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Thursday, May 17, 2012

How Low, Slow, High Or Crazy?

This one is for B. She doesn't have the best internet connection, so I share a scan of the trashy news from the UK Daily Mail all the time. (Don't judge us!) This morning,  more than usual, there seems to be a certain vibe. It's as if all the articles are about folks trying to see how low they can go, how slow they can be, how high they can act, or how crazy they really are. It's a hot rubber-burning mess over there. Here is the scan:

BUT - before we start the crazy, I'm going to coat your stomach with the most beautiful vid I've seen in a while:

Man. I started out wanting to cry because of the first song, then I was just standing up clapping. How cute is she? And he not the coolest Daddy on the planet? What a lucky kid.

Okay. Now to the crazies...

This one goes under the category of "Huh?" I kind of admire this broad's guts. I mean, she walked through the store completely naked. That's some pimp ass confidence. Talking about her belief in "self-expression." Shoot, I believe in it too, but I don't want to blind people for life. Tell you what, I have no idea what her body looks like, but I know she has some major balls.

Um, what is wrong with Betty Brilliant here? This just straight pisses me off. There are a lot of women in this world who would give or do anything to be a Mom - not me - but it seems fertility increases with ignorance. This crazy heffa here needs her ass kicked. I want her arrested. NOW.

Um, okay.

Somehow, I feel kinda bad for laughing at this woman. She wants to marry & have children by... Jesus. Yeah. I shouldn't laugh. This is obviously a mental condition... (Why did she just have to be from Texas?)

For some reason, I've never believed in laughing at people for stuff like this, but my friend B has no such scruples. Almost threw her back out laughing. Mean. Just mean. (I think the guy had TV nerves. Plus, he's so freaking cute. A "himbo" maybe???) I'm not always the brightest torch in the tiki, and I think this poor guy was just really self-conscious & stumbled. Still, he won some money. He's in college. He'll be something one day.

This is no laughing matter. Made me a little queasy. The sick bitch. (Notice how often this shit is starting to happen? This and the teachers chasing down students to sleep with them?) Here's what I don't get: If a woman really wants to have sex, there aren't too many men who will turn her down. Chris Rock makes a hilarious joke out of it, but it's true. If you have no morals and just want to, some guy will answer the call. So... why the blue hell do these women go the sick route??? SMDH I want my great-nephew home-schooled. Or taught by eunuchs...

To get that taste of nasty off my soul, let's do something fun.

This is sick in a whole other wonderful & useless way. I don't own a TV, but if I did, I'd want this technology. I mean - damnnnn.

Hahahaha... Whoo! No words. Just no words...

Wonder how many gals are gonna take them up on this? SMH. Wow. You'd have to be completely shameless.

You know you've always wanted to ask these questions. I mean, how do they handle that in space? (I always wanted to know about toilet issues. I guess they don't do veggie juice cleanses. Yeah. Day II of this shi- I mean regimen.)

This is a feel-good story. (I'm kinda pissed that she has a boyfriend.) This is what you call doing what the hell you want - no matter who tries to limit you. I dig her guts because I never made a cheer squad. I damn near broke my ass bone trying to do cartwheels (true story). Somebody felt for me & I was on the pep squad. (Don't feel bad for me, tho. I joined ROTC for a year and was a bad-to-the-bone marksmen.)

There are just too many weird stories today. I have to stop and let B catch her breath from laughing. I will leave you with something that suits me today:

My "friends" come in all shapes and ways...