lighter skin might want to be more careful. I read a review that warned about orange hair... Yikes.
9. How are the results? Check out the photos are from Day 1 and 3. I was worried that I wasn't going to get the color I wanted but it really does take applying this for a few days to start noticing effects on my dark complexion. Now I think I might even do my chest, legs, and arms.

The once concern I had (and asked other Amazon users about) is why this doesn't have an expiration date on the tube. That seems important since there is a suggestion to use within 6 months. As I suspected, that might be a ploy to have people toss products and buy more every 6 months. A couple of other users assured me that they have been using a tube for much longer than  6 months with no negative effects. I am not a woman to toss perfectly good products unless they look bad, smell bad, or irritate my skin when I test them.

The top photo is what my skin basically looked like on the 12th of the month. And I say "basically" because I just chose a photo I had taken for a hair product because I knew it was when I hadn't worn makeup or anything.

And the bottom photo is what my skin looks like after 4 days of applying the tanning lotion. Again, no makeup. I didn't even blot for the shine because I want to give the most realistic view. 

The best way I can describe this is that my skin looks like I have applied a sepia-like filter, if that makes sense. The difference is more vivid in person. One of my neighbors saw me taking the out the trash yesterday and when I stepped into the sunlight, she almost gasped, no kidding. She said, "You look great!" I think she might have thought I was wearing makeup because she said that she hadn't been doing anything to her face since the COVID lockdown. I don't usually wear foundation on a daily basis and my neighbors are used to seeing me look "natural". 

Basically, this is a great way for me to enhance my natural color and not irritate my good-but-aging 59-year old skin. And I can save a lot of money too. I will now only be wearing foundation for special occasions because this is perfect for a "bare-faced" and natural look. To be honest, I wish I had discovered this sooner. I can put on eyeliner and lip gloss and look like I have applied foundation. I do need to use some clear primer just to give my skin a more matte look. I might at some point try some of the pricier tanning "oils" for black skin because I hear the effects are really nice and much longer-lasting. For now, this works and I will probably be keeping some of it around for a while.

I just remembered to mention something else. I was looking at some old photos of myself - photos from waaaay back, maybe when I was in my 30's - and I realized that aging has "faded" my color. This tanning lotion seems to have dialed 20 or more years off my skin tone. I have old photos in the sidebar of this blog where you can see what I mean. Anyway, I just wanted to add that bit of info.

Peace

--Free

The President, Peace, and Prayer

 Not many people will understand this at first, but I feel so sorry for Donald Trump. My heart is almost breaking for that man. Let me explain why I say this.

In my life, I have felt mean and vindictive. In those times, I was not happy with myself. I wasn't even that aware of my own pride or ignorance or stupidity. I've been a Christian for a long time but I have only been experiencing the Christian mindset for a short while - 6 or 7 years or so. Before then, I was still too full of myself to let God fully inhabit me. I was easily hurt by slights from others and just by the world not being fair - or in being adequately in awe of me. 

I was always chasing happiness and I finally caught it.

These days, I spend a lot of time accepting what life is. It's not perfect or even totally bearable at times but I am here to live it. Because I am forgiven, I have peace. And being forgiven doesn't mean I don't still get my feelings hurt; it doesn't mean that I don't have many regrets over things that I can replay over and over in my mind on bad days; it doesn't mean that I don't still struggle a lot with my emotions. Being forgiven means just that. My sins are forgiven but I still live with the consequences daily.

Donald Trump is someone I can feel sympathy for because he is, after all, just another human being. I don't believe that someone who reacts to life and other people the way that he does is truly at peace. I've been there.

There is a song I remember from the days I spent in a Pentecostal church. I left that church and the people of that church, but I always think of the words from that song as being the truest lyrics I know: 

"This joy I have, the world didn't give it to me. The world didn't give it and the world can't take it away."

Those are the lyrics most people think of when they think of that song but my favorite part is about "this peace I have" that the world didn't give and can't take away. 

For me, peace is the bonus that came with the salvation the Lord gave me. It's my manna or "daily bread". It's what I have in my soul in spite of any stress or depression my body or mind might go through. 

A few years back I watched a documentary about a woman suffering from mental illness. After she left the care of an institution, she spent months squatting in a vacant house and died from exposure during the cold of winter. She kept a journal and the title of the documentary was taken from what she wrote: "God knows where I am."

I was in such a shaky place in my own life at that time - grieving and lost and under spiritual attack - that I related deeply to that dear woman's story. I was sad and in a lot of emotional despair but I immediately understood just what she meant: God knows where I am. And that is my peace.

I want Trump to know that God knows where he is - in his frustration and pride and pain and needs. I want him to feel the beauty of God's forgiveness and love. I want him to feel what I feel when I read these words from Psalm 139:1-6.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.

3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

5 You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.

3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

5 You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

So, yes, I still get angry with Trump. I rant and rave when he says or does another cruel or ignorant thing. Still, I come back to the thought that God loves him just as He loves me. God wants Trump to have peace. He wants all of us to have peace. He doesn't want us to be hurting and angry and mean and blind. - or even brilliant and successful and kind but still blind. And that is why I have made a commitment to pray for this man. I know that people prayed for me.

Finally, let me borrow from pop culture lingo to clarify something about Christianity: this is not a religion, it's a lifestyle. Jesus was anti-religion and he wasn't about institutions and pomp. Jesus didn't come to build committees and choirs and church boards. Jesus was born, lived, died, and then rose and he did all of that for me, for you, and for Trump. So, while we still live, let's pray for one another.

Peace

--Free

Feeling My Age (or Baby Got Bad Back)

UPDATE: Turns out that this back thing might be a bit more serious than I thought. I was rid of it (except for tenderness) for a couple of days. It came back and it's pissed. I am pretty much stuck in bed right now and laying on my side trying to type, drink water, nibble on something, and wait for the back brace to get here. My brother brought me some Advil (a no-no for me) and I am taking them only at the worst of the pain. If things don't get better after a couple of days with the brace, I will have to call my doctor. Until I work this out, posts will be sporadic. 

I will be doing a post on Free and Faith, even if it takes me all day to get it written. Please visit that blog when you get a chance.

Peace.

A while back someone asked users of Reddit when they felt they officially became "old" (or something to that effect). My answer: The first time I stood up and everything hurt for no reason. That was then. Today, I know better. 

My heart and spirit might feel thirty but my body feels its physical age. Maybe even a bit older. I wasn't able to type this post for the past couple of days because I couldn't even sit up. My back has betrayed me. 

I was about to get out of bed one morning but felt a bit unsteady. When my balance is off, I wait til it comes back 'on'. I learned that the hard way. So I'm wide awake and ready to get the day started but had to wait until I knew I wouldn't be walking into walls. After about half an hour, I was ready. My back was not.

My back wasn't really hurting before I sat up. It felt a little bit sore like I had slept wrong, but nothing awful. Then when I sat up, everything locked. I have never felt such pain like that. I literally could not do anything without feeling as if someone had a grip around the lower part of my spine and was daring me to move. 

So there I am, sitting partway up in bed, waiting for relief. That wasn't going to happen. After a bit, I managed to turn so that my legs were on the floor - thank God I sleep right on the edge of my bed - but, nope, I wasn't going anywhere further for the time being. Every thought of a movement induced pain that was like the opposite of an orgasm. Just pain like I have never experienced - and I once cracked a rib by sneezing when I had a cold that kept me constantly coughing or sneezing.

I'm not sure how long it took me to move a bit, rest a bit, move a bit, etc. Finally, I was able to grab hold of the bedside lamp pole and hoist into a standing position. Let me back that up - I was able to hoist myself into a crouching position. And I had to stand like that until the pain crept away just a bit. 

Here's the fun part of this story. Remember, I was just waking up. What's the first thing most of us do when we wake up? Hang out for a while, having conversations with our backs? No. I had to pee. I had to pee like a pregnant woman drinking a Big Gulp. I had to pee so bad that I think I lost calories not peeing myself. 

Somehow - and I'm not kidding when I say I'm not sure exactly how - I managed to creep slowly out of the bedroom and to the bathroom. The problem then became how to get into position. I could hardly get my underwear down but when I did, I couldn't get over the toilet low enough to pee. Eventually, I just held my breath and dropped down onto the toilet. I felt so pretty, let me tell you...

I cannot describe the pain that went through my back. It hurt to pee. It hurt to be sitting, but I couldn't get up right away because moving to do so hurt worse than the sitting. I knew there was no way I was going to make it into the shower that morning.

Now, I have had rare and occasional mild spurts of lower back pain over the past - I'm guessing - two years? Usually, this happened after sitting too long in one position or while sit-slumping. When it happened, I would take my time standing and then stretch out a bit. Or prop my hands against the wall with my feet back in a pushup position. My back would relax and behave. Not this time.

I have no idea how long I sat on the toilet but I had time to contemplate calling my SIL for help. Of course, my phone was in the bedroom so I wouldn't be able to buzz her in and my front door was locked so the manager would have to let her in... Ugh.

Finally, I managed to clean myself up and get off the toilet but the effort made me crave morphine. I would have crawled if I could have made it to my knees. I ended up taking a few steps at a time, holding onto counters, door frames, and walls until I made it back to the bedroom. All I could do was sort of fall onto the bed and just deal with the screams from my back.

And that is where I lay for about three hours, no kidding. And keep in mind that I am doing IF so I hadn't eaten for 18 hours when I first woke up. Now I'm at almost 21 hours and I didn't care about food but I wanted coffee like an addict wants crack. 

"Hi, my name is Trudy and I'm a 'feine fiend."

My best friend called and I was able to answer the phone. She told me to try either to get flat on my back or into the fetal position and to totally relax all my muscles. When I could get up at all, she suggested I put a heating pad on my back. (I don't have a heating pad. Stay tuned to see my substitute.) She also told me to stay down until I could move without pain. "You're making it worse by moving all around the apartment." (Like I was just sprinting around the place...)

Her advice worked. Sort of. Laying flat on my back didn't help like it had in the past. A fetal position, with a pillow between my knees, felt better.  I was able to spray magnesium oil towards the area - sort of - and after a bit, I managed to make a "heating pad".

 

That's some kitchen rags dampened 
& sealed for heating
in the microwave

The heat helped. Sort of. I still couldn't make coffee. I lay in bed for hours, sipping bottled water through a straw and dozing off and on. Every now and then, I would test my ability to move and I managed to get to the bathroom a couple of times. 

At some point during this bed rest, I was just suddenly able to move without crying. I don't know what did it. My back still ached in that spot but I could ease myself out of bed and get around if I walked slowly and carefully. 

After almost 28 hours of nothing but water, I grabbed myself some sliced brioche (it makes great oven toast!) and honey and some more water and went back to bed. 

My back has remained sore but only occasionally seizing up the past couple of days where the pain lasts half an hour to an hour or so. The problem area is still very tender and I am overly aware of every move I make. 

Since I am broke because, you know, groceries and bills and end of the month, I put this on a credit card and cannot wait until I get it:

  

Mueller Adjustable Back Brace

Of course, this part depresses me!

It was the most affordable-but-decently-rated one I could find on short notice. I will get a heating pad next. I don't know what I am going to do about a couch. My futon sofa is the absolute worst thing to try sitting on with a kinked up back. It sits too low and is made for dorm rooms not nursing homes.

 

Ain't this a blip? Just last month, I was thinking that although I'm getting 'up there' in age, the worst thing about my health is my sarcoidosis. Nope. My back is apparently jealous and wants the first place ribbon for that. It's in the lead.

Peace

--Free