Monday, April 30, 2012

Bad-Tripping Through Monday

What a long & hellacious day this has been. I can't believe it's only 4:30 or so. Feels like it should be 9pm three days from now.

First of all, this freaking Nico-patch isn't do me a damn bit of good today. Let me just get that out there right now. So, YES, I have been a bitch. No, no, let's back that one up... I took the idea of "Bitch" & added some salt, cayenne and hemlock to it so I could dish it out all new & fresh. About 30 customers served so far today...

I did behave myself at my appointment this morning though. Those guys were so dang nice, I wanted to ask of I could get a can of the air they must be breathing. Seriously. I hate going to see new doctors anyway, but I'm used to my regular place. This was a sorta new doctor for me, so... The guy that does the check-in on your vitals and such was training a new employee. She's a lucky hire because he was such a sweetheart. Her future patients better pray she turns out exactly like him. (Of course, I felt my inner bitch try to come out for a moment when I had to get my big ass on that scale. Man. I am going to have to get some glasses that distort the hell out of numbers before I start getting a complex about this weight.)

The (sorta) new doc was cool as hell. Funny. I only vaguely remember her from before. She seems like real good people. Blunt. No jive, but good heart. We were cracking up during most of the appointment. Because I am on so many meds - the kind that make you want to build a bathroom in your car or get some of those Astronaut diapers - I asked her about a certain kind of, um, exercise. We almost passed out laughing when we decided that's some mess men came up with to watch us make funny faces. For real. I tried doing this once & made the mistake of being with that crazy assed BFF T. This loud-mouth heffa told the whole damn cafe we were in that I looked like I was redacted to preserve a bit of my dignity) I may never go back to downtown Dallas again. I love T, really, truly I do, but B and I are going to have to remind her about that whole Inside Voice thing.

Anyway... (Can you guys tell I'm still struggling to separate these posts from the Project stuff? LOL)

I went on the G just to be a public snot & complain about this nasty smoking habit I created for myself. This is what I got from one of the sweetest of my buddies over there: Swanson Vitamins.

Um, yeah. Thanks, boo, but it's a freaking vitamin. The only vitamin that is going to help me with this is the one that can knock my ass unconscious for about a month. I could wake up and feel like I might be able to go on without the shakes. For now, it's going to be this foul gum and the Patch. My skin is so sensitive these days that anything sticky marks my body for days & days. I still have the outline from something from back when I was in the hospital. Last July. I've always had sensitive skin. That and this freak-show hair that turns a goofy shade of red in the sun. (Thanks for those genes, Mom.)

Ah, well. I did have another weird find on the G today. Before I do this, I want to warn you: If you look at it, this is going to stay with you forever. AND EVER. Seriously. I have memory problems & I might forget my name or how to tie my shoes, but... this is sandblasted onto my brain forever times ten. Here goes...

Is that messed up or what? The caption was "This cannot be unseen." No doubt. I'm not going to want my nephew to see the movie now...

Yeah. And then, while I was taking a minute to chat with a semi-BFF (all of us Bitches are working toward the real thing with her), she was feeling about as frumpty-dumpty as I look today. I happened to be looking at this at the time so I read it to her:

Cheered her right the hell up. Good. I told BFF B/Texas about it and that I'm thinking of pulling this new one into the BFF circle. B was like, "She sounds all right. Kinda stupid if she believes that corny bullshit you fed her, but... We'll train her." (Poor woman. She's about the become a member of the Bitches.)

Well, it's getting a little later in the day. I need to get off my arse and since I can't have a *fag (Hi, David! Readers, see note below) and get something that resembles food on the table. You guys have a good rest of the day & remember:


Arse = ass
Fag = cigarette