Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Ethnicity & Food

Okay, I'm going to piss off a lot of people, but I will go ahead & say it:

Black people (in general & especially) need to eat healthier.

~waiting for hail of stones to stop raining down~

Now that I've gone and put it out there, let me explain what I mean.

Not all black folk eat unhealthily. I know a lot of black (brown, taupe, tan, deep chocolate,etc) people who do watch what they eat and understand why they need to. That said, I also know a LOT of "us" who still use the excuse of "Grandma did" to eat things that are so bad for anyone: lots of pork and "drippings," red meat, salt, salt and salt. I am not joking when I say that I knew an older woman some years back who actually ate salt sandwiches. Did you hear what I said? SALT sandwiches. She would cut up a raw onion, some tomatoes and literally coat this in salt and make a sandwich. Seriously. (She is dead now. Died at around 58 years old.)

My mother was an "old school" foodie - she ate a lot of green stuff, cooked and raw - but she had that salt habit. Salt and pepper were her seasoning staples. She also ate tomato and onion sandwiches. She didn't coat them with salt, but she did use salt.

When babies were born into our family, some of them teethed on pork gristle. Yeah. Kind of gross, but at least there was no salt involved. Yet. (I have one niece who has been a chicken-or-fish-only gal for about 15 years & if I really want to make her ill, I remind her that her teething was done on a pig ear! LOL)

The biggest excuses for a lot of poor eating habits, no matter what your ethnicity is, is: "Mama did it," "It's a black/German/Puerto Rican/Polish/etc thing." Like La Nostra Cosa (hope I didn't mangle that). Yeah, and sometime "Our Thing" will kill your ass. As deadly as it it cool-sounding.

Our family "thing" with food has always been a lot of variety as long as it's battered, buttered, fried or salted. Or all of the above, damnit. I got better about my eating habits as I got older (mostly out of shame), but until I was around 20 and got married, I ate a lot of delicious and bad-for-you food. My first husband was from a country where the food is bland but the people live for-freaking-ever! I'm from Texas. Take a look at what I can tell you about:

Homemade cakes (Pound, Chocolate, Pudding)
Fatback (deep-fried and eaten just like that, drippings poured into vegetables as a seasoning)
Grits, rice and hot cereals (with butter - lots of butter)
Hominy (which is the only "grits" we ate without butter)
Eggs, eggs and eggs (scrambled, sunny-side, runny or hard-cooked - as long as they were salted and sometimes, believe this or not, buttered)
Pork (chops - breaded or not - bacon, skin fried or pickled and funky - aka CHITLINS)
Breads (rolls of all kinds, corn-batter, hoecake, corncake, fried, grilled and sun-cooked)
Greens (always with drippings, salt and a hunk of that damned fatback)

Do you see what I mean about good food & bad habits? It's a joke among black people that we will waste no part of a pig. "From the rooter to the tooter." I mean, seriously, we eat the feet, tails, ears, ass and freaking guts. Ya know. That's not a diet, that's damn near an addiction. I remember the stench that hovered over the kitchen whenever the family sat around cleaning "chitterlings" (my British ex-husband actually called them by the proper name & I damn near laughed my ass into a fit every time he said it. He kind of liked that nasty shit. Ugh!) If the smell of "chitlins" didn't put you off any food until the smell of rotted ass died down, I don't think you can be cured of Pork. You almost couldn't fix chitlins without have the neighborhood knowing. I think the only reason folks eat that mess with so much hot sauce is to give their senses something else to concentrate on while they eat it. I'm sorry, but, damn.

Some food that I heard my parents talk about might not have been bad for the health, but it still just didn't seem right for humans to eat. Let's visualize what "Rocky Mountain Oysters" are, shall we? They are bull's balls. I promise. Apparently, my Grandma Jack just loved her some R.M.O. (What's really nasty is that I hear they have a gelatinous texture. Ewwww!)

But back to my original point. We (meaning anyone who grew up eating unhealthy foods) have got to do better, people.

One of the reasons given for a bad diet (other than the old "Good enough for Mama" excuse) is that "Mama" and her mama & daddy  ate the way they did because of poverty. Okay, a lot of people (especially in this economy) are still feeling impoverished. (And trust me when I say that I can teach you some creative ways to spell "broke.") That's still no excuse not to do what we can. Guess what's free? NOT adding so much salt. NOT adding so much (or any) "drippings." Not cooking everything in a batter or butter or fatty oil.

Guess what else? Not being a diabetic, amputee, kidney patient is cheaper than anything. We can make all the jokes we want about people having "Sugar" (diabetes) and "Salt" (high blood pressure), but that shit isn't even a little funny when it hits home or heart. I know firsthand.

With that little mammy-made rant of mine over, I will say this: I've recently learned that it is possible to do better. And it's not as hard or expensive as we'd like to think and in some ways is cheaper (go price a pound of butter if you don't believe that). It's not easy though. Breaking life-long ways and habits is never easy. Just trying is better than nothing at all.

I recently learned that I can eat my vegetables without curing them in salt. I am having a hard time getting used to eating so many vegetables, but my goal is to eat vegetables as much as I used to eat meat. I'm not giving up on meat (I'd be out of mind to swear off Lucky Wishbone forever!), but I'm not making it a part of every meal as if I can't live without it. I can and of I get any sicker or broker, I will have to.

For Memorial Day, I had a two burgers. One beef patty during the barbecue we had and one Portabello mushroom later when I went back for more. It wasn't bad at all. I consoled myself with the fact that I could have just a thin beef patty but a fat-ass mushroom burger! I think it's partly in the seasonings and partly in the mindset.

As I try new vegetable dishes, I tell myself what my former mother-in-law told me was an old English joke for the newly married virgins: "Just close you eyes and think of England." That never fails to crack me the hell up! I just close my eyes and think of life not on dialysis or in and out of a hospital.

Good eating, everyone. After a couple rough days, I'm having a lucid one so I'm off to work on the book.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Music Flashback: 1982

Who hasn't felt like this at one point or another? I used to listen to this song and just feel like, "Ohhhh, why???" LOL It's a great song to cry to when you just need to sob through some stress.

Take a listen.

(Oh, and that face he makes when he's really hitting the notes? That's the exact same face I'd be making when I sang along. In the car. Where people could see me. I didn't care.)

"What About Me?"
Moving Pictures

Now, go, have a good day. And don't make that face!


Chew On This

(Yeah, corny post title, I know, but...)

As you know, I am trying to eat healthier - doing a lot of fresh veggies (juiced & steamed), fruits and good grains. I've even cut out a lot of the meat I have a hot romance with. (I had a dirty dream about Lucky Wishbone's burger & fries last night.)

The reason for my dietary change is that I am not in the best of medical health right now. This Sarcoidosis and the meds are kicking my ass. Also I am vain. Seriously. I don't like having this skimpy hair, fat ass and inability to strut my stuff. Hard to strut in "sensible shoes" - or in any shoes when you're liable to walk into a wall. So what is a chick to do?

Number one, I am trying to follow doc's orders. No smoking (ohmigoodness, that is a pain in my butt), exercising (yeah, yeah, yeah) and, on my own initiative, the food thing. Plus, after the whole Live Below the Line challenge, I feel differently about cramming bogus calories into my mouth. Somehow, it's harder (not impossible, mind you) to enjoy a burger and fries when you realize there are babies who aren't getting good nutrition let alone some crap like greasy beef and potatoes fried in fat. (I am almost petty-pissed that I am so aware.)

Another motivator is that I feel like what I eat is the one thing I can be so totally in charge of. (To a limit. I mean, I'm not eating caviar with my whole grain toast points.) For about the same amount of money that I was spending on my meats and pre-packaged foods - not to mention my sneak visits to Burger King - I can pick up enough greens and rainbow foods to keep me full and feeling better. See, I've made things interesting by thinking in color.  (Screw some Skittles, I got my own thing going on.)  Check out my box of Crayons:

The "Greens" are collards, kale, spinach, peas, cabbage and broccoli. The "Rainbows" are the bananas, apples, oranges, carrots and my beloved mangoes. I'm even starting to get a groove for bell peppers that are not surrounded by ground beef and pasta. (Okay, I still miss "Mama's Texas Spaghetti recipe!) Next week I'm going to experiment with "Earth Tones" of mushrooms and beans. Someone told me about a killer burger made completely with mushrooms and seasonings. And I haven't forgotten my background beige/taupe with the tofu for fun.  Salt is a struggle so I try to be moderate. I love olive oil so that's no biggie.

I can do this. I just have to keep myself interested. I have a strange mind, but I have learned how to play with things to keep myself on track. Some folks claim a method to their madness, I have a plan for my peculiarities. Yes, indeed.

I have to remind myself that there are some hefty-assed vegetarians out there. I know a couple. So, I am watching the fruit - because of the sugar and other, um, reasons. Last night I went to bed full of some peaches and nectarines that my nephew bought me and I woke up a few hours later breaking Jesse Owens' track record to get to the bathroom. Learned something about that fruit: Mess around and eat the wrong thing and you better not take a deep nap. Be in deep shit in a very literal way. (I do put out too much info at times, don't I? Sorry.)

Anyway, I stumbled across an interesting video over on Hulu tonight while I was folding clothes. Really I  only queued it because the title caught my eye and folding clothes bores the snot out of me, but I'm glad I caught the vid. It made me feel like I am doing a good thing for my health. In case you want to check it out, here is the link & it's called "Chow Down."



Saturday, May 26, 2012

Thank You

To Daddy, Grandad Bud, Uncle Sonny, Darrell, Joe, Chuck, Chubby, Santierra, Eric, Jean-Paul, Rod and all the soldiers and their families.

I love you & I love my country.


Friday, May 25, 2012

Getting Down To It

I am actually getting some writing done. With the insomnia I am having the last couple of days, I figure I might as well put the long waking hours to good use. The best time is between 11 at night (once everyone else is sleeping) and 3 in the morning (before D.J. gets good and wound up for the Morning Hollers). My niece has taken charge of making sure I get the writing done since I seem to listen to her better than to the men in my life. She has the nerve to order me around: "I need to see at least 3 pieces by____." She's 23 years old and forgets I can still kick her ass - if I could get to North Carolina, lift one leg and not lose my balance and manage to find her ass with my foot! LOL

It feels good to focus on something positive instead of brooding about bills and other crap I can't seem to control right now. Avoidance = good therapy...

I do have one distraction. I have been playing this game called "Millionaire City." It's my favorite thing to do when holding on phone calls. (Good excuse, huh?)  I must be such a child at heart because I have a weakness for all things Sims, and (formerly) Farmville. I haven't played my Sims game in ages. My computer is too old and crochety to keep up with all the graphics and the game is nothing without the graphics. Bummer. (Yeah, I know, I need to quit competing with Peter Pan for the crown of Child King.)

What's funny is that, as I write, I want so bad to share it all here on the blog. That's been tough - keeping stuff from these posts. You know how I get on my rants, but I've had to save them.

To be able to work would be ideal & my heart is breaking right now because there is a dream position in the place where I used to work. I just saw it this morning (because, for some reason I still look at the job bulletins) and forgot for a moment that I wouldn't be able to compete. Since I can't manage anything complex right now, writing is the next best thing. Writing is saving me.b  m,  n

Writing is such a calming thing for me to do. When I write, even though I am thinking about life and all the drama, I am not stressed by it all. It's almost like I am writing about someone else. I wish.

Well, not much to give you in this post. Just asking for your good thoughts and encouragement to keep coming my way. The letters from you guys have slacked this past two weeks, but I've gotten some good mails. Got a couple of strange ones also. Those folks have gone onto the SPAM list. I do worry about people and their compulsions sometimes. Maybe one day I will share some of the stranger, sicker, weirder and plain What-the-Hell emails. Maybe. Then again, I don't want to give you nightmares. I will give you a taste: there is one guy (?) who writes. Calls himself The Sheik. Says he is wealthy, kind of hot for me and will make my every wish come true. Perfect, right? You'd think I'd be mailing him my home address embossed on a pair of silk drawers, yes? Ummm... NO. He has one desire of his own: to lick my toes. First of all, that plain weirds me out. Second of all, even if it didn't gross me out, I have a thing about my feet. Stay the hell away from the peds, you freak.


I am going to get back to taking care of other chores now. I need to get stuff out of the way so that I can get back on the writing stool tonight. I have Kita watching over me to make sure I stay on the J.O.B. I can maybe get done:


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

For BFF "T"

I needed a smile right about now & this might have done it. I had almost forgotten about it, but remembered it while talking to two of the BFFs. Sent it to T via email and she said she snorted wine out her nose. (It's funny, but... really T? We might have to look into broadening your downtime activities, sis!)

Anyway, I saw it over at G+ and I'm pretty sure I kind of rolled my eyes or something, but it is pretty funny because of the caption:

"You're welcome."

Now, let's see a show of hands from all the guys that are rating this up there as #1

LOL. Whatever.


Oh, Whoa, Woe

My mother taught me many things and one of them was to never boast about what you won't do. I didn't quite get it back when she was teaching me this, but I do now.

I'm against the wall here. Looks like I have to make some super-tough financial decisions and one that is bugging the piss out of me is bankruptcy.

How the hell did I get myself to this place?

Right now, I am mentally kicking the shit out of my can't-be-ex-soon-enough. Not that this is all his fault, but... I should learn to listen more to my head than to my freaking heart.

All morning, this has been pattering on my mind like rain hitting a tin roof. I did laundry thinking about this, vacuumed, paced the porch, talked to two of the BFFs and Kita Kat - all with this hovering on the edge of every thought. I am pretty sure that this is how people go crazy a little tiny bit at a time.

What I hate most about the idea of bankruptcy is that, to me, it seems a whole lot like stealing. I mean, I did get goods or services for a price that I now cannot finish paying. Bankruptcy vs Stealing. Difference? Not much except intent.

 Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. By not filing, I am only sinking deeper and deeper into a pit that, short of winning a lottery or a lost-lost rich relative finding and taking pity on me, is only getting an inch deeper every moment. The bad thing is, even my wealthy relatives are scrimping these days. (Is there humor in that?) By filing, I am signing off on a lot of self-esteem and throwing the towel right the hell in wherever thrown towels go.

I have a headache now. Think I am going to mull this some more - see if any bright ideas pop into my head. Meantime, I'm going to make some calls for advice and do some G+ therapy looking at shit like this:

Okay. That helped a little. Not much, but Number 7 gave me ideas...


*Sigh* Cravings

Not loving this whole vegetable juice thing, but I know that it's good for me. I know that because like anything "good for you," this diet sucks chunks. And are my sister & niece being any help? I don't know, let's see what they had for lunch today:

Some nicely seasoned wings from a really good Chinese place up the street.

Oh, and this is while I was downstairs fixing my lunch:
Rabbit food. Rabbit food that takes forever to turn into rabbit juice.

I was feeling pretty evil by the time I finished chopping and blending. Those gals must have forgotten I was an armed woman. Armed but still somewhat sane. I kept my violent tendencies in check & drank my damned juice, but...

This is the look I gave those bitches:


Damnit. Can't smoke, don't want to take up drinking & everything else is either illegal or should be...

This weekend, I'm having a Lucky Wishbone hamburger!


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Today's Attitude Is...




Because, if you mess with me today, I'm gonna have something for your ass

Hell yeah!

Um, Peace?

LOL!!! Somebody's with me on this. This wasn't up but about 3 seconds & I got a message to add the version with the lyrics! Daaaang.... This must be a wrong day for more than a few folks.... SMH 

Sunday, May 20, 2012

My Personal Weirdities

My family tells me often that I am a unique kind of person. What they mean (and what my sister and one of the BFFs will come right out and say) is that I have a lot of strange traits or ways about me. What makes me laugh is that some people think I should be offended to be thought of that way. Uh, I'm not, thank you. I'm good with the fact that I am a little out of the normal mold.

I flaunt my uniqueness. I say that I "flaunt" it, but when the BFF dared me to post about it, I did cringe a little. But I have this awful habit. If someone dares me to do something.... (Other than anything involving my phobias!)

So here goes:

Food: I don't like to eat in public. I will though. Of course, I will. Now that I am on prednisone, I'll sit at Queen Elizabeth's table and take food off Philip's plate. Are you kidding me? That's now. I'm less shy now, but when I was a teenager, I'd starve before I'd let anyone out of my close circle see me chewing. (I don't know why, except I read once where a rich chick said, no one looks good chewing or - I don't know what else, maybe she said blinking or something? shrug.)

Relaxation: I will sometimes sleep "ready-roll." That means in my clothes, not in anticipation of fire. My mother hated this when I was younger. She'd sometimes come and wake me up at a crazy hour of the night just to make me put on pajamas. My father didn't think it was all that bad. He'd tell my mom that I was saving her time on laundry. (I have this habit because I always go to sleep either reading, writing or watching TV. Unless I get to have sex. Then the Vicky Secret stuff comes out and goes on full parade. Before I got this fat, I sometimes wore cute stuff to bed just to feel cute. But since I'm fat and separated, no sex. No sex, no reason not to read myself to sleep. It's all good.)

Style: I will cut or dye my hair on a whim. I have no problem doing something strange to my hair because it's the one thing that always came back or could be purchased. Once, I asked a stylist to cut my hair so drastically short that she spent a couple hours trying to talk me out of it. As she put the razor to my nape, she was saying, "Are you absolutely sure?" Then there was the time I dyed my hair with some kind of streaking kit. I was in Texas and it was full-on summer. Between the dye kit and that sun, I looked like that crazy-assed demon spawn that is Nicki Minaj. Don't know who this fool is?

this is a relatively "normal" look for Miss Crazy

Keep in mind that I'm a tad bit more, shall we say chocolate-toned than she is. I'm saner, but darker.

Yeah. So. Moving along...

Mood: It doesn't take much to make me laugh, cry or get really, really pissed off. At Mach 10. (I'd like to blame this on Sarc or meds or hormones, but...) I have what one of my brothers calls a "mercurial" personality. In other words, I can be kind of a sweetheart, a softy or a bitch - with a short time lapse rotation. Usually, you can take a couple of deep breathes in between my mood changes. ("Mercurial." Hmph.) I prefer to think that I am just kind of sensitive and misunderstood & I think that my medical condition does make things worse. However, when I say this to my sister or any of the BFFs, they just kind of go, "Uh... yeah. All right." (I'll get some phone calls the minute I publish this post, watch.)

People: I'm very quick to either like or dislike someone. I think I have good judgement about people. I always pick up on a "vibe" when I meet people. Usually, I am right, but I have, at times, been really, really  wrong. Not often. (I absolutely loathed a woman who is now one of the BFFs, and let's not forget that I married the Permian Basin Pycho.) And I'm the kind that I make the people I like a part of my life forever. Good people are not disposable.

Fantasy Life: (This one is really the most embarrassing.) I once wrote a liar-letter to Michael Jackson so that he'd want to meet me. I was about 13 or 14 and I wrote a fan letter lying about how I was really sick and all I'd ever wanted was to meet him. How freaking manipulative is that? And it's not even very creative, shame on me. (Good thing they didn't have Make A Wish back then or I'd've have done something really pathetic like shave my head and pretend to have leukemia or something.) By the way, I got busted. The letter came back as "Undeliverable" because of a bad address or something. My mother found out what I did. I got my ass whipped with a switch she made me pick from the front yard and I was grounded for a couple weeks. (I think she even outed me in church, but I can't remember for sure.)

Another weirdity involving Mr. Jackson: I told people who didn't know our family well that I was related to the Jackson Five. My mother's maiden name helped with that little lie. I got away with this for most of my Middle School years. I don't know why people didn't wonder why, if I had such famous relatives, we didn't exactly live the lifestyle.

(I'm thinking about all this now and wonder why I was such a little tale-teller when I was young? Damn. I was like a politician under oath!)

You know what? I don't even want to play this game anymore. This thinking about things I've done makes me pretty sure I need to go and pray. Right now.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Them, They, Us

Now that I have told you about my "friend," I feel free to tell you about a conversation he, D and I had a few weeks ago. (We do this weird thing when Rick's in town where we call D to discuss life, politics and, of course, my book - which is coming along slowwwly.) It was a discussion that almost turned into a heated debated, but ended up being a learning experience.

The topic: Race and the media (or race in the media).

My friend (I will call him "Rick") was talking about some news article. He got all heated because it's his feeling that the media generally slants toward negative racial stereotypes. He is Indian (think Eastern not Native American) and has the brain of a researcher and the soul of a civil rights activist. (I do have such interesting people in my life.) D is multi-racial (black and asian/black).

Rick was so upset that I got a little uncomfortable. I mean, I know about the ignorance of racism. I've been a guilty party (when I was younger, dumber and hotter-tempered) and a victim (at times, not as often as could be). Luckily, my skin is pretty thick and my brain is sometimes slow to absorb. When I am in the presence of the extreme stupidity of a bigot, I either blow it off or (and this is a plus side to my medical issues) I miss that shit entirely. Sometimes, I am an hour past the situation before I go, "Oh! Huh? Aw, hell no, they didn't!!!" (LOL) Most of the time, I just don't let it rain on my mental joy parade. Age brings mellow.

That's me. Rick, though, doesn't let too much fly past him. He doesn't look for stuff to get pissed about, but he has a kind of radar for it.

In the conversation we had, I tried to cool it all out by telling him about an Indian comedian I recently heard. The comic said he wins the "rough life" struggle hands down over black people. "You grew up in the "hood?" I grew up in the Third World. You had rats and roaches in your home? I did too and we called it dinner. You had hand-me-down shoes? I made those shoes!"

Thank goodness that Rick didn't think I was being insensitive in repeating the joke. He didn't, but it didn't cool things out much. (D, however, thought that was the funniest shit he'd ever heard and for the rest of the conversation, he'd break out into insane giggles at inappropriate moments.)

Nothing is going to chill Brother Malcom X Ghandi, but he did agree with me on one point. (Thank goodness I had a very clear and coherent few minutes at just the right time.) Here is my whole stance:

Until we all get past the whole "Them, They and Us" mentality, there won't be much understanding. We are somehow infected with the idea of separating ourselves by race, class, gender, likes, dislikes, size of hands, feet, etc. I think it's just such a human thing to compare. (I am almost sure this happens about two seconds after we leave the womb and breathe air.)  It's fine to distinguish  or identify ourselves, but anytime we start comparing - something or someone or some group is going to feel superior or inferior. Since we can't change that mentality, we have to learn to respect (or disrespect) each other as individuals and not as groups. (One day, I'm going to be able to go into Walmart and not cringe with personal shame when I see some black woman popping and rolling her neck as she screams across three aisles for her bad-ass child to "get back over here NOW!" Yeah, I said it.)

I'm really happy to say that Rick gave me a high five on that one. I respect and value his opinion because where I have common sense, he has tons of "book smarts." (You all know I love my geeks, right? Well, he is to Geekdom what Adonis is to hotness. Helps that he's pretty damn hot himself.)

Anyway, even D was able to control his manic giggling long enough to say that I'd given him something to think about. I wish he'd have thought about how his girlish laughter made it hard to keep my train of thought.

Of course, we didn't solve any major world crisis, but we all feel better about the subject. (And if Rick keeps it up, I'm going to make him a freaking red, green and black flag even though I have explained to him that I am a black American and not African-American. Hell, Charlize Theron is more African-American than I am, but that is a whole other discussion...)

Whatever, I hope that one day, we can all just learn to be a little less racially-affiliated and a whole lot more human. That's really the only race that matters to me. Yes, call me Pollyanna & see if I care.


Friday, May 18, 2012

The D Man Is Coming Back!!!

Baby Deej will be home tomorrow. I haven't bossed my niece around since she was about 25 (lol), but she had one order when she left for the vacation: send me a pic of my sugar man every day! Mission accomplished...

Here are my two faves:

You're in love, aren't you? Yeah, he does that to all of us!

(I hope this works. I've never uploaded my own vid to Blogger before. It's D.J.s first 4 months.)


Busted! (But Happily So)

Um, remember this? Yeah, I got all gutsy and shot off my big mouth. That's easy to do over the phone or in an email. This is why you should never drink or do copious amounts of chocolate before taking on something serious.

I'm busted.

My crush has found me out (like most men, he's a little slow on the uptake). I think it's hilarious that all my dropped hints took a moment to sink in. The big jump I made apparently just confused him. How cute... It's all good, except we are now in that awkward phase of "talking." It was so different when we were just buddies. Now? Now there is that "knowing" thing.

It's cool. He's mature-minded enough (more so than I)  to have a plan in place should things not go as we'd like. His plan: always, always remain friends. I can get down with that. I'm not taking anything more serious than a happy mutual crush. We are both a little tied up emotionally - he's just coming out of a relationship & I'm in the Witness Protection Program for estranged spouses of crazy persons. Nothing going on here but a recognition of our affection. That's damned nice.

Of course I won't name him here, but he is someone I have done a lot of creative work with & my friend D (who lives out of state) introduced us (because we live - mostly - in the same state). Now you know why I adore D. The last several weeks have been tense. I thought I was being side-stepped. Now I just have to put up with D making little jokes when the three of us are on the phone.

This is nice & fun and stress-relieving. Just to have something, someone to smile about in the middle of the madness that is my life right now. He is probably reading this & I've said all I'm going to say about this special friendship for now.

I wanted to post this because I was worried about making a move. I did & it's all good. If you have been hesitating about doing the same thing, well, I hope this encourages you. Most of life is a lot about chances. Go ahead and take some.


P.S.: Another piece of joy today? The kids and Baby D.J. are coming home from their vacay tomorrow. I've been in sugar withdrawals without Little Man. See my next post for something beautiful!

British Humor & Mysteries

When I lived in England, I didn't appreciate the humor of British folk. I was too busy trying to figure out how come they couldn't cook worth a shit. Now I realize some of them can cook their asses off & it was just the family I married into who had bad kitchen skills. (Good thing about that is, David thought my tacos were a culinary masterpiece. Tacos were the only thing I knew how to fix. We ate a lot of tacos back then.)

 ~waving to Dave~ "Hey, boo!"

Anyway... there were some things I just did not get about that place and the people. One was the whole wrong side of the car & street crap. (Think I told you about an argument Dave & I had. Ended with me stomping off dramatically to the car & sitting my ass on the wrong side. David loved that so much, he called & told my parents about it.) I won't mention how many times I damn near got killed just crossing the streets. Another time, I got all huffy with a server about my toast being cold before Dave told me that's they way they serve it there. Cold toast & hot sodas. All right.

Still, I adored my in-laws & my temporary home (still adore my other "fam."). But I never got the humor. For some reason, David would be just falling out sick, laughing at stuff that didn't even begin to amuse me. Maybe I was just too young.

These days, I have nothing but love for so many British shows. Of course, I've always loved anything Agatha Christie (even though I had a teenage hate spurt when I found out the original British title of "Ten Little Indians"), especially Hercule Poirot - the books and the David Sachet television series. What is new to me - meaning in the last 8 or 9 years - are the silly shows like "Keeping Up Appearances," "Absolutely Fabulous" and "Mr. Bean."

In addition to the funny stuff, one of my all-time favorites is this brilliant series called "The Dark Beginnings of Sherlock Holmes":

Make sure you watch ALL of the videos

I suppose age and maturity opens us up to a lot of things: humor, kindness, tolerance... I'm glad about the humor thing. I need all the laughs I can get in this life of mine!

Make sure to check out some of these shows. Most of them are on either Hulu, Crackle or YouTube. If I am missing any I should check out, do let me know.


Kita on Catnip

My sweetie cat has issues. Here he is on catnip, making love to it. Just rolling all over the floor in it.
Whatta weirdo!
I love this useless bundle of fur...
[from Samsung Infuse]

Kita - The Sequel

[from Samsung Infuse]

Wow. Thank You All So Very Much.

I just got emails informing me of more donations to the Live Below the Line challenge. (I hate to say this, but I almost forgot about it! Good thing other people did not.)

Here is the Thank You list (so far):

B.W. (IN) 10.00
Mrs. M.G. & family 30.00
G.J.C. (AK) 20.00
Mr. A.L. &Mrs. N.L.L. (AZ) 20.00
C.M.M. (AK) 6.00
D.M. & D.M. (AK) 5.00
Mrs. D.R. & family (AK) 20.00 (I think I did this incorrect as 10.00 before. SO sorry, love!)
Mr. & Mrs. J.A.C. & family (AZ) 25.00
A G+ pal with a huge heart (web) 5.00
Mr. D. R. (CA) 10.00
Ms. B.H. (AK) for sharing a day eating below the line with me. What a sweetheart. I love you BFF.
Ms. D.R.J. (TX) for sharing the message & a prayer with young people in your study class. (Each one teach one!)

And that money... My good mercy! That's a whopping $151.00 you guys pulled together. What a blessing. In times like these, that's so wonderful.

BTW, It was my fault for telling family & locals about the site without the Team page I had. I hope that getting a copy of the LBL emails of thanks lets you know the impact you made. Like I said - UNICEF, Project Medishare or whoever - the important thing is that the funds went to the needy, so I don't mind.

I love you all for giving and for thinking of others. Remember the old song about "What The World Needs Now"? Well, love is great, but action is beautiful.

You guys are beautiful. Keep teaching others about helping, loving and being aware of the needy.

One of my mother's favorite verses of the Bible was: "For I was hungry, and you gave me food; I was thirsty, and you gave me drink; I was a stranger; and you took me in." (Matt 25:35)

Those are just words until it's you that is hungry, thirsty or a stranger, then they mean so much more.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

How Low, Slow, High Or Crazy?

This one is for B. She doesn't have the best internet connection, so I share a scan of the trashy news from the UK Daily Mail all the time. (Don't judge us!) This morning,  more than usual, there seems to be a certain vibe. It's as if all the articles are about folks trying to see how low they can go, how slow they can be, how high they can act, or how crazy they really are. It's a hot rubber-burning mess over there. Here is the scan:

BUT - before we start the crazy, I'm going to coat your stomach with the most beautiful vid I've seen in a while:

Man. I started out wanting to cry because of the first song, then I was just standing up clapping. How cute is she? And he not the coolest Daddy on the planet? What a lucky kid.

Okay. Now to the crazies...

This one goes under the category of "Huh?" I kind of admire this broad's guts. I mean, she walked through the store completely naked. That's some pimp ass confidence. Talking about her belief in "self-expression." Shoot, I believe in it too, but I don't want to blind people for life. Tell you what, I have no idea what her body looks like, but I know she has some major balls.

Um, what is wrong with Betty Brilliant here? This just straight pisses me off. There are a lot of women in this world who would give or do anything to be a Mom - not me - but it seems fertility increases with ignorance. This crazy heffa here needs her ass kicked. I want her arrested. NOW.

Um, okay.

Somehow, I feel kinda bad for laughing at this woman. She wants to marry & have children by... Jesus. Yeah. I shouldn't laugh. This is obviously a mental condition... (Why did she just have to be from Texas?)

For some reason, I've never believed in laughing at people for stuff like this, but my friend B has no such scruples. Almost threw her back out laughing. Mean. Just mean. (I think the guy had TV nerves. Plus, he's so freaking cute. A "himbo" maybe???) I'm not always the brightest torch in the tiki, and I think this poor guy was just really self-conscious & stumbled. Still, he won some money. He's in college. He'll be something one day.

This is no laughing matter. Made me a little queasy. The sick bitch. (Notice how often this shit is starting to happen? This and the teachers chasing down students to sleep with them?) Here's what I don't get: If a woman really wants to have sex, there aren't too many men who will turn her down. Chris Rock makes a hilarious joke out of it, but it's true. If you have no morals and just want to, some guy will answer the call. So... why the blue hell do these women go the sick route??? SMDH I want my great-nephew home-schooled. Or taught by eunuchs...

To get that taste of nasty off my soul, let's do something fun.

This is sick in a whole other wonderful & useless way. I don't own a TV, but if I did, I'd want this technology. I mean - damnnnn.

Hahahaha... Whoo! No words. Just no words...

Wonder how many gals are gonna take them up on this? SMH. Wow. You'd have to be completely shameless.

You know you've always wanted to ask these questions. I mean, how do they handle that in space? (I always wanted to know about toilet issues. I guess they don't do veggie juice cleanses. Yeah. Day II of this shi- I mean regimen.)

This is a feel-good story. (I'm kinda pissed that she has a boyfriend.) This is what you call doing what the hell you want - no matter who tries to limit you. I dig her guts because I never made a cheer squad. I damn near broke my ass bone trying to do cartwheels (true story). Somebody felt for me & I was on the pep squad. (Don't feel bad for me, tho. I joined ROTC for a year and was a bad-to-the-bone marksmen.)

There are just too many weird stories today. I have to stop and let B catch her breath from laughing. I will leave you with something that suits me today:

My "friends" come in all shapes and ways...


Like Rap? Ummm... Some

I got a mail about music I post here. The writer wanted to know if I like rap. Answer: Not a lot of it, but what I like I really like. I'm into positive messages - not gang-banging, excuse-making, cop-out b.s. that talks about women or sex like disposable things. To be honest, I don't know the difference between "Rap" and "Hip Hop." I don't even care. A lot of it just sounds like white noise to me with "bitch," "hoe," "nigga," and "busta cap" thrown in every few beats. So, yeah, I like some but not a lot of it. I have to think on it for a while. For now, I can name a few.

Tupac: Keep Your Head Up
Grandmaster Flash: The Message

Also, because I don't get half of what they are saying, "but I can dance to it," this one that I am so ashamed of for liking:

50 Cent/Mary J. Blige/Beyonce: "In Da Club"
I don't club anymore, so this is for exercise now.
Warning: this has foul & racial language.

And this one:
Los Mono: Se Puede
The Mono: It Can

A friend explained the lyrics to me as being totally about a positive personal vibe. He said the lyrics basically mean You can (can whatever). I'm down with that.

Lyrics in Spanish

se puede, se puede....
si quieres, si quieres....

tengo mas que mil infinitas posibilidades
yo, puedo hacer lo que quiera,
voy a tratar a ver si sale
a veces sale a la primera
pero primero trato
tratar es papa. para papa
yo si quiero puedo mas

porque no tengo nada que perder
lo que yo quiera yo lo voy a hacer
porque de quererlo nace el poder

yo con mi cabeza 
un par de cosas puedo hacer
pegarme cabezazos 
o empezar a comprender
que con ella una idea
puedo dar a conocer
mi manera de ver
la vida ________

Cuentate a ti mismo
un chiste que no sabes
haz una cancion
sin saber composicion
juega ajedrez 
sin entender ni como es
nada te lo impide
eres tu el que decide

se puede, se puede....
si quieres, si quieres....

se puede, se puede....
si quieres, si quieres....

a veces me canso me aburro
cuando no me sale me funo
me apago no duro mucho
se me cae el mundo y no lucho

dando bo bo botes hasta que caigo parado
trato como perro, me repito el plato
imposible verlo hecho si es que no lo hago
hago lo que quiero soy dueno de mi rato.

y uno y dos y tres y cuatro
la cabeza es un musculo
minusculo en algunos
si este es tu caso
ejercita dale duro
ponle de lo gueno
eres dueno de tu sueno.

se puede, se puede....
si quieres, si quieres....

se puede, se puede....
si quieres, si quieres....

                                            And - thanks to Google Translate, in English:

can, can ....
if you want, if you want ....

I have a thousand endless possibilities
I, I can do whatever you want,
I'll try to see if it
sometimes goes to the first
but first try
deal with is dad. for potato
I do want I can more

because I have nothing to lose
what I want I'll do
because of wanting to be born

I with my head
a couple of things I can do
hit me headers
or begin to understand
an idea that she
I can raise awareness
I see it
________ life

Cuentate yourself
a joke that you do not know
make a song
without knowing composition
play chess
understanding neither as
nothing stopping you
are you the one who decides

can, can ....
if you want, if you want ....

can, can ....
if you want, if you want ....

sometimes I get tired I get bored
when I do not leave me Funo
I turn I did not last long
I drop the world and not fight

giving bo bo stopped boats until fall
treatment as a dog, I repeat the plate
impossible to see it done if I do
I do what I am owner of my time.

and one two and three and four
mind is a muscle
miniscule in some
If this is your case
exercises give hard
ponle of gueno
You own your dream.

can, can ....
if you want, if you want ....

can, can ....
if you want, if you want ....


Back, Better & Badder

I feel so much better tonight. Thanks to the web buddies who checked in to see how I was & to my BFFs who called and told really bad jokes and lies to make me laugh. That virus or whatever I was fighting knew jujitsu or something...

My sister and I just got through laughing about this liquid vegetable binge I just started. I get on these kicks of trying to be healthy and things usually turn out weird. Since I was laid up the last few days, my little brother & I watched a bunch of Hulu & You Tube. Yesterday, we watched a video about a guy with some immune system issues. Like me, he was on prednisone (and he was fat in places) and felt like he was really out of shape. Unlike me, he is one motivated dude. He went on a 60-day liquid vegetable body-cleanse/reboot kind of thing. Sixty freaking days with no chewing.

This cleanse thing is all about getting the bad stuff out of your body and introducing good stuff. (I have quite a bit of bad stuff, things like pie, pork and carbonated beverages.) My brother "D" and I were mostly looking for laughs but turns out this guy is onto something. He lost a gang of weight and his doctor lowered his meds. I will settle for just getting some of this fat off my ass.

After we watched the video, I told D that I'd like to do something to clean out my system. He reminded me that I was still bitchy from not smoking and giving up white sugar. (I feel like I am getting better about the sugar. I'm always going to miss smoking.) I reminded him that I can do anything I put my mind to. He reminded me that this guy lived 60 days on nothing but liquids. I reminded him that I just did a hunger challenge. He reminded me that, after the challenge, almost no one in our house was speaking to me yet.

Yeah. Whatever.

Since today was my day for grocery shopping, I went and got almost all fruit & vegetables. (I say "almost" because there was the incident with the Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich. Did you know about these things? The taste-ta-licious bomb, I swear.) Anyway, I now have a fridge full of collard greens, broccoli, red cabbage, spinach, cucumber, red grapes, apples & carrots. I'm feeling a little bit like a cousin to Bugs Bunny right now.

For lunch today, I had a Magic Bullet blend of vegetables & apples. (Everybody else had salmon and rice with some butter rolls. Bastards.) My nephew J did try my healthy drink. He said it looks like sewage & tastes like grass. He's right, but the taste is not a bad thing. Kind of tastes the way fresh mown grass smells.

Now, I don't plan on the drink being my only nutrition, of course. I mean, I need my Vitamin Meat and Essential Oil of Oil. I'm good, not crazy. The thing is, I haven't been getting enough good, raw, healthy stuff into my body. And about 25 minutes after getting this good. raw and healthy stuff into me today, I know why.

If you think I had to stay near a toilet because of all the peeing I do, you should have seen me scare the hell out of my cat and the dog getting to the toilet after that drink.

Apparently, a good dose of greens and fruits will rock your world like Metamucil never could. Not to get too graphic, but I feel like that lady in the old horror movie when she said, "This house is clean." Seriously.

How the hell did I forget what veggies will do to you? I grew up with a mother who lived by the cleansing value of greens. Mama felt like everything could be cured with a little quality time on the toilet. No matter what was wrong with any of us, her first line of mothering was, "When's the last time you had a 'movement?'" (That was her ladylike way of putting what happened to me today.) No matter what was wrong with us: toothache, headache, broken heart - the first thing Mom wanted to know was about your last "movement." Mama cured all my teen angst with some greens or Castor oil. Okay, she didn't cure it, but I was scared to let it show.

(Damn, I miss that woman!)

Well, my smart-ass sister has been having fun all day now. Every time I move, she makes a joke about clearing the way to the bathroom. My little brother was nicer until about an hour ago when he left for the airport. He just had to make a crack about not wanting to squeeze me too hard while we hugged goodbye. (I know he was just keeping me from bawling. I'm a Goodbye Bawler. I don't even have to know you & I bawl at goodbyes.)

Anyway... As usual, I forgot where the hell I was going with this, but I am going to suggest that you watch the documentary about this guy. I'm going to try to do at least one or two veggie drinks a day for a while. Here is a link to his website. I watched the vid for free on Hulu here and  here is an excerpt from YouTube:

(BTW - some of the stupid shit you will hear folks say: "If I do have vegetables or fruit, it's in moderation," and "I eat no fruits and I eat no vegetables." Some guy really said that. Maybe the lack of nutrients is why he sounds so ignorantly proud of that fact. He'd have gotten no love from my mom...)


Monday, May 14, 2012

Something To Think About Before Death

I am a Christian. (Yeah, believe it or not.) You have to understand that I am a Christian - saved by Jesus - not because I talk a certain way or do certain things. I am saved because I believe on the blood of Christ. There are things I do not do because I am a Christian and I feel that those things are wrong. (Other Christians won't do think I will do because of their own relationship with Jesus & their own personal convictions.)

Now, I said all that to say this: I don't often use this blog to talk about Christ. I do that in my personal life and face to face as I am moved. But - I do want to point you guys to a series of videos I am watching. I have not finished & have no final opinion, but would love to know what any of you think about it. I was made aware of the vids by a G+ pal.

It must be a Google Plus thing that people will so openly discuss and debate almost anything with such an attitude of civility. A couple weeks ago, another G+ buddy sent me a Kindle edition of a book called "Imaginary Jesus." He has asked me to read it & let him know what I think. (He disclosed to me that it's the book that almost made a Christian of him. He knows I'm praying to get rid of the "almost.")

Anyway, this is just something I wanted to share with you. I believe that everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe and to live and die with the decision. I always hope, though, that everyone will believe what I do (how human of me!). When I think of those who came to Christ kicking & fighting, I think of myself, C.S. Lewis, and a friend of mine who accepted Christ just before dying.

So, this is not to beat anyone over the head. It's just something I wanted to share. Be sure to hit me up on email or G+ to let me know what you think. (I have Part II on Pause as I type this!)

Ian McCormack Testimony


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

To all the Mommies out there - there is no material thing that can repay you all for the love you give & the things you do. I truly hope you have a wonderful day.

This is for my Mama.


How to Handle It

I still feel like some kind of virus came in here and beat me up like a gangsta, but I had to do this post.

Someone just texted me and said, "Girrrrlll... Did you see Tamron Hall sit some dude the eff down?"

I'm on Nyquil and sweat-rest, so I was like, "Who, huh, wha-?"

My girl sent me the link and I'll be damned if I don't want to take lessons from Ms. Hall on how to shut a mutha down...

Well, damnnn.... LOL! (You know Ms. Hall is from Texas. Nuff said.)

"You're kinda in my house now."

Why did this from another bad-to-the-bone chick pop into my head?

OK. In the words of Lady Hall: "I'm done."


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Badgal Down for Maintenance

Checking in to apologize. I had promised a few people a post about the Live Below the Line challenge (now that it is over). I can't. guys. I have a cold that is kicking my ass & aches and pains like you wouldn't believe.

Y'all know that I am the world's biggest baby when it comes to being sick, so...

Hoping to feel better by end of weekend. (And, damnit if I don't have some errands to run!)

Til then...


Friday, May 11, 2012

Life On Hold

Seems like I spend too much time on the phone. Not chatting or enjoying myself, but Holding. Can't remember the last time I made a call to take care of business and actually had someone answer right off. Sitting on Hold wouldn't be too bad I guess if the music was better. I always get to listen to something that sounds like bad karoake or the soundtrack to a porn movie. It's like torture.

Guess what I'm doing right this moment. Sitting on Hold. Since 8:29. It is 9:01. For real. The music for this Hold sounds like me learning to play the pan flute. (I don't even know what a pan flute is. What is wrong with me this morning?!)

This is not a good day for being irritated. I'm hungry, have a fresh cold, mystery pains and have been having cell phone problems. (What is up with that? Why is my Infusion starting to act all Courtney Love on me? I'm missing calls, having messages erased... One of the BFF's called my sister in a panic because she hasn't been able to reach me for a couple of days. Damn phone.) Anyway...

One of the most annoying things about being on Hold is the boredom. I try finding something to do while I wait. I mean, I try to get other stuff done, but it's tricky. One time I was trying to sort through a bunch of bills. I had a few piles going on: "Call and Beg for Mercy," "Pay Now Before They Sue Me," and "No Freaking Way." Problem is, between listening to the awful music, waiting for someone to pick up and trying to keep the piles straight, I was going a little haywire. Sometimes when I try multi-tasking, my brain acts like a computer with water damage. That day, when a live person finally picked up my call, I didn't realize it right away. I was busy chanting, "Beg, pay, no freaking way" over and over. When I realized I had a real person on the phone, I got stellar customer service. Pretty sure the lady was so nice because she thought she was dealing with a mental defect that knew where she worked.

The most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me on the phone was a few weeks ago. I'd been on Hold so long that, eventually, I had to go the bathroom. (I'm fifty, on blood pressure meds and suck liquids like a vacuum. When I have pee, I have to pee. Right. Now.)

me on the left LOL

So, I slip into the bathroom, phone on Speaker, and try to pee quiet as I can. That went well. Of course, the second I flushed, there's some guy on Speaker going, "This is Doug, how may I help you?" He paused between "Doug" and "help you." That's because our toilets sounds like a fighter jets taking off.

Yeah. Well. Cringe-worthy moment, but I don't think I will ever be meeting Doug in person.

Right now, I am back and forth between writing this post and cruising the usual news sites. I just had a major giggle over one gossip bit about a popular actress. Apparently she made a red-carpet appearance looking a hot funky mess from head to toe. Especially toe since it was reported that her feet looked so bad, it looked like her toes were throwing up gang signs. That cracked me the hell up! Mainly because the actress is thin, pretty and rich and I'm not.

Yeah, I always find ways to amuse myself. In a minute, I'm going to start making Top Ten Lists of things like: "Super Powers I Wish I Had," and "People I'd Beat Up If I Had Super Powers."

For now, I will just try to behave myself. Going to keep cruising the Net while I sit here on Hold.