Thursday, March 13, 2014

Procrastination Games

Sometimes, when I can't break a writing block, I...

  • Watch those evil-looking ass crows that gather around the cans on garbage day and imagine their conversations.
  • Imagine that those same crows are watching my evil ass, imagining my thoughts.
  • Sit for hours in front of the keyboard, looking at that blank Word screen, having amazing thoughts that I cannot put into language.
  • Have better conversations with characters not yet assigned to a story while I'm trying to wake up the characters in a story I am working on.
  • Wish, wish, wish I had an appointment or other obligation to attend to because, for some reason, I work better under irritation and pressure.
  • Have mental arguments with God about His having given me this urge to create without giving me ways to just snap my fingers and get the job done.
  • Paint my toenails with several coats of polish because that gives me a reason not to get in my favorite cross-legged position to write.
  • Compare writer's block to physical ailments like constipation. 
  • Realize that writer's block is a constipation of the mind and spirit.
  • Wish Ex-lax made a product to unplug my mind. In the sense of relief, not disconnect.
  • Compare writing to the very last moment of a pregnancy that just will not end.
  • Get all wrapped up in thoughts about the 'pregnancy', pushing and willing the thing I'm creating to just be out of me.
  • Lay on the bed and make elaborate plans for re-doing my room decor.
  • Realize I can't afford to re-do my room decor.
  • Lay on my bed and imagine that my first published novel will be such a hit that I'll be able to afford having someone else do my room decor.
  • Realize that, with enough money, I wouldn't be in this room anymore.
  • Remind myself that I write, not to have more money, but just to breathe.
  • Make a list of books that I've read that were so awful that I know my worst written story has a chance. If I just get off my ass and get it written.
  • Realize that those awful book authors were stronger than me in spirit, if not talent. They did get their awful book finished. 
  • Write dedication pages in my head (and not on paper or screen because I can't write shit when I'm blocked).
  • Force myself to sit very still and try to get 'centered, then realize I don't believe in 'centering' myself as much as stirring myself up. The process of meditating or 'getting centered' usually just makes me drowsy.
  • Write these silly blog posts because I know that writing anything is better than writing nothing.
  • Think about the hours and hours I've put into the story that is stuck in neutral and wonder if I should just delete-delete-delete it into oblivion.
  • Decide to just let the damn story sit in the corner as punishment for putting me through this hell.
  • Think that I am such a loser because I can't do this writing thing that I cannot imagine living without.
  • Beat myself up until my ego is slinking off to sulk in the corner along with the story I sent there.
Mostly, I do anything except write. It's a non-cycle.

Too much to ask for?
(via getgln)