Checking in to apologize. I had promised a few people a post about the Live Below the Line challenge (now that it is over). I can't. guys. I have a cold that is kicking my ass & aches and pains like you wouldn't believe.
Y'all know that I am the world's biggest baby when it comes to being sick, so...
Hoping to feel better by end of weekend. (And, damnit if I don't have some errands to run!)
Seems like I spend too much time on the phone. Not chatting or enjoying myself, but Holding. Can't remember the last time I made a call to take care of business and actually had someone answer right off. Sitting on Hold wouldn't be too bad I guess if the music was better. I always get to listen to something that sounds like bad karoake or the soundtrack to a porn movie. It's like torture.
Guess what I'm doing right this moment. Sitting on Hold. Since 8:29. It is 9:01. For real. The music for this Hold sounds like me learning to play the pan flute. (I don't even know what a pan flute is. What is wrong with me this morning?!)
This is not a good day for being irritated. I'm hungry, have a fresh cold, mystery pains and have been having cell phone problems. (What is up with that? Why is my Infusion starting to act all Courtney Love on me? I'm missing calls, having messages erased... One of the BFF's called my sister in a panic because she hasn't been able to reach me for a couple of days. Damn phone.) Anyway...
One of the most annoying things about being on Hold is the boredom. I try finding something to do while I wait. I mean, I try to get other stuff done, but it's tricky. One time I was trying to sort through a bunch of bills. I had a few piles going on: "Call and Beg for Mercy," "Pay Now Before They Sue Me," and "No Freaking Way." Problem is, between listening to the awful music, waiting for someone to pick up and trying to keep the piles straight, I was going a little haywire. Sometimes when I try multi-tasking, my brain acts like a computer with water damage. That day, when a live person finally picked up my call, I didn't realize it right away. I was busy chanting, "Beg, pay, no freaking way" over and over. When I realized I had a real person on the phone, I got stellar customer service. Pretty sure the lady was so nice because she thought she was dealing with a mental defect that knew where she worked.
The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me on the phone was a few weeks ago. I'd been on Hold so long that, eventually, I had to go the bathroom. (I'm fifty, on blood pressure meds and suck liquids like a vacuum. When I have pee, I have to pee. Right. Now.)
me on the left LOL
So, I slip into the bathroom, phone on Speaker, and try to pee quiet as I can. That went well. Of course, the second I flushed, there's some guy on Speaker going, "This is Doug, how may I help you?" He paused between "Doug" and "help you." That's because our toilets sounds like a fighter jets taking off.
Yeah. Well. Cringe-worthy moment, but I don't think I will ever be meeting Doug in person.
Right now, I am back and forth between writing this post and cruising the usual news sites. I just had a major giggle over one gossip bit about a popular actress. Apparently she made a red-carpet appearance looking a hot funky mess from head to toe. Especially toe since it was reported that her feet looked so bad, it looked like her toes were throwing up gang signs. That cracked me the hell up! Mainly because the actress is thin, pretty and rich and I'm not.
Yeah, I always find ways to amuse myself. In a minute, I'm going to start making Top Ten Lists of things like: "Super Powers I Wish I Had," and "People I'd Beat Up If I Had Super Powers."
For now, I will just try to behave myself. Going to keep cruising the Net while I sit here on Hold.
Okay - first, the really good news! I did get the cash donations done today. They are going through PayPal and will be posted as the transactions clear (everyone who donated cash has been given screen prints & confirmations). Thank you all so very much.
Um, and the, uh, well...
OKAY, damnit! I broke the $1.50 limit tonight. Dropped it broke it, stomped crap out of it.
~hiding face in shame~
I'm such a loser, but I was having a headache that would not go away. (Went away just fine after I had some broccoli, baked chicken and a yogurt smoothie for dessert...)
Yeah, well... Wipe that bacon fat off your mouth and shoot me. I donated some money myself. I will be back on the wagon tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I just had the coolest find on the site of a G+ buddy. A singer I'd never heard of before no
Well. Damn. That gal can blow!
Just thought I'd share that in the hope it would take your mind off my epic fail with the challenge - LOL.
I will be better tomorrow & stick with things (I hope). It might be tough. I am missing my boo-baby D.J. and he and his parents have only been gone for an hour. Who's going to bring me my morning smile while he's gone?...
Hi lil boo-boo!
Peace
--Free
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Can't believe I made it to day 4. Had to miss the grad party last night (I couldn't stand the idea of all that food & my niece totally supports me in it), and I have the freaking MOTHA of all headaches and because I procrastinate, I have to get off my lazy ass & go transfer those donations. What a gigantic pain in my ass that it... (Not the donations, just the getting off my ass part!)
At least today looks like it might be a sunny one. That will help keep my mind off eating (maybe) & I can sit outside and think about what this whole hunger challenge means. And I do think about it more with every passing minute. Last night I felt so incredibly sad that I worked myself up to a good old=fashioned cry. Think about this:
1.4 billion people - BILLION - living in poverty.
I can't even fathom that. I don't want to think about how many of those people are babies. My God, my God, my God.
A friend and I were comparing pics of his niece & my nephew. They are both around 4 months old & my friend & I compete to see who can take more photos and be the biggest braggart. We are about neck and neck & people literally hate to see us coming when we have our cameras out. (I have to stop & say this: His niece is SO stinking adorable!) Anyway... I told him how this challenge makes me grateful every time I think about Baby DJ & the other half a million kids in my fam. I remember times when our two girls & my sister's twins were young. There were a few times that we all ate a LOT of beans and rice and hoecakes - but there was never, ever, ever a time when our kids were the slightest bit hungry (matter of fact, couple of them could stand to lose a few pounds). I was always thankful for that, but I never realized what a deep blessing it was. Back then, I wasn't even aware of what a blessing it was that I could complain about extra jobs and overtime or tired feet or psychotic bosses. I am very aware now of how God was truly watching over us. I am aware now of why my mother would sometimes just close her eyes and smile while she thanked God. I'm aware now of why, one time (when I couldn't work out on paper how we managed with the income we had against what money went out of the house) Mom nearly slapped the paper & pen out of my hand. "Why are you going to question what God is doing for you?" Let me tell you, Miss Edie was mad... but
I realize now.
I hope that you are thankful if your babies are eating & sleeping in a warm place & running around, healthy & trying to drive you out of your freaking mind with their noise & toys. I hope you are thankful if you are waking up to bitch about a job you have to go to & a boss you have to put up with & that crazy bitch that sits in the cubicle next to you. I hope you just remember to be thankful.
I'm broke as Humpty Dumpty's clumsy ass, but I am still so much better off than any of the hungry babies and struggling, worried moms and dads out there.
Guess I just needed to rant. I'll be back later after I run errands and have something a little less somber to post about.
(And a big THANK YOU to the latest donor, Mrs. M.G. & fam. (I love you, boo!)
This is Day Three of the #livebelowtheline challenge. My biggest challenge right now is that I've been up since 1am. It's hard not to think about food when you sit up and worry about the petty little realities of life. But I have managed to behave. Looking at the PC clock, I see that I have made it to 4:30am without cheating.
To catch you up on what's been happening: I have gotten a bunch of donations. I am going to get to the bank today or tomorrow to get them deposited so that I can credit them to the site. The funny thing about this is, I have not minded the challenge, but I never want to deal with people and money again. I cannot believe (still) how paranoid people are about using their cards online. SMH. Whatev.
Anyway - I did NOT stick to my menu plan. I have not had a chance to get to the store. I can't drive some days & we have a whole bunch going on at the house - with people in for the graduation and other people getting ready to leave out for Stateside Granny visits. We are a mess laundry, suitcases and baby bottles. It's like a madhouse right now.
What I have done for food is kept it simple. Boiled eggs have been my friend. No one else was thrilled because boiled eggs tend to smell like - boiled eggs. My sister hates the smell & will usually only eat boiled eggs at Easter! LOL. So... I have eaten cereal and soymilk, tuna and a salmon croquette (yesterday). Not crazy about croquettes, but I realized it was only about .10 cents. We caught the fish & it's cooked with very few ingredients. (Of course, this made me realize that not every hungry child has access to fish or the means to cook it in certain ways... ~sigh~)
I have had enough tea to float a boat. Not done so much water... Another thing I lucked out with is that I had some nice wheat rolls that I got on sale at Walmart last week. There were 7 in the $1.00 bag. Score. (Wonder if that is how excited a hungry person is when a good bargain comes along? Bet I will think twice when I see day-old or discount breads at the store.)
By the way - I don't know if it helps anywhere but in my town to mention this, but there is a local bakery here that sends out email alerts about specials. When I get the next email from them, I will do a mention here. Can't think of it for the life of me right now, but you can sign up to receive an email when they are giving away free loaves of bread or having other specials. I have used my coupon for the free bread.
Another random thought that crossed my mind today was that, at the $1.50 cap in this challenge, it's hard not to be tempted to make the wrong food choices. For instance, I prefer Burger King burgers over McD's (though Ronald's fries are the best!), but here in Alaska, you can eat off the $1.00 menu - which is, really, the $1.50 menu. If you have a $1.50 and the choice to go and try to buy single eggs or just grab a burger - it's easier to get the burger. Especially if you have no way to cook the freaking egg, right?
I know that I am all over the place in this post, but this whole "babies not eating" has me bugging. Plus, I'm sure those damn eggs aren't the best brain fuel. (Yeah, yeah - I've heard how great eggs are supposed to be, but I think that only works if you get some toast and bacon with them).
One last thing: When I was reading about the mayor in Nevada doing the food stamp menu for a week, I remember her saying that her mind didn't work as well on such a diet. Well, all joking aside - my mind only fires on half its cylinders as is. I do notice that I feel just a bit more tired and a lot more befuddled since eating less. I don't think it's the "less" part so much as it is the "what" part. I need to eat healthier (or at least as healthy as able) while doing the challenge. Think I am going to find some cheap sardines or kippers in oil for tomorrow. Wonder if that will help?
Oh well, I ramble again. I will cut this short and try to post when I have my thoughts better organized. Til then,
Trying not to think about food right now. It's gonna be another day of "blah," so...
I decided to share a guilty pleasure with you. The folks over on the G (and the ones in the house with me) are always teasing me about my fascination with trashy culture. How best to keep up with the trashy gossip? Trashy news! One of my favorite sites is The Daily Mail (UK). Now, before you start ripping on me, understand two things: 1) whether we like it or not, this stuff is news, and 2) you might get hooked yourself. Shall we take a look at some of what got my inner bitch in an itch this morning?...
Dustin Hoffman saved someone's life. How cool is that? What a decent, decent guy, right? But I just know that if he'd saved me with my smart ass, first thing I'd've done is yell, "Tootsie!!??" LOL (And, everyone take a moment to notice something unusual: Hoff's got a wife that looks like she was born in the same century as him. In Hollywood? Shut the freaking bathroom door!)
I got so excited by reading this headline that I don't have all the info. Tell you what though, if they allow these things on freeways... I might end up moving some place with a mix-master or two. Might get to expand my horizons.
Lately, I've been hearing about to two women who are annoying the piss out of me: This chick here not only needs her ass whipped with a switch from someone's back yard, but... she's 40-who? Bullshit she's 44. Nuh uh, no ma'am. It took longer than 44 years to develop that tan and for her brain to regress to the size of a nutmeg speck. I almost can't grasp what she did with the little girl. I'm still too busy trying to figure out what she thinks is cute about looking like a cheeto. (And she's tickled about being made fun of on TV? Wow. No shame.)
Then, there is this old ass lady here... People are encouraging her to act the fool and she thinks this mess is cute. Hey Grandma Time? Not cute. No, not even kinda cute. Go sit your old ass down, ma. (This kinda thing here reminds me of when parents teach their toddlers something "cute" and then show them off. Don't you hate that? When they drag the kids out and go, "Show Miss Trudy how you can dance like Diddy while you say 'Bitch betta have my money.'" Not cute. Matter of fact, I think that's right in there with mental abuse or something. Dumbasses. Teach the baby how to count or say his prayers.) Old people, young people - same damn thing. All I have to say about this is, "Y'all, come get your damn grandma!"
Ruh roh, guys. There's a new phobia for me, you guys. It's already gone on my list, page two... Don't laugh until you read this. I am not. the. only. one.
On this one, I just read the first 3 words and stopped. I don't want to risk reading anything in the article that might negate or any soften that implication. Please, please, please, all that is geek and internet, let it be true.
This is super-cool. Just love it when people think up stuff like this. Brilliant. (Not that I would own one. I mean, it's a great idea and I love the "drawers," but you fuck around and get it wet... LOL)
(My sister is sister is sitting here with me & she just told me to clean up my filthy mouth. I'm really going to work on that. Next week, after the Live Below the Line challenge is over. Really, I am.)
Is Kim Kardashian embarrassed yet? Doubt it. She covered her Shame Bone with a Hermes scarf and went back to shopping for a Birkin bag. Bitch. (I know - language, language... NEXT WEEK!) I just about fell out laughing at these old ladies. Kim is either their new hero or they are thinking she is a solo freak show. SMH. No words. I have no words.
Why did I think that the 60's were a kinder, gentler time? Not only did stuff go one, but juicy stuff. Book-worthy stuff. Wow... I mean. I know things went on, but daaaang! Was there nothing but sin in high places? Kennedy got more ass than Charmin. Bad, bad boy...
And just to leave you with some nice images I found via the G...
Nice Reminder
Don't look at me, I dunno!
Go over to Project Noah. I am. They use the term "Citizen Scientist." Cool, no?
Today has not been bad. The whole eating thing is tough, don't get it twisted - BUT I am only having a hard time in choosing what to eat. So far, I have had 3 boiled eggs, tea and water. Somewhere, there are people whose only reality is to not what they are going to eat, but if they are going to eat. So, yeah, tough titty for me!
The biggest headache for me has been getting people past the idea of using credit online. I mean, am I the only one who has been paying bills and shopping for online bargains? Am I the only one who is a lot more paranoid about giving some stranger my card in a restaurant to disappear into a back room for a minute? Really? Seriously?
Wow.
Yeah, so I am having to collect money, get into my account and then go online... And, of course, things are tight for folks. In asking for donations, I have learned just how many people are struggling to make ends meet. This is going to be a lot more of a challenge that what I thought. I was thinking the eating on $1.50 or less was the real challenge. Guess again.
I have had a lovely donation that someone made to their friend in MY name. How cool is that? I had mentioned feeling bad that I couldn't support anyone else so a pal decided to do two of us a nice thing. People are awesome!
Over on the G, we are all learning a lot from each other - about stretching a buck, making what food we do get to eat a little more interesting, and just about this whole issue of hunger. This will make you think. I have done a ton of lip service on "doing right thing" where my lips were the only part of me feeling it. THIS is the real deal.
Again, thanks everyone for the encouragement and money and just taking the time to consider people so much less fortunate than ourselves. It matters.
❥ ❤ ❥
This is a worldwide challenge.
Here is some info from Australia
Peace
--Free
Shout out to donors:
cash (to be credited) 10.00 B.W.
cash (credited generic) 6.00 C.M.M.
cash (credited generic) 5.00 D.M. & D.M.
credit (generic) 20.00 G.J.C.
credit (credited) 20.00 Mrs. N.L.L.& Mr A. L.
credit (credited) Ms. D. R. & family
cash (to be credited) 25.00 Mr. J.A.C. & Mrs. P.A.C. & family
Okay, I have heard from at least 3 folks about how they don't want to do their donation transactions online.
I'm not criticising, but you give your card to a waiter or to a gas station attendant - same thing. The site is a secure one.
I really want these donations, so I am contacting the site for help with this now. In the meantime, I don't personally know all of you! LOL For friends, I am taking cash, transferring to a card to donate. Otherwise, you guys give me a minute to figure this out...
Don't know if it's gonna last, but I will be damned if I don't see sunshine. I was beginning to wonder how the weather was gonna go round here... Hopefully things will hold til we get a graduation day over with.
So, I am posting a "regular" post. Nothing to do with begging for #LiveBelowTheLine donations (well, not entirely!) Nah, this is going to be one of my usual silly posts having to do with... ME. lol
I have to catch you up on how this last few days has gone - what with my baby bro here and all. It's been great. We have gotten some good pics of all of us. Now, I did not say I was going to let you see these pics... I still have to do my makeup magic before that happens. (In a sea of normal-looking folks, I am the "red-black" one who always looks like a little dark dot! Just keeping it real.)
We are all looking forward to Grad Night. This will be the last one for an Alaska Conway for a while. There are a couple more coming the next couple of years for the Stateside crew tho. We have to make the best of them when we get the chance. We have made candy leis and other goodies for the lovely Ms. T.N. Conway... (lemme quit lying - I did not make a single thing except a dent in the candy pile).
Whenever someone gets ready to leave high school and go on to college or the other parts of the "real world," I feel like I want to turn a clock back. I always want another shot at all I didn't get to do. I worked and helped raise babies and married and worked some more and just... let life get away from me. I want my niece to grab life by the big balls and ride it til the freaking wheels POP off. I was talking to her the other day & I don't think I have to worry. She's itching to get going. (Of course, this makes me feel about 200 years old. In rebellion, I've been wearing ridiculously "young" clothes for the past couple days. I need to quit and act my age! I have become my sister's comedy routine. Heffa. LOL)
For all you families with graduations to celebrate (it is that time of year), my congratulations. What a milestone in today's dangerous society. That the kids made it out of 12 years of school is beautiful. Hope they go on and take life by storm.
Congratulations Grads!!!
Sorry this was kind of a lame post. Somehow, thinking about hungry people kind of kills the funny in me. Best I can do for a laugh is something cute I saw on the G earlier:
I have my first 4 online donations & the week hasn't even started.
I am working with the site to correct an error in crediting a donation. They said it's glitched, but they are all over it. At this point, I have $51.00. (Wow, guys -thanks, thanks & thanks again!)
Let me tell you something: the folks who have given, did so from deep in their hearts. Money is extremely tight - no one knows this better than I do - yet, these people gave. I want to thank them with every ounce of sincerity I have.
It wasn't easy (or fun to think about), but I have come up with menu plans for the week coming:
1 - Ramen noodles(4/$1.00), hot tea or coffee & water.
2 - Single mac 'n cheese (2/$1.00), black tea w/sugar & water.
3 - Toast w/butter, Celestial Seasoning's honey/chamomile tea & water.
4 - Can of tuna w/chopped pickles, Tbl mayo, tea & water.
5 - Ramen noodles, apple, black tea & water.
All the plans are an average of $1.50 to $2.00
I have to tell you that, if I feel unwell or anything, I am going to add a piece of toast, juice or a couple of crackers to the menus. I don't anticipate being unwell. I have done prayer fasts before the Sarc & meds. I think it's going to be cool.
In prep for this coming week, I had a bit of food anxiety & ate like a freed hostage. All in all, I think the cutback on food will not only keep me in prayer for those living in poverty, but will be good for my health also.
Please keep the less fortunate in your hearts, minds and prayers this coming week & all the days of your life. This is just a week, the problem is forever.
Peace
--Free
P.S.: And, don't worry, a little hunger isn't going to kill my smart motor mouth ways. I will be doing "regular" type posts along with the updates :-)
****Update: 3 of my friends mistakenly did a generic "Donate" instead of a "Donate to me." Their money did get credited, but the site is trying to get it changed back over to my account. Doesn't matter to me, the money is going to the cause. I just want to make sure that I get to thank the folks who give on my behalf.**** Here is a partial of the email from them:
Hello Ms Conway,
I'm afraid that donations once made are processed and transferred to the recipient charity immediately. This means that, although the end recipient (the charity) is the same, unfortunately, we cannot reassign the money flow to go through a participant rather than a general donation.
Best regards,
Guy Kirkpatrick
It's all good. So far $71.00 Let's keep the train rolling!
I want to thank the folks who have been helping with this. A couple folks even decided to get involved by starting their own teams. Good, cool, cool (I wanted you to donate to ME! LOL) I have also received a bit of cash from those who don't have means to pay online. That really makes me feel good because they are the ones with the least to give (anyone thinking about the widow's mite?). I will NOT be keeping this money. I am transferring it asap to a card to give to the site.
For the rest of ya...
Tomorrow is the day. I have your "I'm gonna's" and I'm gonna hold you to 'em. I mean, I won't put anyone on blog blast or nothing, but, um, there will be funny looks every time I see you using a utensil. And the next time you are whining about not feeling "blessed?" Well, you can miss me with that, okay?
So. Tomorrow it starts. I want you to give or do or pray or help in some way. Not just for those who need it - but maybe for you. Compassion does a soul good you know.
BTW - the reason some of ya(insert side eye) decided to make a team for yourselves is (and I get it) there is a PRIZE situation... Um hmmm... I didn't read that bit of fine print until the last minute. But, hey - go for it. Get out there and help the cause.
Have not had time to post til now. So happy to have more fam around for a moment. Having my little brother here makes me feel very, very content, as if I have crawled back into the lap of some old memories.
I forget how nice it is to be surrounded by these crazy, dysfunctional, strange & weird people I love and who love me.
My mind and body is kind of on sensory overload. You have to be here to understand the cacophony of happiness we generate. On top of all us adults laughing and trying to over- and out-talk each other, we have the baby trying to get his two cents' worth in. He is definitely one of us. He already knows he has to make himself heard! As my mom used to say, get us all together and we start telling stories and lies so fast and loud, no one cares what the truth is as long as we are together. The other kids will be over tomorrow. Oh. My. Sanity.
Don't know if I mentioned the fun Darrell and I had making our Nilla Wafer Pie. I am mad that we didn't get pics. It was just us here while everyone else was at dialysis or busy with other stuff. SO much fun. I'd forgotten that Lil Bro could cook! That pie lasted half an hour with everyone grabbing a piece while dropping in to see Darrell. He and I are going to make another one for tomorrow's family dinner - which we will be sharing with the rest of the Stateside fam via the wonder of Skype.... I will make sure we get some kind of pics.
This few minutes here is a little bit of a break for me. I love the fam and the noise and the us-ness, but if I don't get some time alone, I get jittery. Thank goodness the guys are all gone to the movies. Some kind of male thing they like to do. My sister and niece are handling dinner. I am just handling me. I need this silence.
But, again, I had to share with you how wonderfully content I feel at this time. It's been over 3 years since I saw my brother. I needed my fam-fix. (Talk to me in a couple of weeks, and I will be ready to go into a convent to get away from all this "love," but, for now, I am a happy gal.)
AND, just discovered this really cool thing my camera does of taking two separate pics and kind of merging them. Sweet! I now have something else to play with for posting here. Surely will be doing bro-bro & sis-niece & all those combos... (I need to sit down with this phone one day & read the manual!)
Anyway...
I sure hope you guys get to see all your fam soon and have a big dinner or reunion or come-together of some kind. We need that every now and then just to remind us that we have people in this world who would die for us. That's love we won't always have. That's love we should celebrate before an illness or funeral or other tragedy has to force us together. I have had times when I was mad at one sibling or the other & holding one of my grudges of silence. That's not good. Life's too short & unsteady for that silliness. So, yeah - call somebody up and say something good. Feel something good. Remember something good. Don't let time get away from you.
Go on and call someone and tell them you love them, miss them, wish you were with them.
This morning, I did my test run for the Live Below the Line campaign.
It did not go well.
Usually, when I wake up in the morning, I am thinking about 1 - not smoking, 2 - what I am going to get done that day, and then 3 - what can I gnaw on...
Last night, just before bed, I was alerted to the fact that I had my days off & the campaign doesn't start until Monday. Still, I figure - do a little test run. Um..... yeah. That went a little something like this:
I woke up with Kita the Kalendar Klock looking at me like, "Hey. Hey, you. Test run." I stretched, blinked and... thought of what the heck I could have for breakfast that would leave me enough to eat the rest of the day.
Guess I need to think this plan out a little better.
I ended up having my coffee and a piece of toast. (Told myself I was feeling a little faint. The only way I can be feeling faint is from all that freaking PIE I ate last night.)
Here's the thing: I lasted half a nano-second before I was thinking about all the food I wouldn't be able eat. And all I'm really going to be doing is a fast for a week. Somebody's going to wake up today not fasting but starving. (Somebody? Let me quit playing & go on & say a whole LOT of bodies.)
Yeah.
So, I am all over this. I am a texting fool. Right now, I have a brother who was in Cali last night & who when I texted out the reminder, he hated me a little. (He answered, made sure I wasn't sending a secret distress signal, then cussed me out a bit like my BFF does.) I also have about 30 friends who have probably blocked my text messages. LOL (They all love me.)
If I had your number, you'd be blocking me too. But you'd feel bad. Maybe bad enough to go over here next week and do this.
I'm raggedy looking, tore down tired, bed-head fugly & I don't even care.
I got my lil brother, 2 nephews, 2 nieces and ME.
The rest of some of us will be here later.
This is the Nilla Wafer Pudding Pie me and lil bro made:
We are the BOMB Diggity!
We were whisking and stirring & trying to keep from spilling custard all over the stove! It was a hoot. We done good. (That one meal a day deal for 7 days is gonna do this body good!)
I really am going to post a pic of us later - but not while I look like the Walmart Greeter in Dante's Inferno. No, no, no... LOL I have to go to the Green Room and do some serious make-up artistry.
In the meantime, this is what it looked like when I just peeked into the kitchen:
Oh I love these crazy people!!!
D.J. will even get a little taste of the custard. Shoot, we might have to do a lil taste test...
And even if they do, I don't care. I don't want anyone to be hungry.
**You know how cranky my Prednisone-fueled behind gets when I miss a meal**
I can't do a damn thing about the problem with money I don't have.
I can do a damn thing about it with some prayer & getting involved.
**and guilt-tripping every fat, Whopper-munching, Olive Garden grazing person I know**
You can do something too.
And if you don't do something, then, dangit, you oughta be ashamed the next time you sit down to a big old, nasty-can-on-the-back-of-your-stove fried-meat-grease-cooked meal.
If you eat Chittlins - I hope you smell like them for days...
If you eat a pork chop, I hope you fart diesel fumes for a whole week...
If you burp out a scent of French Fry, I hope you taste Castor Oil instead...
Unless ...
You have a heart & do something, anything - just for one day...
to stop this kind of mess...
There is no place in the world for that kind of mess when we can spend money on fake hair, fake nails, fake boobs & butts, fake eye color... For a fraction of what we spend on that false b.s., we can feed a real human being.
If you can't do one little something for one damn day, don't ever talk to me about someone beating a kid, hitting their wife or doing some dirty business on the job. Don't even tell me about how you care. I will call you on it. Just miss me with all your talk until you at least act like you want to walk.
Seriously.
I don't care if you don't like somebody because they are white, black, indian, asian, fat, skinny, rich, gay, Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Republican, Democrat, Male, Female, American, Middle Eastern....... This is not about us liking each other. This is not about how we are different. This is all about how we are PEOPLE. Above the animals. Intelligent enough to make stuff happen.
We are all human. These babies are all our babies. They are somebody's babies.
I'm a cold-blooded, not-very-good-Christian, selfish, mad freaking black woman without a damn diary. Even I can't do anything but want to cry when I think about these babies & their defeated, struggling mothers and fathers.
You can't be that bad.
**If you are, I really don't want to know you. I'm trying to hang with a better class of people**
Right?
Plus:
I am going to be giving up some freaking FOOD for a week!!! You better help me out before I get mad. You won't like me when I get mad.
I finally got my tired behind up off the bed, you guys. Feel somewhat better, so I'm thinking I may have just been over-tired.
And... This is what I spent the last hour watching on Hulu. (I promise I hardly ever do this kind of post, but it's the lazy gal's way today. Plus, I wasn't so depressed after this. Just about broke a rib laughing at this mess.) **By the way: Thanks Hulu.com You guys are the only reason I even look at TV when I do!**
Starting with the one cast member I really don't like... This dip is apparently a Christian in the Church of How Pretty Do I Look To My Husband. All she ever seems to talk about is her ass, boobs, slutty clothes or how "blessed" she is (and those blessings never include health or family, just looks and botox treatments). Dizzy broad. Here is her reaction to her "sinus" surgery that included a nose-fixing job:
("It's so pre-wee! It's so Pre-wee!" Don't you just want to slap piss out of her silly ass?)
Dumbass.
Please tell why it is that whenever Bravo adds a new member to the Housewives, it's never one that is just completely different from the others? All they ever do is add someone in a different shade of annoying - maybe with a different hairdo or something. This new chick here - boy is she a trip. Her husband is a plastic surgeon & she is an "actress on baby-raising hiatus" (or some such crap). Basically, she is a wanna-be-old-money heffa with too much time on her hands. I've seen her raising babies exactly 3.0008 seconds (there's an army of invisible nannies somewhere because the kids disappear with them). The rest of her time is spent thinking of really classy ways to spend hubby's money. Last week she and some friends "choppered" over to L.A. to get advice about a restaurant they want to open. (I'm hating, but I gotta admit that whole helicopter thing was kind of pimp. Not for me tho - no-no, I have those phobias...)
Anyway, this clip here is of her doing something that made me like her for about 4 minutes (when she entered a Mud Run for charity) before she went and annoyed me again:
Uh, scuse me, Ms. Vanderbilt, but you just crawled out of the mud with these folks. What's the deal with sharing a spray-down? Think you're going to catch that one germ you missed earlier?
Dumbass. (I would nickname her something like "Slitch" or "Snotch" - for silly-snotty-bitch, but I usually reserve "bitch" for folks I really like.)
I used to hate Vicky, but she's an original cast member. She's grown on me. I feel protective of her. She's like that crazy cousin you see only at reunions - the one who just tap dances all over your last good nerve... I can talk about her, but I don't like anyone else messing with her.
Well, guess what? She has this new creepo boyfriend. There is something just not. quite. right. about this dude. Every time I look at him, I have a flashback vision of that crazy Jim Jones guy (you know, the Kool Aid psycho?) When I hear him speak, I think of some guy trying to lure susceptible people into buying a spaceship ticket to somebody's gates. Bad news: Vicky is in a bad place in her life & she's ripe for something to drink... I just wish she'd get back with Donn.
"You're not alone anymore."
Bitch, you better pray for some loneliness. Better lonely than dead. This dude sounds as sincere as a teenage boy with his first piece of ass. He is starting to scare me...
Alert! Alert! Get something for your eyes before you watch this one. I laughed so hard, I had salty tears trying to carve some new wrinkles on my face. I'm pretty sure I even accidentally burned a calorie or two.
Oh. My. Damn. Has this guy ever gotten laid with this bullshit game he's throwing?
That mess was so lame ass that Vicky almost missed it. She was still chewing food. Now, c'mon ladies, when a man you really like says anything hot, you just kind of fall all down in your heart, right? And if you really like him, he can say "Ah-choo" in a certain way & you're hearing every sweet or dirty word you know.
So what the robotic monotone hell was that about? He looked like a world leader trying to look calm while breaking really bad news about a bomb or something...
"I wanna flip the table over..."
I do too - on my way getting the hell away from your crazy ass!
Um-kay... Now I really am afraid.
There is a way to say "Give it to me" and make someone's knees buckle or make them throw up or make them give you this look...
...or make them want to dance:
When Rick James (Jacko wasn't the only misunderstood whacko) got demanding at least he put a beat in so you could move to it. LOL
Ladies: Joking aside for just a moment. I came out of an abusive relationship & that look in that man's eyes sent me back to a bad place for a minute. Crazy. Seriously. (If I didn't believe that a lot of the reality shit has nothing whatsoever to do with reality, I think I'd be writing to Vicky telling her to run like Wilma Rudolph.)**
Did you see his eyes? And there was not a damn thing sexy or sweet about that "Give it to me" crap. Later on, he acts all annoyed & mumbles something about "No PDA? Eff that..." Hmmm... I'm trying to assume that they are engaging in some kind of really awkward verbal foreplay - her talking about "Daddy" & him trying to play the tough. If so, it's really bad acting & wouldn't turn me on with three switches and a cognac, but that's just me.
Moving right along...
Tamra's finally signing her divorce papers. I really did feel for her. No matter how shitty a relationship ends up being, they all had something good enough to make you want it in the first place. That's the part any person with a heart would be hurting over. So, yeah, I get it.
However (you knew this was coming, right?), Tam lost my sympathy for a moment when she did all that soulful reflecting back on "the good times." For one thing, I noticed that all those times had something to do with price tags. I mean, c'mon girl - you guys did have some really nice times. I know. I've been there from the start of the show (yes, I am ashamed to say that). ~sigh~ Just bad editing, I know, but it pissed me off because that's what TV always does. Shame on those editors. Dag-nabbit, the dirty rabbits!
I still feel for you, Tam.
Anyway, you guys, that's how, um, productive my day was. I am now going to go and learn to make this Nilla Wafer Pudding Pie. I can't tell you how many times my sis has tried to get me through this. I really want to do it tho, cos my Baby Bro comes in tonight & I am SO freaking happy & excited. It feels like Christmas in my heart! I'm going to go and do something to this head of mine & get presentable so I will feel like this
But it don't matter what I do, cos when I see baby bro, I'm gonna be like this
Meantime, hope you guys are all cool & well. Remember: Life's good most of the time & when it's not, just wait.
Guys - cannot post. Mind is scrambled like crazy this morning. Going to break from the Net & listen so some music. Might just need to slow the brain down. Will be back later if the grey cells work better.
In the meantime, just a little something I stole from a new Net buddy to make you smile. (And make sure to check out his site. Brother is a writing machine!
The day ended up being not so funky. Only strange thing that happened was that I finished a post this morning & forgot to Publish. It was still up on the screen when I got home from an appointment. Don't think that was Sarc. tho - just Rushing.
One of the fam was looking at the post from stateside & called me up to comment. They like what I did with the pics. Said I didn't bore them to tears trying to keep from mixing Project stuff with the blog. This is good to know. Of course, now you guys are going to be seeing a whole lot more posts like that one!
BUT - this post has a point & I better get to it before I start wandering all around BoreYaTa Deathland. Actually, there are two things I have to get done here:
One - after the app posting, I got a couple more emails about my not updating the World Wide Wow blog. Here's the thing - I just had too much going on. When my mind was sharper, I could work full-time, spend time with the fam & friends, have my "loner" time, and still juggle the EIGHT blogs I had going. Things have changed. I can't keep up right now. This blog and the Project are all I can really handle. Until I get better, I will do try to handle some of the email requests. I will start you all in the best direction ever by sending you over to the beauty & brains that is Kim Komando. Chick is bad-to-the-bone sharp (and cute, too, the heffa - like the Farrah Fawcett of Geeks) and she is the pro. Bookmark her. Find her radio show in your area. You will never ask me shit again. (Where the hell do you think I went for my tips?)
Two - I can't keep eating to kill the cigarette cravings, but I can bake to keep the hands busy. So... I am prepping a cobbler for dessert. Let me just let you know, I am from Texas & I can bake my feet off! My cobbler is known for being off the freaking chain. I will post pics when done. I can tell you what the reaction of the fam is gonna be:
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