Went to the doctor today about the latest Sarc swing and this freaking dizziness. (Learned that riding in a vehicle makes the dizziness much worse!) Not sure what is causing what's happening, but I am reassured that my doctors are on it. I have to say once again just how lucky I was to get the right doctors at the right time. I have often wondered what would have happened to me if I had been away from home and people who care about me. I have seriously thought that had I still been with Tim or in Texas, that I would probably be dead. Scary.
I was going to post about the whole Sarc thing and how it's making me feel (scared, crazy, confused, worried....), but decided to stay positive and upbeat. Might as well start letting my mood match the wonderful weather. So, instead of being a cold-water rain, I will be sunny and tell you something encouraging:
Remember how (either here or on G+) I have talked about putting yourself out there when it comes to saying what you feel? Well, I spoke up (or rather wrote out) about how I feel to a person I care about. Do I feel it was risk? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope. That's because, no matter how the person takes it - whether they feel the same or feel opposite - at least now they know. Also, I think that everyone appreciates knowing that they have made such an impression on another person. I bet that, no matter what, the person I'm talking about is going to feel good every time they think of what I said. The most important thing to me is not how this all makes me feel (sad or rejected, etc.) but that it makes the other person feel good. If they are in a situation where they are not appreciated, well, at least they know now that someone thinks the world of them. If they are ever having a bad day, they can feel better knowing they mean something to someone. (And you all know what I mean. Which one of us hasn't been crushed on by someone? And didn't we like it even if we didn't crush back on the person? Go on, admit it. lol)
I'm trying to think of whether or not I want to share here in this post what I did say to this person... I don't think I will because I promised that the words I did say to them now belonged to them. It will stay that way. A gift.
Of course, I second-guessed myself right after I gifted the words, but in talking with folks over on G+, I got a lot of insight. Between about four of us, we came up with the idea that it's better to go for what is right than to wait for what is perfect. Hell, there is nothing perfect anyway. I am flawed, why should I want something or someone perfect? So I can feel smaller? So I can always be so worried about meeting impossible expectations rather than enjoying the good and now?
So, my thing today is all about the Push-Push. Push for being happiest in whatever life is going to bring - in health, in the heart, in the head... Whatever. No more being passive. Push-Push.
Cue the appropriate sunny-mood music...