Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Thankful to be an Ingrate

With Thanksgiving coming up, I've been thinking more about all I have to be thankful for. (First, I had to climb down off my pity-pot.) God and I had a little falling out when my family was hit by a string of tragedies. Thing is, whenever I "fall out" with God, I fall right into a mess and He's always right there to catch me.

One of the main things I am thankful for is that I am still here to be such a freaking ingrate. And, believe this: when I set my mind to it, I can be the queen of all that is selfish and mean. (Just ask anybody who has known me for more than ten minutes.) So, I guess I am thankful that I have folks who love me enough to put up with me. I'm definitely thankful to still be around to be a pain in their backsides!

Another thing I am thankful for is just waking up every morning healthier than I was a while back. As old folks are fond of saying: "A lot of us didn't wake up this morning."

I woke up and got another day older. Ha! One thing about getting older (and by "older", I mean old enough, not old as dirt) is that you do start actually reading obituary notices when you pick up a newspaper. I used to accidentally catch sight of a notice and pay no attention at all except to be upset that someone, anyone had died. These days, I sometimes check the news only for the obits.

It's a thought-stirring thing to realize that a lot of the people in the obits are very close to my age. Or that they look a lot like people I could have gone to school with or worked alongside... I want to go back to the days when the ages given in obituaries were up there in the late 80's and 90's.  That's the way it seemed to have been when I was younger.    Or maybe it was that ages like 50- and 60-something seemed as old to me as 80 and 90.

Another thing I am thankful for is that I have survived every single thing that I thought was going to be the end of me. You all know what I mean. We have things happen that, at the time, seem like they are going to just destroy us: lost friendships, broken romances, finances that went out of control. When you go through some things, you (or at least I) just feel like you can't bear another ounce of weight on your soul. Then, somehow, you manage to get through one moment of the agony, and then another moment and another. And... you have survived it. What's the saying about living to fight another day? Well.

Mostly, I'm super-thankful that I am getting to watch that nephew of mine as he goes from baby to toddler to whatever kind of kid he's going to be. He is truly a wonder to me. He doesn't know it and I'll probably forget to tell him when he's older, but he has been such a light for me when I felt like I was lost in the shadows of fear and depression.  Looking at a child will do that for you. It reminds me that God made us all that pure and innocent.

There are a bunch of other (and some truly shallow) additions to my list of thanks:
  • I'm not nearly as chunky as I was last year. I am on the verge of convincing myself I might be a little "hot" again.
  • I can wear heels again. Not skinny heels (or super high heels) and I can't run in them (or even break into one of those cute, hip-swaying trots), but I can teeter around without walking into walls. 
  • My hair, while still way shorter than I originally wanted, is getting thicker. I can do things with it if I wasn't way too lazy to. At least I can wear this TWA and make it work for me.
  • I still have my sense of humor (even though I sometimes use it to be not-so-nice).
  • I'm smoke-free.
  • I'm prednisone-free.
So, yeah, I've got a huge list of stuff to be thankful for. I won't even spoil this post by adding my the things I wish could be on this list. 


P.S.: I've gotten addicted to Gifsoup, if you hadn't noticed.