Monday, March 03, 2014

**REVIEW** The Detox is ON!

 Okay, so I'm not juicing my food so much as liquefying it. 

Because I am closer to being homeless than I am to living the high life, I had to do a lot of research and comparison shopping before I settled on what type of appliance to purchase. Thanks to a really good friend (Hi, Perry), I was gifted with fifty bucks toward the buy. Here are the products I considered (and why I didn't choose any of them):

Magic Bullet - Too plastic, too many parts & pieces, yet not enough power for constant heavy-duty use. (Sounds like I'm talking about a whole other type of "magic", doesn't it!) Besides the lack of power, I really couldn't be bothered with making space for, or keeping track of, all those dang parts. It is cute though.
Magic Bullet $50 - $60 (250 watts)

NutriBullet - Had better wattage at 600, but for that much money, it should. Besides, I read too many reviews about leaks, rusting, cracking and - my pettest of peeves: poor customer service and contact. Also... plastic! I'm not real fond of anything plastic when it comes to using long-term use of anything coming in contact with my food. Pro: comes in a variety of cute colors. Add to cons: too many parts.

NutriBullet around $100

Ninja - I would've have run when I saw the price but I felt too faint to move fast. This baby can go for $100 to $260 and up. I wasn't able to run, but I sure as hell got away fast enough not to notice whether or not this one had color options. I did notice that it packs 1000 watts at the low end model. I don't know about wattage for the higher end ones. At 260 bucks, I don't really care.
Ninja. 1000 watts at the lower end

Vitamix - If I felt faint looking at the price on a Ninja, I damn near puddled right to the floor when I saw the (gasp) $440 tag on this monster.The product service plan of $45 is what I had to spend when I walked in the store. Don't ask about the wattage. For this price level, that bitch would have to run my car before I'd buy it.  For the price, I could hire a personal chef for an eighth of an hour.

Pro: not many parts. They probably cost another arm...
I heard about another blender that runs around playing in the 600-dollar range. I left it playing and kept my ass in the world of the real. I won't even mention that madness. If you pay $600 for anything that doesn't cook, clean or sleep with you at night, you better be friends with Oprah or Bill if you don't want people waiting for you fall on your financial face. Hah!


I had fifty bucks, health on my mind, and a need for power. I found this for $40 and spent another $5 for a 2 year repair/replacement warranty:

Farberware 4-speed digital at 800 watts.
Chile, I almost stepped on a woman's foot trying to snatch that bad-boy off the shelf.
Single-serve cup attachment
I'll probably never use it with the blender, but that single-serve cup is perfect for packing with me on my errands.

An 800-watt motor, stainless still facing, and a glass jar. Perfection. (The travel cup is plastic but... whatever.)

The Pros: Easy set-up (once I decided not to bother with the travel cup), not a bunch of pesky pieces to deal with, and it's very sturdy, and powerful but not very loud. LOVE that not-loud part since I have a bitchy upstairs neighbor and a room mate who wastes every hour of the day in front of the living room television set...

The Cons: That freaking travel cup. I couldn't take the hassle of changing out between it and the glass jar.

I like that I don't have to monitor it while it's blending. It has a very cool way of stopping and restarting so as to let the contents settle for better blending. (Did that make sense???) 

The real test, of course, is how well it works. It does a super job. My first blend was one of carrots, kale, collards, spinach, turnip greens....

.... beets, strawberries, blueberries apples, banana and...

... about a cup of store-bought carrot juice I had left from last week.

Yeah. So.

That's a pretty crazy mix, but I'm a pretty crazy chick. I think I just got carried away with tossing in more stuff and watching the colors blend. It was fun until I realized I had 42 ounces of liquefied goodness that might taste like crap. So I squeezed in a little honey. 

The color: amazingly pretty. Sort of a beet-red/Prince-purple look. Gorgeous. Oh, wait - I was thinking of Prince. ~sigggggh~ But the juice was also gorgeous. The taste: deee-lisshus. Really. It was pretty thick, but pulp is what I wanted, which is why I decided on getting a blender instead a juicer. I don't want to pay all that money for produce to just toss out the best (and most nutritious?) part. Besides, I think that fiber won't hurt when it comes to filling me up and (ha ha) emptying me out. (Too much information? Sorry.)

I had 20 ounces to sip for my all-day meal and still have about 20 million ounces (kidding) left for the freezer. I'm going to have to see how freezing affects nutrients...

Anyway, I'll try to update here as I get through the coming weeks. My plan at the moment is to do an all- (or, mostly-) liquid intake for a month as a junk-food detox. Okay, it's really more about vanity. Summer will soon be here and I'd like to have my skin and hair ready for this round-the-clock Alaska sun that allows one to hide NOTHIN. 

Well, off to bed for me. I used up the last of my energy sucking down the rest of my "meal". 


(And because I just have  to post a reminder pic of GOALS)

You can do this chica!

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